PART ONE, JONO
I feel you
Your sun it shines
I feel you
Within my mind
You take me there
You take me where
The kingdom comes
You take me to
And lead me through Babylon
This is the morning of our love
It’s just the dawning of our love
When I was around four, I dreamt that I could fly. I became so convinced of this possibility that one day I went out into the back garden and somehow climbed up to the top of the old lavatory. I still remember that split second of ecstasy when I jumped into the air, followed by huge disappointment when I went splat. Broke me arm, and after I got back from hospital, dad gave me a beating. It wasn’t because I scared him, but because he was probably right pissed to discover he had such a moron for a son.
When I was six, I dreamt of having a pony, (fat chance) and at eight, I wanted to be a World Cup football player. Then around ten, I fell in love with music, and that dream completely consumed me. And there had been a possibility of achieving that dream too. My guitar playing got pretty decent, I was in a band that clicked, and we had a record company sniffing around.
Then I literally exploded and all my dreams got very, very simple.
A.E. (After Explosion) dreams were hoping that I could function properly for an entire day. Forgetting for a while that I looked like something out of a nightmare. Praying for a time that I wouldn’t feel so bloody, fucking awful.
I certainly never dreamt I would have someone in my life like Remy LeBeau.
He literally came out of nowhere, grabbed me before I jumped off a bridge. And although Remy would probably laugh if I told him this, I can’t help but think of him as some sort of angel in disguise. I had this incredible dream where he flew me through the air, glorious heavenly wings and all.
Because of Remy, I suddenly have all my other A.E. dreams answered. I don’t want to crawl in a hole and die anymore. I’m actually happy when I wake up in the morning. (Of course, who wouldn’t feel completely giddy when you wake up next to someone like him?)
We haven’t really known each other for very long, a little more than a week, but it also seems like a lifetime. I can’t quite get over my amazement that I could feel so much for someone so quickly. I was cynical even before the accident, and the A.E. period gave me what I thought was pretty tough emotional armor. But all it takes is one look from Remy’s red and black eyes and I’m a pool of warm treacle.
There is so much understanding in those eyes, not a trace of pity or “oh, you poor lad”. There is also so much hurt and old, old pain. It’s a look I know as well as my own half face. Remy has the eyes of someone who has stared into the pits of hell for a very long time.
It’s funny, when I first saw Gambit at the Xavier mansion, I thought to meself, “What an arrogant, full-of-himself, pretty boy dick”. But I now know it was just one of Remy’s masks I saw, just like the ‘ silent, moody, don’t fuck with me’ mask I usually wear. It’s very scary and wonderful to realize that we’ve peeked under each other’s masks and not backed away. Instead, we recognized each other.
That second night we stayed at that little motel was amazing. We talked a lot, both intensely curious about the other. It was more than a little odd to have this deep, very emotional connection and still be relative strangers.
Remy has had this truly awful, marvelous life. If I had read it in a novel, I would have laughed it off as complete and utter bullshit. But he really did live on the streets as a child, get adopted by this weird criminal secret society, have an arranged marriage, get exiled, become an international jewel and art thief. In comparison, it seems like all I’ve been doing with me time is watching the telly and scratching me bum. But for some reason this beautiful, exotic man finds me equally fascinating, although for the life of me, I can’t understand why. He also finds me hilarious, although this isn’t exactly on purpose. He almost fell off the bed one time when I suddenly realized (unfortunately, “out loud” telepathically) that this N’awlins he was going on about was actually NEW ORLEANS. I thought it was some odd province in Canada because he spoke in French. When he was done laughing, Remy explained about Cajuns and Louisiana, and I decided that America keeps getting more and more interesting. It’s a right pity that he’s been banished from N’awlins or New Orleans, it sounds like quite the place. And I can’t imagine being banished from somewhere, I mean, how medieval. As well as fucking horrible. And Remy has had way too many fucking horrible things happen to him.
So it’s really nice that I can make him laugh or smile, since I don’t think he’s had much reason to. He has a really sexy laugh too, all deep and rumbly. ( Then again there isn’t much about Remy that isn’t dead sexy.) He has an interesting series of smiles, as well. There’s the ‘ c’mere, I want to have my way with you’ grin, the cool, devil may care one, and a kind of haughty, know it all one as well. My favorite is the rarest and most fleeting, it’s the smile of a sweet, mischievous boy who is up to something quite naughty. That one makes me warm all over and want keep hugging him like there’s no tomorrow.
