10-31-01:(8:52 pm CST) Well, it's just a little before 9 here. I need not have worried about us not getting many Trick or Treaters. The whole anthrax thing didn't affect the kids one bit where I live. We had so many children come to our neighborhood. We put our candy in these little bags so we could control how much we gave them. We had 140 little bags of candy, with 3-4 pieces in them. We started handing out candy right after it got dark, a little after 5 pm here (now thanks to Daylight Savings Time). We ran out of candy by 7:30. We had to go get more and were digging out every stash of candy we had in the house trying to tide us over while one of us ran to the store real quick. They just kept coming at us in droves, we didn't have time to turn out the light and shut the door. We didn't want to disappoint them. The thing the kids liked the best were these small fruit gel cups that we had lying around and no one was eating, that we threw them in the bowl too.... Had to stop for a minute there. We just had the last few kids come to the door and we divided the last of it between them before turning off the light. Damn, I am tired. The little boogers came in hordes. I enjoyed it at first, but shit they just kept coming and coming.

We had rented The Mummy and The Mummy Returns to watch tonight, we are just now getting to see them at 9 pm. We tried about twice, but the kids started coming in  droves so we had to stop. We never made it past a couple of minutes. So we are going to settle down to watch the movies and then go to probably go to bed.
 

10-30-01:(11:48 pm CST) I know people won't be reading this until I get the site back up, but I just thought I'd do a little journal writing anyway. I mentioned at the tail end of the last entry into my web blog here that my site had disappeared, which many of you may have noticed. I'm not sure what happened. I might have been TOSsed by topcities.com, I don't know for sure. Luckily, for me the lovely ladies at Ma-at.net have offered to host my website. They offered this to me once before when I had to find a new home for my site, after 50megs.com went from a free site to a paid one. I should have taken them up on their offer the first time. Live and learn. Well, this time I've been smart enough to take them up on their very kind offer. I was actually going to contact them first. I just couldn't find the link as to how. Yet again, lucky for me, they contacted me upon finding out what happened. So where my site is going to be moved to is taken care of. Now I just have to finish this update and then upload it once they have me set up. So there's a load off my mind.

Meanwhile, Smallville has taken over my brain. I finally got to see the first two eps this weekend and I recorded tonight's ep to watch later. Lex is so after Clark's ass. Poor naive Clark just has no clue. Just doesn't even realize that Lex is scoping after him. We'll give Clark a break, it's the first time another guy's been so intent on nailing his ass.

On the subject of Lana. You know I didn't want to hate her, but I must say I do. It isn't even because she's some kind of obstacle between Clark and Lex, who cares about that. It's because she's so damn perfect. She's the chick we all hated in high school. So pretty she's almost ugly, intelligent, kind, trustworthy, understanding, wins every damn ribbon, medal, or beauty contest that the town has probably ever had. She's just so damn wholesome you want to gag. They set us up to hate her. She makes Lex look good, he balances things out by not being perfect.

They might as well just oil Clark up and throw him at Lex since there is so little chemistry between Clark/Lana and a ton pouring off of Clark/Lex. I'm hoping there is more of an influx of fics as the show gets on. There were quite a few at first, but that seems to be drying up a bit. We'll have to see. I've already got a page for it in anticipation of all those great fics to come, so let's get a roll on.

I personally am really liking Lex's bald little head. Michael Rosenbaum is just so sexy as Lex. I've never really liked him before, but as Lex he's just Rrowww! I'm so liking Lex right now. I'm not seeing how we're supposed to hate him later.

Tomorrow is Halloween. We're going to be handing out candy, I hope we get a lot of trick or treaters. Since we bought a ton of candy, before the anthrax thing happened. We got so many trick or treaters last year we were trying to be prepared. Now I just hope we can off load this shit. I'm dressing in my usual Halloween attire, all black. Black clothes, nail polish and lipstick. Subtle, but gets the job done. Got a little bit of creepiness planned, but not to much. Going to watch scary movies on tv, eat pizza, hand out candy, and eat some pumpkin bread I made for tomorrow as dessert. Hope everyone has a Happy and uneventful Halloween.
 

10-29-01:(12:06 am CST) You know I was sitting here reading some Due South slash and it got me to thinking. It was one of those one thing led to another type of moments. Associating one thing with another. It lead me to thinking about X-Files slash, particularly Mulder/Krycek slash. You see today on a list I'm on someone asked if anyone knew of some X-Files slash lists that were M/K only. Now with X-Files slash I'm a OTP (One True Pairing) kind of girl, it's M/K all the way for me. I don't want to read Skinner slashed with anyone, ever. I've tried believe me, don't start sending me recs either. I've tried it all and I don't like it. The closest I could come is Sk/Doggett, even that I just can't see. Not because of Skinner, I just can't see Doggett unbending enough. (There's a bad pun in there somewhere.) Go figure. The X-files fandom hasn't had any good M/K fics come along in quite a while.

