Quicksand 

by Terlonian  

Prologue 

Life and Love is like a pool of quicksand, the more you fight it the
deeper you sink into it 

Every lawyer dreams of making partner in a law firm. To be able to
throw your cock on the table with the big boys and piss on those less
than you is truly the American dream. Tobias Beecher had this dream.
Coming from a family of lawyers, his career was decided before he
exited the womb. All those years of college, law school, all those late
nights studying, the midnight runs to Kinko's, all of the crap he had to
put up with to be able to stand in line with the big cocks (including his
father) and say "I'm a partner". 

Tobias knew it took more than being a good lawyer to make partner.
It's not who you know, it's how well you blow who you know. Tobias
knew he was one of the best blowers at the bottom of the totem
pole. 

Like clockwork, he arrived for work earlier than the other lawyers. He
usually spent his time looking over briefs and reports and a multitude
of charts so he could "be in the know". This morning was different.
Tobias had his head buried in the law volumes. One of the janitors,
an elderly black man surprised him. 

"Didn't mean to scare you son" 

"Oh, don't worry about it, I'm a jumpy guy anyway" 

"Can I work 'round you" 

"Sure" 

"Thanks, so whatcha working on" 

"A subliminal message case. This kid went nuts at a dance club and
killed a few people. He claims this techno song made him do it." 

He pushes the button on the tape player. The music blares loudly
causing the old man to cover his ears. "The song was specially made
for this club...uh...Club Kaos. He said he heard voices in the music that
told him to kill." 

The old man looked at Tobias with great disbelief. "I don't know
what the hell is wrong with kids today" 

"Yeah and what's worst is one of the kids was the son of a major
pharmaceutical CEO that we represent. He doesn't think the D. A. is
doing his job so he came to us to make sure this guy gets the
maximum sentence. He also wants us to find out who did the song
and get them too, well basically he told us we either win the case or
lose his business." 

"Shit man....he got ya'll between a rock and a hard place" 

"Tell me about it." 

"Well you'll do it, you're a smart kid, bet your wife is proud of you" 

"She left me a year ago, just took the kids and left" 

"She didn't give you a reason?" 

"Alcohol, I drank to much, turned my home into a war ground" 

"And you want her back, you miss her" 

"I miss my kids more, but I do miss Gen" 

"Like I said, you're a smart kid. You'll win this case and you'll get your
family back" 

As the janitor left, Tobias sat silent. Talking to the janitor made him
realize just how much he missed his kids. Sure he saw them on the
weekends and holidays, but he was their father. He needed to be
there every night. He wanted to be the one fighting the boogie man,
tucking them in at night, waking them for school in the morning.
There was only one way to get that back. He had to win Gen back.
Tobias loved Gen. For some reason, he was never able to make a
complete connection with her physically or mentally, but for the most
part, he loved her. As he sank deeper into thought, his father's
secretary came to the door. "Mr. Beecher?" 

"Huh...oh...um...what can do for you?" 

"The Partners are having a meeting this afternoon at one o'clock. They
want you to be there." 

"Me...you sure their not talking about my dad" 

"He's the one that sent me" 

"Um, ok?" 

Ok, there are three reasons why you are summoned to a partners
meeting. 1) You're fired, 2) Your fired, or 3) there's an opening at the
big cock table. All morning long he wondered why he was summoned
to the partners meeting. He sat nervously in the seat as the men filed
into the room. The men had stern legal looks on their faces which
intimidated Tobias even more 

"Mr. Beecher, Anderson tells us that you've been doing rather well on
this subliminal message case." 

"Only doing my best sir" 

"Mr. Beecher, have you noticed something different about us today?" 

"Mr. Anderson isn't here?" 

"You're a bright guy." Beecher hated the condescending talk. "Mr.
Anderson went to the doctor yesterday and received some rather
disturbing news" 

"His heart?" 

"He's old..... forget his heart.....anyway, Mr. Anderson has decided to
retire and of course we agree. That leaves a seat open. This subliminal
message case is a big one, an important one, one that could kick us in
the financial ass if we lose it. Yet, Anderson thinks that not only can
you handle it, but you can win it. Let me cut to the chase. You have a
high profile case. Mr. Green also has a high profile case. One of you
guys will fill the seat beside your father. The one that wins his case.
Do you understand me?" 

"Yes sir, but what if we both win?" 

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it, but you should know that we
have never said no to your father." 

"Ok." 

"That's all for now" 

Tobias walked out of the room with an uncontrollable grin. Could this
be happening? Was he just handed a chance to make partner? He
stopped by a water fountain to replenish the moisture that had
drained from him during his agonizing wait. As he wiped his mouth,
he heard a voice 

"Tobias" 

"Huh....oh....hi dad...is all of this for real" 

"Yes it is son, which is why I have three words for you. DON'T FUCK
UP! You fuck up, you embarrass me and I don't like that. WIN THIS
CASE!!!! I don't care what you do. Lie, cheat steal, do whatever you
have to do to win this case. Do you understand me" 

"Dad that's a lot of stress -" 

"TOBIAS! Do whatever it takes to win this case." 

"Yes Dad." As his father walked off, Tobias looked at him in confusion.
How could he shit on his parade before it got out of the gate? He
didn't understand his fathers actions but he knew one thing: He had
to win this case. The next morning, he met his janitor friend again.
"Hey, I talked to your daddy yesterday...said you have a chance to
move on up like the Jeffersons." 

"Yeah" 

"And this case you're working on, you think winning it will help you
get that pretty lady back in your life?" 

"It could help" 

"Well how bout I help you with that" Tobias looked at the old man
with a puzzled face. What could the old man offer him that his law
journals didn't? At this point in time, Tobias didn't care where his
information came from. If the Easter bunny had offered him advice he
would take it. 

"How can you help me" 

"When my grandbaby came over to the house yesterday singing that
song...scared me to death after what you told me what that kid did. I
asked her where she heard that song and she tried to lie, but I caught
her. I knew she had been to that club and more than likely it was with
that fag friend of hers.....calls himself Natalie. Anyway, she says that
everyone goes to the club to dance to that song but she didn't hear it
there first" 

"Where did she hear it" 

The old man crouched in low to Tobias as though he was sharing a
secret "At a strip club, she goes with that fag-" 

Tobias quickly interrupted. "Could you not use that word, please" 

"Oh, ok...anyway she goes to this club with this punk and there's this
guy that dances to that music....now I'm thinking to myself: you said
that song was made for that club only, if that's true, how the hell did
that dancer get it?" 

"And the club received the tape out of the blue. It just showed up in
the mail one day.......what club is this?" 

"It's called the Men's Room....get this, the guy your looking for is
called The Lawyer....she said his real name is Chris
Cale....Kells.....Keller...something like that." 

Tobias scratched the info on a sheet of paper as fast as he could. Turns
out the old man had a lot to offer. "Anything else" 

"Yeah, she said he takes a seat at table 5 and starts his show from
there. She and that fagg-...I mean..that friend of hers reserve that
table when they go..... and he dances on Friday, Saturday and Sunday
night. Maybe you can get one of these pretty girls here to go with
you" 

"No, that's ok" 

"There going to think you're a...well, one of them" 

"Oh, That's ok.......I mean....I don't care because I'm not....anyway,
thanks for the info" 

"No problem son, just invite me to the wedding" 

Tobias called information on his cell phone to get the number to the
Men's Room. He made reservations for nine o'clock. 

Part 1: Trip to the Jungle 

Being one that is always prepared, Tobias started primping himself at
seven o'clock. He was afraid to appear too "legal", especially in a strip
club. He decided to wear some of those "classy" clothes that Gen had
bought him. His outfit for the night consisted of a heavy black corded
sweater, black dockers and shined shoes. When he arrived at the club,
He was sort of apprehensive about going in. This was a bar where
men strip and women would assume he was gay. Never the less, he
had to do it. As he entered the club, he choked on the mixture of
smoke and perfume 

"Name" 

"Huh" 

"Your name...you made reservations, right" 

"Oh ..sorry...it's Tobias, Tobias Beecher" 

"Ok...table five...walk straight ahead, in front of the runway" 

Tobias takes a small folded sheet of paper out of his pocket. 

"Thanks, could you do me a favor...give this to "The Lawyer" 

"We don't do that here...too many dancers get stalkers like this" 

"I'm a lawyer, he may very well have some information I need" 

"Sorry, no can do" 

"Look either you can take it back. Or I can send the cops with a full
subpoena" 

The doormen took the paper and escorted Tobias in. He found his
table and tried to compose himself. This wasn't his world, his people,
his thing. He was ok with his surroundings until a tall muscle bound
waiter asked for his drink order. He turned to refuse the offer, but
found a crotch in stretch pants staring back at him. "Hey, I'm up here."

"Oh sorry...um, no...trying to stay sober." 

"Well, there's a cover charge so you might as well have something." 

"Ok....I'll have a coke" 

Toby mentally kicked himself for staring at the man's crotch, but then
again, it's not like you could miss it. The lights dimmed, and the room
filled with jungle music. Out of the floor, came a tall muscular figure
basked in green and yellow light. By the shadow he was creating,
Tobias could tell he didn't have much on. He diverted his attention by
jotting some notes on a napkin. Halfway down the napkin, he felt
something rub from left to right and stop in the middle of his back.
He looked up without turning around. There stood a very tall man.
He had short black hair, glasses, and was dressed in a black pinstripe
Brooks Brothers suit with a red tie and a brief case pressed to his
chest. Tobias wondered. If he's holding his briefcase in his arms, then
what was that pressing against his back? Tobias cleared his throat 

"You need something?" 

"Yeah" said the man 

"What?" 

"My seat" 

"What?" 

"This is where I start my show...at least let me sit with you" 

Tobias watched the man as he sat down. The first thing he noticed
was the man's eyes, how deep and cool they were. No wonder he
was so popular. 

"You're the Lawyer?" 

"Yeah, and from what I hear, so are you." 

"Yeah...I am. I have a case-" 

"You'll have to save it for later." 

Suddenly the room filled with applause, whistling and cat calls. On
the stage, stood a naked man standing in piles of money. Tobias
gazed in confusion. "All that for dancing naked? " 

"That's nothing" 

"You can do better?" 

"Watch me!" 

He stared at the man as he got himself together. He didn't know why,
but the man looked very familiar to him. The emcee took the stage. 

"I just wanted to take a minute to thank all you beautiful ladies and
gentlemen for coming out tonight. We can't afford to do this shit by
ourselves so I want ya'll to give it up for our sponsors" 

The crowd went wild. They knew what the emcee meant by the word
"sponsor", Tobias didn't. A silver screen descended from the ceiling of
the stage displaying a fake commercial with "The Lawyer" offering his
services. It was a stupid commercial with "The Lawyer" asking the
crowd if they had been hurt by their man, if their heart was broken,
shit like that. Tobias didn't know if he should laugh or be offended.
The man took the stage and the music started. That music...the music
that could easily seal his fate at the firm. When the beat kicked in, the
man started gyrating up and down the runway. The man had no
moves what so ever. Tobias couldn't believe how unbelievably stupid
all this was. He pressed his lips tightly to keep from laughing, but the
series of butt wiggles wouldn't let him. He hung his head so the man
wouldn't see him. He took a moment to compose himself and raised
his head. This time the man was doing something that resembled the
bunny hop. Tobias couldn't help it. His forehead hit the table as he
laughed. He knew it was very unprofessional of him. He was laughing
at the guy that could very well help him make partner. Tobias turned
to the side and laughed till he was out of breath. 

He noticed the music had slowed down. The crowd behind him had
died down too. Why? A moment ago they were whistling and calling
him lewd names, now they were quiet. Tobias turn around in his seat
to get another good laugh at the man's expense. The smile drained
from his face. The man stood on the stage without one thread of
clothing on. The flashing lights seemed to find every muscle the man
had. The flashing blue light gave special attention to his eyes, two
dancing orbs of blue light. The man reminded him of the trips he and
his mom took to the museum to see the statues of the Greek gods. He
stood about 6'2, wide and lean. He smiled and melted every single
heart in the club. Tobias couldn't take his eyes off him. Not only was
the man a site to see, but he looked so familiar. He walked to his brief
case and took out four bottles of red wine. The crowd was equally
impressed with his back as they were with his front. 

They started applauding because they knew what was coming next.
The man stepped on to Tobias' table and poured wine all over
himself. The wine flowed like little rivers down his chest outlining his
muscles. The rivers joined together at the man's crotch and dripped to
the table barely missing Tobias' lips. The man rubbed himself slowly,
playing with his nipples with his navel. He worked his way down to
the crotch. By the time the man was done, Tobias was soaking wet
with red wine. The table, the floor and the stage was covered with
wine soaked money. The man leaned down to Tobias' 

"That's what you get when you sit at table five" 

The man jumped off the table, extended his hand and pulled Tobias
behind him while waving at the crowd. When they got to his dressing
room, the man gave Tobias a towel and a robe 

"Here, take those off and put this on" 

"Why" 

"Because you're covered in wine. I have some old sweats in the closet.
You can wear them home. I'll get your clothes dry cleaned" 

Tobias took the robe. The man stared at Tobias as he took off his
clothes. He wracked his brain trying to figure out where he had seen
Tobias before. He knew him. It wasn't a case of having one of those
faces. He knew him from somewhere. "You do that every show?" 

"Yeah." 

