A.K.A The Bitch Fest
I saw something exactly like this on some other pages and well since I have been reading fanfic for quite a while some stuff has built up and I just felt the need to vent a little too.
If you read enough fanfic you start to see things
repeated over and over that really just annoy the shit out of you. Some
of it may be innocuous at first, but after you hear it enough you think
you'll snap if you hear it one more time. So maybe some of the writers
out there just might see this and realize how they too may have fell into
a pattern of writing clichés that can really become monotonous if
used to often. Some of these things are just things I have heard repeated
so many times I think I'll go mad if I hear it once more and always make
my eyes roll back in my head when I read them. Others are just things that
do not appeal to my personal tastes which either way you can feel free
to disagree with, it's a free country after all.
Let the Bitching Begin
1. When writers don't use lube, especially
if anal penetration is a first for a character or is not something said
character engages in frequently I cringe. Lube is your friend and
the kind of pain and tearing that can occur from not using enough lube
is not something people really get off on. Use lube for god sakes, I literally
shudder every time someone goes in with an unprepared entry in a story.
Anal penetration can feel very good, because this part of the body is very
sensitive, but you have to do it properly. If someone is fucked often little
preparation may be necessary, but lube is always necessary. There's a saying
about lube and anal penetration, " Too much lube is almost enough."
The anus and rectum do not produce any form of lubrication, unlike the
vagina. Lube allows not only smoother entry, but prevents damage and tearing.
Also, anything with soap in it is not a good lubricant, it can have an
enema like effect. Besides it itches, I have gotten soap there accidentally,
like while washing my hair and didn't realize until later. It itched like
mad and I had to wash. Be kind to the characters and use lube.
2. When one partner is delegated to being
'the female' or is stuck in the submissive position as a rule. I hate this.
Here is a tip ladies, they are not women, they are men. They have dicks
and they want to fuck. Nature has programmed them with a desire to use
those dicks, to fuck. They want to do it. Most gay men are not completely
a top or a bottom, they usually fall somewhere in between. I have heard
from many gay and bi people that one person being the bottom is usually
not how it goes, if partners decide to engage in that type of sex they
usually switch off. They are not women, I repeat, they are men. From the
moment that dick stands up for the first time, erect and proud, they want
to fuck someone with it. Getting fucked is great, but they want to fuck
too. Let Jim get fucked every now and then, or Skinner they would probably
want it if they really were gay men. I know as chicks we like to be fucked
generally, it is programmed into us and that feels good, but it is opposite
for the men. They are programmed to fuck and want to do so. Get over it
and let them trade off fucking, it is more realistic that way. It also
opens up avenues into characterization about the stronger partner being
vulnerable and trusting.
3. Mulder needing a Daddy or disciplinarian.
Fuck that shit, the beauty of Mulder is his wildness and if you don't get
that, your missing out on the character. I know as women we all have the
mothering instinct and want to discipline unruly children to protect them,
but he isn't a child. He's a man and doesn't need that shit. Also, get
over your Daddy complexes and seek a little help for them. That is really
4. Domestic Discipline, or spanking. What
the hell is up with that? That falls under the Daddy thing almost. I hate
this because it makes one person out like a parent and the other as a child
who needs spanked. That is nearly incestuous. Yet again, seek help for
you mental shit and move on with it.
5. Skinner topping Mulder exclusively. I
don't read M/Sk because I know what I will find Mulder being topped by
Skinner constantly. Bigger does not mean more dominant. Dominance is a
mindset, not a physical attribute, especially with two men. To women a
large man means he could beat the hell out of you, fuck you, do what ever
he wants with your say so or not. With two men this isn't the case, they
are stronger and can take on someone and at least fend them off even if
they are bigger in size. Mulder is a dominant personality who likes to
do things his own way and doesn't listen to shit anyone else tells him
to do. That does not scream bottom attitude. He is a rebel and would probably
fuck Skinhead through a damn wall. Besides, Skinner is a bottom boy in
his attitude, he cow tows to everyone's wishes; CSM, Mulder, Scully. I
have never seen a more wishy washy character who can't decide who's side
he's on in all my life. Mulder has punched the shit out of him. Holly beat
him up in the ep Pusher, a girl for god's sake! Krycek beat the shit out
of him and he won't even hurt Mulder. He has had Mulder committed more
than once. And to top it off He Lost Mulder in Requiem. Scully entrusts
him with Mulder's safety once and what does he do Loses Him. I'll
never forgive him for that.
6. Not labeling things with Warnings like
Death Rape/non-con, bd&sm, etc. I stumbled across this story
not long ago on someone's site that had no warnings for Rape and yet it
was a rape story. A cleverly disguised one at that. At first it opened
with a sex scene with what looked like mild dominance overtones, that maybe
the other person wasn't completely used to or something. You are a few
minutes into this scene when suddenly there is the line, "And then the
rapist said..." I'm going What?! I mean no warnings and this thing was
cleverly disguised, until that moment you didn't know it was a rape, then
it goes into describing the victim in pain and humiliated from this point
on. I was furious, there was no warnings of any kind and I didn't sign
on for that. I also hated how you didn't find out this was a rape until
that moment where it labeled the person a rapist. There was nothing to
indicate that until then. Label people. Graphic rape stories offend me,
I don't like reading things with that level of violence. I also don't like
to read stories with death's of major characters. It is courtesy to label
and that includes if it is on your personal site. Just because it isn't
an archive doesn't mean you should dispel with courteous behavior we have
all agreed on so no one complains or gets into something they don't wish
to. Label stories with damn warnings.
7. Calling someone a boy scout for coming
up with lube. If I hear that phrase one more time I'll scream. Cut it with
the boy scout shit. Especially, concerning lube. Lube is a necessity, not
some frivolous thing to be teased because you have it. Everyone uses that
damn boy scout phrase, because someone else did once. Enough is enough,
what say we kill that little phrase off once and for good. It is stupid
and overly used by all, so drop it.
8. This one was brought up to me by Eileen,
so she can be credited for this one. I agreed it annoys the heck out of
me. When there is an incessant amount of misspellings or typos in a fic.
Too many of those and it can break your concentration on what you are reading.
You spend to much time mentally correcting the words and it gets boring.
I am an English nerd so I have a bad habit of of correcting people's speech
anyway. (I see a little of me in Frase from Due South in that respect.)
So it gets on my nerves heavy. I'm also a very fast reader, it breaks the
flow to hit the brakes constantly having to make those mental changes or
try to figure out what word they were trying in the first place. Some are
simple mistakes, like inverted letters and others just turning the word
into something else by adding wrong letters. Eileen's example was, prostate
being spelled prostrate. Two different words folks. Simple solution to
this, two words...Beta Reader. That is what they are for to catch your
spelling mistakes, typos, and to generally help your story look and read
better. To help work out plot holes, ask the unanswered questions, and
give you constructive feedback. Seek them out, people are always willing
to help. If nothing else use the spell checker feature on your computer,
that is what it is there for.
9. Pet Names. God, how I hate those. If
you read fanfic long enough you sort of get used to it though and just
overlook it, no matter how much they might still make you shudder. The
first time I heard one male character in a story call his male lover 'Baby'
I literally cringed. Personally, I hate that little term of endearment.
Some guys calls me that he is going to be walking with a limp from then
on, due to my heel making a puncture mark in his leg. Slash stories are
riddled with the things though. Now I don't mind nicknames, like Alex in
the X-files fandom calling Mulder Lisitsa (Fox in Russian) or Lisa
as a shortened version that's doesn't bug me. Or Mulder calling Alex
'Lexei' that I could see a guy doing to some degree. But baby, honey,
sweetie, darlin', doll and even dear lord 'precious' is just too
much for me to handle. I nearly go into sugar shock. Lay off it with those
damn things, no one really likes them and no guy would call another one
something like that. I think it is a pay back for us being called all those
names and then some for so long. Women hate them, or at least the ones
I know do. If you like them fine, but many don't. I think it is retribution
for all the names that we get called that make us sometimes feel demeaned
and discounted when they are said. They aren't always meant that way, but
sometimes when a guy says it in a certain voice and has a certain look
on his face you just know he's placating you. Thinking 'oh, isn't it sweet
the girl is acting like she has the power to think.' You just want to smack
them for that. I think all this Pet Name stuff is getting back at them
for that shit. I mean after a while it is just kindof funny every time
one of them says it. It also feminizes and softens them in a way. There
is no need for that, they're guys let them be the unemotional closed off
bastards we all know them to be. If that is part of the guys character,
like Jim for example. I see him all emotional I'm finding it hard to believe.