Anyway, we talked and talked and talked. In between times, we took little naps, took a shower together (!) and Remy ate and ate. (Which is good, ‘cuz he’s terribly thin.) Oh yeah, we also had THE MOST INCREDIBLE, MIND-BLOWING, TRANSCENDENTAL, HOLY FUCK SEX IN THE ENTIRE KNOWN UNIVERSE!!!! I am honestly surprised I haven’t gone blind. I did almost pass out once. And I can’t quite figure out why this is so fan-fucking-tastic, not that it’s exactly a problem, mind you.
I don’t think it’s all because it’s new, or that I haven’t really been physically touched in two years, or because I’m with a man for the first time, even though they certainly are factors. Remy, also, is gorgeousness personified, he even has beautiful elbows, if that’s possible. The sight of him naked actually makes me dizzy. He also is a very experienced, generous lover, with hands and a mouth that can drive me completely wild. And there’s also that empathy. Emma Frost always pooh-poohed empaths, said they were second class psi’s. Well, Emma obviously never slept with one. Dear god.
But that’s still not quite it. I think the real reason; the real frightening, wonderful reason that it’s so good is that for the first time I’m with someone I truly care about. And who really cares about me. I honestly thought I had that with Gayle, but there were so many twisted, bad parts to our relationship, I never got this close to her. I guess for the first time in me life I’m not just fucking someone. How incredible. How scary.
It’s a bit startling to think that this all happened to me with a man. I’ve known I was bi for a long time, but could somehow never quite work up the nerve, despite that one disastrous incident with Vic, the drunken bass player. Anyway, it’s a thousand times more amazing than any fantasy I’ve had. And I’m going to get a perverse amount of pleasure living up to me father’s worst expectations. Dear old dad! He hates anyone not white, not British, not C.of E. Mutants and faggots were always high on his personal bigot list. Well, ha, ha. Turns out I’m bloody both! Actually, I should appreciate all he’s done for me. Early on I knew he was completely full of shit, so all his attitudes and prejudices were a bunch of garbage too. It was my first step toward wisdom and enlightenment. If dad hated it, it therefore must be good. And gay sex is certainly very, very, VERY good! (Very!)
Interestingly, as much as Remy also seems to love the sex, I don’t think that’s the most important thing to him. Remy seems to love being just touched, held, cuddled. When we’re talking, or lying next to each other, he is always putting his hands somewhere on me. And that kind of behavior normally bothers the hell out of me, I was that way even B.E., Before Explosion.
My family was never much for hugging or any kind of physical affection. (Except Gran, god bless her!) Typical cold Brits. And one of the Major Issues between Gayle and I is that I would only start touching her when I wanted a fuck. Unfortunately, true. (What a terrible jerk I was.)
But Remy doesn’t demand it, he just seems to need it, and I have been trying me level best to give it to him. And honestly, it’s not much to ask, especially when I consider just how much he’s done for me. Like, saved my life, for starters. And it really isn’t so bad; I’m learning to enjoy it. And when Rem touches me, it’s not like some invasion of personal space. And it’s not exactly a chore to run your fingers over someone who looks like an outlaw angel.
Really weird to think that Remy’s ex (who I now refer to as that Fucking Murderous Bitch) was a person that could not be touched. Some kind of terrible masochism on Remy’s part, I guess. But I, of all people, certainly shouldn’t judge someone else’s screwed up relationship.
So I’m suddenly still alive, and actually happy to be alive, and I have this beautiful, incredible lover who doesn’t seem bothered by how I look in the least. I can’t really fathom why he’s so attracted to me physically. I wouldn’t have thought even if I were in one piece, someone as fantastic as him would have wanted to touch me with a ten foot pole. But he’s not sorry for me, and he doesn’t have a freaky fetish for mutilated mute people. His empathy tells me his feelings are genuine and true. Which really makes me believe that he’s my Guardian angel in disguise. I keep looking for those wings.
So after spending another rather wild night at the infamous Briarwood Inn, Remy and I left barely before checkout time. (He is not an early riser either, thank God!) The plan was to go to New York, take care of some business of Remy’s, and fly off to the Bahamas. (How very international jet-setty and James Bond-like.)
Then, in the Briarwood parking lot, I made a complete and total ass of meself.
See, I had no idea what kind of transport Remy had. He knocked me unconscious on the bridge, so I had not a clue. So I just about had an orgasm when he walks up to the most beautiful, fucking Harley Davidson I’d ever seen. It was a total wet dream.
I lost all dignity and basically behaved like Jubilee making a Back Street Boys sighting. When I was done ranting and wowing, I noticed that Remy had this “ Jono, you so cute” look on his face. I’m beginning to think I’m turning into his personal version of Hello Kitty. ‘Spose it could be worse.
Remy grinned and tossed me the keys. “ Why don’ you take her out, mon ami.”
