Annoying things in slash fanfic

A.K.A The Bitch Fest

    I saw something exactly like this on some other pages and well since I have been reading fanfic for quite a while some stuff has built up and I just felt the need to vent a little too.

    If you read enough fanfic you start to see things repeated over and over that really just annoy the shit out of you. Some of it may be innocuous at first, but after you hear it enough you think you'll snap if you hear it one more time. So maybe some of  the writers out there just might see this and realize how they too may have fell into a pattern of writing clichés that can really become monotonous if used to often. Some of these things are just things I have heard repeated so many times I think I'll go mad if I hear it once more and always make my eyes roll back in my head when I read them. Others are just things that do not appeal to my personal tastes which either way you can feel free to disagree with, it's a free country after all.

Let the Bitching Begin

1. When writers don't use lube, especially if anal penetration is a first for a character or is not something said character engages in frequently I cringe. Lube is your friend and the kind of pain and tearing that can occur from not using enough lube is not something people really get off on. Use lube for god sakes, I literally shudder every time someone goes in with an unprepared entry in a story. Anal penetration can feel very good, because this part of the body is very sensitive, but you have to do it properly. If someone is fucked often little preparation may be necessary, but lube is always necessary. There's a saying about lube and anal penetration, " Too much lube is almost enough."  The anus and rectum do not produce any form of lubrication, unlike the vagina. Lube allows not only smoother entry, but prevents damage and tearing. Also, anything with soap in it is not a good lubricant, it can have an enema like effect. Besides it itches, I have gotten soap there accidentally, like while washing my hair and didn't realize until later. It itched like mad and I had to wash. Be kind to the characters and use lube.

2. When one partner is delegated to being 'the female' or is stuck in the submissive position as a rule. I hate this. Here is a tip ladies, they are not women, they are men. They have dicks and they want to fuck. Nature has programmed them with a desire to use those dicks, to fuck. They want to do it. Most  gay men are not completely a top or a bottom, they usually fall somewhere in between. I have heard from many gay and bi people that one person being the bottom is usually not how it goes, if partners decide to engage in that type of sex they usually switch off. They are not women, I repeat, they are men. From the moment that dick stands up for the first time, erect and proud, they want to fuck someone with it. Getting fucked is great, but they want to fuck too. Let Jim get fucked every now and then, or Skinner they would probably want it if they really were gay men. I know as chicks we like to be fucked generally, it is programmed into us and that feels good, but it is opposite for the men. They are programmed to fuck and want to do so. Get over it and let them trade off fucking, it is more realistic that way. It also opens up avenues into characterization about the stronger partner being vulnerable and trusting.

3. Mulder needing a Daddy or disciplinarian. Fuck that shit, the beauty of Mulder is his wildness and if you don't get that, your missing out on the character. I know as women we all have the mothering instinct and want to discipline unruly children to protect them, but he isn't a child. He's a man and doesn't need that shit. Also, get over your Daddy complexes and seek a little help for them. That is really sortof sick.

4. Domestic Discipline, or spanking. What the hell is up with that? That falls under the Daddy thing almost. I hate this because it makes one person out like a parent and the other as a child who needs spanked. That is nearly incestuous. Yet again, seek help for you mental shit and move on with it.

5. Skinner topping Mulder exclusively. I don't read M/Sk because I know what I will find Mulder being topped by Skinner constantly. Bigger does not mean more dominant. Dominance is a mindset, not a physical attribute, especially with two men. To women a large man means he could beat the hell out of you, fuck you, do what ever he wants with your say so or not. With two men this isn't the case, they are stronger and can take on someone and at least fend them off even if they are bigger in size. Mulder is a dominant personality who likes to do things his own way and doesn't listen to shit anyone else tells him to do. That does not scream bottom attitude. He is a rebel and would probably fuck Skinhead through a damn wall. Besides, Skinner is a bottom boy in his attitude, he cow tows to everyone's wishes; CSM, Mulder, Scully. I have never seen a more wishy washy character who can't decide who's side he's on in all my life. Mulder has punched the shit out of him. Holly beat him up in the ep Pusher, a girl for god's sake! Krycek beat the shit out of him and he won't even hurt Mulder. He has had Mulder committed more than once. And to top it off He Lost Mulder in Requiem. Scully entrusts him with Mulder's safety once and what does he do Loses Him. I'll never forgive him for that.

6. Not labeling things with Warnings like Death  Rape/non-con, bd&sm, etc. I stumbled across this story not long ago on someone's site that had no warnings for Rape and yet it was a rape story. A cleverly disguised one at that. At first it opened with a sex scene with what looked like mild dominance overtones, that maybe the other person wasn't completely used to or something. You are a few minutes into this scene when suddenly there is the line, "And then the rapist said..." I'm going What?! I mean no warnings and this thing was cleverly disguised, until that moment you didn't know it was a rape, then it goes into describing the victim in pain and humiliated from this point on. I was furious, there was no warnings of any kind and I didn't sign on for that. I also hated how you didn't find out this was a rape until that moment where it labeled the person a rapist. There was nothing to indicate that until then. Label people. Graphic rape stories offend me, I don't like reading things with that level of violence. I also don't like to read stories with death's of major characters. It is courtesy to label and that includes if it is on your personal site. Just because it isn't an archive doesn't mean you should dispel with courteous behavior we have all agreed on so no one complains or gets into something they don't wish to. Label stories with damn warnings.

7. Calling someone a boy scout for coming up with lube. If I hear that phrase one more time I'll scream. Cut it with the boy scout shit. Especially, concerning lube. Lube is a necessity, not some frivolous thing to be teased because you have it. Everyone uses that damn boy scout phrase, because someone else did once. Enough is enough, what say we kill that little phrase off once and for good. It is stupid and overly used by all, so drop it.

8. This one was brought up to me by Eileen, so she can be credited for this one. I agreed it annoys the heck out of me. When there is an incessant amount of misspellings or typos in a fic. Too many of those and it can break your concentration on what you are reading. You spend to much time mentally correcting the words and it gets boring. I am an English nerd so I have a bad habit of of correcting people's speech anyway. (I see a little of me in Frase from Due South in that respect.) So it gets on my nerves heavy. I'm also a very fast reader, it breaks the flow to hit the brakes constantly having to make those mental changes or try to figure out what word they were trying in the first place. Some are simple mistakes, like inverted letters and others just turning the word into something else by adding wrong letters. Eileen's example was, prostate being spelled prostrate. Two different words folks. Simple solution to this, two words...Beta Reader. That is what they are for to catch your spelling mistakes, typos, and to generally help your story look and read better. To help work out plot holes, ask the unanswered questions, and give you constructive feedback. Seek them out, people are always willing to help. If nothing else use the spell checker feature on your computer, that is what it is there for.

9. Pet Names. God, how I hate those. If you read fanfic long enough you sort of get used to it though and just overlook it, no matter how much they might still make you shudder. The first time I heard one male character in a story call his male lover 'Baby' I literally cringed. Personally, I hate that little term of endearment. Some guys calls me that he is going to be walking with a limp from then on, due to my heel making a puncture mark in his leg. Slash stories are riddled with the things though. Now I don't mind nicknames, like Alex in the X-files fandom calling Mulder Lisitsa (Fox in Russian)  or Lisa as a shortened version that's doesn't bug me. Or Mulder calling Alex  'Lexei' that I could see a guy doing to some degree. But baby, honey, sweetie, darlin', doll and even dear lord 'precious' is just too much for me to handle. I nearly go into sugar shock. Lay off it with those damn things, no one really likes them and no guy would call another one something like that. I think it is a pay back for us being called all those names and then some for so long. Women hate them, or at least the ones I know do. If you like them fine, but many don't. I think it is retribution for all the names that we get called that make us sometimes feel demeaned and discounted when they are said. They aren't always meant that way, but sometimes when a guy says it in a certain voice and has a certain look on his face you just know he's placating you. Thinking 'oh, isn't it sweet the girl is acting like she has the power to think.' You just want to smack them for that. I think all this Pet Name stuff is getting back at them for that shit. I mean after a while it is just kindof funny every time one of them says it. It also feminizes and softens them in a way. There is no need for that, they're guys let them be the unemotional closed off bastards we all know them to be. If that is part of the guys character, like Jim for example. I see him all emotional I'm finding it hard to believe. The guy feels, but he represses like crazy. Everybody hates the names stuff, so cool it with them. I'll admit ,by the way. the story with precious in it, and it's used alot, I rec'd because the writing is just so damn good. Like I said you learn to ignore them after a while and just pretend they aren't there. Like a typo or something.