The guy feels, but he represses like crazy. Everybody hates the names stuff,
so cool it with them. I'll admit ,by the way. the story with precious in
it, and it's used alot, I rec'd because the writing is just so damn good.
Like I said you learn to ignore them after a while and just pretend they
aren't there. Like a typo or something.
10. Ah, we're already to number ten. This
one came about from a discussion on the Chinook list a couple of weeks
ago. I can't remember if someone brought it up directly or it became a
thread that took off from another discussion, in the end it doesn't matter
though. The issue we were all complaining about was the 'Suddenly Gay'
thing. Since this was a discussion there, I'll credit the girls at Chinook
for this pet peeve that I think almost all of us agreed on. When I say
'Suddenly Gay' you know what I mean. A character who has never had any
inclinations towards being attracted to men and no prior relationships
with men just suddenly becoming gay. This happens alot in the Due South
fandom and a good bit in The Sentinel fandom, as well. The problem we all
had with this one one I actually vocalized, heck until it popped out as
I was typing I hadn't been able to put my finger on what exactly it was
that bugged me about it before. So don't give me to much credit, I think
all the bantering brought it up from my subconscious to the surface. It
was how the guys denied that they were gay at all, often times. They usually
say something like, 'oh, I'm not gay. It's just him.' God, how we hated
that. The reason we hated it that I vocalized was how it made the guy seem
like he was a hair's breath away from running as fast as he possibly could
back to Het land. Like he couldn't take that blow to his self-image and
was in serious denial that he was fucking and/or being fucked by a man.
We all agreed that we much prefer a guy to have at least had crushes or
feelings for a guy before if not, some form of a relationship with a guy
or guys. No matter how much or little they may have done together. It made
it seem more realistic to us and like they wouldn't bolt any minute now.
A little back ground of at least feelings for another guy that they are
man enough to acknowledge, if they haven't done anything with a man before,
is much more believable to the reader. It also helps get rid of that feeling
they are going to bolt. One person on the list cited a wonderful short
story that illustrated it so well. In it RayK just thought back to a time
when he was young and masturbated to a magazine with men in it. It was
simple and sweet, but set that up so well. You knew though he may have
never acted on this he had the impulses to be with men from early on. That
story was AnneZo's Dreams
of Brass. Click on the link to read what I'm talking about.
11. Thought I'd never shut up with ten didn't
you. Ha, I did and I've got another topic. It sort of relates back to number
two on this list. It is another facet of 'feminizing' men. This is about
making guys overly emotional. Having them break down and cry at the drop
of a damn hat or just generally show more emotion than a guy ever will.
I have noticed this done alot to Blair from the Sentinel. The guy is made
out sometimes to be so weepy and so much of a bottom, you're just going
'Please, that's a fucking girl, check again which hole your fucking Jim.'
I mean it is to the extreme. Some of the stories are good, but Blair
is too female. He is somewhat in touch with his emotions thanks to his
hippie mom, but not all that much. He gets gunshot wounds, head injuries,
held hostage, nearly murdered by a serial killer, drowned, and Jim treats
him generally like shit on more than one occasion and he doesn't cry. So
don't start turning on the water works with him every other minute, he's
a guy, just a guy. The closest he ever came to crying on the show was at
the press conference, he didn't though, and I'm not sure he wasn't faking
to make it more believable. He sure turned off that teary face and got
on an angry, determined one as he walked out. So what I'm saying is lay
off the chick stuff with the guys, no matter what fandom. If they are raped,
emotionally tortured, or nearly lose a partner, parent or friend ok I can
see the tears, but lets not go overboard with it. They are guys that's
why we like them. So keep them guys. Unemotional, closed off bastard that
they are. We like them that way. I know you may have to make them talk
sometimes and let go a little, just don't take it to far. Keep them guys,
think like guys.
12. Also, from the Chinook list one I just
remembered that was what we referred to as 'I love you, let's fuck.' We
got off on that one too. Where there is a brief declaration of love and
then they are jumping in the sack. That is completely unrealistic. Especially,
if this is a first for them. No angst set up about how they are dealing
with falling for someone of the same sex. No trying to deny those feeling,
no true emotions there at all once they tell one another. Just down and
dirty fucking. I mean neither have been with a man before and yet they
are don't need to talk and try to deal with anything. Deal with their fears
or the release of them. They are just fine and want to fuck. No maybe trying
to date and work up to that to see if this is really what they want, something
they can handle. Also, when the guys are virgins to this and yet seem to
know all there is to know about gay sex. That is a whole other rant though
that you will find in number 13. They are just suddenly happy, happy gay
men. So I guess this tracks back to eleven and being 'suddenly gay' and
oh so comfortable in a gay relationship. It may make the story longer,
you may have to work harder on plot, and characterizations, but since when
is that a bad thing? Try a little harder with this one ladies.
13. One that was connected to the above
was when the characters have never been in a same sex relationship, never
pondered it before, have done no kind of research about anal sex, nor have
they had anal sex. Yet, somehow they know instinctively how to do it. This
happens in every fandom and always has me going, 'How the hell did they
know that? I didn't until I read about it.' Men and Women have anal sex
too and yet I didn't know how it was done. They just know about finger
preparation and lube on some instinctive level. This relates to the above
in that the writers are skipping some steps. Not letting the characters
take the time to get comfortable in this. Not letting them start out with
something simple like hand jobs or frottage (dry humping, though it isn't
so dry when they are through) clothed or naked. Even a blow job which you
can figure out, though with a first attempt might not be perfect. But to
just jump into bed together and have anal sex for the first time, knowing
everything to do, even though, neither partner has done it before
or has any knowledge gleaned from anywhere. Come on. Let them work up to
it, do a little reading or talk to some gay friends or straight friends
who do this if they can so that they know what they are doing. I love it
when they work up to things, it's hotter to me, you get more sex in the
story, the build up is often to hot to handle, and it shows emotional caring
on behalf of both parties. Caring enough not to hurt the other or do any
damage to them. At least, let them research a little so they know what
the hell they are doing for goodness' sake.
14. Rape Stories. What in the hell are up
with these? Do you chicks have some rape fantasies? Are you nuts?
Rape is a violent, painful, and traumatizing event. Not some hot little
sexy fun. If you had ever been raped you wouldn't think it sounded so great.
Nor would you wish to inflict it on anyone male or female. Be fucking realistic.
It is a horrible event that women are plagued with the knowledge could
happen to them at any time. Do you think that men don't get raped too?
Wrong. They do. 1 in 5 rapes is male. And that statistic is not, I repeat
not, counting rapes inside the prison system. It those were counted more
men would be raped per day than women. The shocking thing is that it is
hetero males doing this to hetero males. No I am not talking about repressed
homosexual doing this, homosexuals men commit very few rapes. Rape is about
what it always about whether the victim is a man or a woman, Power and
Control. Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. He has killed
one of everything on this planet, sometimes everyone of some species. To
take power and control from a man is the ultimate act of power and control.
I guess that is why women write these stories to hurt men, cause them pain
through a story where no one really gets hurt. I'll give points for that.
I would say however you have some pain and issues with anger you need to
deal with. Seek help get over it, for your own good. Men actually have
it worse than women when it comes to dealing with rape. They are taught
to keep their emotions hidden so they don't even begin to know how to deal
with this. They are so ashamed and feel so strongly that they should have
been able to stop this that they often don't go to the police. They don't
seek professional help or even tell their wives, girlfriends, friends,
or any other loved ones. They have no support groups they can go to since
those are made up of women who have been raped and wouldn't feel comfortable
with a man being there. They suffer rape trauma syndrome just like women
do, they just deal with it worse by letting it fester. This is as difficult
a thing for men as it is for women. I just can't believe women who deal
with this possibility every day would write this. It boggles my mind. Truly.
Deal with your shit and quit making rape out to be so damn fluffy and nice.
I'm talking about when one character rapes another and then they fall in
love. Yeah, right. Bullshit. They would be lucky not to be killed by the
other guy if he could. That is not realistic. Get beyond it. It's crap.
That's like the 70's bullshit with Luke and Laura on General Hospital,
he raped her and then they fell in love. They finally dealt with it in
the 90's and had them break up. Do us all a favor and write it like
it would really happen or don't bother. Oh, if you wonder where I got my
male rape info I found it in a really informative article called Rape
of Males by Stephen Donaldson.