* Me? * I think I actually mentally squeaked here. If I were Remy, I wouldn’t want anyone breathing on that Harley, let alone touching it.
“Why not cher? Y’ know how, don’t ya?”
* Err…yeah…* Now the situation was ripe for humiliation. I wanted to Remy to know I was somewhat capable, but I had a wave of sheer terror just considering the possibility of denting that machine. At least I was wearing my old motorcycle jacket, the only thing salvageable from my old clothing, so I looked like I belonged. Sort of.
“Well, let’s get dis show on de road.” Remy’s grin got even wider.
So I climbed on, praying to every god in existence I wouldn’t make an utter fool of meself. The bike started with just one try, roaring to life like some great, gorgeous dragon. My fear began to ebb a bit because I was falling madly in love with her. Then Remy got behind me, hugging me tightly about the waist and I got all nervous again. But I managed to get the bike out of the parking lot.
I’m afraid I was riding around like a little old lady for a while. Remy gave directions in my ear, since I had no idea where we were. We got on a little, winding backcountry road, and Remy hugged me even tighter. Then he said, “ Open her up, mon ami. See what she can do.”
I hesitated for a second, and then wondered what I was worrying about. So I let her go, and it was bloody fantastic! And it suddenly occurred to me just how great this all was. It was a clear, crisp autumn day, and I was on this incredible bike, and my lover was riding with me, holding me. How did it get so perfect all of a sudden?
With each mile, I got more and more confident. A regular Peter Fonda, I was. I started taking corners like a pro, the wind was in my hair, and every so often Remy would use his empathy to tell me how he was feeling. It was the same as me. Really fucking good.
Then all of a sudden, I started to feel, well, a little too fucking good. Maybe it was the vibration of the bike, or the feel of Remy’s long, hard body pressed tight against my back, but I started to have some rather naughty thoughts, which in turn gave me a huge stiffy. I tried to calm down, because I was, after all, supposed to be in control of the Harley. The last thing I wanted to do was end up in a ditch and explain to Gambit it was because I had a monster hard-on.
I tried to settle meself down by thinking unsexual thoughts without much luck. Then Remy breathed into my ear, “ Turn down dat road. Now!”
There was a definite tone of command and I immediately did what he asked. I pulled over on a dirt road, and Remy had me take the bike into a big grove of oak trees near a cow pasture. All the while I was thinking, “Shit, fuck, crap,” hoping against hope that Gambit wasn’t pissed because I had suddenly gotten all clumsy. Then I became mortified when it dawned on me that Remy knew exactly what was going on, being an empath and all. Shit.
“Turn off de bike.” Remy barked, and I started to get all nervous, no idea what to expect. I cut the ignition, and Remy immediately swung off. I looked at him, and saw to my relief that he wasn’t at all mad, although he was making every effort to appear stern. But there was too much amusement in those red eyes. He grabbed my arm. “ Get y’ ass off dere, Misieu Starsmore. Need to give y’ a real talkin’ to.”
I almost sent the bloody Harley over, and my knees were shaking as Remy dragged me over to this big tree. He shoved me against it, and held me by the shoulders. Then he put his foxy, sharp face very close to mine, our noses almost touching. There was a dangerous, exciting heat in those red eyes. “ You been driving me crazy for de last ten miles, little boy. Jus’ what is Gambit gonna do wit’ you?”
* I, err, I …* I couldn’t really answer; I was really struggling, at this point, to remain upright.
He smiled wickedly, and his warm hand stroked the side of my face. “ Shush, little boy, shush.” Then he kissed me ever so softly, and his purring, deep voice got even lower. “ Take down y’ pants, cher.”
Ohmygod. If I wasn’t aroused before, I certainly was REALLY aroused now. As well as a bit freaked that all this was happening right out in the open. In the back of me mind, I thought, “ Well, this is one for the Penthouse Letters section.” As if Penthouse would ever print anything to do with two male mutants doing the nasty. Maybe if two drunken stewardesses were also involved.
My hands were trembling so badly that it took awhile to get my belt unbuckled and me trousers down. But I finally managed. And all the while Remy is hypnotizing me with this cat about to eat the canary stare. Blimey.
He took one long look at my aching erection and smiled very wide. “ Oooh, Jono, y’ got a real problem dere, don’t you baby?” He moved close to whisper in my ear. I could smell his cologne and his soft; dark red hair tickled my face. “ What y’ want Remy to do about it?” His smooth voice sent a tremor down my spine. I closed my eyes, praying I wouldn’t keel over. *Whatever Remy wants. * I was finally able to say.