10. Ah, we're already to number ten. This one came about from a discussion on the Chinook list a couple of weeks ago. I can't remember if someone brought it up directly or it became a thread that took off from another discussion, in the end it doesn't matter though. The issue we were all complaining about was the 'Suddenly Gay' thing. Since this was a discussion there, I'll credit the girls at Chinook for this pet peeve that I think almost all of us agreed on. When I say 'Suddenly Gay' you know what I mean. A character who has never had any inclinations towards being attracted to men and no prior relationships with men just suddenly becoming gay. This happens alot in the Due South fandom and a good bit in The Sentinel fandom, as well. The problem we all had with this one one I actually vocalized, heck until it popped out as I was typing I hadn't been able to put my finger on what exactly it was that bugged me about it before. So don't give me to much credit, I think all the bantering brought it up from my subconscious to the surface. It was how the guys denied that they were gay at all, often times. They usually say something like, 'oh, I'm not gay. It's just him.' God, how we hated that. The reason we hated it that I vocalized was how it made the guy seem like he was a hair's breath away from running as fast as he possibly could back to Het land. Like he couldn't take that blow to his self-image and was in serious denial that he was fucking and/or being fucked by a man. We all agreed that we much prefer a guy to have at least had crushes or feelings for a guy before if not, some form of a relationship with a guy or guys. No matter how much or little they may have done together. It made it seem more realistic to us and like they wouldn't bolt any minute now.  A little back ground of at least feelings for another guy that they are man enough to acknowledge, if they haven't done anything with a man before, is much more believable to the reader. It also helps get rid of that feeling they are going to bolt. One person on the list cited a wonderful short story that illustrated it so well. In it RayK just thought back to a time when he was young and masturbated to a magazine with men in it. It was simple and sweet, but set that up so well. You knew though he may have never acted on this he had the impulses to be with men from early on. That story was AnneZo's Dreams of Brass. Click on the link to read what I'm talking about.

11. Thought I'd never shut up with ten didn't you. Ha, I did and I've got another topic. It sort of relates back to number two on this list. It is another facet of 'feminizing' men. This is about making guys overly emotional. Having them break down and cry at the drop of a damn hat or just generally show more emotion than a guy ever will. I have noticed this done alot to Blair from the Sentinel. The guy is made out sometimes to be so weepy and so much of a bottom, you're just going 'Please, that's a fucking girl, check again which hole your fucking Jim.' I mean it is to the extreme. Some of the stories are good, but Blair is too female. He is somewhat in touch with his emotions thanks to his hippie mom, but not all that much. He gets gunshot wounds, head injuries, held hostage, nearly murdered by a serial killer, drowned, and Jim treats him generally like shit on more than one occasion and he doesn't cry. So don't start turning on the water works with him every other minute, he's a guy, just a guy. The closest he ever came to crying on the show was at the press conference, he didn't though, and I'm not sure he wasn't faking to make it more believable. He sure turned off that teary face and got on an angry, determined one as he walked out. So what I'm saying is lay off the chick stuff with the guys, no matter what fandom. If they are raped, emotionally tortured, or nearly lose a partner, parent or friend ok I can see the tears, but lets not go overboard with it. They are guys that's why we like them. So keep them guys. Unemotional, closed off bastard that they are. We like them that way. I know you may have to make them talk sometimes and let go a little, just don't take it to far. Keep them guys, think like guys.

12. Also, from the Chinook list one I just remembered that was what we referred to as 'I love you, let's fuck.' We got off on that one too. Where there is a brief declaration of love and then they are jumping in the sack. That is completely unrealistic. Especially, if this is a first for them. No angst set up about how they are dealing with falling for someone of the same sex. No trying to deny those feeling, no true emotions there at all once they tell one another. Just down and dirty fucking. I mean neither have been with a man before and yet they are don't need to talk and try to deal with anything. Deal with their fears or the release of them. They are just fine and want to fuck. No maybe trying to date and work up to that to see if this is really what they want, something they can handle. Also, when the guys are virgins to this and yet seem to know all there is to know about gay sex. That is a whole other rant though that you will find in number 13. They are just suddenly happy, happy gay men. So I guess this tracks back to eleven and being 'suddenly gay' and oh so comfortable in a gay relationship. It may make the story longer, you may have to work harder on plot, and characterizations, but since when is that a bad thing? Try a little harder with this one ladies.

13. One that was connected to the above was when the characters have never been in a same sex relationship, never pondered it before, have done no kind of research about anal sex, nor have they had anal sex. Yet, somehow they know instinctively how to do it. This happens in every fandom and always has me going, 'How the hell did they know that? I didn't until I read about it.' Men and Women have anal sex too and yet I didn't know how it was done. They just know about finger preparation and lube on some instinctive level. This relates to the above in that the writers are skipping some steps. Not letting the characters take the time to get comfortable in this. Not letting them start out with something simple like hand jobs or frottage (dry humping, though it isn't so dry when they are through) clothed or naked. Even a blow job which you can figure out, though with a first attempt might not be perfect. But to just jump into bed together and have anal sex for the first time, knowing everything to do, even  though, neither partner has done it before or has any knowledge gleaned from anywhere. Come on. Let them work up to it, do a little reading or talk to some gay friends or straight friends who do this if they can so that they know what they are doing. I love it when they work up to things, it's hotter to me, you get more sex in the story, the build up is often to hot to handle, and it shows emotional caring on behalf of both parties. Caring enough not to hurt the other or do any damage to them. At least, let them research a little so they know what the hell they are doing for goodness' sake.

14. Rape Stories. What in the hell are up with these? Do you chicks have some rape fantasies?  Are you nuts? Rape is a violent, painful, and traumatizing event. Not some hot little sexy fun. If you had ever been raped you wouldn't think it sounded so great. Nor would you wish to inflict it on anyone male or female. Be fucking realistic. It is a horrible event that women are plagued with the knowledge could happen to them at any time. Do you think that men don't get raped too? Wrong. They do. 1 in 5 rapes is male. And that statistic is not, I repeat not, counting rapes inside the prison system. It those were counted more men would be raped per day than women. The shocking thing is that it is hetero males doing this to hetero males. No I am not talking about repressed homosexual doing this, homosexuals men commit very few rapes. Rape is about what it always about whether the victim is a man or a woman, Power and Control. Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. He has killed one of everything on this planet, sometimes everyone of some species. To take power and control from a man is the ultimate act of power and control. I guess that is why women write these stories to hurt men, cause them pain through a story where no one really gets hurt. I'll give points for that. I would say however you have some pain and issues with anger you need to deal with. Seek help get over it, for your own good. Men actually have it worse than women when it comes to dealing with rape. They are taught to keep their emotions hidden so they don't even begin to know how to deal with this. They are so ashamed and feel so strongly that they should have been able to stop this that they often don't go to the police. They don't seek professional help or even tell their wives, girlfriends, friends, or any other loved ones. They have no support groups they can go to since those are made up of women who have been raped and wouldn't feel comfortable with a man being there. They suffer rape trauma syndrome just like women do, they just deal with it worse by letting it fester. This is as difficult a thing for men as it is for women. I just can't believe women who deal with this possibility every day would write this. It boggles my mind. Truly. Deal with your shit and quit making rape out to be so damn fluffy and nice. I'm talking about when one character rapes another and then they fall in love. Yeah, right. Bullshit. They would be lucky not to be killed by the other guy if he could. That is not realistic. Get beyond it. It's crap. That's like the 70's bullshit with Luke and Laura on General Hospital, he raped her and then they fell in love. They finally dealt with it in the 90's and had them break up.  Do us all a favor and write it like it would really happen or don't bother. Oh, if you wonder where I got my male rape info I found it in a really informative article called Rape of Males by Stephen Donaldson.