"The first person you did the wine thing to, what did they think about
it?" 

"I dunno" 

"You should find them and ask?" 

"Oh really...ok, so what did you think about it" 

"You mean....never mind. Can we talk now?" 

"Yeah." 

"First of all, Mr. Kell, I'm Tobias with the Beverly law firm. Now, Mr.
Kell I'm-" 

"Can I get an er with that" 

"Huh" 

"Keller, not Kell...CHRIS KELL-ER" 

"Sorry. I'm working on a subliminal message case utilizing the same
music you dance to" 

"What's you're name again?" 

"Tobias, Tobias Beecher, anyway, this case." 

Chris' eyes grew big. He remembered him. He knew where he had
seen the man before. Tobias kept talking until he noticed the eyes.
"What, did I say something wrong" 

"No, not at all" 

"Anyway, if you could tell me who recorded that song and where, I
would really appreciate it and I'm sure this boy's father would too.
You may have to testify. 

"Tell ya what, you help me and I'll help you" 

"Ok, what can I do for you" 

"A friend of mine is showing some of his art tomorrow night followed
by a mixer at some club. He'd kill me if I didn't come. I need a date" 

"A date; but I'm not gay." 

"I didn't ask you if you were gay, I asked if you would go to his show
with me" 

"That wouldn't be professional. Mr. Kel-" 

"Call me Chris" 

"Chris, that's not the way our firm does thing-" 

"Look, I have the information you want. I know who recorded that
song and where. I also know why it was sent to that club. 

"And you're not going to tell me unless I go to the show with you?" 

"Well, you're going whether you like it or not" 

"Why do you say that?" 

"Toby-" 

"My name is Tobias" 

"Ok, Toby, we get a lot of lawyers here during the day looking for
answers to their cases. All of them have this uppity attitude about
them. They act as though their shit doesn't stink, when you can smell
them a mile away. You're not like them. Now, how would your
bosses feel if they knew you were at a male strip club at night, at table
number five and was taken backstage, hand in hand, with one of the
dancers?" 

"They don't know I'm here" 

"Oh, but they will when I send them the tape" 

"What tape" 

Chris goes to the TV in his room and turns it on. 

"My boss tapes our performances, mostly for her enjoyment but for us
also" 

Tobias gazed at the TV. He saw a naked Chris dripping wine on him,
leaning down and then taking him away. 

"So if I don't go with you, you're going to send that to my boss?" 

"You got it" 

"And if I do?" 

"I'll give it to you, something to remember me by." 

"Blackmail" 

"Yeah, ain't it great? So you going or not?" 

Tobias took his time answering. He didn't want to go, but the words
of his father kept haunting him. He needed to win this case. He
needed to win bad. 

"And you'll give me what I want?" 

"Oh yeah!"

"Ok, where should I meet you?" 

"You're going to give me your address and I'm going to come get
you." 

"Why can't I just meet you" 

"Because I want everyone to see what a hot date I have when we
drive up" 

"I'm not gay!" 

"Yeah, right.... anyway, your address? 

Tobias didn't want to give the man his address. If he had it, he could
drop by anytime. Then again it was only one date. He gave Chris his
address. 

"What time is this thing" 

"7:00. I'll finish with the ladies at 5:30, go home and get dressed and
be at your place by 6:30" 

"The ladies" 

"I'm a professional trainer" 

"Oh, well...it's late. I should be going.  

Part 2a: Waiting for tonight 

Tobias slept late the next morning. He always did on Saturdays. It was
his way of getting back the hours he lost during the weekdays. He lied
staring at the ceiling fan, thinking about the night before. In college,
they didn't teach him that he would have to pay through the ass to
get a witness to cooperate. The speed of the fan blades reminded him
of Chris, how fast he moved on him. Tobias was one of those guys
that could never lie to themselves. No matter how hard he tried, he
always came back to the truth. 

One of the truths he had to face was that he liked what he saw at the
club. The vision of Chris made him feel things that a man separated
from his wife with children shouldn't feel. The wine, his smile, the
lights, his muscles, his smile, his eyes, his smile. Tobias couldn't lie to
himself, something was brewing inside him and he didn't know how
to feel. If he couldn't lie to himself then he would just put it away.
That was hard to do because he was still wearing Chris' sweats and his
smell was all over him. 

Tobias had thoughts of canceling the date. If he did that, he would be
giving up the chance to make partner and he wouldn't be able to
impress Gen and get his family back. The phone rang. He didn't want
to pick it up in fear that it might be Chris; but he a didn't want to be
afraid either so he answered the phone. 

"Hello" 

"Hi Daddy" 

"Hey pumpkin, what are you doing" 

"Watching cartoons...what are you doing" 

"Daddy just got up, are you and your brother behaving?" 

"Yeah....mommy says we have to get dressed now, we're going to
grandma" 

"Ooh sounds like fun...well you guys have a good time and be angels
for grandma" 

The short call made him miss his kids more. He had to go through
with this. He laid in the bed basking in Chris sweats thinking about
what might happen. He looked at the clock on the wall to see that it
was 4:00pm. He couldn't believe how much time he had wasted. In
two and a half hours Chris would be there and another night of weird
crap would begin. 

He went to his closet to get his clothes ready. He chose a pair of
khaki's, white shirt, blue tie and a blue blazer. He disrobed and
stepped in the shower. He thought that maybe he could wash Chris'
scent off of him but he couldn't. He shaved and did all the manly
grooming rituals in the mirror. He walked naked to his bedroom to
get a pair of underwear. 

"Hello, Toby" 

Tobias turned around quickly. The life had been scared out of him. 

"WHAT...HOW...WHAT THE FUCK CHRIS?" 

Chris stood in front of a naked Tobias'. He wore a pair of tight,
button fly, black jeans and a very form fitting black crushed velvet
shirt with a zipper in the front. 

"Man, your door lock sucks, I'll fix it tomorrow." 

"Chris, you just can't walk in my apartment when you feel like it" 

"Hey, I know. I'm sorry....I knocked but you didn't answer. I heard
the water so I figured you were in the shower. This is weird though" 

"YOU THINK?" 

"Yeah, I'm used to being the one waving his big cock around for the
enjoyment of others. I must admit you put on a good show" 

Tobias remembered he was naked. He got a pair of underwear out of
the dresser and put them on . 

"Could I have a little privacy and what happened to 6:30" 

"Finished early...You're not going to wear that are you" 

"Yes I am...what's wrong with it? 

"Toby.....toby, toby, toby, toby, toby. Look in the mirror" 

He pulled Tobias to a full length mirror and made him look at
himself. Tobias could feel himself weakening when Chris stood behind
him. Chris' body pressed against his very tightly. He could feel the
bulge against his butt. 

"Now why are you hiding all of this with those boring clothes?" 

Chris reached his arms under Tobias' arms to gain access to his nipples
where he began to squeeze them and nibble on his neck.

"Please don't-" 

"Don't what?" 

"Don't do that." 

"Damn you smell good" 

"Chris...."

"You're skin is so soft and fresh. You fit me so well." 

"Please, don't" 

Chris pinched his nipples even harder. Tobias fell forward and braced
his hand on the mirror. He never knew pleasure and pain could go
hand in hand. Chris took advantage of Tobias' curved body. He kissed
him down his spine while rubbing his stomach. Tobias started
breathing heavy. His eyes welled up with tears. 

"Oh god Chris, please stop" 

Chris responded while kissing his neck. 

"Toby, I love you and you love me too....I can't believe you don't
remember" 

"Remember what? What makes you think I love you?" 

"Because I've got you so hot you can't stand straight and a straight
man wouldn't let me kiss him down his back."

"Chris stop, please" 

"If you want me to stop, you have to stop me" 

Tobias stood slumped for a moment. He was like a smoker taking one
good last puff before throwing the cigarette away. Chris slid his hand
down Tobias' chest. His hands slid beneath the elastic band of Tobias'
boxers and traveled through the hair. Just as he was about to grab his
cock, Tobias' grabbed his hand. He turned around in Chris' arms, their
foreheads touching, lips together. They stood close to each other
breathing heavy. 

"I have to get dressed" 

"Yes you do, but you can't wear that. Put my sweats on and come
with me." 

They went downstairs to Chris' car, a souped up black Mustang.
Tobias couldn't place the year of the car. He just knew it was old.
While driving to Chris' place, Tobias was quiet. 

"Are you ok?" 

"Yeah" 

"You don't sound ok" 

"Just catching my breath." 

"I took you too fast, didn't I" 

"I'm ok." 

"Toby you-" 

"Don't call me that, my name is Tobias." 

"I don't want you to be afraid to tell me things" 

"I'm not" 

"I want you to say what you feel" 

"I do" 

"Then how do you feel?" 

"I'm fine." 

Tobias was fighting a battle within himself. He heard voices in his
head. Some of the voices told him how much he enjoyed what Keller
did to him, some told him he was wrong for allowing it to happen.
One of the voices was his daughter calling him daddy. The other was
his father daring him to fuck up. 

"Toby, we're here" 

They pulled up to what look liked an old dispatch fire station. 

"You live here" 

"Yeah come in and I'll find you something to wear" 

You would think that a guy like Chris with his amazing sex drive and
sleaziness would have naked chicks or guys, cars, or beer posters on
his wall. His place was rather nice. He had nice furniture, an
impressive entertainment center, and a very nice bedroom . 

"Ya like it" 

"Yeah, it's nice" 

"Lets see...How about this.... and this....this" 

"Where's your bathroom?" 

"Toby, I just played with your nipples and kissed your back. Don't you
think we have gotten past me seeing you in your underwear" 

Tobias put on the clothes. Chris had given him a brown pair of leather
pants, white t-shirt and a matching leather jacket. 

"You want me to wear this?" 

"What are you complaining for...You look hot." 

"It's 6:30, shouldn't we be going? 

"Yeah" 

They left Keller's place and went to the art show. When they arrived
at the building, Chris allowed one of the boys to park his car. He took
Tobias by the hand and escorted him inside. As they walked up the
stairs, Tobias noticed everyone was looking at them. As a lawyer, he
always used his ability to read body language to tell what people
were thinking. From the looks of the people, they were jealous. Chris,
apparently, was quite a sight to see and he was with him. 

They stepped inside the building where the doorway was filled with
smoke. Someone was smoking something that screwed with Tobias's
allergies. He closed his eyes and allowed Chris to lead him. Chris
stopped him in a room and Tobias finished wiping his eyes. He
looked around the room and was shocked. He never saw this type of
art as a child. The room was full of cocks. Big cocks, small cocks, tall
cocks, short cocks. No matter where he turned, he saw a cock. 

"OH MY GOD, You call this art?" 

"No, I call it crap, but I support my friends...he's over there...you look
around while I lie to him." 

Tobias looked around the exhibit. How can you fill a room with
sculpted cocks? The glowing scrotum sack hanging from the ceiling was
no better. He walked around the exhibit until he was caught in a
gorgeous ray of blue light from above. He looked up through the
skylight and the moon was full and adoring him. People began to
notice him, especially Chris. Before too long he had everyone's
attention. At that point in time, Tobias was the only piece of art in
the room. Chris walked over to him and slid his hands around his
waist while whispering in his ear. 

"You're the star of the show" 

"What?" 

"Look around the room. All eyes are on you. The moonlight agrees
with you" 

Tobias looked around the room. The eyes on him glowed in the
darkness. 

"Chris they're looking at us." 

"No, babe, their looking at you" He starts to kiss him on his eyebrow 

"Chris, not here. They're going to think-" 

"That your beautiful?" 

"That I'm gay" 

"Come with me....if you think this is weird, I've got something to
show you" 

He pushed Tobias through a door with a flashing strobe light. He
stayed outside. The walls of the room were lined with television sets.
On every set was a video of two men engaging in very violent sexual
acts. One of the guys had a black mask on, but his body reminded him
of Chris. This completely blew Tobias' mind. Not only was this not
art, it wasn't appropriate. On the other hand, there was some thing in
him that wouldn't let him wipe the image away. It hadn't dawned on
Tobias that there were couples in the room making out. There were
two guys in the corner with their shirts off. One of the guys caught
Tobias looking and walked over to him. 

"Hey, moon boy, you wanna join in" 

He didn't give Tobias a chance to answer. He grabbed his hand and
pulled him. He was stopped by a hand that grabbed his waist. 

"He's with me and you're with him" 

The guy backed off while smiling at Tobias. Tobias looked at him. He
was appalled by the gall of the man. He didn't know him, yet he was
willing to include him in their corner escapade. Chris pulled him close. 

"You ok?" 

"Yeah." 

"People are leaving for the club so lets go" 

"Yeah" 

They went to the car and Chris opened the door for Tobias. Chris was
always one to show off so he revved the motor to get everyone's
attention and ripped out of the parking lot. On the way to the club
Tobias didn't say a word. He tried to process what all he had just
seen. Chris knew this. He had learned every line of Tobias' face and
every curve of his body. 

"Hey, you're really quiet...you sure you're ok?" 

"Yeah, that was ...well...it was wild" 

"I know" 

"Chris, can I ask you a question?" 

"Baby, you know you can" 

"The guy in the video with the mask, was that you?" 

"Me? Why would you think it was me?" 

"I dunno, it just looked like you" 

"Toby, he had a mask on, how can you say he looked like me? 

"I dunno, forget I said anything" 

"No, I wanna know." 