15. Bad characterizations. I cannot stand
to read stories that contain this. I stumble across stories like these
and I just think, 'Does this writer even watch the show?' or 'How could
someone possibly think that the characters would do that?' I'm not talking
about the b&d or s&m stories or any of the other non-vanilla flavors
of the slash spectrum. Though I personally don't think the characters are
into those things any way, but I'm not referring to those stories. I'm
talking about your average every day story where the characterization is
so bad I don't know who the hell they are writing about. Where they didn't
even hit the mark any where close to who these guys are. When I see the
story going south because there is nothing of the characters we know and
love in a story. I am gone. Some are so far off they might as well be called
original characters who are just borrowing the names of those on the shows.
If you don't know how to do a proper characterization of these guys don't
bother. Profile for god sake's that's what every writer I know who is good
does. They study the characters figure out psychological profiles of who
they are and then writes about them based on what that profiles dictates
they would do in certain situations. Just watch the eps closely and figure
the guys out before you take pen to paper and write something so far off
that it doesn't even look like the guys. Study them. Please.
16. Skinner being into b&d s&m?
What in the hell is up with that? Where in the hell did you find that within
his character. The main thing that turns me off about Skinner slash is
that aspect. I have tried to read Skinner slash, I have went through archives
and sought out stories just so I could say that I gave it a fair chance.
So I could say I read the stories, gave it a shot. To see if I might like
it. I didn't. I would be reading some nice romantic story thinking, 'Ok,
this isn't so bad', when boom out of no where we are breaking out the bondage
gear and it's starting. What the fuck is up with that? And why exactly
do the characters never discuss this? No, 'would you like to try this with
me?', no discussion of safe words, or generally just asking 'hey, will
you let me tie you up?' And do not e-mail me bitching about this. I don't
want to hear it. Very few people are into bondage and sadism/masochism.
I know it is a fantasy all of fanfic is about our inner fantasies. Hey,
I've got a kink about rimming, I like that in stories. Was embarrassed
by it at first, but I got over that. I don't begrudge any one their kinks.
I just don't see Skinner as being into that. The funny thing is one time
on the RatB mailing list, we got into a discussion about Skinner. I mentioned
that I thought Skinner had the potential of being an abuser, I didn't say
he was just that I saw the potential in him. Some M/Kers agreed with me,
some said they didn't. What in the hell do you think he is doing with all
the bondage and s&m? That is one step away from that. He has the potential
to be a very violent man and people see that. They just take it and put
it in an environment where it is sex play. Where the beatings are wanted
and asked for. I also don't think Mulder or Krycek would be into that.
I think they'd beat the shit out of anyone who even tried that. Both are
a little vanilla in case you hadn't noticed. Mulder never even has sex.
Translating the potentiality of being an abuser into s&m doesn't change
that you see it. To me love is a place or respite from the pain of the
world. Not where you hurt the ones you love. 'I love you, let me beat the
hell out of you to prove it.' The same remark could be used sarcastically
to sum up an abusive relationship to make some one see the sad aspects
to it. Or it could be used sarcastically to joke about the strangeness
of s&m relationships. To me s&m is just abuse fantasies. Abuse
isn't pretty, neither is rape. Both are horrendous and painfully situations.
Traumatizing events that some people never fully recover from. Try it some
time see how you like. Hmm. You wouldn't so don't do that to the characters.
17. Saw this on another bitch fest page
and had to add it because it bugs me too. Introducing us to the characters.
Telling us everything about them and the damn show. Thanks, I know who
they are and what they do you don't need to tell me. I have read some fic
where I swear they summed up the entire show for me. I kept reading in
morbid fascination. I have seen the damn shows, you don't need to tell
me who everyone is and what they do. I don't mean telling me who is speaking
or whatever. I just don't need their job title, where they live, and every
damn thing that has ever happened in their lives summarized. I knew
that coming in. It is called FAN fiction. Meaning we are fans of the show,
reading it and writing it. You don't need to tell me this shit about them.
I know it already. Referring back to an ep, ok, you just don't need to
tell me everything that happened in that ep. Unless you are doing a missing
scene kindof thing. Then just give me a spoiler warning. For those newbies
who don't know what that means. It is talking about an episode and revealing
plot points in a story that will spoil or ruin the ep for you if you haven't
seen it. Back to the point though, just stop telling me who they are and
what they do. I know already.
18. Mary Sue's Do Not Do Them. What are
Mary Sue's newbies may ask? Either other characters on the show or original
characters who often are just reflections of the authors themselves. Who
decide the characters should be together and set about playing matchmaker.
I don't want some other character getting the guys together through some
helpful intervention. Let them do it their damn selves. Any one who has
read fanfic for any amount of time comes to hate that real fast. I would
rather see them do it themselves. Every one hates them, avoid Mary Sue'ing
at all costs. Trust me. It get people fuming like nothing else. Makes me
cringe. Just let the guys figure it out themselves. Work on plot development
enough to get them together somehow through their own machinations. OK?
19. Wow, I'm up to nineteen already. This is one I found just the other day and oh, how it annoyed the fuckall out of me. I was on a site the other day and was reading this story. Ok, it wasn't the greatest writing in the world, but it wasn't the worst. So I was giving the author half a chance. None of us our professional writers here and some of us never inspire to be, so a little leeway is granted sometimes. Besides I was really bored and had never seen these characters slashed before, but would have liked to. I was reading along and it wasn't too bad. Then we come to a little jackoff scene in a shower, it's going pretty good, timing/pacing not perfect, but readable. Then the guy is about to climax and she refers to his come as COCKSNOT. What in the fuck is that? Cocksnot!?@ Do not refer to it as that, it's disgusting first of all. Secondly, where in the hell did that idiot come up with that. Thirdly, I think I have read it called that before somewhere. Which makes it not a one time thing. I mean shit, there were some hot moments in that little scene, I was going with it until that one fucking word came up. It totally broke the flow of the story and churned my stomach. Never fucking call come something disgusting. Where was your head? Is what I wanted to ask the person. How old are you was another? Did they possibly think that was funny? It was supposed to be a sexy scene, not an idiotic one. That is bad writing in the extreme, when they don't even know how to come up with a word for come that isn't nausea inducing.
I'll give you a fucking list of the words that you can use if you need
some help here:
1. Come (duh)
3. ejaculate (clinical, but better than cocksnot)
Why don't you fucking try those, huh? Fuck originality, go for HOT.
20. While I am on the subject of things
not to call something during sex. How about not calling a guy's dick something
stupid. Love Meat. That's one stupid one I have heard. I tried to think
of others but I have consciously blocked them out. It happens alot in original
fiction, but rarely in fanfic. Nothing throws me off worse than an annoying
and childish reference to a dick. If I wanted to read some boring ass romance
novel where they refer to a cock as anything, but I would. I don't I read
slash fanfic, because I like hot references to m/m sex. You want to call
it something call it: Cock, Dick, Penis (clinical, but better than moronic
euphemisms), Shaft, or Rod. Not Hot Rod of Love, or any other stupid variation,
just Rod. I'll give you that, but don't push it. Act like your not some
teenager who shouldn't be reading this stuff for a few years anyway, or
someone who has read to many bad romance novels. Strive to be better and
improve as you go.
21. Original slash fics. Why the fuck aren't
there any good ones out there. I would pay to find one. I swear I almost
would. Anyone want to give me a belated birthday present. Send me some
URL's for good original slash. No bd&sm, if your here, you've read
the rants. I don't like that stuff. Good hot sex, good character development,
Plot, and excellent writing. If you know of any out there send it to me.
And don't just give me a referral to the Nifty Archive, I've been there
and haven't been able to sift through stuff to find anything good. If you
know of specific stuff that is really good that is what I want. In the
fanfic community I think we challenge one another to be better, to improve
our work. I wish someone did that with original fic writers. I have yet
to find anything that was worth really reading. Got any, ideas. Help me
out here. Ok, this wasn't really about fanfic and it was more of a plea.
I am really wanting to find some of this though, so got any recs for original
fics? Hmmm, hmmm, anyone? Anyone?
22. Rent boy, hooker stories. Ok, can we
talk about prostitution here for a moment. How to phrase this, hmmm....statement
or question? I'll go with statement. Hookers Do Not Enjoy Being Hookers.