15. Bad characterizations. I cannot stand to read stories that contain this. I stumble across stories like these and I just think, 'Does this writer even watch the show?' or 'How could someone possibly think that the characters would do that?' I'm not talking about the b&d or s&m stories or any of the other non-vanilla flavors of the slash spectrum. Though I personally don't think the characters are into those things any way, but I'm not referring to those stories. I'm talking about your average every day story where the characterization is so bad I don't know who the hell they are writing about. Where they didn't even hit the mark any where close to who these guys are. When I see the story going south because there is nothing of the characters we know and love in a story. I am gone. Some are so far off they might as well be called original characters who are just borrowing the names of those on the shows. If you don't know how to do a proper characterization of these guys don't bother. Profile for god sake's that's what every writer I know who is good does. They study the characters figure out psychological profiles of who they are and then writes about them based on what that profiles dictates they would do in certain situations. Just watch the eps closely and figure the guys out before you take pen to paper and write something so far off that it doesn't even look like the guys. Study them. Please.

16. Skinner being into b&d s&m? What in the hell is up with that? Where in the hell did you find that within his character. The main thing that turns me off about Skinner slash is that aspect. I have tried to read Skinner slash, I have went through archives and sought out stories just so I could say that I gave it a fair chance. So I could say I read the stories, gave it a shot. To see if I might like it. I didn't. I would be reading some nice romantic story thinking, 'Ok, this isn't so bad', when boom out of no where we are breaking out the bondage gear and it's starting. What the fuck is up with that? And why exactly do the characters never discuss this? No, 'would you like to try this with me?', no discussion of safe words, or generally just asking 'hey, will you let me tie you up?' And do not e-mail me bitching about this. I don't want to hear it. Very few people are into bondage and sadism/masochism. I know it is a fantasy all of fanfic is about our inner fantasies. Hey, I've got a kink about rimming, I like that in stories. Was embarrassed by it at first, but I got over that. I don't begrudge any one their kinks. I just don't see Skinner as being into that. The funny thing is one time on the RatB mailing list, we got into a discussion about Skinner. I mentioned that I thought Skinner had the potential of being an abuser, I didn't say he was just that I saw the potential in him. Some M/Kers agreed with me, some said they didn't. What in the hell do you think he is doing with all the bondage and s&m? That is one step away from that. He has the potential to be a very violent man and people see that. They just take it and put it in an environment where it is sex play. Where the beatings are wanted and asked for. I also don't think Mulder or Krycek would be into that. I think they'd beat the shit out of anyone who even tried that. Both are a little vanilla in case you hadn't noticed. Mulder never even has sex. Translating the potentiality of being an abuser into s&m doesn't change that you see it. To me love is a place or respite from the pain of the world. Not where you hurt the ones you love. 'I love you, let me beat the hell out of you to prove it.' The same remark could be used sarcastically to sum up an abusive relationship to make some one see the sad aspects to it. Or it could be used sarcastically to joke about the strangeness of s&m relationships. To me s&m is just abuse fantasies. Abuse isn't pretty, neither is rape. Both are horrendous and painfully situations. Traumatizing events that some people never fully recover from. Try it some time see how you like. Hmm. You wouldn't so don't do that to the characters.

17. Saw this on another bitch fest page and had to add it because it bugs me too. Introducing us to the characters. Telling us everything about them and the damn show. Thanks, I know who they are and what they do you don't need to tell me. I have read some fic where I swear they summed up the entire show for me. I kept reading in morbid fascination. I have seen the damn shows, you don't need to tell me who everyone is and what they do. I don't mean telling me who is speaking or whatever. I just don't need their job title, where they live, and every damn thing that has ever happened in their lives summarized.  I knew that coming in. It is called FAN fiction. Meaning we are fans of the show, reading it and writing it. You don't need to tell me this shit about them. I know it already. Referring back to an ep, ok, you just don't need to tell me everything that happened in that ep. Unless you are doing a missing scene kindof thing. Then just give me a spoiler warning. For those newbies who don't know what that means. It is talking about an episode and revealing plot points in a story that will spoil or ruin the ep for you if you haven't seen it. Back to the point though, just stop telling me who they are and what they do. I know already.

18. Mary Sue's Do Not Do Them. What are Mary Sue's newbies may ask? Either other characters on the show or original characters who often are just reflections of the authors themselves. Who decide the characters should be together and set about playing matchmaker. I don't want some other character getting the guys together through some helpful intervention. Let them do it their damn selves. Any one who has read fanfic for any amount of time comes to hate that real fast. I would rather see them do it themselves. Every one hates them, avoid Mary Sue'ing at all costs. Trust me. It get people fuming like nothing else. Makes me cringe. Just let the guys figure it out themselves. Work on plot development enough to get them together somehow through their own machinations. OK?

19. Wow, I'm up to nineteen already. This is one I found just the other day and oh, how it annoyed the fuckall out of me. I was on a site the other day and was reading this story. Ok, it wasn't the greatest writing in the world, but it wasn't the worst. So I was giving the author half a chance. None of us our professional writers here and some of us never inspire to be, so a little leeway is granted sometimes. Besides I was really bored and had never seen these characters slashed before, but would have liked to. I was reading along and it wasn't too bad. Then we come to a little jackoff scene in a shower, it's going pretty good, timing/pacing not perfect, but readable. Then the guy is about to climax and she refers to his come as COCKSNOT. What in the fuck is that? Cocksnot!?@ Do not refer to it as that, it's disgusting first of all. Secondly, where in the hell did that idiot come up with that. Thirdly, I think I have read it called that before somewhere. Which makes it not a one time thing. I mean shit, there were some hot moments in that little scene, I was going with it until that one fucking word came up. It totally broke the flow of the story and churned my stomach. Never fucking call come something disgusting. Where was your head? Is what I wanted to ask the person. How old are you was another? Did they possibly think that was funny? It was supposed to be a sexy scene, not an idiotic one. That is bad writing in the extreme, when they don't even know how to come up with a word for come that isn't nausea inducing.

I'll give you a fucking list of the words that you can use if you need some help here:
1. Come (duh)
2. jism
3. ejaculate (clinical, but better than cocksnot)
4. release
5. orgasm
6. semen
7. sperm

Why don't you fucking try those, huh? Fuck originality, go for HOT.

20. While I am on the subject of things not to call something during sex. How about not calling a guy's dick something stupid. Love Meat. That's one stupid one I have heard. I tried to think of others but I have consciously blocked them out. It happens alot in original fiction, but rarely in fanfic. Nothing throws me off worse than an annoying and childish reference to a dick. If I wanted to read some boring ass romance novel where they refer to a cock as anything, but I would. I don't I read slash fanfic, because I like hot references to m/m sex. You want to call it something call it: Cock, Dick, Penis (clinical, but better than moronic euphemisms), Shaft, or Rod. Not Hot Rod of Love, or any other stupid variation, just Rod. I'll give you that, but don't push it. Act like your not some teenager who shouldn't be reading this stuff for a few years anyway, or someone who has read to many bad romance novels. Strive to be better and improve as you go.

21. Original slash fics. Why the fuck aren't there any good ones out there. I would pay to find one. I swear I almost would. Anyone want to give me a belated birthday present. Send me some URL's for good original slash. No bd&sm, if your here, you've read the rants. I don't like that stuff. Good hot sex, good character development, Plot, and excellent writing. If you know of any out there send it to me. And don't just give me a referral to the Nifty Archive, I've been there and haven't been able to sift through stuff to find anything good. If you know of specific stuff that is really good that is what I want. In the fanfic community I think we challenge one another to be better, to improve our work. I wish someone did that with original fic writers. I have yet to find anything that was worth really reading. Got any, ideas. Help me out here. Ok, this wasn't really about fanfic and it was more of a plea. I am really wanting to find some of this though, so got any recs for original fics? Hmmm, hmmm, anyone? Anyone?