He chuckled. “ Good answer.” Then he delicately licked my ear, tongue probing, teeth nibbling. I groaned a very shuddery groan. He then covered my face with gentle kisses that tongue of his exploring my eyebrows, eyelids, nose, and forehead. He even kissed my bandages, which I always find amazing. Then he slowly kissed his way down my chest, kneeling before me. He stroked my quivering, bare thighs, kneaded my ass with his long, tough fingers. He then lifted up my shirt, and his mouth found my naked stomach. Each touch of that hot, wet mouth was sheer ecstasy. And there are no words to describe what I felt when he started to slowly suck on my balls. He carefully rolled them in his mouth, playing and teasing. My cock throbbed, and I felt precum begin to dribble out.
By this time, I was really moaning, and saying some pretty unintelligible things, off me head, really. Remy continued to taunt me, mouth and tongue so close to my poor cock, but not touching. Remy finally finished with my balls, and then he stopped. He looked up at me, eyes crinkling a bit. “Now, Jonothan Starsmore, “ he said. “ Here’s where I really give y’ dat talkin’ to.”
I was in a bit of an erotic haze when he ran his tongue up and down the length of my penis. Then he took the head in his lips; teeth deliciously scraping a bit. I felt a surge of both incredible pleasure and dizziness, and then he halted, teasing me some more. He lapped the end of my penis, sighed, “ Y’ taste so sweet, cher.” And without warning, he took my entire length in his beautiful mouth.
And that’s where I had the Moment. I know it’s sort of ridiculous and possibly blasphemous to have, what do you call it, an epiphany, when someone is going down on you. But I did. And it really was more sort of a Buddhist like moment then a Christian moment, anyway. I mean, I just became so aware of everything. I felt the bark of the tree as I clutched on to it, the warmth of the sun, a soft breeze. I smelled the decaying oak leaves and the grass. And I had Remy’s elegant hands tightly gripping my hips as he did the most unbelievable things to me with his tongue. He also sent me an empathic message; so full of affection and naughty delight it made me reel. And I had this great burst of happiness, not really coherent, mind you. But in essence, I said to myself over and over, alive, alive, alive!
Yeah, I know, pretty over the top. Needless to say, I got off like a Guy Fawke’s rocket, thought I’d never stop coming. I saw stars, and almost toppled right over. St. Jono and the Divine Blowjob. Remy caught me before I hit dirt, and he held me upright as I laughed and shivered into his chest. He hugged me tightly in his strong arms, talked in French into my hair. I guess one thing that has surprised me about this whole experience is how gentle Remy is. I didn’t think men would be that way with each other. Dunno why not, and now I’ve started to crave it and try to give it back.
Gambit got me cleaned up a bit with his shirttail, got my trousers back on. By this time, I was back to me right mind. I touched his face, grazed a high cheekbone and ran my fingers down his long jaw. * Thank you, love. Yer too good to me. *
“ You worth it, sweet.” He playfully bit one of my fingers.
* Now it’s my turn to be good to you. * I ran a hand down his chest. * I imagine that you could use a bit of a talking to as well, Mr. LeBeau. * I lightly touched the front of his jeans, felt heat and a definite hardness. He shuddered * Yeah. A real serious talking to. *
Remy grinned hugely. “Blue steel. Cat couldn’t scratch it.” This broke me up; it was the best description of a hard on I’d ever heard. Too bad I can’t tell Angelo, he’d just love it.
When I finally stopped laughing, I told him to turn round, and he leaned all gorgeous six feet or so against me, both of us propped up by the tree. I started to stroke his face, tickling his ears with one hand. With the other, I touched his flat belly, his narrow hips, those long, racehorse thighs. Remy is very vocal, which is lovely, he sighs and whispers encouragement, groans when particularly pleased. I don’t have to guess what’s working, and this has helped my confidence as a lover most tremendously. Plus it’s as erotic as hell, that deep Cajun voice, all moany and hot.
I put my fingers in his mouth, and he sucked on them greedily, licking and biting. My fingers wet, I put my hand under his shirt, and found that amazing chest. I felt his jutting ribs, and tight pecs, the soft hair. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart under warm, satin skin, and then I started to tease his nipples. They are so very sensitive; I coaxed them into hard little peaks. Remy hissed, the muscles in his jaw worked as I tortured him.
I finally let my other hand travel down his stomach, caressing in circles, going lower and lower. I loosened his belt, slowly pulled down the zipper. “ Oh cher..” Remy sighed, his body trembling in anticipation. I lightly traced the outline of his cock through his silky underwear, he was so very warm. I stroked for a bit, letting the friction drive him crazy. Remy is truly a wondrous, shameless creature. He closed his eyes and almost purred, thrusting his dick towards my hand like an ecstatic tomcat.
