Despite all My Rage, I am Still Just a Rat in a Cage.
It was Monday and Tobias was back to his old ways. He arrived early for work to brush up on a few facts for his case. He was still on an angered high. As much as he wanted to forget it, he couldn't help but think about the anger he displayed with his father and his wife, how he stood up to them. Equally, he thought about Chris. How he used words like fuck, dick, and called him a liar to his face. When it came to Chris, he couldn't figure out how he felt. On one hand he wanted to feel strong because he stood up to him. Then again, he felt bad for the way he handled it. Being back in the building stirred up every bad sense his father had awaken in him. He couldn't concentrate. If he wasn't hearing his father's words, he heard his wife's. Their words mixed in with the hurt of Chris' last "I love you" created a pounding in his brain. He rubbed his head to relieve the pain. With every rub, the pain got worse. He decided to look up a few facts in the library.
As he walked down the hall, he heard the janitor singing and was afraid to go in. He respected the old black man. He treated him like a son. The old man was very perceptive. He would see through him. He would know that he had been with someone and knowing him, he would know it was with a man. He walked in the room. The old man cleared his throat to speak.
"Hey, there.....how you doing?"
"I'm ok."
"No, you're not."
"No I'm ok, really I am."
"Ok, you're not going to tell me so I'll have to guess. Ok, let me see......you seem a bit flush yet you have color. Someone made you mad......No, if they made you mad, you wouldn't have the color. Someone made you mad and you did something that you don't think is right, something that's hurting you. Your eyes seem a bit clearer than they did the last time I saw you."
He walked toward tobias and looked at him.
"Mr. Beecher, you're in love."
Beecher couldn't believe he was that paper thin. He felt like a lab rat. It seemed as though everyone was watching his every move, taking notes and then reporting back to him.
"You're in love and it's something new to you.....and it's not your wife...your secretary, no....this is someone new....your wife doesn't have the power to make you glow. The thing you did wrong has something to do with this person."
"I need to do some research for my case on Wednesday."
"Mr. Beecher, the last time I saw someone look like this was when my grandbaby's friend Natalie came running over to the house talking about the guy she had just met."
"I really have to get started."
"Ok. Mr. Beecher, can I say something before I go?"
"Sure."
"You're a good kid, a smart kid. I don't agree with what you're doing, but if this man makes you happy, then you should go for it. You only live once."
The old man left Tobias alone to think. He slipped into a land of depression mixed with anger. He wanted to feel bad and guilty at the same time. He hated his father. He hated his wife. He hated Chris for making him realize the truth. He wanted to hate the janitor for reading him so well. But when it was all said and done, when the sun set on the issue, the person he hated the most was himself.
He decided to take all his work home with him. On his way to the car, he ran into his father. He tried to get his door open as fast as he could, but his father caught him before he could get in.
"Tobias!"
"What?"
"The partners want to know what they can expect Wednesday."
"They can expect me in court."
"Tobias don't start this shit."
"Dad don't start with me."
"You are going to fuck this up. I should have taken this case when I had the chance. You are such a fuck up."
He walked away in his usual I'm-better-than-you demeanor that Tobias hated. His father was a prick to think he couldn't win the case. The kid was going down and that was all there was to it. The problem was in prosecuting the maker of the song.
He took the day before his court date off. This was something he learned from Anderson. All day long he couldn't help but wonder about Chris. He had this mixture of guilt layered with anger going on inside him. He repeated the same song in his head, about how he had done everything Chris asked. He used this to fuel his fire and give him a reason to be mad at Chris. Deep down inside, he knew he was using Chris to prove he could be in control if he wanted to. He also had to admit that what he was doing was a habit of his fathers. His father was a major user of people. Tobias had evolved into a man that could lie to himself. Nevertheless, he wondered if Chris was telling the truth. Think about it. Dizzy Devil? How stupid was that? It seemed far fetched, but what the hell. He called his personal investigator on the phone.