"You know...with the chest and everything" 

"The chest? Toby you have a chest, how do I know it wasn't you? 

"Ok fine, the chest, the arms, the shoulders, the six pack" 

"You like that don't you?" 

"Forget I even said anything" 

He slid his hand between Tobias' legs and patted his inner thigh. 

"Toby-" 

"My name is Tobias." 

"Baby it wasn't me. The guy in that video was my friend, you know
the guy that made all those big cocks, that's him." 

"Ok." 

"Wait a minute, you thought that was me and you were jealous" 

"No I wasn't" 

"Yes you were" 

"Why would I be jealous? It's not like anything is going to come out of
this. We never promised anything to each other and there are no
feelings here." 

"You have feelings for me" 

"And why do you say that?" 

"Because for the last 5 minutes I have had my hand on your thigh and
moved it to your crotch and you haven't stopped me." 

Tobias reached down and grabbed his hand and moved it. He looked
out the window, staring at the flashes of light as they passed the street
lights. He didn't want Chris to see his face. He didn't want to give him
any proof that he was right. Chris flashed a cocky smile. Beecher was
thinking and that was good. The car turned down a dark alley.
Beecher felt his stomach turn. What kind of club would be in a dark
alley and was Chris telling the truth about the club to begin with. He
parked by a dumpster and killed the car. 

"We’re here." 

"The party is in a dumpster?" 

"God , you're cute when you're dumb....will you just trust me?" 

They walked down the alley to what looked like an abandoned
building. Chris took out his cell phone and made a call. A few minutes
later the door opened. The place might have been dead on the
outside, but it was alive inside. Even as a kid, Tobias never did the
club scene. His father wouldn't allow it. The club was dark, dirty,
sinful, uninhibited. Tobias wanted to leave; but he also wanted to
stay. Chris led him onto the dance floor. He slid his hands under the
leather jacket and held Tobias by the waist. "C'mere" 

"Chris, we can't...I mean...we won't...we're in public" 

"Toby, let me tell you where you are. This place isn't in the yellow
pages. If you ask someone if they've been here, the answer you will
get will be no. You have to be asked to come. Look around you.
There are doctors, lawyers, judges, politicians even priests here
tonight. They're here because they know that their secrets will stay
here" 

He stepped closer to Tobias and raised his hands up his side and
massaged his nipples with his thumbs while whispering in his ear. 

"Toby, I brought you here so you could be yourself, so you could let
yourself feel what you want to feel, do what you want to do. No one
here is going to judge you, baby. When you go to the office Monday
morning, no one will know. Tobias I know all this is coming quick; but
you have to feel the heat between us. Did you ever in your marriage
feel this with your wife?" 

Tobias knew he hadn't. Maybe this "heat" that Chris spoke of is what
was missing in his marriage. What was even more confusing was that
he had this "heat" with Chris, a man, a man he had known for only 24
hours, yet he never had this heat with his wife from the day he met
her. Chris' words in his ear filled his head like a drug. He allowed
Chris to pull him close, so the two could become one. Chris kissed him
on his cheek. 

"God I wish you could remember" 

"Remember what" 

"It'll come to you, or at least I hope it will" 

"Why can't you just tell me" 

"Never mind." 

"Why" 

"Toby, aren't you tired? You've spent so many years being told what
to do, where to go, who to love, how to love. You've spent your
time taking care of everyone else but no one takes care of you and
you've been hurt. Aren't you tired of hurting?" 

Chris' words drew tears to Tobias' eyes. How was this man able to
sum him up so quickly and precisely? He was right. He lived for others
and was hurt by them also. There was this internal need in him to
break out and away. He never did. Being yourself wasn't appropriate
in the Beecher household, nor was it in Genevieve's. Chris opened the
buckle on Tobias's belt and unzipped his pants. He wrapped his hands
around his waist and massaged the curve in his lower back. "Toby, I
will never hurt you. I wanna love you, take care of you. Let me,
please" 

Tobias put one hand on Chris' shoulder. With the other hand, he
unzipped Chris' shirt, slipped his hands inside and hugged him. Chris
could feel Tobias' tears run down chest. He took his hands from his
waist and cupped his head as he kissed him on his eyebrow. He
looked Tobias deep into his eyes and kissed him. Tobias knew it was
wrong. He knew that allowing this man to kiss him would only drag
him further into the web he was weaving. He felt like Dorothy in The
Wizard of Oz. Chris was this tornado that dropped him in this odd
place. The only difference was that he was all the characters rolled
into one. He was cowardly because he was afraid to feel love, he
didn't have a brain to do what he wanted to do and he was looking
for the heart he never had. What was even more strange was here
was Chris, the wizard, whom had the power to give it all to him. 

Chris kissed him deeply until Beecher returned the passion. For some
reason, Beecher felt comfortable. He gave in and engaged in the
tongue play. He pushed Chris' shirt off his shoulders and kissed him on
the neck and chest. Chris felt weak in the knees. He had been married
four times and neither wife had the power Tobias had. He hadn't had
anyone love him in any way in a long time. It was something he
missed in his life. To have Tobias near him, to kiss him, to hold him,
touch him, to smell him was like being born all over again. Tobias
noticed that he was quiet. He looked at him to see Chris' tears
reflecting his. The blue lights accented the beauty of Chris eyes. 

Two tear filled eyes stood looking at each other. Two testosterone
forces basking in the heat. Tobias grabbed him by his head and kissed
him like he had never been kissed before. Before too long, Chris had
Tobias against a entrance door. He kissed him on his neck and his
chest. Tobias panted heavily. He threw his head back in delightful
pain because Chris had found his nipples and was sucking as hard as
he could. Their passion forced the door open. They ended up against
a wall outside the club. Chris hoisted Tobias around his waist and
continued sucking his nipples and kissing his chest. Tobias looked in
the sky and saw the dark clouds as they passed the moon. As the
moon became visible through the holes in the clouds, small points of
lights beaded on his sweat drenched face. It was hard for him to get
the words out to Chris. 

"Chris." 

Chris didn't hear him. He was enjoying the feast before him.

"Chris.....stop" 

"No baby, please" 

"Stop Chris." 

"Toby, give in to me." 

"Chris, we have to stop." 

"Why?" 

"We're in the real world now" 

Chris looked around him. There weren't any flashing lights, just the
serenity of the moon and the neglect of the alley . 

"Hey, it's too late to drive to your place. Stay with me tonight" 

"I need to go home." 

"Well let me stay with you." 

"No, you need to go home. I'll take a taxi. 

"Bull shit." 

"I can take a taxi, you won't have to drive me" 

"Bull shit, not at this time of night. I'd never forgive myself if
something happened to you. I'll take you home" 

"Chris you-" 

"It's settled, Tobias. I'm taking you home." 

He opened the door for him and then got in himself. On the way to
Tobias' apartment, Chris could feel himself coming off his sexual high.
He noticed that Tobias was drained of energy. Should he feel bad for
what he put him though, or was Tobias enjoying the chills that took
over him.

"C'mere" 

Tobias slid over and Chris put his arms around him. The situation
reminded him of those nineteen-fifty black and white teen movies.
The bad news guy in his bad news car with his arms around his good
news girl. Chris kissed him on his cheek and rubbed his neck. They
couldn't believe how quick the trip had ended when they arrive at the
apartment complex. Chris killed the car and got out. 

"Chris, what are you doing, you can't come up?" 

"I know, when you get inside come to your window so I will know
your ok?" 

"I'm a big boy, Chris" 

"Trust me, I know....just go on up" 

Tobias extended his hand to Keller. 

"I wanna do more than shake your hands" 

"Real world, Chris." 

"Ok, go on up" 

Tobias entered the building thinking about Chris. Never had anyone
been concerned about his safety. He couldn't remember being this
confused in his life. Two days ago, he was this goody two shoes
lawyer. Now he was being charmed out of his shoes by The Lawyer.
He had a different story to tell the ceiling fan than the one he told
earlier. He went to the window to give his signal to Chris.

"Ok, I'm in-......CHRIS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING" 

Chris was lying naked, spread eagle, on his car. He flashed Tobias one
of his killer smile. 

"Hi ya Toby."

"CHRIS, put your clothes on! 

"Nope." 

"What do you mean no?" 

"Yes means yes, no means no, but there is one way you can get my
clothes back on." 

"How?" 

"Come see me tomorrow" 

"Tomorrow is Sunday" 

"And?" 

"I've gotta got to church" 

"Come see me." 

"Chris I-" 

"Look, if you don't promise me now that you will come see me, I will
shout at the top of my lungs that I am your boyfriend, that you
fucked my brains out, and I'm here for more."

Tobias couldn't help but laugh. He heard Chris humming the beat of
his strip music. There was that hideous dancing again. 

"Chris, the police patrol this neighborhood and some of our clients
stay in this complex." 

"Then come see me." 

"Chris." 

"Come see me" 

"Chris. I gotta go to church." 

"Naked man shouting in 5 - 4 - 3 - 2-" 

"Ok, I'll come" 

"No, I want you to say: Chris, My boyfriend with the big cock, I
promise to come see you tomorrow and I will be there before 5pm." 

"Chris I can't-" 

"I AM TOBIAS BEECHER'S BOY-" 

"OK" Tobias thought that if he said it fast it would suffice. "Chris, my
boyfriend with the big cock-" 

"NEGATIVE, slow it down and say it sexy." 

"Chris, my boyfriend with the big cock." 

Chris started to feel himself at the sound of Tobias voice. 

"STOP THAT!" 

"I will when you finish, so I suggest you hurry up or your neighbors
will have something white on the bottom of their shoes in church
tomorrow. 

"I promise to come see you tomorrow and I will be there before
5pm." 

"No say the whole thing" 

"Chris, my boyfriend with the big cock. I promise to come see you
tomorrow and I will be there before 5pm.”

"God I like it when your sexy. If you're not there before 5, I will come
to your apartment and I will be naked when I arrive" 

"Ok, now put your clothes on." 

Chris jumped off the car and got in. In true Keller style, he revved the
engine to wake the complex and ripped out of the neighborhood.  

                    Quicksand - Part 3  

Part 3a: "Come into my parlor" said the spider to the fly. 

Tobias watched to make sure Chris was really gone. He heard him
revved his motor along the freeway and was assured. He stripped
himself of Chris' clothes and stepped into the shower. His father
always washed a hard day away with a warm shower but Tobias
needed a cold shower to end the sexual high he was on. He couldn't
fight the notion that he wanted to bring Chris up. With nosy Mrs.
Gaines next door, word would get around the complex before
morning. 

He stood under the shower head and allowed the water to cover
him, The water was cool and different like Chris, bold like Chris, all
over him like Chris. He opened his mouth so the water could be
inside him like Chris. He got out of the shower and into bed. He
couldn't help but think that what he was doing was wrong. A man
shouldn't have the same feelings for another man that he has for
women. That's what he had been taught in church. If that was true,
then why did he feel so at ease with Chris yet his wife grated on his
nerves? Why did he engage in more sexual activity with Chris in the
last ten hours than he had with his wife in the last six years? 

He kept seeing the images of the blue lights in Chris' tear filled eyes.
The memory was filled with so much truth that it brought tears to his
eyes. He could ignore it if he wanted to, but he loved the man. The
question he had to answer now was is he "in" love with him. He
decided to sleep on the issue. 

The next morning a naked Chris lay in bed talking to his mother on
the phone. 

"Hey mom, how are you.....I'm fine....haven't heard from you in a
while.......really, how is Aunt Mary?...oh, that's good...... huh...
nothings wrong......I'm ok....the whole truth?.....ok..um...mom, I
uh...I met a guy....yeah he's nice, he's....he's really nice.....I like him a
lot....that's just it, when he can be himself, he shows me he loves me,
but I dunno, it's this boundary he has around himself that won't let
him be who he wants to be......I don't want to force him but I .....I
really do love him mom....yes I've told him....I really have...oh not
like that...ok.....mom, most guys have moms that would hate them
for being like me, I'm glad you're not like most moms...ok....I love
you... bye" 

He looked at the clouds through the skylight, mentally commenting
on how pretty they were. Later in the day, he felt an uneasiness in his
stomach. He didn't know if Toby would keep his promise. If he
didn't, he would keep his promise and arrive naked at his door. He
didn't want to. 

He wanted Tobias to come to him. He hated the fact that he had to
blackmail him to go on dates, but what was he to do? Tobias was in
his boundaries and simply asking him wasn't enough. 

Meanwhile, across town, Tobias was dead asleep. He was awaken by
the heavy knocking on his door. He put on his robe and stumbled and
tripped his way to the living room to see who it was. 

"Mrs. Gaines...you need something? 

"Church?" 

"I'm getting dressed right now." 

"Tobias it's four o'clock, what are you getting dressed for?" 

"Mrs. Gaines, it's not four, if it was, I would only have an hour to get
dressed and be somewhere across town, have you taken your
medicine" 

"Well since your going to be late, get dressed and go to the seven
o'clock service." 

"Ok, see you there" 

Tobias closed the door and laughed at the old woman. She must
really be off her rocker to think it was that late. He looked at the
clock on the wall. She was right except it wasn't four o'clock, it was
four-fifteen. Tobias threw on a pair of running shorts and an XXL gym
shirt and ran out of the complex. If Chris had already left, maybe he
could catch him. He pushed his silver Honda Accord as far as he could
to make there in time. After driving for a while he was sure he had
missed Chris and that more than likely, Mrs. Gaines was getting an eye
full. When he arrived at the fire station, he didn't see Chris' car. He
stepped out of the car and ran to the door. 