Then I stopped my attentions on his cock for a while, instead, I decide to play with with his ass. Like the rest of him, it’s incredible too, so hard you could bounce a shilling off it. I stuck my hand under the elastic of his boxers, felt those muscles play under my fingers. Then I got incredibly bold, I let my fingers explore the cleft of his ass, finding that oh so sensitive area. “ Jono, Jono, Jono…” Remy murmered over and over again. He was starting to pant a bit. I then yanked off his underwear completely. His erection quivered, and the sweet fluid dripping from the head indicated the depth of his pleasure. I moved my hand over to a hipbone, and then played with the dark red curls surrounding that gorgeous cock. When I grabbed his balls, Remy gave a cry, and then he bit his lip. “ Cher, you drivin’ me around de bend, here.”
I laughed. * That’s the whole point, love.* I let him moan some more, then I took his throbbing cock in my hand. Remy made a sharp “Ah!” sound as I slicked the precum all over his shaft. God, it felt so good to have my hand on him like that, to know I was giving him the same electric, roller coaster thrill he gave me.
Well, I may not be able to give a blowjob, but as far as hand jobs are concerned, I’m king. Years of practice mate! If you put a lump of coal in my hand, in a minute, I can give you back a diamond. I started to slowly stroke his cock, building the rhythm. Remy got suddenly very quiet, he was shaking all over. Then I used the secret weapon, something I discovered quite by accident; Remy loves it when I talk dirty to him. And fortunately or unfortunately, I’m also good at that.
* Oh, Remy, yer so nice and hard, bet you want to cum sooo bad…*
“ Ahh, oui, amoureux, s’il te plait, oui!” Remy was getting quite wild now, he bucked his hips like a stallion, I almost lost hold. I went faster and faster, and his words became unintelligible a mish mash of French and English.
* Then cum for me love, cum hard, I know you are dying to, you’re so ready, I can feel it, cum for me, cum for Jono, love…*
Remy grabbed my legs, fingers digging in fiercely. He was almost at the point of no return. Then his body went all rigid, he cried out, “Mon Dieu!” and his hot seed was suddenly pumping out all over my hand. And when Remy is climaxing, he is indescribably beautiful. I think of angels again, but I suppose that’s blasphemous too. But that’s what he looks like to me, flushed and sweat streaked, head thrown back, eyes half closed, the most divine ecstasy on that wild, exotic face. It is the most heavenly sight in the whole world, and I have been allowed to witness it.
I had to hold tight to his waist, his legs giving out and going to rubber. He gasped for a moment, and then gave me a wide, blissful smile. I fussed and clucked over him a bit, like he had me, and I tried to clean him up. When I got him back to rights, he buried his face on top of my head. “ Ah, Jono, Jono…my sweet baby…” I hugged him tight, savoring the moment.
Then we heard a very loud noise behind us, an unmistakable “Moo”. We both turned round, and there at the fence was this very baffled looking Jersey, staring at us with wide brown eyes. And for some reason, this struck me as hilarious, this poor, innocent bovine witnessing a bizarre human mating ritual. I just lost it, and Remy really started laughing too. We sort of fed off each other, and pretty soon we were both rolling on the leafy ground, getting all muddy in the process. I didn’t care; it was wonderful to laugh like that, I honestly couldn’t recall the last time I did.
I finally got meself under some kind of control. (Although I couldn’t look in the direction of the cow, I would have started all over again.) I glanced over at Remy; and that’s when I saw that precious, mischievious child smile for the very first time. Then he hit me with a face full of wet leaves.
I of course had to retaliate, and this escalated into a goofy battle with us throwing leaves at each other like two idiot children. I don’t think I’ve ever been this carefree and stupid, even as a kid. We both got completely filthy, and I got a bunch of leaves stuffed down my trousers. I still had some there when we hit New York.
Remy headed straight for this rather grand hotel near Central Park, the Sherry-Netherland. After we parked the bike and entered the lobby, I noticed some people were staring at us. I suddenly realized how scruffy we were, muddy, windblown and dropping a few leaves on the polished marble floor. Remy managed to still look handsome and cool despite the scruffiness, however. I just looked scruffy and weird.
This is where I first got introduced to an aspect of Remy I now call the Prince of Egypt. We went up to the front desk, and I started to feel incredibly conspicuous, while Remy was blithely oblivious. We stood at the desk for quite awhile, and I picked a couple of leaves off his coat to pass the time. He gave me a slight smile.
Finally, someone came over to us and I immediately sensed there was going to be trouble by the way he looked at us. Kind of like you would stare at a dead rat. ‘Mr. Benson’ was on his nametag, and he had a tight, sour lemon smile.