"Cain, what's up?....hey I need a favor....I have this subliminal message case....yeah, a kid went crazy and killed another kid....anyway, prosecuting the kid is no problem but I'm also going after the guy that made the song. I have a birth name and street name for you. His real name is Derrick Turner and his street name is Dizzy Devil. He auditioned for this club but because he's black he was turned down.....I got the info from a weird source and it could be a crock of shit, but its worth a try.....let me know as soon as you hear something."
Tobias was on a high. He never saw trying cases as a task. They were a challenge. Actually, it was the only way for him to prove he was worth something. Tobias was very superstitious. He had a ritual that he went through the day before a trial. First, he walked through the court room to get a feel of it. Then, he sat in the jury box to get their viewpoint. When he fully absorbed the ambiance of the room, it was time for him to perform the last ritual, the one that was the most important. ICE CREAM!!!!!!!! Tobias always had a double dip cone that consisted of chocolate almond and German chocolate ice cream. He refused to get his ice cream anywhere else other than Mr. Freeze's soda shop. The shop was a few blocks from the court house. The soda shop was his favorite place to go as a child. Whenever he and his brother got good grades or when they were well behaved, their mother would take them there as a reward.
He always found it funny that there was a gym across the street from the soda shop. With ice cream that good, who wants to work out? He walked out of the shop and noticed the logo on the gym window. It was the same logo on the sweats that Chris gave him. He peered in the windows from across the street. He saw something he recognized. He saw a big chest sitting on top of a well-defined pair of abs. The package was made mobile by a pair of strong legs. He couldn't help it. He crossed the street to get a better look. He gazed into the window to see Chris working out. He had on a pair of shorts that looked like speedos. As he pumped the weights, all the muscles in his body frowned at the pressure. Chris grunted as he squatted the heavy weights. Tobias could see where Chris got the powerful legs he had, the legs that encompassed him as he slept one night, the legs that spread his apart. His ice cream fell to the ground. He didn't care.
Chris did his last squat and put the weights up. He stretched every muscle he had then he sniffed the air. Something smelled familiar. He could smell it even though the gym was full of sweaty men. The smell was clean, natural, sweet, bashful and beautiful. There was only one place that scent could have come from, Toby. He ran around the gym looking for him, following the scent. Tobias knew what he was thinking and made a mad dash for it. Chris followed the scent outside and saw the ice cream on the ground. He looked down the street to see Toby running.
"TOBY!!!!!!!!!!!"
He sprinted like the panther he was through the jungle of the streets to catch his prey. Toby hopped fire hydrants and rugs like a jack rabbit. He darted from left to right to confuse the predator. He ran what seemed like forever. He escaped into an alley to get his breath. He looked around the corner to see if the panther was still in pursuit. Little did he know that the panther was behind him.
"Toby?"
Tobias tried to make a run for it, but Chris grabbed his arm.
"Toby, please don't run from me."
"Why not?"
"Because you make me feel like shit when you do."
"Chris, I have to go."
"Toby, give me five minutes of your time. Look, for the last few nights that you've been gone, I've been sleeping in your shirt to be close to you, doing things you do just because you do them. Toby, you make me so happy that it brings tears to my eyes. So in the equation of give and take, you have fulfilled your side. I haven't. Toby, all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. So, if you not being with me makes you happy, if being without me gets you through the day and makes your life a bit easier to bear, I will walk away right now and never bother you again, but you have to look me in my eyes and tell me that's what you want."
Tobias didn't look him in his eyes. He couldn't. There was no way he could look him in the eyes and lie to him. Those eyes were Chris' way of hypnotizing him. He focused on Chris' body. How hard he was and those shorts he had on. Chris grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him. Tobias could see the water swelling up in Chris eyes.
"I'll give you what you want. Just tell me."
Tobias was silent. He pulled himself from Chris' grip.
"Ok, Toby, it's like this. If you want me to leave you alone, say it. If you walk away with no words at all, that means you still care for me, that there's a chance for us."