22. Rent boy, hooker stories. Ok, can we talk about prostitution here for a moment. How to phrase this, hmmm....statement or question? I'll go with statement. Hookers Do Not Enjoy Being Hookers. They don't sorry. Have you seen the Happy Hooker, just too damn many times? Ooh, managed to work it into a question too. I've been meaning to add this for a while, just had to hit that moment when I couldn't take not saying anything anymore. Prostitution is a degrading and demeaning thing. Selling your body so you can make enough money to fucking survive is not a happy, happy time. It is a desperate act that you reach when you have no other options. They do not enjoy whoring themselves. Not in the real world, so if you are going to write about it, throw some realism in and show the harsh reality of that life. I have seen several documentaries on hookers, male and female. Also, some on strippers. None of these people liked what they were doing, they were in it for the money, not the sex. They got very little sexual excitement from their jobs. They saw the customers, johns, as pathetic. After watching these I gained a sympathy and respect for them that I had only an inkling of before, it was more pity before seeing the reality of their lives. They are used as sex objects, made feel like they are nothing more than a hole to fuck or worse. Where does this come out as a great fantasy life? Part of what I am doing with these Rants here is trying to interject a little realism into these stories. If you can't tell the tale truthfully, with a lesson about life in it somewhere, why bother. That is why I like long stories, more room to show what life is really life. If you want to see a harsh and truthful depiction of what that life is like, read Aries DC Rain. It is painful and could probably convey to you more clearly everything I'm trying to say. In it she shows that truth of how not into it many hookers are, that they don't even get aroused during the sex acts they perform. It also shows how a person has often reached the lowest point in their lives to have to do this. This is something that is about making it one more day and surviving, not enjoying being used as a brainless fuck toy, one step up from a blow-up doll. Get the reality correct of how the other side lives or don't bother. If it doesn't ring true, it is only a sad parody of events depicted. Stop with the fucked up Male fantasies , yes male, of what this is like and show the reality of how degrading and depressing a life of prostitution really is.

23. Angst Highway, as I have come to refer to it. Now I like angst, a good helping of emotional angst can help a story and in some pairings and/or situations is even called for. Some relationships have a bit of angst to overcome to begin with, things happen in canon that have to be dealt with. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing though. Just the other day I was surfing around and found this site and on it was a series of stories that I had read some parts of and liked. I had only ever seen two parts posted to the lists and on this site found about half a dozen to this series. Now some part of me wondered why the rest of them had never been posted, this was like an internal warning signal I should have listened to, but I learned my lesson well after reading them. The writers took the characters so far into angst land there was a point in one story where you went, 'Ok, let's stop here because at this juncture this relationship is now irreparable and these guys are so fucking depressed if this were real life they would have both put a guns to their heads by now and blown their brains all over the walls.' That is how far they went, I just kept thinking no one would be fucking alive and be this goddamn depressed. I tried reading on to see if the situation got better and fuck it only got worse. How I have no idea. They inflicted about three to five more tortures on these poor guys and I'm thinking 'how they are fucking dead?' In my mind these guys blew their brains out about two stories ago. I mean it was that fucking bad, these two were in such a bad emotional place. Neither had self-esteem any more, one had descended into drinking, the other drugs, and one of them pair had even been gang raped. It was ridiculous. There is only so much someone can take and these guys didn't have the greatest self-esteem starting into the relationship, that was established in the way the writers characterized them, which was really off canon to begin with. They were angsty fucking dead guys who were miraculously still alive somehow. I mean come on, you have to have a balance. The angst has to be resolved before the relationship hits the totally fucked up, never going to fix this level. I think the writers just kept writing it in the vain, futile hope they could dig themselves out of this hole that was so deep there was no possible way to do so. I love angst, but in moderation and definitely not when there wouldn't be a great deal in the relationship to begin with based on the characterizations on the show. Yes, there is such a thing as too much fucking angst and this is said from someone who loves it. So don't come bitching at me that there is no such thing. I found one that absolutely hit the limit and then went beyond it. I have overlooked stories that were verging on this level, but until then never found one that crossed it. Use angst in moderation and learn to see when you are digging yourself into a hole deeper and deeper till there is no way for the characters to get out of much less survive.

24. Fucking mistaken for love. I found a story recently that was really just a verrry long PWP and in it a couple of characters who had just met, had fucked maybe once or twice, and knew nothing about each other started professing their deep love. Fuck that shit. First off what is this damn trend of writers doing excruciatingly long PWP, trying to pass them off as a story. Here's a tip if they are fucking more than talking or the only talking consists of "Oh, Fuck Me Harder." It's a goddamn PWP, I don't care how damn long it is. Back to the original bitch though. Pleaasse, let's not confuse fucking with love. Are you older than high schoolers girls? I learned real quick fucking does not equate love. Love requires time, getting to know one another, and talking. One quick fuck does not equal love, get fucking real and come out of fairy tale land. If you are still living under that damn delusion I'd hate to see your relationship track record. Just because they fuck doesn't mean they are in love, nor does it mean they are lovers. This is especially true in men, just because they have sex with someone it doesn't mean they love them. For some men casual sex is a way of life. So let's be fucking realistic here, I almost laughed out fucking loud, when I heard those characters say that. It was so pathetic it was fucking funny.

25. Writers not knowing when to end a damn series. Anyone who is into the X-files fandom has learned this little lesson in writing. (Though the story I am going to relate is from an incident that happened in the X-files fandom it pertains to all and has happened in all of them at some point I am sure.) It is now etched into our little fuzzy brains. Several months back a very talented writer in this fandom (who there is no way in fucking hell I will name because I still have respect for their work and think it is excellent, even though I was disappointed by this anecdote I am going to relate) who posted a new part of one of their long running and much loved series. The story was horrible, which no one mentioned because we all still love the writer and that person's  work is fabulous. It was like one verry, verrry long PWP with a vague hint of a story line that was too weak to carry the such a lengthy work. It was like the pale shreds of plot were only there to give a space between the characters having sex. It was like go do something and then have sex, over and over again. A relationship that was once give and take had become one character constantly servicing the other, even when they were on top, it was disgusting and pathetic. It wasn't even dom/sub control the writer doesn't write such things well enough. Everyone in the X-files fandom now holds that up in example, you just have to mention 'a writer' not knowing when to end a series and we all know who you are talking about. From this failure we have all learned to know that there has to be a stopping point, you have to learn that sometimes there just isn't a story to be told anymore and you have to let the characters in the series go and stay as they stand. End it. The writer is still fabulous, this persons last endeavor, after this one, was much better. That series has been ruined for me though, I can't really stand to read any of that persons work now it was so bad. That installment ruined the series for many. So I say with much sadness, this rant is by no means a slam, just a warning to watch out and know you have to end a story somewhere. Only so much can be told through it, find a stopping place and let the boys rest happily ever after. I have seen one other series in this fandom, now that I think of it, that went way bad too. There have been no more parts to it so maybe the writer realized it should have ended sooner or just left the fandom, I don't know. Beware of taking a series to far, is the main message here. End it when it is still good. Don't do like so many fucking tv shows. Dragging the damn thing on till the characterizations are lost and everyone is a parody of who they were in the beginning. Realize when you need to let it rest. Beta readers tell your writers when it is bad and should not continue. Readers if you can find a way to do it nicely, which none of us have yet I think, tell the writer when the story has degenerated to such a painful level. If you can.