I think many M/K fans are getting about as annoyed by this as I am. I think a few are thinking of leaving some lists since there haven't been any good M/K fics posted on them in forever. Hell, we're lucky if any M/K fics get posted lately. I know I've pondered leaving some lists recently, not seriously until very recently. The only conclusion I can come to as to why this is happening, when M/K used to be the main pairing in the fandom, is that it's due to David Duchovny and NIck Lea both leaving the show. Which I hate, but I can understand why they would want to get off of that sinking ship. I can't blame them. The show ended for me at the end of season 8. I havne't been happy with the show since about season 5, I only liked a couple of eps in season 6. I've come to think of season 9 of the X-Files as XF: TNG (The Next Generation). I'll admit I got that from someone else, though I can't remember who. What I want to know is, since when does an actor or actors leaving a show mean that slash based on that pairing has to stop?

This is where DS comes in to my train of thought. I was reading a DS story and I was thinking about how that show has been off the air, except in reruns, for a while now. Didn't mean the fandom curled up and died though. There are tons of really good DS fics posted all the time. I don't think an update has gone by on my rec pages, since I got into the DS fandom, that there hasn't been a DS rec in there somewhere. I only read BF/RK fics, but still I see a ton of BF/RV fics posted to archives all the time when I go there looking for new stuff. Vecchio left the show after the second season. Didn't stop people from writing BF/RV stories, or BF/RK stories. The show got canceled, didn't stop people from writing fics based on it (of the slash, het, or gen varieties).

So why should X-Files M/K fics stop coming? Mulder's leaving the show, I haven't seen that stop people from writing MSR fics. Are you that pissed at DD and NL? My only response to that is...Grow Up! It's a tv show, not real life. Call it a 'do over'. That's what fics are for, so the characters can have a fresh start at it all, unlike real life where you only get one chance. You can just start over from where ever we feel like it. I usually start over at RatB (the episode The Red and the Black, the one with the kiss in it).

So why have people stopped writing M/K stories. I know canon has pissed many off. That's the whole beauty of AU's and denial. Repeat after me if you please: 'Nothing bad happened to Alex. Mulder never screwed Scully. Alex is alive and well. He's on a beach with Mulder; they're drinking margaritas and screwing one another silly'. See Denial. It's a good thing. I'm in denial and never coming out. People aren't even allowed to mention the bad thing that didn't happen to Alex around me. I don't even like them to say the name of that episode. Didn't happen. Chris Carter is on crack!

Plus, since M/K aren't on the show any more, They Are Ours. CC and company are done playing with them. They did bad things to them, they didn't deserve them anyway. We'll love them and treat them far better than the folks at 1013 ever did. Those meanies. Take them, make them your own, give them new lives. Make them happy. Let them fuck like crazy, they deserve it.

I mean shit there is many a fandom out there that the show was canceled forever ago, but the fanfiction is still going strong. Starsky and Hutch have been around for decades, the show is gone, but they are alive and fucking like bunnies in the fics. Like they always should have been. Fraser and Kowalski from DS are fucking each other on a weekly basis. Trust me I find new fics in that fandom all the time. Hell, Fraser and Vecchio are getting it on like crazy too. So why the hell aren't Mulder and Krycek.

They are off the show, so what. The series started sucking, so what. Fix it. That's what fanfic is for, slash in particular. It's to get characters fucking that TPTB never would allow to (or be brave enough to allow, no matter that they had the best chemistry on the show). It's to fix all the shit that the writers messed up over the years. Your allowed to throw crappy plots out the window. Don't worry about canon when it comes to the X-Files. The writers and creators never did. If you don't believe me, check out this site called Deep Background. The creators of that site tried to chart the timeline to help fic writers. Some advice I've seen them give writers in general; forget canon, use of it what works in your fics. The rest forget about it. CC and company do just about every time they write a script. (Hence, why I think CC is on crack.) If it contradicts what they are about to write, they forget it. So by doing so you are actually following canon.

Just get over it and write. Do with the boys what you will. Give them a happy ever after. They poor guys deserve it after years of being under crazy Carter's thumb. Don't let the guys wanting off that sinking ship or the schmucks at 1013 writing them out of the show so pathetically get you down. They Are Ours Now! I'll repeat that just so you remember it.

I have several M/K stories in the works. Don't ask when they will be done, I keep saying that and no one listens. People ask anyway. I write slow, I'm on the perfectionistic side when it comes to my writing, they are all really long (I've nicknamed them 'the f**cking epics'), and I've had writers block since around 9-11. I've heard a lot of others have it too. It will pass, we're just in shock and feeling pretty fucked up in this limbo of 'what's going to happen next?'. It won't last forever. A male writer on a list I'm on reminded us that the country has gone to war before and had terrible shit happen to it, that didn't stop creativity. It won't stop it this time, we just have to hang in there. (Thanks Mark for the reminder. I needed that.) I know it will, but it's nice to hear someone say it.