“How can I help you gentlemen?” His voice was all fakey cheery, and he kept staring at my bandages.
“Like a room, please. Best y’ got.” Remy stood very straight all of a sudden.
There was a slight pause, and Benson finally tore his eyes away from my face. “ You DO have a reservation, don’t you sir?”
“Y’ full up den?” Remy’s voice got very cold, very still, and very imperious all at once. Then he pulled out this charge card, one I’d never seen before, a super duper ultra platinum Express thingie. He started to tap it on the counter. Benson went a bit pale when he saw it, he looked hypnotized by it.
Remy continued to tap the card. “ Was told by my broker dat dis was de place to stay when I was in town. Guess I was mistaken.” He returned the card to his wallet.” C’mon Jono, looks like dey got no room.”
Benson went even paler. “Sir- I’m so sorry I gave you that impression! We can most certainly accommodate you.” Remy hesitated for a long moment, probably just watching the sweat bead on Benson’s upper lip. I was certainly fascinated. “Okay den.” He finally said, like he was doing old Benson the biggest favor.
Benson certainly acted like he did. He started to fuss, cluck and hustled around like his shorts were on fire, and it sounded like we were going to end up with the Imperial Suite or something. Remy looked like royalty too, an icy, detached expression on his perfect face. When he finally handed Benson that remarkable card, he gave a taut smile. “ Guess y’ know where y’ can put dat…” A pause. “ Binson.”
Old Ben flushed red. If he hadn’t been such a wanker, I would have almost felt a bit sorry for him. “ Yes sir.” He said meekly. When Benson turned around Remy said in a most audible voice, “ When money talks, people walk, eh, Jono?” Ouch. I nodded, thinking that I’d thought I’d seen it all with Monet and Emma. Well, Remy could give ‘em both a few lessons in bitchery.
We finally got checked in, and Benson fell all over himself, wishing us a lovely stay. Remy said nothing, and I was surprised he didn’t ask the unfortunate man to kiss his ring. Benson would not have minded, as he was already kissing ass.
Gambit waltzed off, with a dramatic snap of his leather coat. And I Jono, his faithful retainer, trailed behind, carrying the saddlebags.
Our room turned out to be pretty splendid, something that spoiled popstars trash on a regular basis. I turned into some sort of bumpkin, kind of oohing and ahhing over everything. You’d think I’d have been used to posh surroundings since traveling with Emma, who always goes first class, but this was still awesomely luxurious. There was even a Jacuzzi! When I finished making a fool of meself, I noticed that Remy had lost the Prince of Egypt face and was now smiling his ‘Jono is so cute” smile. If I had been capable of blushing, I would have.
“ Glad y’ like de room, cher.”
* It’s wonderful love, thank you. Think Benson is going to come up and give yer a foot massage later? *
“ He should be so lucky. What an asshole.” Remy rubbed the back of his neck. “ I could use a shower, me.”
* What a coincidence! So could I! * I’m really turning into a terrible strumpet, I am. Remy just laughed.
Actually, we behaved ourselves for once. Astonishing too, when you consider that I had Remy all naked and wet right in front of me. But it was just rather playful and sensual. Thought Remy was going to die when about a half pound of leaves fell out of me drawers. Then we jumped into the water together, got delightfully soapy, washed each other’s hair. All very PG, although Remy kept dropping the bloody soap and asked me to bend over and pick it up. Ha. As if I were born yesterday! It’s sort of nice in a way that everything doesn’t have to end up in a massive orgy. (Never thought I’d ever say anything like that!)
Remy got himself wrapped up in one of those big hotel robes afterwards, me in a classic sweats ensemble. He curled up on the bed, which was as big as an ocean liner. He suddenly looked very tired and fragile, and I remembered that he had pneumonia not long ago. Remy, I thought, has gotten very, very good at hiding any kind of weakness or vulnerability, but he still can slip once in a great while. I wondered what kind of effort it took to keep up the front.
I went over and sat on the bed next to him, stroked his still damp, silky hair. * Tired then, mate? Sure yer don’t want nothing to eat first? * I said in my best mother henny voice.
He yawned. “ Maybe later. Right now, I’d like a nap.” He grinned a sleepy grin.“ Dat bike ride wore me out.”
I chuckled. * Want a bit of company, then? *
“ Love some, sweet.” Another soft, sleepy smile, impossible to resist. I grabbed a comforter, got on the bed, and threw it over the both of us. Remy snuggled very close, and we lay spoon fashion. He held one of my hands, pressed it to his chest. He was fast asleep in a few minutes, like a tired kitten.