"CHRIS...WHAT THE FUCK.... I'M NOT EVEN LATE....YOU SAID
BEFORE FIVE AND IT'S FOUR-FIFTY." 

He couldn't believe Chris would leave without it at least being five
o'clock. He kicked his car tires in anger, wondering how was he going
to cover his ass this time. Then he heard a voice that wasn't in his
head. 

"You know most people knock on the door instead of yelling at it." 

"I thought you were gone." 

"Well I'm not...come in" 

Tobias walked into the station feeling a lot better than before. 

"Where's your car?" 

"It's over there. I park it inside when I don't want company." 

"I can understand that" 

Chris walked around Tobias and slid his hands around his waist.
Tobias took a deep breath and exhaled as Chris took a whiff of him. 

"God you smell good" 

"I'm not wearing any cologne." 

"I know, it's just you....god your tense." 

"Well, you work for your father and have wine dripped on you, not
to mention having your world turned upside down and no sleep will
do that to you.? 

"Well take off your shirt and lie down." 

"Why?" 

"I'm gonna try to work out some of those kinks in your back and
shoulders." 

"That's ok." 

"Either you take it off or I will" 

Tobias took the shirt off and searched for a place to put it. Chris
grabbed it. 

"XXL, well at least it's truth in advertising. I'm keeping this." 

"And why is that?" 

"When you're not here, I will wear it so I can be near you. Lie down." 

"Chris I'm not stupid." 

"Have I made a move on you......today? Come with me" 

Chris lead Tobias to his bedroom. The first thing he noticed was the
spider web comforter on his bed. Why hadn't he noticed this before?
Chris pushed him on the bed. 

"Lie down and let me ease you with these manly hands." 

"Yeah, right. You sound like my dad. He was all talk too. He used to
say that he could calm a bull with his hands and couldn't do (Chris
massages his shoulders) OH MY GOD....OH SHIT....OH GOD THAT
FEELS GOOD" 

"I told you." 

Chris grabbed his stereo remote control and enhanced his session with
music. Before long, Tobias was completely relaxed. Chris worked his
way down to his butt muscles and squeezed them to hear Tobias
moan. The harder he squeezed, the higher the pitch Tobias' moans
got. At one point he moaned so long that Chris couldn't help but get
hard by the sounds. Chris knew this was what Tobias needed, a good,
deep sleep. He needed to forget about the case, the club, the art
show, everything that weighed down on him. He was able to
maneuver Toby to pick him up and turn him toward the head of the
bed. Toby was vulnerable. He could have fucked his brains out if he
wanted to, but watching Toby sleep was enough. 

His mother used to light candles around him when he was little to
bring him peace while he slept. Chris went to the drawer and got all
the blue and yellow candles he had. Toby was soon illuminated in a
glow of yellow and blue light. The vision reminded him a lot of how
Toby looked in the moonlight at the art show. He looked so peaceful,
so clean, so innocent, so vulnerable. He watched Toby's chest heave
up and down. He looked and smelled like a brand new baby boy.
When he woke up, Chris was sitting Indian style at the end of the
bed. 

"Hey you" 

"Hey" 

"How do you feel" 

"Great....How long was I asleep?" 

"Bout four hours." 

"Feel like I've been out for days. You just let me sleep?" 

"Yeah, you needed it" 

"What did you do?" 

"I watched you...so did you have any sweet dreams?" 

"Yeah I did. It was.....um...it was about you." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. What's weird is we just stood there, no words were said, no
gestures made. We just stood there. What do you think that means?" 

"My grandma use to tell me about her and grandpa. She said they
always knew they were going to be together because they were on
this mental link. Before she even knew him, she knew he would be
her husband. Little does she know that grandpa told me the same
thing before he died." 

Tobias knew where Chris was going. He tried to keep as blank a face
as he could because he knew that Chris was scanning him every
moment he was there. He looked down to hide his eyes and realized
he was sitting in the middle of the spider web on Chris bed. He felt
the bed start to shake. He looked up to see Chris crawling closer to
him with every word he spoke 

"You see Toby, they knew before they ever met each other that they
were meant to be. All those years apart, they knew. Then one day
they met." 

"How?" 

"She was on the wrong side of town." 

"And him." 

"He was entertaining the crowd." 

"Huh?" 

"He did magic shows for carnivals." 

"So he asked her out on a date?" 

"Better, he made her an offer she couldn't refuse." 

"And?" 

"He pursued her till she dropped her hard to get game." 

"And then?" 

"He sealed their fate with a kiss." 

Chris spread Toby's legs apart and straddled himself over Toby. He
kissed him like they were married. He found regions in his heart that
Toby thought he had hidden and some he never knew he had. Unlike
a fly in a web, Tobias didn't try to free himself. What was the use?
The spider was already on him. He was already being tangled up. All
that was left was for the spider to render him powerless. Chris' kiss
did that. 

Tobias couldn't help but think that he was in the middle of nowhere,
in a place that would be passed up by the looks on the outside. Chris'
place, a web in a forest unknown by any other animal. 

Still drowsy from his slumber, he gave in. He put his arms around
Chris and pulled him close so that he could feel his chest against his.
With every breath Chris took, Toby could feel his muscles entice his.
He could feel Chris' cock harden against his leg and his own harden
against Chris stomach. Chris reached his hands under Tobias' run shorts
and grabbed his cock. He massaged him tightly and kissed him deeply.
With every motion, Tobias moaned which turned Chris on even
more. He found himself plunging his tongue into Tobias' mouth and
rubbing his cock against his leg. He abandoned his mouth and made
his way down to his neck. Tobias' head rolled to the side to give the
man complete access. Chris licked him till he found his nipples. He
nibbled softly to hear Toby moan.

Toby could hear something tapping the window. He looked to see
the rain on the window. Chris nibbled on his nipples harder which
made Toby cry out his name. That turned Chris on even more. He
made his way back to his mouth to find Tobias willing to kiss him.
This time he found competition. Tobias took over by grabbing Chris'
neck and burying his tongue into him, tasting everything the man had
to offer. A crack of thunder brought heavier rain outside. 

"Oh you like the rain, don't you" 

Chris used his remote to open the skyline above the bed. Tobias really
had a hidden fear of thunderstorms. The first night his father went on
a drunken tirade, his mother loaded him and his brother up in the car
and left for a hotel. He remembered how scared he was. To him, a
crack of thunder meant anger, disappointments, instability. It seemed
like every time his father got drunk and weird it was raining and
thundering and like clockwork, his mother would load them up and
they headed for the motel. He often wondered if he was ever going
back. That thought mixed in with the passion he was exchanging with
Chris. Were their escapades really safe? Is it stable, would something
usher him from the anger of Chris' passion and deliver him to the
hotel of the real world? 

Before Tobias knew it, Chris was kissing his chest and made his way
down to his belly button. This was something incredibly new to
Tobias. It was dirty, sinful, adulterous everything he wasn't and he
liked it. Chris bit him which made him cry out his name louder than
before. Like a rabid animal, Chris ripped Tobias' shorts off and
through them to the side. He pulled his boxers off and returned to
Tobias' belly button. Tobias' eyes filled with water from all the
pleasure. Chris kissed his way down to the man's waist and dug his
nose in Tobias' pubic hair. The rain outside grew angrier than before
as the man explored Tobias' regions. Chris grabbed Tobias' cock and
massaged him. As he went down to take the man in his mouth,
Tobias' head went back, his eyes opened and a murderous crack of
thunder filled the skyline. 

"CHRIS!!" 

"What?" 

"I'm not there yet." 

"Yes you are" 

"No I'm not" 

Chris lowered his head in disgust. He crawled over Tobias and laid on
top of him. They laid there for a moment breathing heavy. 

"Are you mad?" 

"No." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, I don't wanna take you anywhere sexually that you're not
ready to go. Get up for a second." 

Tobias' raised up and Chris slid under him. Chris pulled Tobias against
him and started massaging his shoulders. 

"You sure you're not mad?" 

"I'm positive."

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to all of this yet. This is all weird-" 

And he was asleep. Chris smiled. The spider wrapped his arms and
legs around his prey and saved what was left of him for later. 

"Goodnight baby."  

                    Quicksand - Part 4  

Part 4: Just Another Manic Monday 

Tobias felt the hazy glow of morning sweep over his face from the
skylight. He opened his eyes to see the gray sky murky with
disappointments. He felt Chris' arms and legs wrapped around him. It
was weird, but he felt safe. He couldn't help but notice how drained
he felt, how weak he was. He looked up to find a smile to die for. 

"Hey there." 

"Hi." 

"You ok?" 

"Yeah, have we done this before, sounds familiar?" 

"Funny." 

"What time is it?" 

"It's one o'clock." 

"WHAT!!!!!, I'm supposed to be at work!" 

"Oh yeah, you're a nine to fiver" 

"Shit, I gotta call my secretary" 

Tobias searched frantically for his cell phone. His father was the
suspicious type and if he wasn't at work, he would want answers. 

"Here, use the speaker phone." 

He dialed hoping his secretary would pick up. Whenever his dad was
feeling superior, he would come to his office to let it be known that
he was. 

"Hello, Tobias Beecher, Attorney at Law." 

"SANDY, THANK GOD IT'S YOU" 

"Mr. Beecher, where are you?" 

"I'm uh...I'm detained. Has my father come by?" 

"Yes he has..... three times." 

"SHIT!" 

"Don't worry, I covered for you. I told him that you were vomiting
and I thought you had that new stomach virus so you went home. He
fell for it and told me not to call you at all, to let you rest." 

"Sandy I love you." 

"You should." 

"Lock up the office and go home early and thanks." 

Tobias rested against Chris' chest. He was relieved that Sandy covered
for him. If his father had known the truth, he would have gotten the
Beecher family sermon. The sermon was full of "You're not
responsible" and "you're embarrassing the family" and "you're not
living up to your potential." He hated that with a passion. The
thought was quickly wiped away with one kiss from Chris. 

"Sandy's pretty cool, isn't she?" 

"Yeah she is. Dad thinks she's in love with me. She brings me things,
takes care of me, you know, stuff like that." 

"You keep talking and I'm going to get jealous." 

"Chris can I ask you something?" 

"Sure." 

"I'm horrible with names. I'll admit that, but I never forget a face.
When you sat down beside me at that club, I kept telling myself that I
knew you, that I've seen you before. I just can't remember where." 

"So what's your question?" 

"Chris, I haven't prosecuted you or anything have I?" 

"No, you haven't, baby, It'll come to you." 

"Chris don't fuck with me, have we met before?" 

"Yes" 

"Where, how?" 

"It'll come to you."

"Why won't you just tell me?" 

"Because I want you to remember it the way you experienced it, not
my version of it, 

"What if I never remember it?" 

"You will." 

"I need to go, if I know my dad, he's gonna call my mom and she will
be over in no time flat." 

"Ok." 

"Can I borrow a pair of shorts or something?" 

"Why?" 

"You tore mine off, remember?" 

"Oh yeah." 

"Where's my shirt?" 

"I told you I was keeping it." 

"Oh yeah." 

Chris gave Tobias a wife-beater T-shirt and a pair of gym shorts he
had sprayed with CK be cologne. He watched him get dressed with
attentive eyes. 

"Toby, do you know how sexy you are?" 

"Me sexy? No, I'm normally described as being a disappointment or
having a corn cob stuck up my ass. Sexy is a new one." 

Chris walked toward him. Tobias couldn't help but notice the
animalistic walk he used. It was like a black panther in heat searching
for his mate and spotting her. He grabbed him by his waist and pulled
him close till they were standing nose to nose. 

"Toby, you are very sexy and Sandy is in love with you for the same
reason I am." 

"And that is?" 

"We see through the legal bull shit and get down to the real you.
Sandy sees this equal balance of ignorance and intelligence. I see a
powder keg of caged sexual heat just waiting to explode." 

"You're crazy." 

"Yeah, for you." 

"I have to go." 

"Ok, but I want you to know one thing." 

"Ok." 

"I'm gonna to make love to you." 

He threw Tobias one of his million dollar smiles and watched him
walk away. As Tobias drove off, he couldn't help but think of Chris'
words: "I'm gonna to make love to you." Those words were never
uttered in his marriage. Neither was the word love for that matter.
When he and Gen had sex, it was because Gen wanted to. He never
had a say in it. They were the complete opposite of TV couples.
Usually, the man had the sex drive and the wife had the headaches.
They never made love. When Gen was horny, they fucked. When she
wanted attention, they screwed. They never made love; but here was
Chris, a man who looked him in the eyes and said: "I'm gonna make
love to you." Tobias tried to hide the smile that was creeping over his
face. Chris gave him this sense of security, made him feel needed.
With Chris, he could be weak and vulnerable without being chastised
for it. He could drop his pretense and for once and allow himself to
be saved. When he got home, he realized how much the real world
sucked. It meant he had to be a door mat again. As soon as he
stepped in the door the phone rang. 

"Hello.....hi Gen.....what charity thing? .....I didn't check my machine,
what's up?....wait a minute, you want to auction me off for
charity?.....are any of the other husbands doing this?.....so I'm the only
one....yeah I'm ticked off, I'm your husband, not your whore you can
pimp around for money....I don't have a corn cob up my ass and I'm
not doing this.....bye Gen.....I don't give a damn, bye." 