He kissed Tobias gently on his lips. He wanted to tongue him, but they were in broad daylight and it would have scared Tobias off. Tobias didn't fight off the kiss. It was a temporary escape from the cage he was in. Chris pulled away. They leaned against the building and just stared at each other.
"Toby, come home with me, please?"
Tobias wanted to go with him. He couldn't lie to himself. To go to Chris' place meant he could rest. He could forget about everything, stop caring for everyone and allow himself to be cared for. Deep down inside of him he was still upset with the length of time it took Chris to give him the info. He couldn't look him in his eyes and say "stay away" or "I don't love you." You can't do that when just a week earlier, you wrote the words I-love-you on a guy's chest before he sucks your cock. He also couldn't go home with him. He had a case the next day. How could he let Chris know he couldn't stay, that he did have feelings for him, but not say the words or look him in the eyes. There was only one way to do this. He turned around and walked away. According to Chris' words, this would mean that there was a chance for them. As he walked away, Chris leaned against the wall and watched Tobias leave. When Tobias got home, he fell in his bed. His head was cluttered with thoughts. He thought about his case, Chris on the weights, the court room, Chris' smile, the jury box, the muscles, the ice cream, the abs, the chest, the legs, the chase, the kiss and him walking away.
He accidentally hit his answering machine to hear his father griping at him. That was it. That's all it took to set him off. He grabbed the machine, ripped it from the phone and through it against the wall. He threw pictures and papers and threw his mattress from the bed. He was tired of his father's shit. He had been on his case ever since he took over for Anderson. Why couldn't he have a little faith in Tobias? When it came down to it, Tobias was the anchor of the law firm. When the partners screwed up their cases, Tobias always found a loophole that allowed them to win the case. No matter what he did, no matter what miracles he performed, Tobias wasn't good enough in his fathers eyes when in reality, he was better than all the partners combined. Yet he felt as though he was being examined. He was a rat, the case was his cheese, and the partners were watching him to make sure he found it. He pulled his bed together and rested for the night. He had a job to do the next morning and he was going to succeed.
He got an earlier start on the day than usual. He chose a beige suit with a purple shirt and matching tie for his ensemble. He grabbed his briefcase. The only thing he was missing was his lucky quarter. When Tobias and his brother were children, their grandfather gave them a quarter and told them to keep it always, that it was a lucky quarter and it would bring them happiness. Tobias put his on a chain and wore it under his shirt when he prosecuted a case. He searched frantically but couldn't find the chain. He paused to think about the last time he had it. It was at Chris' house. It would complicate things too much to go get it. For once in his career, he would have to go without it.
When he stepped inside the court house, he noticed it smelled different. It didn't smell musty as it usually did. It smelled masculine, healthy, and though he didn't want to admit it, sexy. The court house smelled of CK be. The same Ck be that Chris wore. Sure, a lot of people wear CK be but the cologne smelled different on Chris. He walked into the court room to find it reaking of the cologne. Chris had been there. He went to his table to find a manila envelope with his name on it. He opened it and his lucky quarter and a note fell out. The note said: Good luck, I love you. Tobias basked in the scent of the room. It made him feel like he was at home with Chris. It made him smile a bit. The daydream was interrupted by the sounds of people entering the room. The trial started. Tobias was wonderful. He took in deep breaths of Chris as he spoke. He was suave and in control. He won over the jury from the get go, and quickly became a favorite in the court room. His father was jealous. The defense wanted to call it a day and Tobias didn't refuse. He wanted them to come up with something so he could kill it. As he left the courtroom, he could hear his father calling his name. Tobias didn't acknowledge him. He was happy, he was a legal god in the courtroom and there was no way he was going to let his father mess that up.
He got in his car and drove away. He decide to treat himself to the ice cream he lost the day before. He payed for his ice cream and stood on the sidewalk. He looked in the gym to see if he could catch a glimpse of Chris. He wasn't there. When he got home, his phone rang. Without thinking, he hit the speaker button.