So take the boys out to play. Have fun with them. Give them the sex lives they should have been having all along. I do not believe Mulder never had sex, not as gorgeous as DD is. I'm sure DD has never had trouble finding a date. Even as weird as they made Mulder out to be, celibacy had to be his choice, a lot of girls and guys like weird. (I've always thought Mulder was bi.) Just look at the sheer number of fics out there (slash and het). I'm not a shipper, but even I could see Scully had been hot for Mulder since season 1 (check out the ep Jersey Devil). I just never thought Mulder was in love with her, hence not being a shipper. I know Alex could satisfy him, of that I have no doubt.<g> Poor Alex, all mutilated and shit. Last women he fucked (Marita) betrayed him, that couldn't have helped his self-esteem. While I'm in denial I choose to forget that bad thing that happened to him in Tunguska too. Just for the hell of it. I have a fear of dismemberment. My only phobia, what can I say. It's all George Lucas' fault. Luke Skywalker loses his hand and I'm traumatized for life. I was like 6 or 7 when I saw it. Fucked me up. Think I could sue GL? Just kidding. Only bad joke I can ever come up with for that. Not the point.

Let Mulder and Krycek fuck again. That's my point. This entry is dedicated to  all the OTP M/K girls (and boys) out there. I'm trying to talk my muses up off the floor where they are moaning pitifully since 9-11. The new Ultimate Spiderman Pete/Harry muses I got recently are doing their level best to talk me off of it emotionally. We'll all see how it goes. If we can't pull each other up by our bootstraps. What do you say? Want to give it a try along with me? Huh? Pretty please...

Oh, while I've got you here. The Fan 911 auction has been extended another week. Some items that they were expecting arrived only recently, so they felt it only fair to give those items a fair chance to be bid upon. So you have until Friday November 5 to bid on things. Stop by there and see if you can't find something you like. Hell, if they hadn't extended it I was thinking of e-mailing to suggest that they did. I've noticed there are several items that just haven't been bid on at all. Remember to stop by and give it a look see.

Fuck, I just went to log into my account at topcities to post this and it was gone. I don't know if it's just a one time error or what. I won't have a fit right now. I'll wait and try again tomorrow. If it doesn't reappear. I'll move the damn thing. Fuck. I've heard of people having trouble with accounts there. Had someone say they had trouble accessing it on a forum. Guess it's struck me now. Have to wait and see what happens.
 

10-26-01:(10:38 pm CST) Smallville. Everyone is talking about Smallville lately. From what I've heard it's the slashiest damn show to come up the pike in a long time. People are saying that Clark and Lex are up there with like; Starsky/Hutch, Jim/Blair, & Mulder/Krycek. Heat and sexual tension apparently abound. Slashy goodness all over the place. Of course, I missed it. I've yet to see a damn episode of it.

I got pissy about it. It had nothing to do with the show itself. It's just that I'm a big fan of Buffy, been watching the show since the first episode. The series premier of Smallville ran 70 minutes, instead of the usual 60. Where I live the station that picks Buffy up in syndication has put it on after Smallville. So in the paper it said that Buffy was going to be joined in progress. This made me literally growl. I didn't want to miss 10 minutes of Buffy, because of Smallville. Luckily, the paper was wrong and they just started the show 10 minutes late. They showed the whole episode. So once I realized that I stopped growling and didn't care.

The next thing I know people are talking about Smallville all over the place. Asking were did they totally nuts and have slash on the brain or was that show like way slashy? The answer was a resounding, 'No, your not nuts. It's slashy as Hell'.

A while back on one of the lists I'm on we were speculating about the next big slash fandom. Wondering what it would be. Some of us had hopes for Witchblade, but I haven't seen a lot of slash based on that show so far. Well, I think it's inadvertently been found. The show is two episodes in and there are already several Smallville slash lists and thanks to Minotaur a Smallville Slash Archive. The lists are going strong and the archive already has over 20 stories in it.  How weird is that? This fandom is taking off and fast.

For any of you who missed the first two eps or would like to see them again. The WB is airing the first two eps again this weekend as a movie. You can check here to see if your local WB stations is going to be showing it and if so when. I found my station on there so I'm going to make sure to program my VCR to record it. I've got to see for myself what everyone is talking about. What I won't do for some good on screen slash chemistry. I wasn't even interested in this show. Didn't really care to watch it before it came close to interrupting new Buffy eps. All that hype they inflicted on people from all directions (including advertising it in movie theaters, I've heard) didn't interest me. Yet, a big hint of slashiness on the show and I'm all over it. Can't wait to see it. <sigh> I'm just sad. I know it.

I've been anxious to find out more about the show. So I went over to Mighty Big TV to read the recaps for it. First off, the recapper for Smallville, Omar G, is just so damn funny. I was laughing my ass off reading his description of it. He just goes on and on abut the slashiness of the damn show. I just love that they know what slash is at Might Big TV and give us slashers out there so many shout outs. Omar is straight and he picked up on the slashiness of Clark and Lex. A straight guy saw it too, so you know it isn't just wishful thinking or our imaginations. If you haven't seen the eps and don't mind spoilers you should definitely check those recaps out. I read it late at night and woke someone in the house up laughing so hard. Hell, even if you've seen the eps you should give them a read. Omar is so damn funny. The X-Files recapper Jessica and the Charmed recapper Demien are hilarious as well. So check them out too, if your interested in those shows. The recappers can be kind of snarky at times, but I never mind it really.