How the hell could she call and ask him to be sold for charity? This is
what he was talking about. If she cared anything for him, she wouldn't
have ever thought about this. He went to his bedroom and the wind
from the ceiling fan stole the scent from Chris's clothes and filled the
room. For some reason, everything was ok. The scent meant that
Chris was real and in a way, he was there. Just as he was enjoying the
scent, he heard a knock at the door. 

"Who is it?" 

"Your father." 

"Hey dad." 

"How are you feeling?" 

"I'm ok, stomach isn't too good, but I'm getting better I guess." 

"How's the case coming?" 

"It's going well, I may have a lead." 

"That's not what I want to here, Tobias" 

"Dad I'm doing the best I can. I have a lead." 

"TOBIAS, WIN THIS FUCKING CASE!!!!" 

"Dad I'm not feeling well-" 

"I DON'T CARE. WIN THIS CASE!" 

"Ok." 

"I didn't hear you." 

"Ok, sir." 

"By the way, Gen called me on the cell phone. You're doing this
charity thing. It'll look good on the firm from a charity point a view." 

"Then let Carlisle do it." 

"No you're going to do it." 

"Dad-" 

"GET THE CORN COB OUT YA ASS TOBIAS." 

Tobias felt completely empty. First his wife treats him like a whore
and then his dad cuts him off at the knees. As much as he wanted to
rest, he couldn't. He went to his briefcase and took out his files and
worked on the case for hours. Tobias could win this case. All he
needed was for Chris to tell what he knew. Even though he knew the
man for only a short while, he knew he would get the information.
He gathered new ideas for the case and decided to call it a night. 

Tobias would never admit it, but he was a net nerd. He checked his
email to find a ton of depressing messages. One from his father telling
him to don't fuck up, another from Mr. Green telling him how well
his case is going and one from Gen asking him to sell himself. There
was one message that he didn't recognize the address. It was sent by a
person named mustang. The message read: I'm gonna make love to
you......tonight? Tobias smiled. Chris was such a joker, but the other
messages still made him feel bad.

The very minute he logged his computer off, there was a knock at the
door. His heart sunk into his shoes. He just knew his dad was coming
back to give him another tongue lashing. He opened the door to find
his doorway full of white roses with one red rose in the middle. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi ya Toby." 

"Chris, it's two in the morning." 

"I know, you think I could come in?" 

"Yeah, what are you doing here" 

"I was in the neighborhood." 

"At two in the morning?" 

"Yeah, how are you." 

Tobias looked at him. A sad glow appeared across his face. 

"Toby, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing." 

"Bull shit, what's wrong. You feel ok?" 

"Yeah, I'm ok." 

"Then what's wrong." 

"Today hasn't been the best day." 

"Did I do something wrong." 

"No it's not you. It's my wife, my job, my father, my whole fucking
life." 

Tobias walked to his bedroom and propped himself against his
dresser. He held back his emotions all day long; but for some reason it
was coming back to the surface. 

"You shouldn't have left me this morning." 

"Well I had too." 

"Yeah....I hate seeing you like this, all sad and hurt for things that
more than likely your not responsible for." 

"Shit happens in the real world, Chris." 

"C’mere" 

"Huh?" 

"Get off the dresser and come here." 

Tobias turned around and walked toward Chris. Chris grabbed his
hand and pulled him close. He kissed him on the forehead as he
talked. 

"Now, what's wrong?" 

"I've got this case that decides whether I make partner or not and
then there's my wife and dad." 

"What are they doing?" 

"There's this charity thing for cancer. So my brilliant wife comes up
with this idea of a male auction online and signs me up. Basically,
anyone can just log on and buy me. I refused, she blew up. The next
thing I know here comes my dad bitching me out about the case and
then tells me that I am definitely doing this charity thing. He says it
will make the firm look interested. God I don't want to do this." 

"Well as far as the case is concerned, you will get the info to win it.
This other thing, shit I don't know. Yes I do, don't do it." 

"Chris, if you knew what I would have to go through if I didn't do
this, you would vote for me to do it." 

"Toby why should you have to sell yourself when you don't want to
do it?" 

"I shouldn't, but I want to make partner, Chris. I want to spend time
with my kids and in this family you have to do shit you don't want
too in order to stay in good graces." 

"So you're going to do this?" 

"Chris, I have too." 

"Ok. Fine call me and let me know how it went." 

Chris headed for the door. His demeanor let Tobias know that he was
upset. 

"CHRIS!....WAIT....WILL YOU PLEASE WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! 

Before he could catch him, Chris was through the front door. He ran
back into his bedroom and opened the window. 

"CHRIS...WILL YOU WAIT?" 

"I have something to do Tobias." 

"I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS CHRIS." 

"BUT YOU ARE." 

"Chris, we're going to wake up the neighborhood, come back inside." 

"No, I have something to do." 

Chris got in his black mustang and ripped out of the parking lot.
Tobias felt lower that he had ever felt before. What was he to do? If
he didn't do this, there would have been some major shit thrown in
his face. He couldn't take that. Chris was his escape, an escape he
listened to as it disappeared down the freeway. He fell in the bed and
stared at the ceiling. 

"I FUCKING HATE MONDAYS!"  

                    Quicksand – Part 5 

Part 5: Touched by a Devil 

The week went by fast for Tobias. He sent his ideas and notes to the
partners and got kudos for it. It was Friday and the day felt ironic
because at the first of the week, he lied about being sick. Now he
actually was sick. He hadn't heard from Gen or his dad or Chris in the
past three days. The absence of Gen and his Dad was a vacation, but
he had to admit he missed Chris. The smell of the man had dissipated,
there weren't any souped up cars, million dollar smiles or kisses down
his back. He shook his head to relieve himself of one bad memory to
focus on another. He was being sold online and tonight he was going
to meet the highest bidder. All morning he felt like a cow at some
cattle auction. 

As hard as he tried, he couldn't fight the urge to log on and see how
much he was worth. The page loaded and there was his name. He
clicked on the names of the other guys to see what they were going
for. Some guy named Travis had the highest bid. He was up to
five-hundred dollars. This other guy named Ben had the lowest at
one-hundred dollars. He clicked on his name and it took forever to
load. Was this a sign? When it finally came up, he saw the bids. At the
time, he was up to three hundred and fifty dollars. The bidder was
named Sand Castle. Tobias laughed because he knew that was Sandy.
When she sent him emails, she always included a pic of a sand castle
after the salutations. Tobias was ecstatic. He knew who he would be
going out with and he didn't care. Sandy was a burger and fries kind
of girl. She wasn't like Gen at all. Gen wanted the ritzy restaurants and
the Opera. Sandy wanted burgers and the latest romantic movie.
Chris would want nachos and the latest slasher movie. 

Nevertheless, he and Sandy would have a good time. He decided to
check out early. When he got home, he logged on his computer to
find that he was no longer worth three hundred and fifty dollars. He
was worth one thousand. He also found out that Sandy was no longer
the highest bidder. It was someone named The Devil. The phone
rang. Tobias prayed that it would be Sandy or even better, Chris. He
pushed the speaker button. 

"Hello?" 

"Tobias?" 

"Gen what is going on with the bidding. Less than 20 minutes ago I
was worth three fifty and now I'm a thousand?" 

"I don't know, but I've stopped the bidding." 

"Who is this?" 

"I dunno." 

"You don't know? Don't you have names?" 

"No." 

"So you're sending me on a date with someone you don't know?" 

"What's the big deal?" 

"THIS IS NEW YORK, GEN. There's no telling who or what you've set
me up with." 

"Stop being a bitch Tobias. The bidder is sending your costume over
and-" 

"COSTUME?" 

"You're going to a masquerade." 

"Where?" 

"I dunno." 

"WHAT FUCK, GEN?" 

"Tobias shut up and go with the flow. Mandy is on her way to do
your makeup." 

"MAKEUP!" 

"Anyway, I have to go. The bidder is sending a car for you." 

As soon as he hung up the phone, there was a knock at the door. The
delivery boy brought him his costume. He opened it expecting to find
a pirate suit, a clown suit or an alien. He found a pair of skin tight
white hip hugger pants and a pair of angel wings with a glass eye
mask. What kind of weird shit was this? He was supposed to go out in
public in this shit? He heard a knock at the door. Gen's friend was
there to do his make up. Fortunately, it was nude colors and a little
pink to the cheeks. He was thinking red lipstick and blue eye shadow. 

He dressed in the angel garb and looked at himself in the mirror. He
couldn't help but laugh, but he had to admit he was quite cute. The
driver came up and took him to the party. He was taken to a far out
place, to a building he hadn't seen before. The building was a huge
sky scraper. He was told to go to the fifteenth floor. The doors of the
elevator opened to a grand banquet hall with flashing lights and fog
hovering the floor. A woman in a Snow White costume ran up to him.

"Hi there, angel" 

"Do, I know you?" 

"Oh no. Your date wants you to mingle and they will be with you
shortly." 

"Who is it?" 

"You'll find out?" 

"How do I find em?" 

"You don't. They will find you." 

She left with three of her dwarfs and rejoined the party. Tobias
walked around the room looking at the guests. Being a lawyer, he had
seen a lot of weird shit, but none as weird as Saddam Hussein and
George Bush dancing. To his left, the big bad wolf was dancing with
all three of the little pigs. Bill Clinton DJ'ed the event. 

He walked around until he heard someone call his name. He turned
around to see a shadowy figure haloed in a red glare walking toward
him. He felt his heart sink. Who the hell was this? Should he run, stay,
or just pass out? As the figure got closer, he could see that it had on a
pair of pants like his but they were red. The figure also had on a pair
of what looked like bat wings and two horns on it's head. He looked
to the side and coughed. If there ever was a time he needed Chris, it
was now. Fear took over. He turned to walk away when the figure
grabbed his arm. 

"Hey" 

Tobias turned around slowly to find Chris in a devil's outfit. He had
long sideburns that curled at the end, a mustache and a little devil hair
on his chin. 

"God you're pretty." 

"Chris, please tell me you bought me?" 

"The best thousand dollars I have ever spent." 

"Thank fucking god." 

"Breathe baby. Hey, come with me!" 

He took him to the roof of the skyscraper. Chris had set up a plush
mattress with music playing in the background 

"You ever been on top of the world angel? 

"I thought you were mad at me?" 

"Well I was, then I got over it. I decided that I'd rather save you than
be mad at you." 

"You don't know how much I worried about this. You spent a
thousand dollars on me?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm not worth a thousand dollars." 

"No your worth more." 

"Give me your account number and I will wire the money to your
acct. on Monday." 

"No way baby, I bought you and you're mine tonight." 

"Chris, I'm so glad it was you. This is New York City. This city is full of
creeps and evil just waiting to get you. Gen didn't even know where
the party was at. What's worse is my dad doesn't even care. They're
supposed to love me, but they don't. I'm not used to all of this shit!" 

"Toby look at the city. There are millions of people in this small town
and all of them are looking for the same thing you are." 

"What's that?" 

"Their fair share of love. They go days, weeks, years looking for the
love they are owed. Then one day, they find that love and they have
a decision to make. Do I accept it or walk away from it? Toby, I
talked to my mom about you. Don't freak. She doesn't know your
name. She told me that I should tell you the truth, make you
understand how much I care about you." 

"Ok?" 

"Toby, when I walked behind you at the club, and you looked up at
me so innocent, so clean and pure, you melted all the frozen parts of
my heart. At the art show, you in the moonlight... WOW!....I kept
thinking that all these guys are staring at you, wanting you, desiring
you and you were there with me. For once in my life I felt special
because I had something that everyone else wanted. Toby when you
smile at me, you do things to me that I never knew could happen." 

Toby could see the tears welling up in Chris' eyes as he talked. The
sight brought tears to his eyes. 

"Last weekend, when you were asleep in my bed with the candles
glowing around you, I just watched you. You were so beautiful. You
could very well be the best things about me. All the things I have
longed to be. Toby when you touch me you shut down every defense
I have, but when you kiss me...shit, I fall to pieces." 

Tobias' face became flush. Never had he in his life been told anything
like this. Never has the love for him brought anyone to tears. Here
was a man that was used to letting his cock speak for him. Now he
was speaking with his heart. The hurt, the honesty, the feeling in his
words welled up inside Tobias. 

"Tobias, could you do me a favor. You don't have to mean it if you
don't want to, but do you think you could lie to me and tell me you
love me? 

Tobias couldn't believe what he was seeing. "The Lawyer" was a
tortured soul. Tobias walked toward him with the same animalistic
walk Chris used on him. 

"Chris, I want you to listen and listen good. What I'm about to say to
you is the truth." 

He took his finger and wrote the words on Chris' chest. 

"I- love- you." 

"God I wish you meant that." 

"I do." 

"Toby, I'm ok with-" 

"Ok, I will say it in a way that only you can understand. 

"Chris, my boyfriend with the big cock. I - love - you." 

Chris started to laugh but ended up crying. It was the first time he was
able to emit emotion and not be called a bitch for it. 

"Well that's nice for you to say, but all of this has happened so fast for
you. Hearing you say it is enough I guess. I guess you should take
what ever you can-" 

The angel grabbed him and kissed him before he could get his
sentence out. The devil was completely shocked. He was used to
being the one who instigated things. The angel slid his hands down
the devil's back till he cupped his ass. He kissed him like he did the
night he was in the spider web. He licked his way down to the devil's
nipples and sucked as hard as he could. The devil became weak in the
knees and fell backwards onto the plush mattress bringing the angel
with him. 