26. This is for the girls in the X-files fandom. What the fuck is up with not slashing Mulder anymore? Listen I fucking know we are all disappointed that DD didn't want to continue in the series anymore and that maybe Fox and CC (Chris Carter the shows creator for those of you who don't know) could have found harder to keep him on. What's done is done though. We can't change that, we can keep Mulder alive, well, and in much better condition than he is on the show in the fanfic though. It is like we are punishing him by not slashing. Him. I swear to you people are digging up characters Nick has played and slashing them together when they don't want to slash him with Skinner or someone else. It is a pathetic display of narcissism that I really can't get behind. I love M/K slashed together and the X-files is my favorite fandom, but I am getting annoyed and will verge on fed up soon. I have had some thoughts, not serious right now though they might get there, of leaving reading that fandom altogether. Get over the fucking fact that DD doesn't want to be on the show anymore. I respect him for not wanting to be William Shatner, and wanting to build a career outside of that show. Think about it. Would you want to end up as Shatner (sorry to anyone who loves the actor or his character, I mean no disrespect and am only bringing light to his situation in example) he has no career outside that show. It is the only thing people know him for and he has to make money off of that by going to cons and shit. That is his damn life, he has tried other series and movies and not made it. He is eternally remembered as James T. Kirk and can't seem to escape it. He is stuck in that, DD just doesn't want to be. He didn't leave the show entirely, just wanted to step away and do other things while he still could. Rewrite this last damn season, come up with a new way for it to go. Pretend it never happened. Go into complete denial like me, I stick with the delusion that Mulder has not been kidnapped by aliens he is off on a beach somewhere with Alex getting a tan, drinking margaritas, and having hot sex. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Consider it a challenge from me, see if you can't do better. Give us a better ending and give Mulder a better life in the fanfic than he got on the show. Come on now, I know you can do it. Let's get over this punishing him crap and release our anger. Start Slashing Mulder Again Dammit. With Alex, hell with anyone, I don't care. I love Mulder and don't want him gone from the fics. Everyone worried this would be a problem when DD took a lighter schedule, I think they thought Alex would disappear though, turned out it was the other way around. Slash Mulder Dammit. Bring him back in the fanfic if no where else. The pathetic attempt at main characters on the show is so bad, you couldn't do worse with a rewrite in the fics. Go for it. Slash Mulder.

27. "I've never seen the show before, but I've written a fic anyway." What in the fuck is up with that? Why in the living hell would I want to read a fic from any fandom by someone who had never even seen the damn tv show or movie, I ask you? I literally saw this the other day and went 'Huh?' Then I was browsing around a day or so later and found an article someone from a different fandom had written about the same thing. I then realized this was a more than one time thing. If you haven't seen the show, why are you writing stories about the characters? It is called FANFICTION, you know. I.E. meaning fans of the show writing stories about it. A valid point in that article I read ( Zeus doesn't approve of our relationship by Randi DuMois) was that a story like that could have any characters from any show in it, since the person knows nothing of the characterizations. I mean it is generic, they could stick anyone in there, it is basically an original fic. Now I read stories from shows or movies I've never seen, but I'd never write a fic about it. I don't know anything about the damn show or characters how could I? When I saw that the other day it annoyed the hell out of me, because I want to read stories about the characters on the show written by people who have seen the show, loved it and are paying a little homage to it. I don't want to read a fic by someone who doesn't know thing one about the characters except what they look like and what they have read in other stories. Sometimes writers (who have seen the show) can get caught up in how one of the characters views themselves or the other character and base their characterizations on that. Like in the Sentinel fandom, Jim being a hardass, which isn't all he is and Blair being a womanizer. If you read too many of those stories you can think that is all they are. You have to see the show to realize those are perceptions based on how others see the characters or how they see themselves that just isn't completely true. If you are writing stories just based on other fics you've read, you might not catch that. So how about this. If you haven't seen the fucking show don't write a damn story about it. I don't want to read it and I'm sure most other fans of the show and of the stories don't want to either. I mean do you realize how stupid it sounds to those of us who have seen the show to see that, when you post it. It's almost comical. Even if you didn't tell us, we'd know by how bad or just flat the characterizations were. We know. So don't fucking do it. No one really wants to read it. The Great Slash Drought may have made us desperate for new stuff sometimes, but not that desperate.

28. God, I'm up to 28, when I make it to 30 I may give it up as a lost cause. This one sort of relates back to number 24, in a way. I call this one 'All of a sudden, I'm in love with you'. In this case the characters may not fuck, but sometimes do enter a sexual relationship. In number 24 I was talking about characters who are strangers having sex and then boom next thing you know proclaiming love for one another. In most cases when they haven't even had one conversation, yet. Beyond 'Fuck me harder'. In this case I'm talking about characters who know each other, they might just be acquaintances or maybe they know each other a little better than that, but generally speaking they don't like each other. At least one person is annoyed as hell by the other, it might be mutual annoyance. Now, I'm not talking about outright hate, enemies kindof thing. I'm just talking about your general day to day dislike, like you might have for a co-worker who's personality and yours just clash. I have read this way to many times, in stories and after reading one earlier today I just snapped and couldn't take it anymore. So hence the rant. I'll give an example using generalities. Say there is one character who is sort of  a clumsy doof and a little dim. The other guy usually finds him  annoying and exasperating as all get out. The two never get along in canon, don't know each other, and aren't even really friends. They fuck and the one who gets annoyed by the other alot is wondering how he can explain to the other one that is all this is, fucking. Then they fuck a few more times, without having very many conversations, and the guy has suddenly changed his mind and is in love. It's like a reverse of the 'I love you, let's fuck'. Maybe I should call this 'We've fucked, now I love you'. Whenever I read that I just wanted to scream, 'No you like his dick'. It's stupid, lots of fucking, a conversation or two, and then professing eternal love. I'm going, 'Wait when did he stop hating him?' I get confused by this sudden turn of emotion. I'm mean the writer missed a few steps there didn't they. What exactly caused this abrupt turn of events? A few fucks ago he was wondering how to get out of this without hurting the other guy too much and now he suddenly loves him. Huh? For god sake's did the writer get bored with the story and just decide it was getting to long and wanted to finish it? It seems like it. It's like they didn't even bother with developing the characters further or having them work up to knowing, liking, and respecting each other, just jumped straight to love. I've slept with a guy I thought was attractive, but didn't like much personally once. He didn't suddenly turn into Prince Charming the next morning. He was still a jerk. Never seen a guy who was good enough in bed that I suddenly changed all opinion about him being an ass. The only way that has ever happened is if I got to know them better and realized I misjudged them. Think about that. Step out of fairy tale land why don't you. Back into the more realistic setting of the only way they are going to change their mind about the other person is to get to know them, alot better. Likes, dislikes, favorite things, personal experiences, at least maybe you could work up to knowing the other's middle name. That might be good. I mean, jeez, might explain why your personal relationships don't work out if fucking makes you do a 180 like that. <rolling my eyes here>

29. This rant I'll call, So everybody on the damn show's fucking gay now? I saw this on somebody else's rant page and went that pretty much sums up why I don't like multiple pairings. This rant of mine isn't limited to multiple pairings though. I'm also talking about multiple partners. Multiple pairings is for example: M/K, M/Sk, Sk/K. Multiple partners is: M/K/Sk. Get the difference? Multiple pairings is everybody screwing two at a time and multiple partners is more than two people in the bed at once. This rant isn't just limited to that though, I'm also talking about those stories where the writer seems to hook up everybody on the damn show, not just major, supporting, or recurring characters, but some minor ones too in same sex relationships. I mean they have left like no one out in this gay coming out parade, even if they have to bring in some OCs (Original Characters) everybody gets a gay or lesbian lover. I hate all these things for the same damn reason. It makes out like everybody on the show is now gay. For god sakes they estimate 10% of the population is gay. Which with 6 billion people on the planet adds up to 600 million people. That doesn't mean they all work in the same damn building though. The gay populace is spread out, not all located within Mulder's bedroom (or any characters for that matter). I hate multiple pairings because it makes everyone out to be a damn slut, hot for like every guy on the show. 'Ooh, we all want to fuck Skinner'. Get real. Also, multiple partners, few people ever engage in this activity and these arrangements are often a one time deal. They don't really work out, it's hard for two people to maintain a long term relationship, much less three or more people. It's ridiculous. I like a little realism in the stories. In the case of Mulder, if you think for a second I'll believe he's a big slut get over yourself. Who knows when was the last time he got laid. The early 90's if I remember correctly, second season. I think that baby of Scully's came from Mulder via a cup, if it's his. Personally, I think it's an alien baby. That's just my opinion though. My point is. The odds that two characters on the show are gay is rare enough, that more than two are and hot for each other. Is just too far for my imagination to stretch. I just want to know do these writers think it's fun trying to get everyone together with someone else in a gay relationship? I usually find no humor in it. I generally think it's just lame and move on when I see it. So please, spare me.