They don't sorry. Have you seen the Happy Hooker, just too damn many times?
Ooh, managed to work it into a question too. I've been meaning to add this
for a while, just had to hit that moment when I couldn't take not saying
anything anymore. Prostitution is a degrading and demeaning thing. Selling
your body so you can make enough money to fucking survive is not a happy,
happy time. It is a desperate act that you reach when you have no other
options. They do not enjoy whoring themselves. Not in the real world, so
if you are going to write about it, throw some realism in and show the
harsh reality of that life. I have seen several documentaries on hookers,
male and female. Also, some on strippers. None of these people liked what
they were doing, they were in it for the money, not the sex. They got very
little sexual excitement from their jobs. They saw the customers, johns,
as pathetic. After watching these I gained a sympathy and respect for them
that I had only an inkling of before, it was more pity before seeing the
reality of their lives. They are used as sex objects, made feel like they
are nothing more than a hole to fuck or worse. Where does this come out
as a great fantasy life? Part of what I am doing with these Rants here
is trying to interject a little realism into these stories. If you can't
tell the tale truthfully, with a lesson about life in it somewhere, why
bother. That is why I like long stories, more room to show what life is
really life. If you want to see a harsh and truthful depiction of what
that life is like, read Aries
DC Rain. It is painful and could probably convey to you more clearly
everything I'm trying to say. In it she shows that truth of how not into
it many hookers are, that they don't even get aroused during the sex acts
they perform. It also shows how a person has often reached the lowest point
in their lives to have to do this. This is something that is about making
it one more day and surviving, not enjoying being used as a brainless fuck
toy, one step up from a blow-up doll. Get the reality correct of how the
other side lives or don't bother. If it doesn't ring true, it is only a
sad parody of events depicted. Stop with the fucked up Male fantasies
, yes male, of what this is like and show the reality of how degrading
and depressing a life of prostitution really is.
23. Angst Highway, as I have come to refer
to it. Now I like angst, a good helping of emotional angst can help a story
and in some pairings and/or situations is even called for. Some relationships
have a bit of angst to overcome to begin with, things happen in canon that
have to be dealt with. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing
though. Just the other day I was surfing around and found this site and
on it was a series of stories that I had read some parts of and liked.
I had only ever seen two parts posted to the lists and on this site found
about half a dozen to this series. Now some part of me wondered why the
rest of them had never been posted, this was like an internal warning signal
I should have listened to, but I learned my lesson well after reading them.
The writers took the characters so far into angst land there was a point
in one story where you went, 'Ok, let's stop here because at this juncture
this relationship is now irreparable and these guys are so fucking depressed
if this were real life they would have both put a guns to their heads by
now and blown their brains all over the walls.' That is how far they went,
I just kept thinking no one would be fucking alive and be this goddamn
depressed. I tried reading on to see if the situation got better and fuck
it only got worse. How I have no idea. They inflicted about three to five
more tortures on these poor guys and I'm thinking 'how they are fucking
dead?' In my mind these guys blew their brains out about two stories ago.
I mean it was that fucking bad, these two were in such a bad emotional
place. Neither had self-esteem any more, one had descended into drinking,
the other drugs, and one of them pair had even been gang raped.
It was ridiculous. There is only so much someone can take and these guys
didn't have the greatest self-esteem starting into the relationship, that
was established in the way the writers characterized them, which was really
off canon to begin with. They were angsty fucking dead guys who were miraculously
still alive somehow. I mean come on, you have to have a balance. The angst
has to be resolved before the relationship hits the totally fucked up,
never going to fix this level. I think the writers just kept writing
it in the vain, futile hope they could dig themselves out of this hole
that was so deep there was no possible way to do so. I love angst, but
in moderation and definitely not when there wouldn't be a great deal in
the relationship to begin with based on the characterizations on the show.
Yes, there is such a thing as too much fucking angst and this is said from
someone who loves it. So don't come bitching at me that there is no such
thing. I found one that absolutely hit the limit and then went beyond it.
I have overlooked stories that were verging on this level, but until then
never found one that crossed it. Use angst in moderation and learn to see
when you are digging yourself into a hole deeper and deeper till there
is no way for the characters to get out of much less survive.
24. Fucking mistaken for love. I found a
story recently that was really just a verrry long PWP and in it a couple
of characters who had just met, had fucked maybe once or twice, and knew
nothing about each other started professing their deep love. Fuck that
shit. First off what is this damn trend of writers doing excruciatingly
long PWP, trying to pass them off as a story. Here's a tip if they are
fucking more than talking or the only talking consists of "Oh, Fuck Me
Harder." It's a goddamn PWP, I don't care how damn long it is. Back to
the original bitch though. Pleaasse, let's not confuse fucking with love.
Are you older than high schoolers girls? I learned real quick fucking does
not equate love. Love requires time, getting to know one another, and talking.
One quick fuck does not equal love, get fucking real and come out of fairy
tale land. If you are still living under that damn delusion I'd hate to
see your relationship track record. Just because they fuck doesn't mean
they are in love, nor does it mean they are lovers. This is especially
true in men, just because they have sex with someone it doesn't mean they
love them. For some men casual sex is a way of life. So let's be fucking
realistic here, I almost laughed out fucking loud, when I heard those characters
say that. It was so pathetic it was fucking funny.
25. Writers not knowing when to end a damn
series. Anyone who is into the X-files fandom has learned this little lesson
in writing. (Though the story I am going to relate is from an incident
that happened in the X-files fandom it pertains to all and has happened
in all of them at some point I am sure.) It is now etched into our little
fuzzy brains. Several months back a very talented writer in this fandom
(who there is no way in fucking hell I will name because I still have respect
their work and think it is excellent, even though I was disappointed by
this anecdote I am going to relate) who posted a new part of one of their
long running and much loved series. The story was horrible, which no one
mentioned because we all still love the writer and that person's
work is fabulous. It was like one verry, verrry long PWP with a vague hint
of a story line that was too weak to carry the such a lengthy work. It
was like the pale shreds of plot were only there to give a space between
the characters having sex. It was like go do something and then have sex,
over and over again. A relationship that was once give and take had become
one character constantly servicing the other, even when they were on top,
it was disgusting and pathetic. It wasn't even dom/sub control the writer
doesn't write such things well enough. Everyone in the X-files fandom now
holds that up in example, you just have to mention 'a writer' not knowing
when to end a series and we all know who you are talking about. From this
failure we have all learned to know that there has to be a stopping point,
you have to learn that sometimes there just isn't a story to be told anymore
and you have to let the characters in the series go and stay as they stand.
End it. The writer is still fabulous, this persons last endeavor, after
this one, was much better. That series has been ruined for me though, I
can't really stand to read any of that persons work now it was so bad.
That installment ruined the series for many. So I say with much sadness,
this rant is by no means a slam, just a warning to watch out and know you
have to end a story somewhere. Only so much can be told through it, find
a stopping place and let the boys rest happily ever after. I have seen
one other series in this fandom, now that I think of it, that went way
bad too. There have been no more parts to it so maybe the writer realized
it should have ended sooner or just left the fandom, I don't know. Beware
of taking a series to far, is the main message here. End it when it is
still good. Don't do like so many fucking tv shows. Dragging the damn thing
on till the characterizations are lost and everyone is a parody of who
they were in the beginning. Realize when you need to let it rest. Beta
readers tell your writers when it is bad and should not continue. Readers
if you can find a way to do it nicely, which none of us have yet I think,
tell the writer when the story has degenerated to such a painful level.
If you can.
26. This is for the girls in the X-files
fandom. What the fuck is up with not slashing Mulder anymore? Listen I
fucking know we are all disappointed that DD didn't want to continue in
the series anymore and that maybe Fox and CC (Chris Carter the shows creator
for those of you who don't know) could have found harder to keep him on.
What's done is done though. We can't change that, we can keep Mulder alive,
well, and in much better condition than he is on the show in the fanfic
though. It is like we are punishing him by not slashing. Him. I swear to
you people are digging up characters Nick has played and slashing them
together when they don't want to slash him with Skinner or someone else.
It is a pathetic display of narcissism that I really can't get behind.