If your interested in the Smallville slash lists. I've found two that you can check out. ClarkLex and Smallville Slash. I'll warn you the list admins of ClarkLex are a little too heavy on jumping in during discussions so far. We could hardly talk about anything before they got worried it might one day soon go off topic and so they've kept popping  in wanting to end it. There was one post that got into OT land, but the show has only been on for two eps, there is only so much you can say about it. The list admins need to be a little less heavy handed. In fact a couple of us told them that after they jumped into a discussion that hadn't even gone near OT yet. I think they should have just made it a fic only list since they don't really seem to want people to get into damn discussions on the list. Sorry I'm still a little pissed about earlier today. I'm venting a little. The list is pretty good, would be better if the list admins would shut up. Smallville slash is ok so far. As excited as people are about this fandom I'm sure more lists will pop up.

Speaking of comic book heroes and slash. Has anyone checked out the new Ultimate Spiderman comic book? I was over at Marvel comics a while back checking to see what was new when I found this new thing they are beta testing. Its' called dotComics. It's where you can download comics onto your computer and read them. Not the same as paper comics, but none the less, if there are some ones your having a hard time finding you might be able to get them there. You can get a beta version for free. It's really pretty cool. Most of the stuff they have is really new. The Ultimate Spiderman and X-Men comics are there. Plus, I've been looking everywhere for a copy of the new Origins comic, my local store got short changed on their copies. The one where they are finally revealing where Wolverine came from after all this time. They introduced him in 1974 (year I was born) and little has been told about his past since. The guys at Marvel figured if they didn't give him a past the movies would, so they've cooked one up for him. Which is pretty cool. You can find the dotComics thing available for downloading at Marvel.com. I think you can download some where a little over 2Gb of comics to save before they start charging you. You can also delete ones if you start worrying about needing more storage space. Just thought I'd throw that in.

My original point wasn't plugging the dotComics thing like I work at Marvel and it's my job to. Which it isn't . I just found a cool new toy, so I thought I'd share. Peter Parker is just so damn cute in the Ultimate Spiderman. I swear at times they've drawn him looking so damn small he looks more like a girl. I spied some slashiness between he and Harry Osborne too, with my slashy little eyes. Harry just so seems to have a crush on Peter. Harry's looking better these days too. Doesn't look like some dark haired version of Archie. They're drawing them all pretty damn cute. In one issue there is this scene of Pete after he figured out how to make his webbing. He's dancing around in a t-shirt, socks, and some whitey tighties. I swear it's just too damn hot. Made me sweat. 'I've told you I know I'm weird quit asking.' <g> Definitely something to check out if your into comic books.

On an end note. The Fan 911 auction still has a couple of more days left and plenty of items that haven't been bided on. So go by and check them out. Might find something you like. All the proceeds go to charity so be generous if you can.

Oh, one last thing. Has anyone had problems accessing my site? I've heard some people are having problems with topcities.com. I've had some problems connecting through FTP when wanting to upload updates to my pages. I've had to go to their website to do it. This might just be a tightening of security because of all that has gone on in the US the last few months.
 

10-19-01:(2:17am CST)   Spoiler alert: First off, let me say that I'm about to talk about the new season of Charmed. Some of what I say may contain spoilers. So consider yourself warned if you haven't seen it.

Well, it's the middle of the night. My insomnia is bugging me and so I'm surfing the net hoping I'll wear out soon and can sleep. I've been reading some recaps of Charmed over at Mighty Big TV. Demian the Charmed recapper is so damn funny. He or she, whichever, has gotten me referring to Leo as The Dolt and Cole as Colethasor. The only one who is funnier is the X-files recapper Jessica. She has nearly had me rolling on the floor some days. I needed something funny lately, with all that's going on and this fits the bill just fine.

I've been watching Charmed since the first ep and I gotta say I hate the whole firing Shannon thing. I like Shannon Dougherty, bitch that she is. I appreciate a hard core bitch, being one myself most hours of the day. I know some people probably like Alyssa Milano, but she's just too slutty for me to stomach. Shannon dressed scantily clad a good bit, but she always seemed covered up somehow. She never seemed like a big old slut dog to me. Unlike Alyssa who they not only dress in the most god awful outfits known to man, but she often gets this look on her face like she is just going to mount Julian McMahon (Cole) at any second. Just pounce on him and do some bad things to his very pretty person. I'm not just talking about as Phoebe either. Or in the course of being the Colethasor's slut either. The weird thing is that I heard Julian and Shannon are dating, so I wonder how awkward that is for him. I wonder if he secretly just hates that slutty bitch for getting his girlfriend fired. TPTB have tried to cover it up and say that isn't what happened, but come on we know it is.

I want to talk about the new season a some here, so heed the spoiler warning that I threw out now. You know I was really dubious about this whole sister out of nowhere thing before this season started. The only explanation I was even going to come close to believing was that dead mom had fucked her whitelighter back when she was still among the land of the living and had an illegitimate kid with him. Luckily, that was the one they went with. Man, they really pulled their asses out of the fire by having that story line to fall back on didn't they? Who knew it would come in handy later on? Nice to have a back-up plan in case things didn't work out with Shannon, I guess. I was wondering what reason they were going to conjure up (no pun intended) as to why mom abandoned her though? The whole worried TPTB would be pissed and come down on all of their asses was pretty good. I bought that too. I was cool with the whole story line of how Paige came to be. I buy it pretty well.