I wasn’t sleepy at all really, but I discovered that I loved lying there, holding him so close. It was so peaceful. I could hear the distant buzz of the city traffic, watched the dying golden sunlight in the big balcony window, listened to the sound of Remy’s deep, even breathing.
I found myself looking at his face, and realized that while Remy was beautiful during sex, he was also beautiful when he was asleep. And his face really changed somehow, all the masks were gone, there was no arrogance, or coldness or pain, just him, the real him. And he was so angelic; it brought hot tears to my eyes. I felt this overwhelming rush of protectiveness and tenderness, an entirely new feeling for me. It’s sad that I never got there with Gayle, she was me girlfriend after all. But she was too busy being a bitch while I was being a bastard. And I had real twinges of it with Paige, but I was too fucked up in my head to make anything work.
But Remy, I suddenly thought, I’d fight the whole world for, lie down and die for. What a shocking thought that was. An enormously shocking thought. My heart is still in my chest and it works sporadically, it gave a hard thud. My God. I was in love. Truly, madly,deeply in love.
I’d never said those words to anyone before, never had this incredible, aching warmth go through me. It hurt, it was terrifying, and it was marvelous. I flashed back to my four year old self, standing on top of the back garden lav, looking past our rotted fence and Mrs. Singh’s washing on the line, staring up into the clouds and the blue, blue sky. How much I wanted to fly, and it was the same way I wanted Remy, the same desperate exhilaration.
Me being me, of course, my mind was immediately flooded with garbage. “ You’ll surely fuck it all up.” “ He’ll leave as soon as he finds someone whole.” “ You’re not worth it, Starsmore, he’ll find out what a piece of shit you are and hate you for it.”
“ You don’t deserve him, you ugly monster.”
But I decided, for once, to not listen to all the messed up voices in me head. Remy was too precious a thing to lose, and I didn’t want to drive him away. And I would be brave, and tell him how I felt, not play the stupid, too scared asshole games I played with Gayle and Paige. And Remy being an empath made it all the more terrifying, he might already know. But I vowed I would work up the nerve, say it to his face. Just had to find the right moment.
Remy slept peacefully on, blissfully unaware of the angst festival going on beside him. He still had hold of my hand, and I caressed the warm skin under his robe. I pulled him even closer, my face near the back of his neck. I closed my eyes, drank in his scent, and let myself love him with all my heart. Pretty soon, I fell asleep too.
I woke up much later because Remy was tickling my bare toes. He ordered a massive meal from room service (good) and then we somehow ended up in the Jacuzzi. Where we did not behave. At all.
“Got to go sweet, got to meet wit de bankers, de brokers, de lawyers. Rather have a root canal, me, but dat’s life. I’d ax y’ to go wit’ me, but all you’d be doin’ is parkin’ your pretty behind in a waiting room, readin’ Forbes magazine.” He took my hand and gave me a wad of money, enough to choke a Clydesdale. “ No reason why you can’t have some fun though.”
The money made me feel all weird, but I made myself be gracious. * Thanks, love. Hope it won’t take too long, I’ll miss you.” I sat up and gave him a big hug. Remy kissed me hard, ran his fingers through my already messy hair.
“ I’ll miss y’ too.” He pinched my nose again; he loves doing that for some reason. “Behave y’self now.”
* Don’t count on it, mate. * Remy laughed a big Cajun laugh, kissed me once more, then left.
As soon as he was gone, I felt very lonely and empty. Scary, as the last thing I wanted to turn into would be a clinging vine. Gayle and I used to bicker about this constantly; I began to feel I couldn’t wipe my ass without her wanting to watch. So I vowed I wouldn’t do it with Remy, we weren’t joined at the hip. So I made meself not sit around and pine. Besides, there were some things I really needed to do too.
I got washed and dressed and left the hotel. First place I stopped was a chemists, where I had to get something that would no doubt get me a lot of teasing from Remy. Well, I live to amuse. Then I found stationers, and I got an enormous amount of paper, envelopes, a rather nice pen and a journal. On my way back to the hotel, I saw this intriguing little shop that sold some rather sexy products. Bought a present for Remy. Ha.
I spent the rest of the day back at the hotel, writing letters to my teachers and mates back in Gen X. I wrote separate letters to each of them, apologizing profusely for causing them any worry, and assuring them that I was really okay. And then I had to say I was not coming back. I knew it would drive them all crazy, but I couldn’t say anything about what happened after I left the school. Gambit wanted his return to remain a secret, and I wanted to protect him. After all, the Xmen wanted him dead. Miserable hypocritical motherfuckers. They’d better bloody hope they never run into me, especially the Fucking Murderous Bitch.