I love M/K slashed together and the X-files is my favorite fandom, but
I am getting annoyed and will verge on fed up soon. I have had some thoughts,
not serious right now though they might get there, of leaving reading that
fandom altogether. Get over the fucking fact that DD doesn't want to be
on the show anymore. I respect him for not wanting to be William Shatner,
and wanting to build a career outside of that show. Think about it. Would
you want to end up as Shatner (sorry to anyone who loves the actor or his
character, I mean no disrespect and am only bringing light to his situation
in example) he has no career outside that show. It is the only thing people
know him for and he has to make money off of that by going to cons and
shit. That is his damn life, he has tried other series and movies and not
made it. He is eternally remembered as James T. Kirk and can't seem to
escape it. He is stuck in that, DD just doesn't want to be. He didn't leave
the show entirely, just wanted to step away and do other things while he
still could. Rewrite this last damn season, come up with a new way for
it to go. Pretend it never happened. Go into complete denial like me, I
stick with the delusion that Mulder has not been kidnapped by aliens he
is off on a beach somewhere with Alex getting a tan, drinking margaritas,
and having hot sex. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Consider it
a challenge from me, see if you can't do better. Give us a better ending
and give Mulder a better life in the fanfic than he got on the show. Come
on now, I know you can do it. Let's get over this punishing him crap and
release our anger. Start Slashing Mulder Again Dammit. With Alex, hell
with anyone, I don't care. I love Mulder and don't want him gone from the
fics. Everyone worried this would be a problem when DD took a lighter schedule,
I think they thought Alex would disappear though, turned out it was the
other way around. Slash Mulder Dammit. Bring him back in the fanfic if
no where else. The pathetic attempt at main characters on the show is so
bad, you couldn't do worse with a rewrite in the fics. Go for it. Slash
27. "I've never seen the show before, but
I've written a fic anyway." What in the fuck is up with that? Why in the
living hell would I want to read a fic from any fandom by someone who had
never even seen the damn tv show or movie, I ask you? I literally saw this
the other day and went 'Huh?' Then I was browsing around a day or so later
and found an article someone from a different fandom had written about
the same thing. I then realized this was a more than one time thing. If
you haven't seen the show, why are you writing stories about the characters?
It is called FANFICTION, you know. I.E. meaning fans of the show
writing stories about it. A valid point in that article I read ( Zeus
doesn't approve of our relationship by Randi DuMois) was that a story
like that could have any characters from any show in it, since the person
knows nothing of the characterizations. I mean it is generic, they could
stick anyone in there, it is basically an original fic. Now I read stories
from shows or movies I've never seen, but I'd never write a fic about it.
I don't know anything about the damn show or characters how could I? When
I saw that the other day it annoyed the hell out of me, because I want
to read stories about the characters on the show written by people who
have seen the show, loved it and are paying a little homage to it. I don't
want to read a fic by someone who doesn't know thing one about the characters
except what they look like and what they have read in other stories. Sometimes
writers (who have seen the show) can get caught up in how one of the characters
views themselves or the other character and base their characterizations
on that. Like in the Sentinel fandom, Jim being a hardass, which isn't
all he is and Blair being a womanizer. If you read too many of those stories
you can think that is all they are. You have to see the show to realize
those are perceptions based on how others see the characters or how they
see themselves that just isn't completely true. If you are writing stories
just based on other fics you've read, you might not catch that. So how
about this. If you haven't seen the fucking show don't write a damn
story about it. I don't want to read it and I'm sure most other fans
of the show and of the stories don't want to either. I mean do you realize
how stupid it sounds to those of us who have seen the show to see that,
when you post it. It's almost comical. Even if you didn't tell us, we'd
know by how bad or just flat the characterizations were. We know. So don't
fucking do it. No one really wants to read it. The Great Slash Drought
may have made us desperate for new stuff sometimes, but not that desperate.
28. God, I'm up to 28, when I make it to
30 I may give it up as a lost cause. This one sort of relates back to number
24, in a way. I call this one 'All of a sudden, I'm in love with you'.
In this case the characters may not fuck, but sometimes do enter a sexual
relationship. In number 24 I was talking about characters who are strangers
having sex and then boom next thing you know proclaiming love for one another.
In most cases when they haven't even had one conversation, yet. Beyond
me harder'. In this case I'm talking about characters who know each
other, they might just be acquaintances or maybe they know each other a
little better than that, but generally speaking they don't like each other.
At least one person is annoyed as hell by the other, it might be mutual
annoyance. Now, I'm not talking about outright hate, enemies kindof thing.
I'm just talking about your general day to day dislike, like you might
have for a co-worker who's personality and yours just clash. I have read
this way to many times, in stories and after reading one earlier today
I just snapped and couldn't take it anymore. So hence the rant. I'll give
an example using generalities. Say there is one character who is sort of
a clumsy doof and a little dim. The other guy usually finds him annoying
and exasperating as all get out. The two never get along in canon, don't
know each other, and aren't even really friends. They fuck and the one
who gets annoyed by the other alot is wondering how he can explain to the
other one that is all this is, fucking. Then they fuck a few more times,
without having very many conversations, and the guy has suddenly changed
his mind and is in love. It's like a reverse of the 'I love you, let's
fuck'. Maybe I should call this 'We've fucked, now I love you'.
Whenever I read that I just wanted to scream, 'No you like his dick'.
It's stupid, lots of fucking, a conversation or two, and then professing
eternal love. I'm going, 'Wait when did he stop hating him?' I get confused
by this sudden turn of emotion. I'm mean the writer missed a few steps
there didn't they. What exactly caused this abrupt turn of events? A few
fucks ago he was wondering how to get out of this without hurting the other
guy too much and now he suddenly loves him. Huh? For god sake's did the
writer get bored with the story and just decide it was getting to long
and wanted to finish it? It seems like it. It's like they didn't even bother
with developing the characters further or having them work up to knowing,
liking, and respecting each other, just jumped straight to love. I've slept
with a guy I thought was attractive, but didn't like much personally once.
He didn't suddenly turn into Prince Charming the next morning. He was still
a jerk. Never seen a guy who was good enough in bed that I suddenly changed
all opinion about him being an ass. The only way that has ever happened
is if I got to know them better and realized I misjudged them. Think about
that. Step out of fairy tale land why don't you. Back into the more realistic
setting of the only way they are going to change their mind about the other
person is to get to know them, alot better. Likes, dislikes, favorite things,
personal experiences, at least maybe you could work up to knowing the other's
middle name. That might be good. I mean, jeez, might explain why your personal
relationships don't work out if fucking makes you do a 180 like that. <rolling
my eyes here>
29. This rant I'll call, So everybody
on the damn show's fucking gay now? I saw this on somebody else's rant
page and went that pretty much sums up why I don't like multiple pairings.
This rant of mine isn't limited to multiple pairings though. I'm also talking
about multiple partners. Multiple pairings is for example: M/K, M/Sk, Sk/K.
Multiple partners is: M/K/Sk. Get the difference? Multiple pairings is
everybody screwing two at a time and multiple partners is more than two
people in the bed at once. This rant isn't just limited to that though,
I'm also talking about those stories where the writer seems to hook up
everybody on the damn show, not just major, supporting, or recurring characters,
but some minor ones too in same sex relationships. I mean they have left
like no one out in this gay coming out parade, even if they have to bring
in some OCs (Original Characters) everybody gets a gay or lesbian lover.
I hate all these things for the same damn reason. It makes out like everybody
on the show is now gay. For god sakes they estimate 10% of the population
is gay. Which with 6 billion people on the planet adds up to 600 million
people. That doesn't mean they all work in the same damn building though.
The gay populace is spread out, not all located within Mulder's bedroom
(or any characters for that matter). I hate multiple pairings because it
makes everyone out to be a damn slut, hot for like every guy on the show.
'Ooh, we all want to fuck Skinner'. Get real. Also, multiple partners,
few people ever engage in this activity and these arrangements are often
a one time deal. They don't really work out, it's hard for two people to
maintain a long term relationship, much less three or more people. It's
ridiculous. I like a little realism in the stories. In the case of Mulder,
if you think for a second I'll believe he's a big slut get over yourself.
Who knows when was the last time he got laid. The early 90's if I remember
correctly, second season. I think that baby of Scully's came from Mulder
via a cup, if it's his. Personally, I think it's an alien baby. That's
just my opinion though. My point is. The odds that two characters on the
show are gay is rare enough, that more than two are and hot for each other.
Is just too far for my imagination to stretch. I just want to know do these
writers think it's fun trying to get everyone together with someone else
in a gay relationship? I usually find no humor in it. I generally think
it's just lame and move on when I see it. So please, spare me.