The fall didn't hinder the angel at all. He drove his tongue further into
the man. For once he was in control. The devil was penned under him
with his arms spread out. The angel unzipped the devil's pants and
grabbed his cock. He grabbed him so hard that the devil roared in
pleasure. As the angel stroked him up and down, he began to breathe
heavily.

The angel wanted to drain the devil like he had done him so many
times before. He kissed him on his chin and then on his chest. The
angel felt small stings of coolness on his back. He looked up to find
the rain pouring down on them. The rain was peaceful, no thunder at
all. The rain felt a lot like the devil's massages, hitting him in all the
right places. 

The rain wasn't enough to cool the angel's sexual rage. He grabbed
the devil's cock even harder and kissed him on his neck. The devil
grunted like a mad animal and batted his eyelashes. The angel did the
one thing he shouldn't have if he wanted to remain in control. He
found the one area of the devil's body that will turn him into that
panther that strolled up to him earlier that week. The angel bit the
devil's nipples and then sucked them. The devil threw his head back
and screamed for his life. 

He grabbed the angel and turned him over. He was on top now. He
was in control. He plunged his tongue into the angel's mouth and
raped the man from the inside. He scratched his way down the angel's
chest and unzipped his pants to free his cock. He massaged the man
fiercely. 

The rain poured down even heavier. Soft rolls of thunder inherited
the New York sky. The devil kissed him on his chest till he found his
cock. He paused. The last time he tried this, the angel stopped him.
The angel's neck was arched. The devil knew this was his chance. 

He spread the angel's legs as far apart as they would go. He took the
man into his mouth and sucked long and hard. The angel felt a cool
sensation followed by waves of heat go through his body. The devil
tasted the musk of the man's cock mixed with the saltiness of the rain
water. He didn't care. He fell on the angel's cock continuously as if his
life depended on it. 

The angel felt an overwhelming sense of urgency fill up inside of him.
Every single eon of energy flowed from his body to his cock. The devil
could feel the angel's cock harden in his mouth. He continued till the
angel cried out in ecstasy. He stroked the angel as hard as he could till
he came. The devil sat on his knees and breathed heavily as he gazed
at the angels wet body. The angel was completely drained. The rain
flushed the dye out of their costumes. The devil fell on the angel and
they rested on top of the world in a pool of cool pink water.  

                    Quicksand - Part 6  

And the Walls Come Tumbling Down 

The next morning, Chris pulled a drowsy Tobias to his feet. 

"We can't go downstairs dressed like this." 

"I know, that's why I brought us something to wear." 

He gave Tobias a warm-up set with his gym logo on it. He put on
Tobias' XXL shirt and a pair of jeans. 

"So you're just going keep my shirt?" 

"Yeah. How do I look?" 

"Well, it's truth in advertising." 

"You don't know the half of it. You look tired." 

"I do? Well let me think. What could I have done recently that would
tire me out?" 

"Bitch. We're closer to my place than yours, let me take you home
and make breakfast." 

"Chris." 

"I swear, breakfast only." 

When they arrived at Chris' place, Tobias went to the bedroom. Chris
went to the kitchen. He made Tobias a breakfast fit for a king. He
yelled for Tobias to come eat but he never answered. In true Don
Juan style, he took Tobias his breakfast in bed. Tobias was dead
asleep. Chris couldn't help but smile. There, in his bed, was his man.
He was exhausted and it was his fault. He closed the blinds, dimmed
the lights and allowed Tobias to recharge himself. 

When he woke up, the first thing Tobias heard was the sound of
water. He stumbled through the house till he came to a room he
hadn't seen before. The room was made of glass and was decorated
with foliage and rocks. He walked in the jungle a bit to see a naked
Chris standing under a water fall. He realized that this was Chris'
bathroom. The water flowed down the man's back and flowed to the
plants. He turned around and the water flowed down his chest and
dripped off his cock. The sight reminded Tobias of the wine incident
at the club. He knew he shouldn't have been there, but he couldn't
walk away. Chris opened his eyes a little and saw Tobias staring at
him. Tobias tried to walk away. 

"Toby, wait." 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been looking." 

"Will you turn around and look at me?" 

"I should have stayed outside, never seen a bathroom like this." 

"Yes you have." 

"Huh?" 

"Nothing. C'mere" 

"Chris." 

"C'mere." 

"I'll wait outside." 

Chris walked over to him and pulled his shirt off. 

"Either you can pull the sweats off or I will, but be forewarned, if I do
it I will cop a feel." 

Tobias pulled the pants off and kicked them to the side. 

"And the underwear." 

"Chris." 

"I know you're not shy after what we did last night." 

Tobias pulled his underwear off and allowed Chris to lead him to the
waterfall. The water drenched his hair and cooled his body. Chris slid
his hand around Tobias' waist and pulled him close. 

"Can I kiss you?" 

"Do I have a choice?" 

"No." 

He kissed Tobias gently. He rubbed him up and down his back. He
could feel Tobias' body shiver from the coolness of the water and
tasted the nervousness of his mouth. Chris poured a hand full of soap
in his hands and rubbed Tobias body. Before too long, they were
covered in blue tinted suds. He washed his body completely and
rubbed his back. If one of his massages could put Tobias asleep, then
adding water would completely relax him. 

He turned Tobias around and massaged his shoulders. He hugged him
from the back and kissed his shoulders, the back of his neck and down
his spine. Tobias could feel Chris' cock against his butt. He could feel it
harden. The man was rock hard. He wondered if Chris would try to
stick it in. Was he ready for this? Was it right? He soon rested his
mind. Chris said he wouldn't take him anywhere sexually he wasn't
ready to go and he believed him. Chris leaned against him for awhile. 

"Chris, I have to go." 

"God I hate those words." 

"I have to." 

"Ok, I have to go see my mom anyway." 

"She okay?" 

"Yeah, she just needs her baby boy around her every once in a while." 

"Her baby boy?" 

"Yeah. Can I call you later?" 

"Sure" 

They walked to Chris bedroom and changed. They did all the things
that the lovers do. Chris pinched Tobias' butt, Tobias popped him
with a towel. Tobias pinned him against the wall, Chris made the
tickling gesture with his fingers. 

"Chris...stop that....I'm very ticklish." 

"Oh you fucked up when you told me that." 

He pounced on Tobias. They flew backwards on the bed and he
tickled him. Tobias roared with laughter. His face glowed a bright red.

"CHRIS STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Chris stopped momentarily while Tobias caught his breathe. 

"What's my name?" 

"Bitch" 

"Wrong answer." 

He grabbed Tobias and tickled him again. Tobias laughed so hard his
sides hurt. Chris stopped tickling him. 

“WHAT'S MY NAME!”

"Your Indian name is Dances-Real-Funny." 

"That's it! When you insult me, that's one thing.....but when you insult
my fucked up moves, that's another." 

He raised Tobias' leg and tickled the soft tender area below his butt.
Chris mother used to do that to him as a child. Tobias laughed so
hard that tears came to his eyes. 

"CHRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"WHAT'S MY FUCKING NAME?" 

"CHRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! !!" 

"WHO'S YOUR DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"CALL ME DADDY!!!!!" 

"DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

He released his legs and watched Tobias laugh off the pain in his side.
Like the good sleep, he needed to laugh. Tobias was cute with his red
face. He looked like one of those kids in the Chuck E. Cheese
commercials in the ball bin. To see him laugh brought a small reserve
of water to Chris' eyes. Chris mentally made it his goal to make sure
Tobias got everything he needed. He had lost so much of his life
bearing the pain of others, carrying weight that wasn't his. If he had to
give everything he owned, he was going to see to it that Tobias
received all the happiness he was owed. 

"You know I'm going to get you back for this." 

"Toby, don't make me come back over there." 

"You know, two hours ago we said we had to go and we're still here."

"I know. I could call my mom and go over tomorrow." 

"No, go see your mother." 

"Ok, what are you going to do?" 

"I'm gonna see my kids." 

"Cool!" 

"Well get dressed and I'll take you home." 

When they arrived at Tobias' apartment, Tobias gasped. 

"Toby. Toby what's wrong" 

"That's my dad's car...and that Gen's. What the fuck are they doing
here?" 

"You're going with me." 

"No." 

"Toby, you're happy today. Why spoil that with them?" 

"Chris, it's going to happen anyway. I can't hide at your place
forever." 

"Yes you can." 

"Chris." 

"Ok. You gonna call me?" 

"Yeah." 

"Ok." 

Tobias got out of the car and walked inside. Chris didn't want to
leave, but for Tobias' sake he would. Tobias opened his door. 

"Why are you two in my apartment?" 

His father stood up in his usual dominating manner. They exchanged
conversation with much angst. 

"Tobias where have you been?" 

"Out." 

"Out where?"

"Just out."

Gen walked over to join the conversation. 

"How was the party?" 

"It was fine." 

"That's all...just fine?" 

"YES GEN. IT WAS FINE." 

"What's wrong with you?" 

"YOU TWO PIMPED ME." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Gen, you didn't know where you were sending me. A serial killer
could have bought me. Some of the people I have prosecuted could
have bought me, but you didn't care. Then there's you dad. I am your
son and all you cared about was making the firm look good." 

"That's not all I care about and don't raise your voice to me." 

"I don't mean to yell, but you guys were very careless with this." 

"Tobias, I didn't raise you to be a faggot." 

"He's been a faggot ever since I married him." 

"Tobias, who bought you last night?" 

"I'm not talking about this." 

"Who is she, Tobias?" 

Tobias walked off. If they only knew that she was a he, a very big he.
His wife followed him. 

"Tobias, who is she?" 

"You set it up, don't you know?" 

"You're in love with her?" 

"Tobias are you in love with this woman? 

"Will you two leave me alone?" 

"Fine, keep your secret, but you listen and listen good. You say I don't
care about you? You think your wife, the mother of your children
doesn't care about you? I'll tell you who doesn't fucking care about
you. It's this bitch you stayed out all night with. You can fool yourself
all you want to, but the fact remains the same. SHE BOUGHT YOU!
More than likely, she's done with you. You have been used Tobias. 

When you fall, I have to pick you up. When you fail, your wife has to
put up with it and you have the nerve to choose this bitch over us?
No wonder everyone leaves you. I'm leaving. I just thought I would
come by and tell you that your court date was moved up. That kid
goes to court next Wednesday and the judge wants to hear something
about the people that made that song the following week so I hope
your "lead" is failsafe." 

"Judge Caine didn't talk to me." 

"I told him you were ready." 

"Fine, thanks a lot." 

"Bye Tobias." 

His father walked out the door, slamming it behind him. That was his
trademark. One down, now he only had to deal with his wife. 

"Tobias, break it off with this woman or you will never see your
children again." 

She walked out of the apartment with her nose high in the air. That
was her trademark. Tobias went to his bedroom and collapsed on the
bed. Some where he heard the saying that with every good, comes an
equal bad. That meant Chris was the good and his family was the bad.
It was late and the words of his father and wife had drained him. He
slept on the issue. 

That night he conjured a nightmare in his head. He could hear every
single word his father had ever said to him. He could hear the words
of his wife mixed in with laughter of his children. "Don't fuck up." "Get
the corn cob out ya ass." "I didn't raise a bitch." "Stop being a bitch." 

The words gave way to images. The image of his father leaving, his
mother leaving, his wife and kids leaving. Then came the image that
hurt the most. Chris, the man that single-handedly turned his world
upside down, laughed in his face and walked away. Toby sat up
straight in the bed. His face was drenched with sweat and his body
was warm. 

He paced around the apartment for hours. He had done everything
Chris asked him to do. He went to the art show. He went to the club.
He went to his house and everything. He kept his end of the deal so
why didn't Chris keep his? Every time he was around, Chris devoured
him. He was a sexual demon that wanted to possess him. He acted as
though they were a pair when he was doing what he was told to get
the info he needed. Chris drained him and made him forget about
what was important and he never told him where they met before.
Ultimately, he was the fool. He dazed off and forgot about his case,
his career, and his children. He felt a strong sense of anger well up in
him. He was going to alleviate the feeling in him. He wasn't going to
be Chris' bitch anymore. 

The next morning he got dressed for church. As he was leaving, the
phone rang. He wanted to answer it, but he was afraid that it might
be his father or his wife. As he put his suit coat on, the answering
machine picked up: 

"This is Tobias, you know what to do."(beep) 

"Hey Toby....you there baby .....Toooooooobbbbbbbbbbyyyyyyyy!....
well I guess you went to church. When you get this message, call me
or better yet come see me.....I really miss you." 

Tobias stared at the phone. Chris sounded so innocent. He still had
anger in his heart for Chris. As he drove to the church, the words of
his father and wife pounded his head. He drove by the church and
headed to Chris' house. When he got there, he stormed to the door.
Chris opened it with a big smile on his face. 

"Hey." 

"I want the tape." 

"Huh?" 

"CHRIS I WANT THE FUCKING TAPE." 

"You ok Toby?" 

"My name is Tobias." 

"Toby-" 

"Fuck it, I'll find it myself." 

"Toby did I do something wrong?" 