What I don't buy is Rose McGowen. For god sake's the chick says every line like she's reading it right off the script. There's no spontaneity to it. Plus, she keeps getting these dopey looks on her face when she does something wrong and ultimately stupid like some parody of a bad 50's tv character. I swear she is just rubbing me the wrong way. I've seen her in other stuff. I know she can act, so what the hell is up with her? Every time she does one of those looks I just want to smack her. The weird thing is that in tonight's ep Paige and Phoebe did some body switching ep (which I could swear they had done before on the show) and she played at being Phoebe better than she does her own character of Paige. Man, was Alyssa mocking the voice Rose uses as Paige. She sounded like a fucking 5 year old. If I was Rose I would have slapped her silly. I really wish they would get RM some acting lessons. Please, I beg of them. Get someone to help her learn to do series tv. Oh, on a side note, thank god Rose came to her senses and dumped Marilyn Manson. What the fuck was she thinking wanting to marry that freak? She does get points for being smart enough to finally do that.

One more thing. What was up with Julian McMahon in the season premier? He suddenly looked so fucking tall. I mean he's taller than all the chicks, but that isn't hard I don't think a one of them is over  5' 6". He was taller than every guy in the room too, though. I could swear last season he and Brian Krause (Leo) were about the same height. Same with he and the guy who plays Darryl. Did they have Julian in lifts or what? And why did he suddenly get so much taller after Shannon left? Without her filling up the room with her bitchy presence was he able to fill it up with his own rather alpha dog visage? Seems like he's made his presence know in some way big time this season, he stands out. I swear that man is gorgeous. Tonight's ep had him all shirtless and sweaty for the first ten minutes or so. They could do a lot more of that and I'd be perfectly happy. Yumm! I must say way to go Shannon bagging that one.

That's about all I thought I'd throw out this time around. While I'm here though, I've got a question. My net connection has been doing something weird ever since last night. For several hours it was losing the connection every time I turned around. Then today it started doing this thing where every time I go to connect I have to type in my password all over again. It usually has thing little box I can check to save it, so I don't have to. It won't let me check the box though. It doesn't do it if it is just reconnecting. Only if I haven't been connected for a while and have to start all over at that original connection thing. I was wondering if it had something to do with all the events that have been going on lately. Some heightened security thing. This is my home computer too, not an office one. It's weird. I was wondering if anyone else had this happen to them. I'm on AT&T Worldnet. Just throwing that query out there. I think that's all I wanted to add this time around. Going to go watch the opening scene of tonight's Charmed again. Julian all half-nekkid and sweaty, doing a sparring scene. Mmmm.....
 

10-17-01:(11:35pm CST) I'm sitting here drinking my green tea, reading over the latest anthrax reports. Over two dozen people in Daschle's office tested positive for exposure to anthrax. Gov. George Paraki in NY has said that anthrax was found in his office. Getting a little creepy now. I've heard something about some letters that were sent along in the envelopes with the anthrax powder, but I haven't been able to hear all of what was said in them. I'm sure the FBI doesn't want to release all of the text of the letters, so they can weed out any copy cats. I really don't want to talk about that though. Makes me nervous, wondering what is going to happen next. Still, 'assuming crash positions' here waiting for whatever the hell comes next. So I'm going to talk about something else. I think I'll avoid for a while. The avoiding is going to begin now.

This is a little something that has been buggin me lately. I guess this might be a little bit of a rant, but it's gotten me thinking. It's related to slash, it's about Feedbacking. Now, I'm all for feedbacking. Telling an author when you like their work or lending constructive criticism if you think that you can help someone out is a good thing. (Though, I generally only provide constructive feedbacking if asked by the author. You never know how someone will receive such a thing , if they didn't ask your opinion in the first place.)  I don't flame people for anything. If you can't be constructive then why bother. This isn't another article encouraging people to send more feedback, however.

This little commentary is about authors who practically demand feedback. I was checking out a webpage a few days back and found an article about this. The person who wrote the article was ranting about author's threatening to leave lists because they weren't getting enough feedback. It reminded me of when someone did this on one of the lists I'm on. An author had gone to the owner of the list whining because she wasn't getting enough feedback. She stated that she was leaving the list because of this. This prompted the owner of the list to say something to the list members. The owner of the list said the person (whom she didn't name, but the writer later revealed herself) and some other authors had stated that they were unhappy about not getting more feedback. This started a big discussion on the list. I personally felt bothered by someone trying to make me feel like I had to send them feedback or else. I stated that on the list. I didn't even know who the writer was at that time. I still didn't like the idea of someone demanding feedback that I obviously hadn't felt like I had to give.

Now don't get me wrong, I do send writers feedback. I always send feedback to the writers whose work I particularly love. Hell, my whole rec page is about appreciating some of the best stories and writers out there. So I'm all for encouraging good writers to continue producing wonderful work.