30. Ah, we've hit numero 30. Yes, I finally
snapped over RPS (Real Person Slash). What the hell is up with this stuff
I ask you? And no don't start sending me recs for good stories, I don't
want to know. I am boycotting it like many other slashers, in other words
I'm not going to read it no matter what. I'm not insulting the stories
here, the writers, or their talent. I haven't read them so I couldn't speak
on that. I am ranting about the very idea of RPS which I find creepy. It
makes my skin crawl. Whenever I see RPS stuff listed or mentioned somewhere
I just think 'what are these people in high school?' Should they
even be reading slash, are they over 18. (For god sakes most of the stuff
is about boy bands, which I have never liked even one of. Thank you very
much, I have taste. Never been up on the trend of the moment.) I don't
put those age disclaimer thingys on my site for nothing, you know. I stopped
fantasizing about rock stars and actors like that when I was a teen. These
stories objectify them. They make them out to be things, just like the
characters they play, not real. Like they deserve no private lives. As
if, nothing of their personal lives is sacred or should be kept so. I think
they disrespect these actors, singers, etc. Plus, rumors of them being
gay could hurt their careers. I'm not saying anyone might construe this
stuff as real, just that people don't need more ammo to start up the rumor
mill. You know when I was a teen I used to get jealous when an actor or
singer I liked got married. Now, I'm happy for them when they do. Thrilled
when I see announcements that they are engaged or having children. I'm
glad for them. I realize they have private lives which they need to keep
separate from their work. Which is why RPS creeps me out. You won't see
it ever rec'd on this site. The day it is, just shoot me. For having really
bad taste and being so fucking bored out of my mind, that I stooped to
reading that. I'd probably even beg you to.
31. Shit I started to write up 30 and another
popped into my head. This one is about Quick Resolutions to Anger.
Which is where two characters are enemies one minute and the next professing
their undying love for one another. Where there is no interim point in
the story where they confront and resolve some of the issues that make
them so. No angsting over being with someone who is often their foe. Nope,
they just fucking jump right from I hate you to I'm in live with you. Such
a quick turnabout makes my head spin. I love Mulder/Krycek slash in the
X-files fandom. These two are enemies on the show, so when I read them
slashed, I want to see them move beyond that to get to the loving each
other part. Now, I could understand them being attracted to one another,
or lusting after each other. Even carrying a crush or a little torch for
the other I'll buy. Even one being a little in love with the other. They
have a few steps to get to though, before they can get to the being in
love and expressing it to one another portion of story. They need to work
some shit out to arrive at I love you. Talk, fight, angst over their feelings,
and generally fuck things up before they get to that point though. It's
the natural way things have to progress for them to move on. Every time
I see two people who are enemies or just generally hate each other with
a vengeance suddenly do an about face and start with the I love you's I
just roll my eyes and hit the back button. It can sortof creep up on a
story. It can be going along good and then all of a sudden it is like the
writer lost interest. Maybe they just didn't want to have to go through
all that and gave up. I don't know either way I hate it when that happens.
The story losses believability to me when that happens and I'm out of there.
Don't even bother going further. The story has lost what ever potential
it had to me from that moment on. I just give up on it right there. There's
no going back from that point and fixing it. Even trying to claim it as
denial won't work. Only thing that would fix it would be rewriting it from
that moment on.
32. I'm like having my period and I'm really
testy right now, so I thought. Perfect time to add to my bitch fest. To
much information for you probably. The only problem is, these aren't even
mine. This first one I'm doing is one someone e-mailed me about and I'm
really not bothered by it all that much, but I know it's a pet peeve for
some so I thought I'd throw it up. Like I said it's not a real biggie to
me, so I may be nicer than usual about it. Damn it. This one is about using
names for things or perhaps phrases that are geographically incorrect.
I know you're going 'Huh?' What I'm talking about is like a writer from
say England writing a fanfic from an American show and using word, often
slang words, that no American uses. The examples the person who wrote me
gave was like using the word tenement for apartment. Now, I have to say
I agree on that point. I don't know what type of building a tenement might
be in England, but in the states it's usually very low rent housing, often
not in a very good neighborhood. So like describing Mulder's apartment
on the X-files as a tenement would be wrong. It's a very nice place, probably
medium priced, and in a nice middle class neighborhood. Not a tenement.
Hell's Kitchen in New York might have tenements. Not Mulder's apartment
building in Alexandria. Also, using the word Lift for elevator. No American
says that ever. Ever. I've never heard it. The point the person was making
if you are going to write fics for an American show, and your not American,
make sure you use words and or phrases Americans would use. Find an American
beta reader who might catch those mistakes. Just be aware that the phases
used in other countries might not be used in the one you are writing the
story about. This is true for all fandoms, shows that take place in Europe
are the same, don't use American phrases that might never be used there.
Find a beta reader who knows about the country you are writing about and
ask them what you would call things or ask them to point phrases out if
they seem off. I don't think that was snarky at all, dammit.
33. This one is a small one that I think
was brought up on either the nixxers or slashx list. It was about correctly
spelling characters names if you are going to write a fic about them. There
were apparently quite a few people on the list who had this little pet
peeve. I admit it does annoy me too. If I'm reading like an Mulder/Krycek
X-files fic and suddenly I come across somebody named "Krychek". I'm going,
who the hell is that? I admit when I first heard of Krycek I had no idea
how to spell his last name, I loved the character though. I found out real
quick the correct spelling of it, however. There is no 'H' in Krycek. All
the people on the list were really vehement about this point. It seemed
to set alot of people's teeth on edge. If you are going to write a damn
fic, at the very least spell the characters names right. I see a name spelled
wrong, I'm marking it as probably not getting any better from there and
hitting the back button. Spell the characters frigging names right. It's
not that hard, look it up. Hell, if you read enough damn fanfic you should
know how to spell their damn names. So there's really no excuse for misspelling
the names. If you are going to take the time to write the fic, at the very
least, take the time to research the teeniest bit so you know how to spell
everyone's name. It happens alot with Krycek, but I've seen it with other
people's names in other fandoms too. Spell the characters names correctly.
Shit, I guess that one bugged me more than I thought. Cool. Bonus. Like
I said, I'm like way snarky today. Hell, for several days. Been biting
everyone's head off. Don't think I've made anyone cry yet, but I do try.
That would be a real bonus. I am so not feeling nice lately. Oh, well it
to shall pass. As soon as my hormones level out. Until then I better not
get any flamey e-mail. Talk about biting heads off. Heads would roll. I'll
shut up. I'm done.
34. This is one that someone mentioned to
me in an e-mail. It falls under the category of 'How in the hell could
you mess that up?'. This one is definitely one you should watch out
for, if you screw this up everyone is going to be going, 'Do you watch
the show?' or 'Have you not been watching very closely?' It is about getting
a characters or really an actors physical characteristics wrong. The person
who e-mailed me mentioned a couple of examples she had found. In one instance
she talked about a writer, who she didn't name and even if she had I wouldn't,
referring to Megan from the Sentinel's hair as red. Which it isn't it's
brown, auburn really. Which is brown with red highlights that usually one
show up in the sun. That's what color mine is, dark brown under most light,
but bright sunlight and 'whoa, suddenly I'm a red head'. Megan's hair is
brown though, Naomi's is red. You compare the two you can see the difference.
Also, she mentioned stories she had read in the Hercules: the Legendary
Journeys fandom where writers would be describing Joxer or Iolas as having
hair on their chests. Now I'm not to sure about Ted Raimi, Joxer, because
he takes his shirt of I'm turning my head away. So not my type sorry. I
can't vouch for him, I'm saying, but I don't think he has chest hair. I
know the guy who plays Iolas doesn't. He goes around all the time wearing
just a vest and no shirt underneath. You can see his chest clearly and
he has no chest hair. See why I said this category fell under 'How could
you mess that up?' These are easy things you really shouldn't be screwing
up. If you watch the show, then you should know what the people on it look
like. There really is no excuse for messing that up. I think I've come
across stories where that has happened. They usually are the ones that
send my mouse heading for the back button and are not stored in my memory.
So as for this one, just be careful and make sure you have seen enough
shows to at least know what every one looks. The readers will greatly appreciate
it and will read further than that in your story.
35. Ok, I've had it. I've snapped yet again
and I have to rant on this fucking thing, because it is annoying the shit
out of me. What you might ask? 'False Entry signs to sites' I've been to
several sites lately that had this, all were in the anime and Buffy genres.