"Yes you did. Chris I have done everything you have asked of me. I
went to clubs, to fucked up art shows, I did everything you asked me
to do so I can get the info I need for this case and protect my image. I
kept my side of the bargain but you didn't." 

"Toby I-" 

"What Chris, you forgot? What made you forget, huh? Was it when
you were kissing my back or when you were biting me like some rabid
animal? Was it when I was sleeping or when you were sucking my
dick? WHEN DID YOU FORGET!" 

"I didn't forget." 

"Then why haven't you kept your side of the bargain?" 

"Because-" 

"Because what" 

"BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD COME BACK!" 

"BULL SHIT!" 

"NO, its' not bull shit! Be honest, If I had asked you to come see me
of your own free will, would you have come back?" 

"Oh my god" 

"No answer the question, would you have come back? 

Tobias paused and stumbled over words he couldn't form till the truth
(as he saw it) came out. 

"You wanna know what hurts more than anything else? The fact that
you made me believe that I was capable of being loved. You made
me think that someone, somewhere wanted me. You lied and told
me that someone was you. All you wanted me for was to get off, to
get high, to get your rocks off. You never planned on giving me those
tapes or helping me at all." 

"Sit your ass down." 

"I'm going home." 

"SIT YOUR SKINNY WHITE ASS DOWN!" 

Tobias sat down in a chair that matched Chris' spider web comforter.
He heard rustling in the bedroom and Chris cursing. After a few
minutes, Chris emerged with a box of tapes. 

"Here....here's every single tape I have of you." 

"I thought it was one tape?" 

"Well what can I say Toby, you're addictive, as for your case. The guy
that your looking for is named Derek Turner. On the streets they call
him Dizzy Devil. When Club Kaos was built, the owner went looking
for a DJ. Dizzy auditioned, was clearly better that the competition,
but he didn't get the job. They didn't hire him because he's black.
They said he would bring in a thug crowd. He tried to sue, but lost.
So not to be outdone, he made that song and put that message in it.
He sent it to the club and they loved it. Those dumb ass' played the
song over and over. He wanted something to happen to shut the
place down and what do you know, it happened. " 

"You're lying." 

"Well goddamn it Toby, your such a fucking legal genius, look into it."

"You are so lying." 

"TOBIAS-" 

"MY NAME IS-" 

Toby caught himself. He stared at Chris as he talked. 

"Tobias. That's your name, right?" 

Tobias grabbed the box and walked toward the door. He stopped
and turned to Chris. 

"You told me that you loved me." 

"I do!" 

"Liar!" 

He opened the door and walked out. Chris ran towards him. 

"TOBIAS, I DO LOVE YOU" 

"THEN WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHERE I'VE MET
YOU BEFORE" 

"I ALREADY HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"WHAT?" 

"THE RETREAT!!!!" 

"Bye Chris." 

"Tobias." 

"What?" 

"Are you ever coming back?" 

Tobias put the boxes in his car. 

"Tobias." 

"WHAT!" 

Chris' eyes welled up with tears that Tobias could see from the
distance between them. 

"I dunno what happened when I left you yesterday. I dunno know
what your dad or wife said to you. I want you to know one thing.
You are, was, and always will be the most beautiful man I have ever
seen in my life. I love you." 

Tobias got in the car and drove off. He looked in his rear view mirror
to see Chris still standing in the door. He saw small flashes of silver in
the mirror coming from Chris' face. He knew the flashes were tears.  

                     Quicksand Part 7  

Part 7: Despite all My Rage, I am Still Just a Rat in a Cage. 

It was Monday and Tobias was back to his old ways. He arrived early
for work to brush up on a few facts for his case. He was still on an
angered high. As much as he wanted to forget it, he couldn't help but
think about the anger he displayed with his father and his wife, how
he stood up to them. Equally, he thought about Chris. How he used
words like fuck, dick, and called him a liar to his face. When it came
to Chris, he couldn't figure out how he felt. On one hand he wanted
to feel strong because he stood up to him. Then again, he felt bad for
the way he handled it. Being back in the building stirred up every bad
sense his father had awaken in him. He couldn't concentrate. If he
wasn't hearing his father's words, he heard his wife's. Their words
mixed in with the hurt of Chris' last "I love you" created a pounding in
his brain. He rubbed his head to relieve the pain. With every rub, the
pain got worse. He decided to look up a few facts in the library. 

As he walked down the hall, he heard the janitor singing and was
afraid to go in. He respected the old black man. He treated him like a
son. The old man was very perceptive. He would see through him.
He would know that he had been with someone and knowing him,
he would know it was with a man. He walked in the room. The old
man cleared his throat to speak. 

"Hey, there.....how you doing?" 

"I'm ok." 

"No, you're not." 

"No I'm ok, really I am." 

"Ok, you're not going to tell me so I'll have to guess. Ok, let me
see......you seem a bit flush yet you have color. Someone made you
mad......No, if they made you mad, you wouldn't have the color.
Someone made you mad and you did something that you don't think
is right, something that's hurting you. Your eyes seem a bit clearer
than they did the last time I saw you." 

He walked toward Tobias and looked at him. 

"Mr. Beecher, you're in love." 

Beecher couldn't believe he was that paper thin. He felt like a lab rat.
It seemed as though everyone was watching his every move, taking
notes and then reporting back to him. 

"You're in love and it's something new to you.....and it's not your
wife...your secretary, no....this is someone new....your wife doesn't
have the power to make you glow. The thing you did wrong has
something to do with this person." 

"I need to do some research for my case on Wednesday." 

"Mr. Beecher, the last time I saw someone look like this was when my
grandbaby's friend Natalie came running over to the house talking
about the guy he had just met." 

"I really have to get started." 

"Ok. Mr. Beecher, can I say something before I go?" 

"Sure." 

"You're a good kid, a smart kid. I don't agree with what you're doing,
but if this man makes you happy, then you should go for it. You only
live once." 

The old man left Tobias alone to think. He slipped into a land of
depression mixed with anger. He wanted to feel bad and guilty at the
same time. He hated his father. He hated his wife. He hated Chris for
making him realize the truth. He wanted to hate the janitor for
reading him so well. But when it was all said and done, when the sun
set on the issue, the person he hated the most was himself. 

He decided to take all his work home with him. On his way to the
car, he ran into his father. He tried to get his door open as fast as he
could, but his father caught him before he could get in. 

"Tobias!" 

"What?" 

"The partners want to know what they can expect Wednesday." 

"They can expect me in court." 

"Tobias don't start this shit." 

"Dad don't start with me." 

"You are going to fuck this up. I should have taken this case when I
had the chance. You are such a fuck up." 

He walked away in his usual I'm-better-than-you demeanor that
Tobias hated. His father was a prick to think he couldn't win the case.
The kid was going down and that was all there was to it. The
problem was in prosecuting the maker of the song. 

He took the day before his court date off. This was something he
learned from Anderson. All day long he couldn't help but wonder
about Chris. He had this mixture of guilt layered with anger going on
inside him. He repeated the same song in his head, about how he had
done everything Chris asked. He used this to fuel his fire and give him
a reason to be mad at Chris. Deep down inside, he knew he was using
Chris to prove he could be in control if he wanted to. He also had to
admit that what he was doing was a habit of his fathers. His father
was a major user of people. Tobias had evolved into a man that
could lie to himself. Nevertheless, he wondered if Chris was telling the
truth. Think about it. Dizzy Devil? How stupid was that? It seemed far
fetched, but what the hell. He called his personal investigator on the
phone. 

"Cain, what's up?....hey I need a favor....I have this subliminal message
case....yeah, a kid went crazy and killed another kid....anyway,
prosecuting the kid is no problem but I'm also going after the guy that
made the song. I have a birth name and street name for you. His real
name is Derrick Turner and his street name is Dizzy Devil. He
auditioned for this club but because he's black he was turned
down.....I got the info from a weird source and it could be a crock of
shit, but its worth a try.....let me know as soon as you hear
something." 

Tobias was on a high. He never saw trying cases as a task. They were
a challenge. Actually, it was the only way for him to prove he was
worth something. Tobias was very superstitious. He had a ritual that
he went through the day before a trial. First, he walked through the
court room to get a feel of it. Then, he sat in the jury box to get their
viewpoint. When he fully absorbed the ambiance of the room, it was
time for him to perform the last ritual, the one that was the most
important. ICE CREAM!!!!!!!! Tobias always had a double dip cone
that consisted of chocolate almond and German chocolate ice cream.
He refused to get his ice cream anywhere else other than Mr. Freeze's
soda shop. The shop was a few blocks from the court house. The soda
shop was his favorite place to go as a child. Whenever he and his
brother got good grades or when they were well behaved, their
mother would take them there as a reward. 

He always found it funny that there was a gym across the street from
the soda shop. With ice cream that good, who wants to work out? He
walked out of the shop and noticed the logo on the gym window. It
was the same logo on the sweats that Chris gave him. He peered in
the windows from across the street. He saw something he recognized.
He saw a big chest sitting on top of a well-defined pair of abs. The
package was made mobile by a pair of strong legs. He couldn't help it.
He crossed the street to get a better look. He gazed into the window
to see Chris working out. He had on a pair of shorts that looked like
speedos. As he pumped the weights, all the muscles in his body
frowned at the pressure. Chris grunted as he squatted the heavy
weights. Tobias could see where Chris got the powerful legs he had,
the legs that encompassed him as he slept one night, the legs that
spread his apart. His ice cream fell to the ground. He didn't care. 

Chris did his last squat and put the weights up. He stretched every
muscle he had then he sniffed the air. Something smelled familiar. He
could smell it even though the gym was full of sweaty men. The smell
was clean, natural, sweet, bashful and beautiful. There was only one
place that scent could have come from, Toby. He ran around the gym
looking for him, following the scent. Tobias knew what he was
thinking and made a mad dash for it. Chris followed the scent outside
and saw the ice cream on the ground. He looked down the street to
see Toby running. 

"TOBY!!!!!!!!!!!" 

He sprinted like the panther he was through the jungle of the streets
to catch his prey. Toby hopped fire hydrants and rugs like a jack
rabbit. He darted from left to right to confuse the predator. He ran
what seemed like forever. He escaped into an alley to get his breath.
He looked around the corner to see if the panther was still in pursuit.
Little did he know that the panther was behind him. 

"Toby?" 

Tobias tried to make a run for it, but Chris grabbed his arm. 

"Toby, please don't run from me." 

"Why not?" 

"Because you make me feel like shit when you do." 

"Chris, I have to go." 

"Toby, give me five minutes of your time. Look, for the last few nights
that you've been gone, I've been sleeping in your shirt to be close to
you, doing things you do just because you do them. Toby, you make
me so happy that it brings tears to my eyes. So in the equation of give
and take, you have fulfilled your side. I haven't. Toby, all I have ever
wanted is for you to be happy. So, if you not being with me makes
you happy, if being without me gets you through the day and makes
your life a bit easier to bear, I will walk away right now and never
bother you again, but you have to look me in my eyes and tell me
that's what you want." 

Tobias didn't look him in his eyes. He couldn't. There was no way he
could look him in the eyes and lie to him. Those eyes were Chris' way
of hypnotizing him. He focused on Chris' body. How hard he was and
those shorts he had on. Chris grabbed his chin and forced him to look
at him. Tobias could see the water swelling up in Chris eyes. 

"I'll give you what you want. Just tell me." 

Tobias was silent. He pulled himself from Chris' grip. 

"Ok, Toby, it's like this. If you want me to leave you alone, say it. If
you walk away with no words at all, that means you still care for me,
that there's a chance for us." 

He kissed Tobias gently on his lips. He wanted to tongue him, but
they were in broad daylight and it would have scared Tobias off.
Tobias didn't fight off the kiss. It was a temporary escape from the
cage he was in. Chris pulled away. They leaned against the building
and just stared at each other. 

"Toby, come home with me, please?" 

Tobias wanted to go with him. He couldn't lie to himself. To go to
Chris' place meant he could rest. He could forget about everything,
stop caring for everyone and allow himself to be cared for. Deep
down inside of him he was still upset with the length of time it took
Chris to give him the info. He couldn't look him in his eyes and say
"stay away" or "I don't love you." You can't do that when just a week
earlier, you wrote the words I-love-you on a guy's chest before he
sucks your cock. He also couldn't go home with him. He had a case
the next day. How could he let Chris know he couldn't stay, that he
did have feelings for him, but not say the words or look him in the
eyes. There was only one way to do this. 

He turned around and walked away. According to Chris' words, this
would mean that there was a chance for them. As he walked away,
Chris leaned against the wall and watched Tobias leave. When Tobias
got home, he fell in his bed. His head was cluttered with thoughts. He
thought about his case, Chris on the weights, the court room, Chris'
smile, the jury box, the muscles, the ice cream, the abs, the chest, the
legs, the chase, the kiss and him walking away. 

He accidentally hit his answering machine to hear his father griping at
him. That was it. That's all it took to set him off. He grabbed the
machine, ripped it from the phone and through it against the wall. He
threw pictures and papers and threw his mattress from the bed. He
was tired of his father's shit. He had been on his case ever since he
took over for Anderson. Why couldn't he have a little faith in Tobias? 

When it came down to it, Tobias was the anchor of the law firm.
When the partners screwed up their cases, Tobias always found a
loophole that allowed them to win the case. No matter what he did,
no matter what miracles he performed, Tobias wasn't good enough in
his fathers eyes when in reality, he was better than all the partners
combined. Yet he felt as though he was being examined. He was a rat,
the case was his cheese, and the partners were watching him to make
sure he found it. He pulled his bed together and rested for the night.
He had a job to do the next morning and he was going to succeed. 