"Talk to me."
"Hey, it's Caine."
"Shouldn't you be doing some investigating for me?"
"I have."
"What, already?...let me guess, crock of shit, right?"
"Quite the contrary."
"Huh?"
"I dunno who your source is, but he's a good one."
"Explain."
"Ok, Dizzy is quite the big spender when it comes to recording equipment."
"What do you mean?"
"A while back, the recording industry had a problem with pirating of music. So a lot of the newer recording equipment was licensed with a chip that digitally encodes anything that is recorded on it to the owners name. I got a copy of the tape, ran it through the computer and guess what?"
"It's licensed to Dizzy?"
"You got it. This all seemed too familiar to me. So I did some research. Last year, two other clubs had a similar thing happen. Things such as girls taking their clothes off and guys jerking off. I got copies of those tapes and ran them through the computer and guess what?"
"They're Dizzy's?"
"You got it. Tobias, are you going to make your source testify?"
"Yes, I need him."
"You may wanna rethink that. Dizzy is connected in the streets."
"What does that mean?"
"If your source rats on him, he will have him taken care of if not killed. This guy is ruthless, Tobias. You don't fuck with him."
"I've already put him on the witness list....SHIT!"
"Tobias, find some way to protect your source."
"I will."
He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. How was he going to protect Chris and have him testify? He had to come up with something. To pull Chris would be an embarrassment and more than likely the judge would want to know why. He had protect Chris' image. His dancing was his source of income. He wracked his brain all night trying to figure out how he was going to do this.
The next morning, he got dressed for part two of his legal onslaught. As he walked out the door, the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Tobias I-"
"Dad I'm on my way to the courthouse now, will you give it a rest?"
"Will you listen? You don't have to come?"
"Why?"
"The defense, decided that after your performance yesterday, their was no way they could win this case. They talked to the judge and decided to take the D. A.'s original deal. Speaking on behalf of the firm, the partners and I decided to take the deal."
"DAD THIS WAS MY FUCKING CASE. WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?"
"Tobias, we had a chance to cinch this and report to Kingsley Pharmaceuticals that we had won and keep their business. I really don't care about your performance, or this fucking kid. I'm looking out for the firm."
"Whatever, dad. You have anything else to say?
"Who is this lead you have concerning the author of the tape?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Tobias what do you-"
Tobias hung up on him. He had to pause for a moment to think about what he had done. Tobias was getting bolder by the day. He was tired of his father making him look ignorant when he knew the truth. It was his father's way of making the partners believe he was allied with them. THAT"S IT! That's how he was going to protect Chris. If he had to play the fool again, he would do it to save Chris. He got undressed and put on a pair of shorts and a shirt. He hit the speaker phone button to call Chris, but he got his answering machine instead.
"Hi, this is Keller, I'm not here right now so you know what to do, mom if this is you, I will be at the Hilton in time to escort you to the award banquet. Not a lot of people are willing to work for AIDS. That's really cool. Congrats and I love ya."
Tobias' didn't leave a message. Instead, he called his mother. Tobias' mother was nothing like his dad. She was sweet. She was the type of mother that loved herself first so that she could love others. She loved doing charity. She especially worked hard for AIDS. Maybe she was going to this shindig. She picked up the phone and answered in her regular cheery voice.
"Helloooooo"
"Mom?"
"Hey, baby how are you, are you ok, are you eating?"
"Yes, mom...hey got a question for you. Do you still do work for AIDS?"
"Yeah, we raised a lot of money last month with cooking contest."
"Is there some award banquet tonight?"
"Yes, I'm supposed to get an award tonight for the dinner party/fund raiser I hosted in May, but I'm not going."
"Why not?"
"Well you did so well yesterday and the firm didn't lose any business so all the guys are going to Atlantic City to celebrate. That's where your dad is going to be and I don't want to go alone. Karen said she would accept it for me."
"The partners are going to Atlantic City?"
"Yeah, aren't you?"