With the letters, I really tried to speak from the heart, and I’m not really good with words and feelings. But my friends deserved to hear how I really felt, and there were a lot of times I didn’t show much kindness or gratitude, caught up in my own shit. I felt really bad that I couldn’t write to Penance, I worry about her a lot. Hope they take good care of her, she breaks my heart.
The two hardest letters were to Paige and Angelo. I told Paige that I was sorry I hurt her feelings, and that I had played some head games with her. It wasn’t out of meanness though, I was just too afraid and fucked up. Paige is a sweet, lovely girl; I hope someday that she can find someone that will make her happy. Angelo I thanked from the bottom of my heart for being such a wonderful friend. We were the Fabulous Freak Brothers. He should get some kind of award for putting up with my endless pissing and moaning, he never let me down, and his non-stop good humor kept me sane. I lost every one of my friends in London when they found out I was a mutant, so Ange was a godsend. I am really, really going to miss that grey skinned goofball.
After I finished with the letters, I was in a very melancholy mood. I started scribbling in the journal, it always helps. It was the only therapy that my shrinks gave me that worked.
Remy got back around eight o’clock. He looked a bit strained and tired, and God, I was ever so glad to see him. I bounded up like a silly puppy when he walked in the door. He seemed just as glad to see me; I got a big wet kiss and a tight hug. I instantly felt a million times better.
* So, how’d it go then? *
Remy gave a loud, theatrical groan as he threw off his coat. “Lawyers are de most irritatin’ species on de planet.” He pulled a packet out of an inside coat pocket and then plopped on the bed. “However, dey get de job done. How was your day, sweet?”
I sat down beside him. * All right. Spent most of the day writing letters to Gen X. *
He rubbed my shoulder. “Bet dat wasn’t easy-you ok?”
* It wasn’t fun, but I’m fine, love. What’s in the packet, then? Or is it any of my business? *
Remy smiled, and it was a sort of a nervous smile. “Actually, it is y’ business, Jono.”
First thing he pulled out were two tickets to the Bahamas, we were leaving the day after tomorrow. I started to get rather excited. He then floored me with the next three items. I suddenly had a passport, ID, and an international driver’s license. I couldn’t believe me eyes.
* Remy, crikey-how on earth-?*
He grinned wide.”Still got some old Thieves Guild connections, cher. Wanted to leave ASAP, didn’t want to screw around wit’ any fuckin’ bureaucrats.”
I couldn’t stop staring at them. It hadn’t yet occurred to me yet how complicated things could without any ID, as I left the Academy with nothing. These were such magnificent fakes too, and I also noticed that I was suddenly 21 years old instead of just 19. I was rather in awe, and I began to wonder just what kind of power and connections Remy Etienne LeBeau had.
*This is pretty incredible, love. Thank you. * I touched his face gently, and he seemed to like the praise. * Can’t imagine how on earth you did this, you old scoundrel. I also notice that I can now accompany you to any strip bars you want to hang out at. * I crinkled a smile at him.
Remy gave a wicked chuckle. “Dat was all part of my devious master plan, sweet.”
Then Remy gave me two more items, and this is where I did one of the stupidest, most dickheaded things in me whole life. First thing he gave me was a charge card, exactly like the one that so dazzled Benson. It had my name on it. The other item was an account book. I opened it up and discovered that according to the Bank of Manhattan, I was suddenly a very rich boy.
I didn’t say anything for quite awhile, I couldn’t say anything. I was right stunned. Remy was really tense now, watching me very closely. “What y’ t’inkin, Jono?”
*That I can’t possibly take this. * I tried to hand them back. * This is incredibly generous of yer, but Christ, it’s just too fuckin’ much. *
Remy took a deep breath. “ Jonothan, I wan’ you to really t’ink about this. I know y’ a proud person, but-”And if I had kept quiet here and actually listened to him, things might not have escalated. But of course I didn’t keep quiet.
* Are yer tryin’ to buy me or something, is that it? Is that it?! * Ah, me terrible temper. Got it from my old man, and it has caused me no end of trouble.
“No cher, I’m not, I-”
* Because I’m not for sale! I know I’m not worth much, but I’m no fuckin’ whore!*
Remy reacted as if I had slapped him, and his eyes narrowed dangerously, red pupils glowing. I suddenly had the feeling I was treading on very thin ice for some reason.
“You got a big mout’ Jonothan!”
Worst, worst thing for him to say. I went nuclear.
* Actually Gambit, I don’t! Don’t have a mouth at all! And I am NOT your official charity case! So take that bloody charge card and shove it up yer ass sideways! * And with that, I stormed out, all furious. Slammed the door and everything, really hard.
to Part 2
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