30. Ah, we've hit numero 30. Yes, I finally snapped over RPS (Real Person Slash). What the hell is up with this stuff I ask you? And no don't start sending me recs for good stories, I don't want to know. I am boycotting it like many other slashers, in other words I'm not going to read it no matter what. I'm not insulting the stories here, the writers, or their talent. I haven't read them so I couldn't speak on that. I am ranting about the very idea of RPS which I find creepy. It makes my skin crawl. Whenever I see RPS stuff listed or mentioned somewhere I just think 'what are these people in high school?' Should they even be reading slash, are they over 18. (For god sakes most of the stuff is about boy bands, which I have never liked even one of. Thank you very much, I have taste. Never been up on the trend of the moment.) I don't put those age disclaimer thingys on my site for nothing, you know. I stopped fantasizing about rock stars and actors like that when I was a teen. These stories objectify them. They make them out to be things, just like the characters they play, not real. Like they deserve no private lives. As if, nothing of their personal lives is sacred or should be kept so. I think they disrespect these actors, singers, etc. Plus, rumors of them being gay could hurt their careers. I'm not saying anyone might construe this stuff as real, just that people don't need more ammo to start up the rumor mill. You know when I was a teen I used to get jealous when an actor or singer I liked got married. Now, I'm happy for them when they do. Thrilled when I see announcements that they are engaged or having children. I'm glad for them. I realize they have private lives which they need to keep separate from their work. Which is why RPS creeps me out. You won't see it ever rec'd on this site. The day it is, just shoot me. For having really bad taste and being so fucking bored out of my mind, that I stooped to reading that. I'd probably even beg you to.

31. Shit I started to write up 30 and another popped into my head. This one is about Quick Resolutions to Anger. Which is where two characters are enemies one minute and the next professing their undying love for one another. Where there is no interim point in the story where they confront and resolve some of the issues that make them so. No angsting over being with someone who is often their foe. Nope, they just fucking jump right from I hate you to I'm in live with you. Such a quick turnabout makes my head spin. I love Mulder/Krycek slash in the X-files fandom. These two are enemies on the show, so when I read them slashed, I want to see them move beyond that to get to the loving each other part. Now, I could understand them being attracted to one another, or lusting after each other. Even carrying a crush or a little torch for the other I'll buy. Even one being a little in love with the other. They have a few steps to get to though, before they can get to the being in love and expressing it to one another portion of story. They need to work some shit out to arrive at I love you. Talk, fight, angst over their feelings, and generally fuck things up before they get to that point though. It's the natural way things have to progress for them to move on. Every time I see two people who are enemies or just generally hate each other with a vengeance suddenly do an about face and start with the I love you's I just roll my eyes and hit the back button. It can sortof creep up on a story. It can be going along good and then all of a sudden it is like the writer lost interest. Maybe they just didn't want to have to go through all that and gave up. I don't know either way I hate it when that happens. The story losses believability to me when that happens and I'm out of there. Don't even bother going further. The story has lost what ever potential it had to me from that moment on. I just give up on it right there. There's no going back from that point and fixing it. Even trying to claim it as denial won't work. Only thing that would fix it would be rewriting it from that moment on.

32. I'm like having my period and I'm really testy right now, so I thought. Perfect time to add to my bitch fest. To much information for you probably. The only problem is, these aren't even mine. This first one I'm doing is one someone e-mailed me about and I'm really not bothered by it all that much, but I know it's a pet peeve for some so I thought I'd throw it up. Like I said it's not a real biggie to me, so I may be nicer than usual about it. Damn it. This one is about using names for things or perhaps phrases that are geographically incorrect. I know you're going 'Huh?' What I'm talking about is like a writer from say England writing a fanfic from an American show and using word, often slang words, that no American uses. The examples the person who wrote me gave was like using the word tenement for apartment. Now, I have to say I agree on that point. I don't know what type of building a tenement might be in England, but in the states it's usually very low rent housing, often not in a very good neighborhood. So like describing Mulder's apartment on the X-files as a tenement would be wrong. It's a very nice place, probably medium priced, and in a nice middle class neighborhood. Not a tenement. Hell's Kitchen in New York might have tenements. Not Mulder's apartment building in Alexandria. Also, using the word Lift for elevator. No American says that ever. Ever. I've never heard it. The point the person was making if you are going to write fics for an American show, and your not American, make sure you use words and or phrases Americans would use. Find an American beta reader who might catch those mistakes. Just be aware that the phases used in other countries might not be used in the one you are writing the story about. This is true for all fandoms, shows that take place in Europe are the same, don't use American phrases that might never be used there. Find a beta reader who knows about the country you are writing about and ask them what you would call things or ask them to point phrases out if they seem off. I don't think that was snarky at all, dammit.

33. This one is a small one that I think was brought up on either the nixxers or slashx list. It was about correctly spelling characters names if you are going to write a fic about them. There were apparently quite a few people on the list who had this little pet peeve. I admit it does annoy me too. If I'm reading like an Mulder/Krycek X-files fic and suddenly I come across somebody named "Krychek". I'm going, who the hell is that? I admit when I first heard of Krycek I had no idea how to spell his last name, I loved the character though. I found out real quick the correct spelling of it, however. There is no 'H' in Krycek. All the people on the list were really vehement about this point. It seemed to set alot of people's teeth on edge. If you are going to write a damn fic, at the very least spell the characters names right. I see a name spelled wrong, I'm marking it as probably not getting any better from there and hitting the back button. Spell the characters frigging names right. It's not that hard, look it up. Hell, if you read enough damn fanfic you should know how to spell their damn names. So there's really no excuse for misspelling the names. If you are going to take the time to write the fic, at the very least, take the time to research the teeniest bit so you know how to spell everyone's name. It happens alot with Krycek, but I've seen it with other people's names in other fandoms too. Spell the characters names correctly. Shit, I guess that one bugged me more than I thought. Cool. Bonus. Like I said, I'm like way snarky today. Hell, for several days. Been biting everyone's head off. Don't think I've made anyone cry yet, but I do try. That would be a real bonus. I am so not feeling nice lately. Oh, well it to shall pass. As soon as my hormones level out. Until then I better not get any flamey e-mail. Talk about biting heads off. Heads would roll. I'll shut up. I'm done.

34. This is one that someone mentioned to me in an e-mail. It falls under the category of 'How in the hell could you mess that up?'. This one is definitely one you should watch out for, if you screw this up everyone is going to be going, 'Do you watch the show?' or 'Have you not been watching very closely?' It is about getting a characters or really an actors physical characteristics wrong. The person who e-mailed me mentioned a couple of examples she had found. In one instance she talked about a writer, who she didn't name and even if she had I wouldn't, referring to Megan from the Sentinel's hair as red. Which it isn't it's brown, auburn really. Which is brown with red highlights that usually one show up in the sun. That's what color mine is, dark brown under most light, but bright sunlight and 'whoa, suddenly I'm a red head'. Megan's hair is brown though, Naomi's is red. You compare the two you can see the difference. Also, she mentioned stories she had read in the Hercules: the Legendary Journeys fandom where writers would be describing Joxer or Iolas as having hair on their chests. Now I'm not to sure about Ted Raimi, Joxer, because he takes his shirt of I'm turning my head away. So not my type sorry. I can't vouch for him, I'm saying, but I don't think he has chest hair. I know the guy who plays Iolas doesn't. He goes around all the time wearing just a vest and no shirt underneath. You can see his chest clearly and he has no chest hair. See why I said this category fell under 'How could you mess that up?' These are easy things you really shouldn't be screwing up. If you watch the show, then you should know what the people on it look like. There really is no excuse for messing that up. I think I've come across stories where that has happened. They usually are the ones that send my mouse heading for the back button and are not stored in my memory. So as for this one, just be careful and make sure you have seen enough shows to at least know what every one looks. The readers will greatly appreciate it and will read further than that in your story.