"Mom, you're going to that banquet."
"Oh Tobias, it's not that big of a deal honey, not to mention I don't have anything to wear."
"Mom, go to Macy's. Gen has an account set up in my name at every dress store there is. Get you something nice, go all out, earrings, shoes, bracelets, get your hair done and I will meet you at the Hilton tonight, ok?."
"Tobias, I couldn't"
"Yes you can. I'm gonna rent a tux and I will see you there, ok?"
"Well....ok?"
"Good girl. See you later."
He was happy to hear his mother so happy. About the only thing he and his father could agree on, was that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. What ticked him off was the fact that the partners went to celebrate his victory without him. After some time, he forgot about it. He had a date with a foxy lady that night.
The day passed quickly. He rented a tux and bought his mom flowers. He went home to get dolled up. As he stood under the shower, he thought about Chris. How was he going to approach him after walking away from him? Chris is one of those guys that take what life gives him. He doesn't argue and he doesn't look back. They only fight for certain things. After all that has happened, did Chris still see him as someone worth fighting for? Would Chris' eyes still light up when he saw him? Once upon a time, Chris told him that when he kissed him, he goes to pieces, was that still the case?
He met his mother at the hotel. She was beautiful. She wore a purple sequin dress. She took Tobias' advice and went all out.
"Tobias, all this cost too much."
"Mom, will you stop? You look beautiful."
"Ok, let's go."
Inside the Hotel, Chris and his mother sat at the table reserved for them. They watched as the guest entered the ballroom. The entrance way was lined by roses and the doorway was filled with smoke. The guest suddenly appeared through the smoke as they were announced. Chris was the perfect gentleman to his mother.
"Momma, you thirsty?
"I could stand a little punch."
"Anything else?"
"No, just punch."
"Ok, be back."
He walked over to the table and poured two glasses of punch. He was never one to do what he was told so he fixed her a plate of finger sandwiches. As he waited in line, he noticed a man staring at him from across the table. The man met him at the end of the table.
"Hi."
"Hi"
"This may sound a bit forward, but you're cute."
"Thank you."
"What do you say, we blow this joint and go have some real fun."
"No, my mom is getting an award."
"I can wait."
"No, thanks"
"What, you have a boyfriend?"
Chris paused for a moment. He didn't know what to call he and Tobias
or if he could call them
anything.
"Yes."
"Well, I will have you know that I am an accountant for a major retail chain and I have a hard time saying no. Can your boyfriend match up?"
"Well let's see, my boyfriend is a very smart, very sharp, very hot lawyer that recently won a major court case. He has big eyes, a big smile, and a big dick to match. From looking at you, you're seriously lacking and I have to go."
He walked away with a smile on his face. He wished Tobias could have been around to hear that. Just as he got to the table, the announcer spoke.
"Lady's and Gentleman, a recipient of one of our awards tonight. Mrs. Clara Beecher. Mrs. Beecher is being escorted by her son, Tobias Beecher.
Chris stared at Tobias. He looked good naked, but there's something about a man in a tux. The smoke swirled around his body. When the spotlight caught him, he blinked his eyes as though he were entering the world. He smiled and a cool wave flowed over Chris' body and forced him to smile. The room adored Tobias. Chris got mad when he noticed all the guys in the room staring at Tobias. It was the art show all over again. He watched Tobias and his mother as they sat down. Tobias walked over to the punch bowl and Chris watched as the arrogant fuck that came onto him followed him. The man tapped Tobias on the shoulder.
"Hi."
"Hi"
"How are you?"
"I'm cool."
"This may sound a bit forward, but you're one hot guy."
"Thank you. I think?"
"What do you say, we blow this joint and go have some real fun."
"No, my mom is getting an award."
"I can wait."
"No, thanks"
"What, you have a boyfriend?"
Tobias paused for a moment. He didn't know what to call he and Chris or if he could call them anything.
"Yes."