This particular writer I just didn't think was really all that good. (Whom, like I said, revealed herself later.) I had seen one of her stories that I liked, but that was about it. I'm not sure who the other writers on the list were who were complaining about not getting enough feedback, but I know several writers on the list whose work I just don't like. (I'm mainly on that list for the discussions.) So what did this writer, or any of the others, want? Flames? I hadn't really focused on any way to help them or offered advice since it wasn't asked. (As I said above, if someone doesn't ask you for your opinion you never know how they will take it unsolicited. Some don't want any helpful suggestions.) So unless some one wants any criticism I don't give it. I don't flame people either. Which many of these writers wanted neither of.

So if this writer didn't want flames or constructive feedbacking what did she want? That just leaves one thing...ego stroking. Is that what this writer wanted? For someone to just stroke her ego and say her writing was perfect and wonderful when it wasn't. I refuse to do that. I will not just encourage someone to continue writing badly. Which is what many of these writers do, they never improve. They just constantly write lousy fics that never show one iota of being any better than the last thing they wrote. Which totally defies the point of writing to me.

I have only one web published story, but I have several others in the works. Which are not ready for release yet. Including some original stuff I'm toying with. (I'm a big old perfectionist. Plus, you try living up to the bitch fest and see how quick you write. I constantly have to unlearn things that I've read so many times in fics, it's like they have become ingrained within me. Besides I write slowly and the stories are all really long.) I always challenge myself to write better every time I write a story. I have also been developing a thick skin. You have to do so to be a writer. You have to be able to take constructive criticism, it can make you a better writer. People can point out mistakes you made. Bad characterizations, plot holes, etc. that you can work on the next time around. You need to listen to people and not give up because someone dares contradict you.

If that is what these writers were looking for I'd be happy to give that to them. However, if what they want is a lot of ego stroking and praise for a job they didn't do to well. I'm sorry. No. I won't do it.

I have seen others who just fall all over themselves though praising stories and saying they loved them when they just plain sucked. It often makes me wonder if some people have no taste what so ever. As long as they get their fill of sex and violence (no matter how badly written) they are happy. That is all they care about. They don't care if writing was good or not. Now, I give people slack when it comes to punctuation. I myself have a problem with commas. I don't really care about that, as long as the writing is good. I'm not a stickler about grammar. I don't like when someone gets characterizations wrong. Or if their story has plot holes so big you could drive a truck through them. I hate when people throw together pairings that wouldn't happen in a million years. I read a Stargate story once where Jack a was paired with Thor. Thor is a tiny gray alien that is about 3 feet high and doesn't way over 30 pounds, in case you don't know. I mean come on, a strong wind would knock this guy over. It's just gross. Yet, people fell all over themselves praising it. The Stargate fandom has some lousy writers in it. This was apparent in the Stargate Fanfiction awards this year. One writer, Biblio who is the best in the entire fandom (oneof my favorite writers overall in fact), just swept the awards. That has to tell you something. That fandom sucks the talent out of even good writers who migrate over into it. I've seen writers come in from other fandoms who were damn good till they started writing SG1 fics. I love the show, but the pickings are slim where fiction is concerned in that fandom. I'm not here to rant about that though.

This rant is about people who want pats on the back for never improving and pout off unless they get their way. I have to wonder how old these people are. Are they beyond teen years? Honestly, such behavior is above adults. It's time to grow up and realize people don't send you feedback for one simple reason. They don't like your stories. Strive to write better and you will get more feedback I assure you. Until then be happy people aren't flaming you and seek out advice on what you've done that could be improved. Your best bet is to invest in a beta reader who isn't your friend. Find someone who can be impersonal. Someone who isn't worried about you never speaking to them again if they say something that may piss you off. Someone you can trust to point out your mistakes and tell you if you've gone off the deep end into bad plots and lost characterizations. That will help you every time. It's a good investment to make. That and thick skin so you can take the criticisms and use them to make your writing better.
 

10-15-01:(11:17pm CST) Now a 7 month old baby has contracted anthrax. The child is the son of an ABC News producer. They think the baby contracted it after he recently spent some time in the newsroom. The child has the skin rash version. Man, this is getting bad. One case after another keeps getting reported. Either some one else has contracted it or been exposed to it.

I also heard that Senator Patrick Kennedy also received a mysterious letter. He and his staff are being tested to see if they have been infected. It's unknown if they have been or not. That one is still up in the air.
 

10-15-01:(5:24pm CST) Anthrax, Anthrax, Anthrax. It's one of the main topics right now. It's pretty fucking freaky how many cases are popping up. It's like a case or so every few days now. The number is up to twelve cases now. One of those letters containing the Anthrax powder was sent to Sen. Tom Daschle today, though he wasn't the one who opened it. It was a rather unlucky employee of his who opened that piece of contaminated mail. Several people in that office have been exposed to it. They don't know how many might have it though. The letter sent to Daschle seems like a warning to me. It was sent to his office in the Hart building across the street from the Capitol instead of the other one that he was in. So it seems more of a threat. Like if they could reach the Senate Majority Leader with this, then they could get to anyone . It's enough to make people paranoid.

Though to be honest, Anthrax seems like a pretty wimpy weapon of choice. I mean a little anti-biotic treatment and it's gone. Like a wicked version of the cold. In fact, it mimics many symptoms of the cold. The first guy, the one who died,  just didn't get to a doctor quick enough to be properly diagnosed, so he didn't get the right treatment. If I was going for bio-terrorism I think I'd pick something more virulent. Something a little nastier than this. Maybe the whole point is to scare people though, not kill them. If that's the goal it's working.