35. Ok, I've had it. I've snapped yet again and I have to rant on this fucking thing, because it is annoying the shit out of me. What you might ask? 'False Entry signs to sites' I've been to several sites lately that had this, all were in the anime and Buffy genres. You click on a link to go to the fanfic, you are faced with the obligatory warning page, and then where it says Enter or I understand, yes I am of age (or whatever) you are then taken to a false entry page that says you didn't read the warning, go back and do so.  In the warning you are instructed to click on, in one case a fucking period mark, or some other obscure little thing on the page. Now, I understand you don't want kids getting in here. For fuck's sake if you don't want that, either don't write in a goddamn fandom where kids are most likely to sneak in or register with Net Nanny, Safe Surf, or other child safe monitoring sites.  I am 27 god damn years old, in my home state of Texas that is old enough to do any damn thing I want within the realms of legality. I didn't read the fucking age statement because for one thing I know what it says, I've been to enough damn slash site I know the warning by heart. Hell, I have them on my page. I trust that people are old enough and know what they are getting into. The warning is merely a don't fucking bitch at me disclaimer. I warned you, you get into anything you shouldn't or don't want to, don't come crying to me. This false Entry thing is just some idiotic trend that they seen done on someone pages and thought was funny so they decided to do it on theirs too. Or haven't branched out into enough fandoms to know that isn't really the way a warning page is done. Hell, in some of the damn warning on these pages the main focus is telling people where to actually go, not warning them of  m/m material or that they need to be 18. My question is are these people over 18 themselves? Because this is just fucking childish. Do not lie to people and lure them to false page with this idiocy. Most of us could quote you a general disclaimer warning on slash pages by mother fucking heart. I don't need to be teased and lured. I know what I am getting into and am old enough to take responsibility for it. So back the fuck off. I am on tons of lists and have visited I can't even count how many slash sites in the last 3 or 4 years since I have gotten into it. I am a slash slut. If you are worried about kiddies getting in there, maybe you shouldn't be slashing something that is so child oriented. That children might wander into. I'm all for Buffy slash don't get me wrong, love Buffy. I'm a big Wesley slash slut. Buffy is not child oriented though, if you watch the warnings before the show you'll see it is recommended for teen and adult viewers. Yes, we might have to watch out for teens, but that is taking it a little to far. Are these people old enough to be writing it and reading it though? I am. Are you? Remember if you want to get in a flame war with me, my response is 'Bring it on.' I'll wait until my period hits so you'll get the brunt force of my full on bitch mode. So remember that I am a big bitch before you come yelling at me. I understand your reasoning, I just think your way of handling it is idiotic.

36. This one has to do with slash websites, but also websites in general. This one is about visually painful backgrounds, text effects, or colors. I don't know how much of this I have seen. When I started out this site I had some complaints about some of the colors, which I was worried about too. I have since tweaked them hoping to improve them. So I have made mistakes too, it happens. I have been making webpages for years. I'll admit that some of my early forays when I was just playing around were not successful. One of my first ones had an ugly background, text color that was way hard to read, and too many images. I've learned since then, I know this site is minimalistic, but I went for that intentionally wanting to highlight the stories themselves rather than some cool backgrounds I found. I wanted easy to load and easy to read. I did a Buffy page years ago that was the opposite of this. You can click here if you want to see it. That page has lots of graphics and such, I was going for cool with it. Some people really need to catch up on learning about these things though. I understand making mistakes in the beginning, but some just aren't catching on. Today I went to a site that the text on the warning page (it was the one that set me off on the above rant) was blinking. All of it, the entire page. So not only was there that annoying false entry thing, it was topped off by the entire warning text blinking. It was also an extremely bright shade of neon green. I nearly went blind trying to just catch what the fuck it was saying in between the blinks. I was shocked they thought you would be able to read it. So not only had the idiot faked people out with the laughable false entry thing, they made the text so fucked up it was near impossible to read what it said. Here's a tipper, having a word or two blink is fine. A whole damn paragraph, gives people eye strain. Horrid graphics with text on it that doesn't show up well enough does the same thing. Especially, if it is on a story. When you are creating a page for a story, don't put graphics on it, unless they are incredibly mild and unobtrusive. Practically no design and fade in behind the text. Remember you are highlighting the text, what is in the foreground, not the background. Don't use colors that make your eyes hurt to read it. Ease up on this shit, learn the proper webpage design. Also, cut it out with images so large or so many of them that they freeze up people's browsers trying to load them. You are trying to highlight your stories, not the cool graphics you've found. A webpage should reflect the main focus of it. The thing that stands out the most should be what the page mainly concerns. These page are about the stories I am rec'ing. So I chose small graphics that load easily to show off  the text. My Buffy page was alot about the show, so I included images of the characters and from the eps. Graphics are fine, just don't let them so overwhelm everything else that's all there is. Some of the most beautiful sites I have seen are slash ones. Some are incredibly professional, they load easily and know exactly how to use graphics to enhance the text wonderfully. I know some people's html skills aren't great and they may be newbies to it all. A tip for all of the newbies going in avoid ugly graphics, too bright colors, and anything that is so visually painful it causes you eye strain. (Note: Yes, I know people hated the colors on this page and so I changed them. It looked ok on my computer what can I say.)

37. This is a bitch that was sent to me by Immortal Katharina, which I totally agree with so I thought I'd post it here. This relates back to my rant on rape fics, but is a different aspect to it. This is directly from her message to me, which I felt was worded well and brought up an aspect that really bugged me too.  From Katharina's message: "I got another one for you. I don't mind the story depicting rape as a form of angst (IE character A and B are slashed and character A is attacked by an outside source) as long as the damage it causes is depicted in a realistic way (as in it take more than 5 minutes to get over), but what drives me up a wall (and I'm sure you've seen this before) is when character B moves in on character A like a vulture. What are the authors trying to prove, that character B is a total ass. A sexual assault takes a lot of time to get over and any idiot knows that right after the victim is emotionally vulnerable. Writing a fandom character that tries to start a sexual relationship with an assault victim that's still deeply traumatized makes them look like a predator not some Knight in shinning armor (like a guy wants a K.I.S.A. anyway) It's like trying to pick someone up at their husband or wife's funeral, PLEASE!!! I'm not saying don't get the characters together but at least wait till one of them isn't a basketcase."  I feel she is right in this case. My main problem with rape fics is that the victims recover so quickly. Men have it worse when it comes to rape, they have no support system to help them through it and often feel there is no where for them to turn. I have seen stories where one person is anally raped and then turns around asking for their partner to fuck them, to take away the memory of the rape with their dick. (It's a cure all wonder dick apparently.)What the fuck is that? Someone who is raped in that manner isn't going to want a dick anywhere near them. I doubt the rapist was kind enough to use lube or finger prep them much so I'm betting some tearing and pain has occurred. They are not going to want to have sex right away. Rape is something that can take years for someone to get over, the person may never get over it in some cases. It is a lasting, scarring, and traumatic events. One of the most difficult a person can go through. Dealing with the after-effects of a rape are no different for a man than a woman. They go through the same symptoms, just in silence most times. I think the only thing worse is the stories where the victim falls in love with their rapist. That is pure crap and not worth our time. We are women, if anyone can understand rape it is us, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Male, female, gay, or straight. So get the fuck over this thing. It is sick. The only rape story I have ever read that dealt with the process properly was No Islands Anymore by Betsy Tacy Ray-Kelly in the Sentinel fandom. She gave a harsh and painful description of the recovery that was a long road. She had researched enough to know what someone went through, including suffering sexual dysfunction.