"Well, I will have you know that I am an accountant for a major retail chain and have a hard time saying no. Can your boyfriend match up?"
"Well let's do the math. He stands about 6'3, has a big chest, a pair of rock hard abs and a smile to die for."
From a distance, Chris could see Tobias gesturing the things he was saying. He understood everything he said and knew he was talking about him
"But what does he do?"
What could Tobias say to sink this guys sail? He couldn't say he was a dancer, that's not ritzy enough.
"He's a lawyer by night and a physical trainer. He's versatile."
"But is he a love machine, does he have what it takes to get the job done?"
"Huh?"
"He can't beat me in the fucking dept."
"Oh he'd hurt ya."
"I have a dick the size of a beer can."
"Well my boyfriend, has a dick like Godzilla's tail. Perfect for destroying cities, if you know what I mean. You enjoy the awards."
As Tobias walked away, Chris could see how defeated the other guy was. Apparently, Toby sunk him worse than he did. Chris had a slight case of anger brewing in him also. He loved Tobias. The only person that he loved more was his mother. He told him how much he loved him, completely opened himself up. His payment for that was having Tobias look him in the eyes and call him a liar and making a mockery of the tender moments they had shared. True, he did hesitate in giving Tobias what he wanted, but when your lonely, you will do any thing and everything to find company, especially when that company is someone as beautiful, and pure and smells the way Tobias does. Still, when he slept at night, he heard Tobias' words over and over, and it hurt over and over. His mother got his attention.
"Chris, honey I want you to meet a dear friend of mine. This is Clara Beecher and her son Tobias. Tobias is a lawyer honey. He just won that case that was in the paper."
"Is that so, nice to meet you"
"I have an idea, why don't you guys exchange phone numbers and hang
out sometime. If you're
anything like us, you will enjoy each other immensely."
"I have!"
"Huh?"
"I mean, I'm sure we will."
"Well Clara and Tobias have to take a few more pictures, then I want you guys get to know each other."
"Yes ma'am."
The night progressed. Their mother's got their awards and took ton's of pictures. While Chris' mother answered questions, he escaped to one of the balconies. He had taken all the bad perfume he could stand. He stood on the balcony and looked at the city. He remembered telling Tobias to do the same. He realized that he hadn't found he fair share of love either. He and Tobias were in the same boat. He heard the doors to the balcony open, but didn't make a move. He knew who it was. Tobias walked to the railing and stood against it. He and Chris stood two body lengths apart. Tobias felt the heavy sense of guilt in all the areas that Chris had brought pleasure to. He felt compelled to break the ice.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"You doing ok?"
"About as good as can be expected?"
"Yeah, your mother is great."
"Yeah she is, your mother is sweet."
"Yeah, love her a lot. Chris I need to talk to you about my case against the guy that made the tape."
"Toby, this is a party, a party for both your mother and mine and you came out here to talk to me about your case?"
"Chris, I did some checking on what you told me."
"Why, I told you the truth, but you don't believe me. I do one stupid thing Tobias and you drop my trust factor to zero."
"Chris please listen to me?"
"Why, you don't listen to me and when you do, you think I'm lying."
"Chris will you-"
"What do I have to do-"
"Chris shut the hell up and listen, I did some checking on this guy and he has done some rough stuff with his music. He sent tapes to other clubs with messages in them. Some asking the people to vile things."
"Good, so you got him, what's the problem."
"The problem is in you testifying."
"Toby, I will be there, okay?"
"Chris-"
"No Toby Im gonna prove to you that you can trust-"
"Chris will you please shut up. This guy is connected in the streets, he's been arrested and I don't know how but he has a way of finding out things. If he finds out that you ratted on him, he will come after you or send someone to do it."
"Toby, I'm not scared, I can take care of myself."
"I know that but I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to risk it. I have plan."
"Screw your plan. I'll be there."
"Chris will you just hear me out, please? Now, when you testify, I'm going to ask you some definite questions. I will ask you if you know Dizzy and you will say no."