You click on a link to go to the fanfic, you are faced with the obligatory
warning page, and then where it says Enter or I understand, yes I am of
age (or whatever) you are then taken to a false entry page that says you
didn't read the warning, go back and do so. In the warning you are
instructed to click on, in one case a fucking period mark, or some other
obscure little thing on the page. Now, I understand you don't want kids
getting in here. For fuck's sake if you don't want that, either don't write
in a goddamn fandom where kids are most likely to sneak in or register
with Net Nanny, Safe Surf, or other child safe monitoring sites.
I am 27 god damn years old, in my home state of Texas that is old enough
to do any damn thing I want within the realms of legality. I didn't read
the fucking age statement because for one thing I know what it says, I've
been to enough damn slash site I know the warning by heart. Hell, I have
them on my page. I trust that people are old enough and know what they
are getting into. The warning is merely a don't fucking bitch at me disclaimer.
I warned you, you get into anything you shouldn't or don't want to, don't
come crying to me. This false Entry thing is just some idiotic trend that
they seen done on someone pages and thought was funny so they decided to
do it on theirs too. Or haven't branched out into enough fandoms to know
that isn't really the way a warning page is done. Hell, in some of the
damn warning on these pages the main focus is telling people where to actually
go, not warning them of m/m material or that they need to be 18.
My question is are these people over 18 themselves? Because this is just
fucking childish. Do not lie to people and lure them to false page with
this idiocy. Most of us could quote you a general disclaimer warning on
slash pages by mother fucking heart. I don't need to be teased and lured.
I know what I am getting into and am old enough to take responsibility
for it. So back the fuck off. I am on tons of lists and have visited I
can't even count how many slash sites in the last 3 or 4 years since I
have gotten into it. I am a slash slut. If you are worried about kiddies
getting in there, maybe you shouldn't be slashing something that is so
child oriented. That children might wander into. I'm all for Buffy slash
don't get me wrong, love Buffy. I'm a big Wesley slash slut. Buffy is not
child oriented though, if you watch the warnings before the show you'll
see it is recommended for teen and adult viewers. Yes, we might have to
watch out for teens, but that is taking it a little to far. Are these people
old enough to be writing it and reading it though? I am. Are you? Remember
if you want to get in a flame war with me, my response is 'Bring it on.'
I'll wait until my period hits so you'll get the brunt force of my full
on bitch mode. So remember that I am a big bitch before you come yelling
at me. I understand your reasoning, I just think your way of handling it
36. This one has to do with slash websites,
but also websites in general. This one is about visually painful backgrounds,
text effects, or colors. I don't know how much of this I have seen. When
I started out this site I had some complaints about some of the colors,
which I was worried about too. I have since tweaked them hoping to improve
them. So I have made mistakes too, it happens. I have been making webpages
for years. I'll admit that some of my early forays when I was just playing
around were not successful. One of my first ones had an ugly background,
text color that was way hard to read, and too many images. I've learned
since then, I know this site is minimalistic, but I went for that intentionally
wanting to highlight the stories themselves rather than some cool backgrounds
I found. I wanted easy to load and easy to read. I did a Buffy page years
ago that was the opposite of this. You can click
here if you want to see it. That page has lots of graphics and such,
I was going for cool with it. Some people really need to catch up on learning
about these things though. I understand making mistakes in the beginning,
but some just aren't catching on. Today I went to a site that the text
on the warning page (it was the one that set me off on the above rant)
was blinking. All of it, the entire page. So not only was there that annoying
false entry thing, it was topped off by the entire warning text blinking.
It was also an extremely bright shade of neon green. I nearly went blind
trying to just catch what the fuck it was saying in between the blinks.
I was shocked they thought you would be able to read it. So not only had
the idiot faked people out with the laughable false entry thing, they made
the text so fucked up it was near impossible to read what it said. Here's
a tipper, having a word or two is fine. A whole
damn paragraph, gives people eye strain. Horrid graphics with text on it
that doesn't show up well enough does the same thing. Especially, if it
is on a story. When you are creating a page for a story, don't put graphics
on it, unless they are incredibly mild and unobtrusive. Practically no
design and fade in behind the text. Remember you are highlighting the text,
what is in the foreground, not the background. Don't use colors that make
your eyes hurt to read it. Ease up on this shit, learn the proper webpage
design. Also, cut it out with images so large or so many of them that they
freeze up people's browsers trying to load them. You are trying to highlight
your stories, not the cool graphics you've found. A webpage should reflect
the main focus of it. The thing that stands out the most should be what
the page mainly concerns. These page are about the stories I am rec'ing.
So I chose small graphics that load easily to show off the text.
My Buffy page was alot about the show, so I included images of the characters
and from the eps. Graphics are fine, just don't let them so overwhelm everything
else that's all there is. Some of the most beautiful sites I have seen
are slash ones. Some are incredibly professional, they load easily and
know exactly how to use graphics to enhance the text wonderfully. I know
some people's html skills aren't great and they may be newbies to it all.
A tip for all of the newbies going in avoid ugly graphics, too bright colors,
and anything that is so visually painful it causes you eye strain. (Note:
Yes, I know people hated the colors on this page and so I changed them.
It looked ok on my computer what can I say.)
37. This is a bitch that was sent to me
by Immortal Katharina, which I totally agree with so I thought I'd post
it here. This relates back to my rant on rape fics, but is a different
aspect to it. This is directly from her message to me, which I felt was
worded well and brought up an aspect that really bugged me too. From
Katharina's message: "I got another one for
you. I don't mind the story depicting rape as a form of angst (IE character
A and B are slashed and character A is attacked by an outside source) as
long as the damage it causes is depicted in a realistic way (as in it take
more than 5 minutes to get over), but what drives me up a wall (and I'm
sure you've seen this before) is when character B moves in on character
A like a vulture. What are the authors trying to prove, that character
B is a total ass. A sexual assault takes a lot of time to get over and
any idiot knows that right after the victim is emotionally vulnerable.
Writing a fandom character that tries to start a sexual relationship with
an assault victim that's still deeply traumatized makes them look like
a predator not some Knight in shinning armor (like a guy wants a K.I.S.A.
anyway) It's like trying to pick someone up at their husband or wife's
funeral, PLEASE!!! I'm not saying don't get the characters together but
at least wait till one of them isn't a basketcase."
I feel she is right in this case. My main problem with rape fics is that
the victims recover so quickly. Men have it worse when it comes to rape,
they have no support system to help them through it and often feel there
is no where for them to turn. I have seen stories where one person is anally
raped and then turns around asking for their partner to fuck them, to take
away the memory of the rape with their dick. (It's a cure all wonder
dick apparently.)What the fuck is that? Someone who is raped in that manner
isn't going to want a dick anywhere near them. I doubt the rapist was kind
enough to use lube or finger prep them much so I'm betting some tearing
and pain has occurred. They are not going to want to have sex right away.
Rape is something that can take years for someone to get over, the person
may never get over it in some cases. It is a lasting, scarring, and traumatic
events. One of the most difficult a person can go through. Dealing with
the after-effects of a rape are no different for a man than a woman. They
go through the same symptoms, just in silence most times. I think the only
thing worse is the stories where the victim falls in love with their rapist.
That is pure crap and not worth our time. We are women, if anyone can understand
rape it is us, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Male, female, gay, or straight.
So get the fuck over this thing. It is sick. The only rape story I have
ever read that dealt with the process properly was No
Islands Anymore by Betsy Tacy Ray-Kelly in the Sentinel fandom. She
gave a harsh and painful description of the recovery that was a long road.
She had researched enough to know what someone went through, including
suffering sexual dysfunction.
38. MPREG! Ok, pretty much everyone I've
talked to lately feels that the next bitch I should throw up needed to
be about MPREG. For those of you who don't know what that abbreviation
stands for, let me enlighten you. MALE PREGNANCY. Now not only are those
two words contradictory when speaking about human anatomy, but the idea
in of itself most feel is ridiculous. Pretty much the only real creature
I've ever heard of that the male's get pregnant are Sea Horses. There might
be other animals on this planet that do that, but I don't know of them.
Human Males, however, do not. Nor should they. I think Male Pregnancy is
one of the most annoying aspects of slash. Now for me I just look at it
as humor. Mainly, because the whole idea makes me laugh every time I think
of it. I'll admit that I have rec'd one Mpreg story. It wasn't because
of the male pregnancy though. It was well written and dealt with some real
issues about how losing a child affect people. If it hadn't delved into
that more than the anything I would have hated it as much as all the others.