38. MPREG! Ok, pretty much everyone I've talked to lately feels that the next bitch I should throw up needed to be about MPREG. For those of you who don't know what that abbreviation stands for, let me enlighten you. MALE PREGNANCY. Now not only are those two words contradictory when speaking about human anatomy, but the idea in of itself most feel is ridiculous. Pretty much the only real creature I've ever heard of that the male's get pregnant are Sea Horses. There might be other animals on this planet that do that, but I don't know of them. Human Males, however, do not. Nor should they. I think Male Pregnancy is one of the most annoying aspects of slash. Now for me I just look at it as humor. Mainly, because the whole idea makes me laugh every time I think of it. I'll admit that I have rec'd one Mpreg story. It wasn't because of the male pregnancy though. It was well written and dealt with some real issues about how losing a child affect people. If it hadn't delved into that more than the anything I would have hated it as much as all the others. Let me just say this once. Men do not get pregnant. Nor should they in any realm of the universe. I don't think most men want to get pregnant. It's a big squick for them, just the thought of it. I blame movies like the Rabbit Test (with Billy Crystal) and Junior (with Arnold, I can't spell his last name, no offense. I can say it, but I can't remember the spelling.). Those movies depicted men as pregnant and stuck the idea in societies heads. Why slash writers feel the need to make the characters inexplicably pregnant I have no idea. It boggles my mind. I think Stargate is probably the fandom with the most instances of this story. The Sentinel runs a close second, probably followed by... the X-files. I don't want to see men pregnant and from the amount of people I've talked to lately who are equally annoyed by this neither does anyone else. I think with the Stargate fandom people use the idea of all those planets there are to explore as a way to knock Daniel up, for it is usually Daniel who get pregnant. He gets feminized by writes almost as much as Blair does. Which is ridiculous since neither of them are exactly girly men. I was talking to some one today and they mentioned that this was probably the writers own issues about wanting to be taken care of coming out in the fics. I agree. When it comes to Mpreg though, does that mean these chicks are so desperate to have a baby they even write male characters getting pregnant? I don't know. All I have to say is. If you want to write baby fics, why don't you just skip over to the het side of the fence. Start writing shipper fic in whatever fandom you choose. Make Sam on Stargate pregnant or give Scully that baby she's always wanted. Hell, with Scully that's canon now, so no problem. Just don't inflict those of us in the slash community with it any more. We like our men, manly. We like men, we want them to act like men. That includes them never, ever, ever getting pregnant. Spare us all. Please. Go write het, they like baby fics there I'm sure. We don't. The whole idea is ludicrous, give it a rest.

39. I've been meaning to mention this for a while. I keep forgetting though. Then I was checking some links and found a story that reminded me of it. This bitch I'll call. The Dick That Just Won't Quit. You know what I'm talking about. A story where the guys do it so many times in succession you just have to hate their sexual prowess. Mainly, because no man on the planet could live up to that. There are only so many times a guy can get it up in one night. Plus, I'd think he needs some time to recover between those. Maybe a couple of hours at the very least. Having a character get it up three or more times in a row is stretching it a little bit. Twice in a row is really about all you could ever expect and I'd give the guys a good 15 minutes to half an hour to prime themselves back up. Really though I'd be dubious about even that. Maybe that night and the next morning sure I could believe that. A story where a damn guy just keeps going and going like the damn Energizer Bunnytm is a little much for my suspension of disbelief to really hang on to. I've tried. I just can't buy that sometimes. We all know that no matter how much we may wish it a guy really can't get it up 4 or more times in a row. Dammit. I know we fantasize and I wish it were true. Oh, how I wish it were true. Not gonna happen though. Most men are not going to be going all night long. Even marathon sex realistically should be limited to two really long session with a break for building it back up in between. (No pun intended.) So cut it with the Wonderdick crap. I've never found a guy like that. Saddly, dammit. If you find one, pass him around and share. Don't hog him for yourself. It just would figure if one exists he would be gay though, wouldn't it. Whatever. Let's give the guys a break in our stories. Let them rest a little at least, before you send them on to round 13 or 14. Sheesh. My suspension of disbelief really stops at 2, I can stretch it to 3. Anything beyond that is so pushing it though. Really.

40. Ah, we're up to the big 4 0 now. This is something that started bugging me not all that long ago and I just thought to mention. I'll call this one, "Aren't you dead yet?" I'm talking about a story where one or sometimes more than one character has so much physical abuse, torture, rape, etc. heaped upon them you wonder how they are still alive. It seems like they barely have time to heal from one incident when they are thrust into another one. They've just gotten over one really good thumping before the writer turns around and does some more shit to them. Now I don't mind angst and one good moment of some physical owwies heaped onto a character. Can make for some nice little h/c (hurt/comfort) moments. I just can't stand to see it happening over and over again throughout a story. I mean the human body can only take so much physical torture before irrepreparable trauma occurs. I've read stories where one thing after another would just happen to a guy, the endless torture just never seemed to stop. At some point you just have to go "Isn't that guy dead yet?". Shouldn't he be? After all the shit that's happened to that character (with hardly any time to recover since the last incident) shouldn't his body have given out by now? How are they possibly still alive? In any realm of reality they would have dropped dead by now. I mean one really good whumping inflicted upon a character is really enough. Any more than that is just overkill. It's like the writer really wants to kill the character, they just can't seem to make themselves to do it. So instead they punish them endlessly by doing the most hellacious crap to them. I mean lay off the poor guys, or gals as the case may be. Give them a break, let them go off and lick their wounds. Maybe give them time enough for bones to knit and scar tissue to form. That would be nice. Let the emotional trauma from the events really set in and the therapy sessions begin. I'm sure the characters will thank you for it.

41. Child slash. There is a Japanese (I think it's Japanese anyway) word that is used to disguise it sometimes, "Shota". I've also heard it referred to as Chan. There's another word for that in English. Pedophila. Do not write me trying to defend this shit. I don't want to fucking here it. Minotaur has banned sites with such listing from the SPDB. Rightly so. There is alot we will tolerate in slash, but some things aren't just social mores. They are criminally prosectuable. We're talking about kids here. So shut the fuck up. I'm not even talking about teens having sex here. With me 15 is the limit of how young either person in the pairing can be and I have some issues even where that is concerned. I don't generally like either person in the pairing to be below their early 20's. Teens have sex, fine, we know that. I'm talking about them, I'm talking about children. Way underage children. I don't really think I have to say much more on this topic. How much more is there to say about how sick that is.

42. The Poor Baby Syndrome. This has always bugged the shit out of me. Today I finally hit my limit on how much of this I could take. You know what I'm talking about. Stories where one character is just treated with such solicitious care and concern. Pampered and petted beyond belief. While the other character in the pairing is made out to basically be 'that fucking bastard'. Most often unrightly so. In the Sentinel fandom this appears so often the moment I come across it I just roll my eyes and hit the back button. I've read enough 'Poor little Blair' and 'Big Bad Jim' stories to have hit my quota long ago. Jim is not a horrid bastard, nor is Blair a perfect little angel. It always seems to go the same way too. Taking every little slight that Jim has ever inflicted on Blair and making them out to be of some earth shattering importance. While at the same time ignoring every idiotic and hurtful thing Blair has ever done to Jim is quite stupid. They've both made mistakes in the time that they've worked together, of about equal emotional impact. So get the fuck over it. What made me snap on this topic today was where someone was doing the 'Poor Baby' thing with Krycek from the X-Files fandom. Making Mulder out to be the most horrible, insensitive fucking bastard I've ever seen. While not only overlooking, but not even mentioning even one of the crimes that Krycek has ever committed. Not one was ever mentioned in the story, as if we were all just suppossed to forget that and pretend Mulder had no right to treat Alex so badly and generally hate him. I almost laughed. It was just to funny. It wasn't even some AU where Alex hadn't really done anything. The writer was going with canon for the most part. Which made it even more ridiculous. I really like Krycek, but I like Mulder just as much. I can't find it the least bit believable to do the whole 'Poor Baby' thing with Krycek. Not in the least, not after all he's done. The list of crimes is just to long. So let's not even go there. I think the whole 'Poor Baby' thing bugs me more than just about anything else. Nothing will send me packing quicker either. It's just such crap and so rarely earned on either person's part to either be treated so very well or so very badly. It's also so far from the characterization of either person it's laughable. Truly.

Feminizing Men: A Male POV - A man sent me a message on this subject about the ways we do this without realizing, involving touching and personal boundaries. It was really fascinating and definitely something every slash writer should keep in mind. I found it very enlightening and something I am going to think of when I finally get some of those 'fucking epics' out of my skull and on paper. It was something I knew about, but this made me think more strongly on it.

That's it for now, if I think of anymore I'll post them here.

If you have any complaints you'd like to share. Send me a shout and maybe I'll post them here and will give you the credit for it.

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