"But I do know him."
"Chris, please listen.....I'll ask you where you got the tape you dance to. I want you to say that you don't remember. I'll ask if you bought it and you will say yes. I will ask you if you know what a subliminal message is. I want you to give a very vague answer. I'm not going to pursue you much after that, but make sure you answer in support of Dizzy. When you get off the stand, I want you to throw him a smile. Make him think you've got his back. Now, I got the copy of tape you dance to from the club. I had the message removed from it and returned. I dropped a hint around the courthouse that you dance to that music. Right about now, the defense is at the club trying to get a copy. They will get a copy and the message won't be there. They'll use it to their advantage, you look like a friend and You will be safe."
"Toby, that will make you look...stupid. That's what you're going for isn't? Why are you doing this Toby?"
"Because if you get hurt, that would be bad law on my part."
"Bull shit, why are you doing this?"
"Chris-"
"Why Toby?"
Tobias looked at the ground. He knew that what he was saying was bull shit, but Chris was scanning him as he always does. If he wanted to protect himself he had to avoid eye contact. Chris grabbed a few of the potted palm trees and flowers and formed a dense barrier between Tobias and he and the party.
"Ok, why Toby?"
"Chris, let's not do this?"
"No let's do this. You're going to embarrass yourself to save me because you care for me...no scratch that, you love me."
Tobias turned his back to Chris and faced the city. He had too, or Chris would see that he was right. Chris walked behind him and pressed his body against his. Tobias knew this wasn't the time or the place, but this is what he had been missing, what he craved. He could feel Chris' cock through his pants against his butt. From it's hardness, he knew that absence makes the cock grow fonder. Chris slid his hands around Tobias' waist and pulled his shirt out of his pants. He took a deep breath of Tobias.
"You smell so fuckin' good"
"Chris-"
"You feel good too."
He kissed Tobias on his neck and nibbled on his ears. Tobias' eyes rolled in the back of his head. Only pleasure can do that to man. Chris massaged the muscles that lead to Toby's crotch. The pleasure welled up inside Tobias.
"Chris, baby?"
"What did you call me?"
"Nothing."
"You called me baby."
"No."
"Yes, you did."
Chris made his way to Toby's underwear. He massaged Tobias' cock with his thumb. He rubbed his thumb over the head to feel the pre-cum Toby secreted. He ran his hand up Toby's shirt and pinched his nipples. Toby fell backwards against Chris. Chris turned him around and kissed him. He grabbed him by his head and held on tight. He tried to put everything he had in the man. Tobias gave in and allowed himself to be vulnerable in Chris' hands. They enjoyed each others mouth, but more than that, they enjoyed each others soul. Tobias was to the point where he was about to give himself completely. Then he felt his cock getting hard and that brought him back to reality.
"CHRIS"
"What?"
"I can't do this."
"Toby?"
"Chris, I can't."
"God damn it, Toby. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I did you wrong. What can I say to you to make you believe me? I gave you your case in a handbasket. I'm sorry baby. I really am. Please forgive me."
"Chris a lot has happened, is happening and I-"
"Toby, I dunno if I can take much more of this. I love you. It's like being on a fucking drug for years and then all of a sudden, being off of it. Either you want me or you don't. Toby I have to know."
"Chris I said-"
"Toby, if you love me, I want you to come kiss me. If you don't and you want us to be over, just walk away."
"Chris-"
"Toby, kiss me or set me free"
He was trapped. What was he to do? He loved Chris, He just needed a little time to pull everything together, He needed to get his father and his wife out of his head. He also needed to forgive Chris. How was he going to get out of this and keep Chris hanging on till he cleared his head. He re-ran the scene he and Chris exchanged in the alley. He needed to confuse the panther one more time. He walked to Chris and kissed him. Chris tried to put his arms around him, but Tobias stopped him. He took a step back, pulled himself together, turned around a walked away. Chris put his hands on his head.
"He kissed me and then walks away? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!!!!!!!!"
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