No one has claimed responsibility for this just yet. If the gov't knows who's doing this they aren't saying. Probably don't want to scare them into hiding by telling who they are before they have a chance to nab them. I don't know about that, though. They haven't made any moves to capture someone and the attacks keep happening, so I'm wondering if they have any clue who it is.

The Fan 911 Auction is in one week. It is being held between Oct. 22-29, 2001. There are two days left to donate items. No more donations will be accepted after Oct. 17. They are asking that you send it Priority Mail (which arrives in 2-3 days) so you might still have time, depending on where you live. You could also send it overnight mail or something similar. You need to send it through the regular mail, FedEx and UPS don't send packages to PO Boxes. (You'll need to contact the ladies at the site first and follow their proceduresfor making donations.)  All of the proceeds will be donated to the NYC's Twin Towers Fund or the United Way's September 11th Fund. You can choose for the proceeds derived from your donation to go to one or both organizations. If you don't state which one you want it to go to, it'll be divided between the two. I donated some comic books and X-files collector cards. Be sure to check out the website next week to see if there is anything you would like to bid on. On the list for the auction one of the organizers of it said that any items which aren't sold will be given away in a raffle to be held after the auction is over. The proceeds from the raffle will be split between the two charities.

If you would like to make some donations to 911 charities you can check out the American Liberties Partnership, where many of the charities are listed on one page. This is to make it easier to find them. This is the website that Pres. Bush mentioned in his State of the Nation speech before Congress a few weeks ago. Already, $102,744,167 have been donated online. Which is just amazing to me. So many people giving whatever they can.

A while back The Chimp, I mean Pres. Bush (sorry I am so a Democrat) told children that if they would like to help they could send dollar bills to some address. It was to make kids feel like they could help too. So many dollar bills have been coming in they aren't sure what to do with them all now. That is just really sweet to me. Encouraging kids to help out. Too sweet.
 

10-13-01:(11:47pm CST) War. It's weird, I have always been like this big new age hippie. I have never been for war. Oh no, not me. Now though it's different in some way. I want us to go to war. Heedless of the lives that may be lost on all sides or the destruction it may cause. I want it. I want vengeance for those people who died on 9-11. I want it paid in spades.

I've heard some describe what we want as justice, but it isn't really. Justice is courts of law, trials, and impartial juries. I don't think any of us feel impartial right now. We feel hurt, sad, angry, and frustrated. Impartial is miles from where any of us are though. Revenge is cold, hard, and focused. It's the furies enacting punishment without fail and mercy only for the penitent. Trying to call it justice is an attempt to make it sounds neat, clean, and sanitary. It's not wanting to admit that you could be petty enough to want something as low level as revenge. I'll own up, I'll say it. I want revenge. This thing it isn't going to be neat and tidy, it's going to be messy and it's going to last a long time. We as a people are focused on this. It's what we want and it won't end until we get it.

I heard a residential area was bombed in Afghanistan today. I don't know if the report is true or not. I'm not sure what the source of it was. I don't trust anything that the Taliban say. They said they didn't know where Bin Laden was at first. Yet, they knew right where to find him didn't they. The thing about hearing that a residential area was bombed that bothered me was...that it didn't bother me so much. I was saddened to some point, but I didn't want to jump up and have them stop the bombings. It's been going on for seven day, or it might be coming up on eight, I'm not clear on the exact time difference. It's nighttime here so it might be daytime there. Still I'm not bothered by it, I want it. I'm wondering how long that attitude will hold. If it'll break and I'll feel really guilty for feeling it in the first place. Does it mean that I'm getting older, reaching a new level of maturity that I can see war in such a different light?

You know I suddenly had this thought of trying to explain to my children about this war one day. Being the full on grown up, trying to explain what happened here and why we went to war, when they are old enough to understand. That is a totally weird thought. I wonder if it'll garner me a look from them that just screams, 'Come on Mom, cut it with the old man stories'. (You know. Those stories your dad or grandpa always tell that bore the shit out of you.) I had a teacher once who told those stories, he was like in his late thirties or early forties. Old man stories don't count if they happened in like The 80's. What will I tell my kids about all this one day? What in the hell will I tell them? I can't even think that it might be still going on when I have them. I can't think it, fathom it. No one thought Vietnam would last as long as it did either. They are preparing us for the eventuality that it might last for years. Are we really ready for that all over again? I'm not really sure we are. I know I'm not. I was born around the time when Vietnam ended. I don't know if I could handle living through another war like that happening in my time. I can't even grasp how that would be. I just can't.
 

10-13-01:(3:42am CST) Hmm...Where to begin? You know I've seen a lot of these web blog things floating around. I've checked some of them out and they look pretty cool, but you know I've never been much of a joiner. I usually like to follow my own path. Besides I've been creating webpages for years. I figured if I was going to create a journal why not just slap one onto my webpages here. Isn't all that hard and hell I have FTP access so I can update the damn thing whenever I want. Besides I have a ton of webspace. Gotta fill it with something. This is a good enough thing as any. So...