Let me just say this once. Men do not get pregnant. Nor should they in
any realm of the universe. I don't think most men want to get pregnant.
It's a big squick for them, just the thought of it. I blame movies like
the Rabbit Test (with Billy Crystal) and Junior (with Arnold, I can't spell
his last name, no offense. I can say it, but I can't remember the spelling.).
Those movies depicted men as pregnant and stuck the idea in societies heads.
Why slash writers feel the need to make the characters inexplicably pregnant
I have no idea. It boggles my mind. I think Stargate is probably the fandom
with the most instances of this story. The Sentinel runs a close second,
probably followed by... the X-files. I don't want to see men pregnant and
from the amount of people I've talked to lately who are equally annoyed
by this neither does anyone else. I think with the Stargate fandom people
use the idea of all those planets there are to explore as a way to knock
Daniel up, for it is usually Daniel who get pregnant. He gets feminized
by writes almost as much as Blair does. Which is ridiculous since neither
of them are exactly girly men. I was talking to some one today and they
mentioned that this was probably the writers own issues about wanting to
be taken care of coming out in the fics. I agree. When it comes to Mpreg
though, does that mean these chicks are so desperate to have a baby they
even write male characters getting pregnant? I don't know. All I have to
say is. If you want to write baby fics, why don't you just skip over to
the het side of the fence. Start writing shipper fic in whatever fandom
you choose. Make Sam on Stargate pregnant or give Scully that baby she's
always wanted. Hell, with Scully that's canon now, so no problem. Just
don't inflict those of us in the slash community with it any more. We like
our men, manly. We like men, we want them to act like men. That includes
them never, ever, ever getting pregnant. Spare us all. Please. Go write
het, they like baby fics there I'm sure. We don't. The whole idea is ludicrous,
give it a rest.
39. I've been meaning to mention this for
a while. I keep forgetting though. Then I was checking some links and found
a story that reminded me of it. This bitch I'll call. The Dick That
Just Won't Quit. You know what I'm talking about. A story where the
guys do it so many times in succession you just have to hate their sexual
prowess. Mainly, because no man on the planet could live up to that. There
are only so many times a guy can get it up in one night. Plus, I'd think
he needs some time to recover between those. Maybe a couple of hours at
the very least. Having a character get it up three or more times in a row
is stretching it a little bit. Twice in a row is really about all you could
ever expect and I'd give the guys a good 15 minutes to half an hour to
prime themselves back up. Really though I'd be dubious about even that.
Maybe that night and the next morning sure I could believe that. A story
where a damn guy just keeps going and going like the damn Energizer Bunnytm
is a little much for my suspension of disbelief to really hang on
to. I've tried. I just can't buy that sometimes. We all know that no matter
how much we may wish it a guy really can't get it up 4 or more times in
a row. Dammit. I know we fantasize and I wish it were true. Oh, how I wish
it were true. Not gonna happen though. Most men are not going to be going
all night long. Even marathon sex realistically should be limited to two
really long session with a break for building it back up in between. (No
pun intended.) So cut it with the Wonderdick crap. I've never found a guy
like that. Saddly, dammit. If you find one, pass him around and share.
Don't hog him for yourself. It just would figure if one exists he would
be gay though, wouldn't it. Whatever. Let's give the guys a break in our
stories. Let them rest a little at least, before you send them on to round
13 or 14. Sheesh. My suspension of disbelief really stops at 2,
I can stretch it to 3. Anything beyond that is so pushing it though. Really.
40. Ah, we're up to the big 4 0 now.
This is something that started bugging me not all that long ago and I just
thought to mention. I'll call this one, "Aren't you dead yet?" I'm
talking about a story where one or sometimes more than one character has
so much physical abuse, torture, rape, etc. heaped upon them you wonder
how they are still alive. It seems like they barely have time to heal from
one incident when they are thrust into another one. They've just gotten
over one really good thumping before the writer turns around and does some
more shit to them. Now I don't mind angst and one good moment of some physical
owwies heaped onto a character. Can make for some nice little h/c (hurt/comfort)
moments. I just can't stand to see it happening over and over again throughout
a story. I mean the human body can only take so much physical torture before
irrepreparable trauma occurs. I've read stories where one thing after another
would just happen to a guy, the endless torture just never seemed to stop.
At some point you just have to go "Isn't that guy dead yet?". Shouldn't
he be? After all the shit that's happened to that character (with hardly
any time to recover since the last incident) shouldn't his body have given
out by now? How are they possibly still alive? In any realm of reality
they would have dropped dead by now. I mean one really good whumping inflicted
upon a character is really enough. Any more than that is just overkill.
It's like the writer really wants to kill the character, they just can't
seem to make themselves to do it. So instead they punish them endlessly
by doing the most hellacious crap to them. I mean lay off the poor guys,
or gals as the case may be. Give them a break, let them go off and lick
their wounds. Maybe give them time enough for bones to knit and scar tissue
to form. That would be nice. Let the emotional trauma from the events really
set in and the therapy sessions begin. I'm sure the characters will thank
you for it.
41. Child slash. There is a Japanese (I think it's Japanese anyway) word that is used to disguise it sometimes, "Shota". I've also heard it referred to as Chan. There's another word for that in English. Pedophila. Do not write me trying to defend this shit. I don't want to fucking here it. Minotaur has banned sites with such listing from the SPDB. Rightly so. There is alot we will tolerate in slash, but some things aren't just social mores. They are criminally prosectuable. We're talking about kids here. So shut the fuck up. I'm not even talking about teens having sex here. With me 15 is the limit of how young either person in the pairing can be and I have some issues even where that is concerned. I don't generally like either person in the pairing to be below their early 20's. Teens have sex, fine, we know that. I'm talking about them, I'm talking about children. Way underage children. I don't really think I have to say much more on this topic. How much more is there to say about how sick that is.
42. The Poor Baby Syndrome. This
has always bugged the shit out of me. Today I finally hit my limit on how
much of this I could take. You know what I'm talking about. Stories where
one character is just treated with such solicitious care and concern. Pampered
and petted beyond belief. While the other character in the pairing is made
out to basically be 'that fucking bastard'. Most often unrightly so. In
the Sentinel fandom this appears so often the moment I come across it I
just roll my eyes and hit the back button. I've read enough 'Poor little
Blair' and 'Big Bad Jim' stories to have hit my quota long ago. Jim is
not a horrid bastard, nor is Blair a perfect little angel. It always seems
to go the same way too. Taking every little slight that Jim has ever inflicted
on Blair and making them out to be of some earth shattering importance.
While at the same time ignoring every idiotic and hurtful thing Blair has
ever done to Jim is quite stupid. They've both made mistakes in the time
that they've worked together, of about equal emotional impact. So get the
fuck over it. What made me snap on this topic today was where someone was
doing the 'Poor Baby' thing with Krycek from the X-Files fandom. Making
Mulder out to be the most horrible, insensitive fucking bastard I've ever
seen. While not only overlooking, but not even mentioning even one of the
crimes that Krycek has ever committed. Not one was ever mentioned in the
story, as if we were all just suppossed to forget that and pretend Mulder
had no right to treat Alex so badly and generally hate him. I almost laughed.
It was just to funny. It wasn't even some AU where Alex hadn't really done
anything. The writer was going with canon for the most part. Which made
it even more ridiculous. I really like Krycek, but I like Mulder just as
much. I can't find it the least bit believable to do the whole 'Poor Baby'
thing with Krycek. Not in the least, not after all he's done. The list
of crimes is just to long. So let's not even go there. I think the whole
'Poor Baby' thing bugs me more than just about anything else. Nothing will
send me packing quicker either. It's just such crap and so rarely earned
on either person's part to either be treated so very well or so very badly.
It's also so far from the characterization of either person it's laughable.
Feminizing Men: A Male POV
- A man sent me a message on this subject about the ways we do this without
realizing, involving touching and personal boundaries. It was really fascinating
and definitely something every slash writer should keep in mind. I found
it very enlightening and something I am going to think of when I finally
get some of those 'fucking epics' out of my skull and on paper. It was
something I knew about, but this made me think more strongly on it.
That's it for now, if I think of anymore I'll post them here.
If you have any complaints you'd like to share. Send me a shout and
maybe I'll post them here and will give you the credit for it.
Mail me at: email@example.com
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