It's the middle of the night here and I can't sleep. Not an usual occurrence. I've had insomnia all of my life. Used to have the 'sleep disorder twins', nightmares and insomnia. Those two are like a viscious circle kind of thing. They just go round and round, one causing the other. I managed to clear up some shit and got over the nightmares. The insomnia is a thing that is here to stay though, looks like.  I'm hyperactive so that's a big cause of it. Insomnia comes in stages. Sometimes I can go for several weeks and sleep just fine. Then it will suddenly hit again and I'm lucky if I get a few hours a night. The longest I've ever stayed up because of it was 72 hours straight. I thought I'd go nuts. My mind just wouldn't shut down, kept going and wouldn't shut up. That was when I discovered X-files M/K slash. It's what kept me sane during that moment in time. It was something to do, to read, it gave me something else to think about. Mulder and Krycek. *sigh*  Two very pretty boys doing verrry pretty things. I've really got to thank the ladies at the Den of Sin for introducing me to that and keeping me sane for those long hours. I fell in love with the boys quick and they are still my favorite pairing. Before that I'd only ever read Oz slash, that was my introduction to the slash world. I found my niche and never turned back. I'd always been a slash slut and just didn't know it. Hell, when I was a kid I watched Dynasty just to see Steven. <g>

It's raining here tonight. I live in North East Texas, it's not a big old dry desert like many think. Only a small part of Texas looks like that. That part just off to the side of the panhandle, where El Paso is, that's really the only part that looks like that. North East Texas is really the most fertile part. It rains here pretty steadily from October till May, sometimes a little beyond that. We had a pretty nasty thunderstorm the other night. Really rocked the place. That is a common occurrence around here. I love thunderstorms, usually sleep really good during them. Been a little stressed lately though. A lot of shit going on here in the US.

Ok, be prepared here I'm going to try and talk about the terrorist attacks here some. If you just don't want to read it, don't care, or can't bear to you might want to stop now. Just gotta get some shit out. I'm not going to rehash a lot of stuff. Mainly, I'll stick to the most current thing.

The anthrax scares. This is really freaking a lot of people out. I think now about 4 people have come down with it. Most were caught quick enough to administer anti-biotics, so they'll be ok. It's pretty fucking weird though. I mean what in the hell does this mean? Has some terrorist group done something? That is the basic contention, but is it true? It's really freaky. I've been trying not to be paranoid. I don't work anywhere that I might come into contact with it. Nor do I live somewhere that I might. Still, it's pretty fucking odd. Gotta wonder if it's a prelude of what's to come.

I was watching Buffy the other night. (Which I've done religiously since the first episode. One of my favorite tv shows from the start.) In it Tara kept mentioning that they should all just "assume crash positions". In other words brace themselves for whatever might be about to come. That's what I feel like I've been doing. Bracing myself ever since they started the bombings in Afghanistan a few days ago. Waiting for the retaliation of that. Wondering if it would come from inside the US or outside. Might not be here they strike at all. Could be another country, one of our allies. I don't know. Something's coming though. Something bad. I can feel it. The Earth is practically singing it. It's thrumming with it so loud you can almost hear it, definitely you can feel it. What it is is the question? What's coming? I've always been able to sense bad things coming, I think I knew that day on 9-11 something was in the wind. It's always a vague sense though, nothing specific. Not hard to sense right now something is coming though. It's pretty much a given. How big is it going to be? What is it going to be? Is it the anthrax thing? To many questions. A wait and see moment. I hate those.

My step-brother used to be in the army and he was trying to join back up in the reserves just before all this happened. Was supposed to go sign the papers to rejoin just a couple days after it. He got back in, like they are going to turn many away right now. He says his unit might be called any day now. They have been on alert that it could happen. They were only going to be called if needed. Guess that means they think they might need them. Like I said, something is coming. I really hate waiting, I have like no patience. Plus, I really don't think I'll like much what's coming.
 

Send feedback to Clio @: slashsluts@yahoo.com.
 

Picture Credits: The screen caps and stills that are on these pages do not belong to me. Here is a list of the sites from which I found them. Bast and Shar's lovely CKR pics can be found at:  callumkeithrennie.net. The Michael Rosenbaum and Smallville pics came from one or more of the following sites: michaelrosenbaum.com, LexSlash, and Debchan's Screen Grabs. Be cool and do no *hot linking* to any of these pics on these sites. That is bandwidth stealing. Save them to your own hard drive and upload them on your sites if you want to use them. Don't do it to me or any of the creators of these lovely pics. Who were nice enough to put them on the web. Debchan has had some serious problems with this I know. So be decent and do it the right way. Don't steal other's bandwidth. As someone who has had bandwidth problems in the past, it sucks trust me.
 

General Disclaimer: Remember what is expressed here are my personal opinions and shit. You don't like it, tough. Go create your own web journal and bitch about shit on it. This one's mine so I'll say what I want. If you'd like to talk to me I'd be more than happy to do it, though. Just be nice. That way I'll be nice. I'm a big old alpha bitch, trust me. You want me to be nice.
 

Back to Slash Slut's Recs