He got an earlier start on the day than usual. He chose a beige suit
with a purple shirt and matching tie for his ensemble. He grabbed his
briefcase. The only thing he was missing was his lucky quarter. When
Tobias and his brother were children, their grandfather gave them a
quarter and told them to keep it always, that it was a lucky quarter
and it would bring them happiness. Tobias put his on a chain and
wore it under his shirt when he prosecuted a case. He searched
frantically but couldn't find the chain. He paused to think about the
last time he had it. It was at Chris' house. It would complicate things
too much to go get it. For once in his career, he would have to go
without it. 

When he stepped inside the court house, he noticed it smelled
different. It didn't smell musty as it usually did. It smelled masculine,
healthy, and though he didn't want to admit it, sexy. The court house
smelled of CK be. The same Ck be that Chris wore. Sure, a lot of
people wear CK be but the cologne smelled different on Chris. He
walked into the court room to find it reeking of the cologne. Chris
had been there. 

He went to his table to find a manila envelope with his name on it.
He opened it and his lucky quarter and a note fell out. The note said:
Good luck, I love you. Tobias basked in the scent of the room. It
made him feel like he was at home with Chris. It made him smile a
bit. The daydream was interrupted by the sounds of people entering
the room. 

The trial started. Tobias was wonderful. He took in deep breaths of
Chris as he spoke. He was suave and in control. He won over the jury
from the get go, and quickly became a favorite in the court room. His
father was jealous. The defense wanted to call it a day and Tobias
didn't refuse. He wanted them to come up with something so he
could kill it. As he left the courtroom, he could hear his father calling
his name. Tobias didn't acknowledge him. He was happy, he was a
legal god in the courtroom and there was no way he was going to let
his father mess that up. 

He got in his car and drove away. He decide to treat himself to the
ice cream he lost the day before. He paid for his ice cream and stood
on the sidewalk. He looked in the gym to see if he could catch a
glimpse of Chris. He wasn't there. When he got home, his phone rang.
Without thinking, he hit the speaker button. 

"Talk to me." 

"Hey, it's Caine." 

"Shouldn't you be doing some investigating for me?" 

"I have." 

"What, already?...let me guess, crock of shit, right?" 

"Quite the contrary." 

"Huh?" 

"I dunno who your source is, but he's a good one." 

"Explain." 

"Ok, Dizzy is quite the big spender when it comes to recording
equipment." 

"What do you mean?" 

"A while back, the recording industry had a problem with pirating of
music. So a lot of the newer recording equipment was licensed with a
chip that digitally encodes anything that is recorded on it to the
owners name. I got a copy of the tape, ran it through the computer
and guess what?" 

"It's licensed to Dizzy?" 

"You got it. This all seemed too familiar to me. So I did some
research. Last year, two other clubs had a similar thing happen. Things
such as girls taking their clothes off and guys jerking off. I got copies of
those tapes and ran them through the computer and guess what?" 

"They're Dizzy's?" 

"You got it. Tobias, are you going to make your source testify?" 

"Yes, I need him." 

"You may wanna rethink that. Dizzy is connected in the streets." 

"What does that mean?" 

"If your source rats on him, he will have him taken care of if not
killed. This guy is ruthless, Tobias. You don't fuck with him." 

"I've already put him on the witness list....SHIT!" 

"Tobias, find some way to protect your source." 

"I will." 

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. How was he going to
protect Chris and have him testify? He had to come up with
something. To pull Chris would be an embarrassment and more than
likely the judge would want to know why. He had protect Chris'
image. His dancing was his source of income. He wracked his brain all
night trying to figure out how he was going to do this. 

The next morning, he got dressed for part two of his legal onslaught.
As he walked out the door, the phone rang. 

"Hello?" 

"Tobias I-" 

"Dad I'm on my way to the courthouse now, will you give it a rest?" 

"Will you listen? You don't have to come." 

"Why?" 

"The defense, decided that after your performance yesterday, their
was no way they could win this case. They talked to the judge and
decided to take the D.A.'s original deal. Speaking on behalf of the
firm, the partners and I decided to take the deal." 

"DAD THIS WAS MY FUCKING CASE. WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?" 

"Tobias, we had a chance to cinch this and report to Kingsley
Pharmaceuticals that we had won and keep their business. I really
don't care about your performance, or this fucking kid. I'm looking
out for the firm." 

"Whatever, dad. You have anything else to say? 

"Who is this lead you have concerning the author of the tape?" 

"Don't worry about it." 

"Tobias what do you-" 

Tobias hung up on him. He had to pause for a moment to think
about what he had done. Tobias was getting bolder by the day. He
was tired of his father making him look ignorant when he knew the
truth. It was his father's way of making the partners believe he was
allied with them. THAT’S IT! That's how he was going to protect
Chris. If he had to play the fool again, he would do it to save Chris.
He got undressed and put on a pair of shorts and a shirt. He hit the
speaker phone button to call Chris, but he got his answering machine
instead. 

"Hi, this is Keller, I'm not here right now so you know what to do,
mom if this is you, I will be at the Hilton in time to escort you to the
award banquet. Not a lot of people are willing to work for AIDS.
That's really cool. Congrats and I love ya." 

Tobias' didn't leave a message. Instead, he called his mother. Tobias'
mother was nothing like his dad. She was sweet. She was the type of
mother that loved herself first so that she could love others. She loved
doing charity. She especially worked hard for AIDS. Maybe she was
going to this shindig. She picked up the phone and answered in her
regular cheery voice. 

"Helloooooo." 

"Mom?" 

"Hey, baby how are you, are you ok, are you eating?" 

"Yes, mom...hey got a question for you. Do you still do work for
AIDS?" 

"Yeah, we raised a lot of money last month with cooking contest." 

"Is there some award banquet tonight?" 

"Yes, I'm supposed to get an award tonight for the dinner party/fund
raiser I hosted in May, but I'm not going." 

"Why not?" 

"Well you did so well yesterday and the firm didn't lose any business
so all the guys are going to Atlantic City to celebrate. That's where
your dad is going to be and I don't want to go alone. Karen said she
would accept it for me." 

"The partners are going to Atlantic City?" 

"Yeah, aren't you?" 

"Mom, you're going to that banquet." 

"Oh Tobias, it's not that big of a deal honey, not to mention I don't
have anything to wear." 

"Mom, go to Macy's. Gen has an account set up in my name at every
dress store there is. Get you something nice, go all out, earrings,
shoes, bracelets, get your hair done and I will meet you at the Hilton
tonight, ok?." 

"Tobias, I couldn't" 

"Yes you can. I'm gonna rent a tux and I will see you there, ok?" 

"Well....ok?" 

"Good girl. See you later." 

He was happy to hear his mother so happy. About the only thing he
and his father could agree on, was that she was the most beautiful
woman in the world. What ticked him off was the fact that the
partners went to celebrate his victory without him. After some time,
he forgot about it. He had a date with a foxy lady that night. 

The day passed quickly. He rented a tux and bought his mom flowers.
He went home to get dolled up. As he stood under the shower, he
thought about Chris. How was he going to approach him after
walking away from him? Chris is one of those guys that take what life
gives him. He doesn't argue and he doesn't look back. They only fight
for certain things. After all that has happened, did Chris still see him as
someone worth fighting for? Would Chris' eyes still light up when he
saw him? Once upon a time, Chris told him that when he kissed him,
he goes to pieces, was that still the case? 

He met his mother at the hotel. She was beautiful. She wore a purple
sequin dress. She took Tobias' advice and went all out. 

"Tobias, all this cost too much." 

"Mom, will you stop? You look beautiful." 

"Ok, let's go." 

Inside the Hotel, Chris and his mother sat at the table reserved for
them. They watched as the guests entered the ballroom. The entrance
way was lined by roses and the doorway was filled with smoke. The
guests suddenly appeared through the smoke as they were
announced. Chris was the perfect gentleman to his mother. 

"Momma, you thirsty? 

"I could stand a little punch." 

"Anything else?" 

"No, just punch." 

"Ok, be back." 

He walked over to the table and poured two glasses of punch. He
was never one to do what he was told so he fixed her a plate of
finger sandwiches. As he waited in line, he noticed a man staring at
him from across the table. The man met him at the end of the table. 

"Hi." 

"Hi" 

"This may sound a bit forward, but you're cute." 

"Thank you." 

"What do you say, we blow this joint and go have some real fun." 

"No, my mom is getting an award." 

"I can wait." 

"No, thanks" 

"What, you have a boyfriend?" 

Chris paused for a moment. He didn't know what to call he and
Tobias or if he could call them anything. 

"Yes." 

"Well, I will have you know that I am an accountant for a major retail
chain and I have a hard time saying no. Can your boyfriend match
up?" 

"Well let's see, my boyfriend is a very smart, very sharp, very hot
lawyer that recently won a major court case. He has big eyes, a big
smile, and a big dick to match. From looking at you, you're seriously
lacking and I have to go." 

He walked away with a smile on his face. He wished Tobias could
have been around to hear that. Just as he got to the table, the
announcer spoke. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, a recipient of one of our awards tonight. Mrs.
Clara Beecher. Mrs. Beecher is being escorted by her son, Tobias
Beecher. 

Chris stared at Tobias. He looked good naked, but there's something
about a man in a tux. The smoke swirled around his body. When the
spotlight caught him, he blinked his eyes as though he were entering
the world. He smiled and a cool wave flowed over Chris' body and
forced him to smile. The room adored Tobias. Chris got mad when he
noticed all the guys in the room staring at Tobias. It was the art show
all over again. He watched Tobias and his mother as they sat down.
Tobias walked over to the punch bowl and Chris watched as the
arrogant fuck that came onto him followed him. The man tapped
Tobias on the shoulder. 

"Hi." 

"Hi." 

"How are you?" 

"I'm cool." 

"This may sound a bit forward, but you're one hot guy." 

"Thank you. I think?" 

"What do you say, we blow this joint and go have some real fun." 

"No, my mom is getting an award." 

"I can wait." 

"No, thanks." 

"What, you have a boyfriend?" 

Tobias paused for a moment. He didn't know what to call he and
Chris or if he could call them anything. 

"Yes." 

"Well, I will have you know that I am an accountant for a major retail
chain and have a hard time saying no. Can your boyfriend match up?" 

"Well let's do the math. He stands about 6'3, has a big chest, a pair of
rock hard abs and a smile to die for." 

From a distance, Chris could see Tobias gesturing the things he was
saying. He understood everything he said and knew he was talking
about him. 

"But what does he do?" 

What could Tobias say to sink this guys sail? He couldn't say he was a
dancer, that's not ritzy enough. 

"He's a lawyer by night and a physical trainer. He's versatile." 

"But is he a love machine, does he have what it takes to get the job
done?" 

"Huh?" 

"He can't beat me in the fucking dept." 

"Oh he'd hurt ya." 

"I have a dick the size of a beer can." 

"Well my boyfriend, has a dick like Godzilla's tail. Perfect for
destroying cities, if you know what I mean. You enjoy the awards." 

As Tobias walked away, Chris could see how defeated the other guy
was. Apparently, Toby sunk him worse than he did. Chris had a slight
case of anger brewing in him also. He loved Tobias. The only person
that he loved more was his mother. He told him how much he loved
him, completely opened himself up. His payment for that was having
Tobias look him in the eyes and call him a liar and making a mockery
of the tender moments they had shared. True, he did hesitate in
giving Tobias what he wanted, but when your lonely, you will do any
thing and everything to find company, especially when that company
is someone as beautiful, and pure and smells the way Tobias does.
Still, when he slept at night, he heard Tobias' words over and over,
and it hurt over and over. His mother got his attention. 

"Chris, honey I want you to meet a dear friend of mine. This is Clara
Beecher and her son Tobias. Tobias is a lawyer honey. He just won
that case that was in the paper." 

"Is that so, nice to meet you." 

"I have an idea, why don't you guys exchange phone numbers and
hang out sometime. If you're anything like us, you will enjoy each
other immensely." 

"I have!" 

"Huh?" 

"I mean, I'm sure we will." 

"Well Clara and Tobias have to take a few more pictures, then I want
you guys get to know each other." 

"Yes ma'am." 

The night progressed. Their mothers got their awards and took tons
of pictures. While Chris' mother answered questions, he escaped to
one of the balconies. He had taken all the bad perfume he could
stand. He stood on the balcony and looked at the city. He
remembered telling Tobias to do the same. He realized that he hadn't
found he fair share of love either. He and Tobias were in the same
boat. He heard the doors to the balcony open, but didn't make a
move. He knew who it was. Tobias walked to the railing and stood
against it. He and Chris stood two body lengths apart. Tobias felt the
heavy sense of guilt in all the areas that Chris had brought pleasure to.
He felt compelled to break the ice. 

"Hey." 

"Hey." 

"You doing ok?" 

"About as good as can be expected?" 

"Yeah, your mother is great." 

"Yeah she is, your mother is sweet." 

"Yeah, love her a lot. Chris I need to talk to you about my case
against the guy that made the tape." 

"Toby, this is a party, a party for both your mother and mine and you
came out here to talk to me about your case?" 

"Chris, I did some checking on what you told me." 

"Why, I told you the truth, but you don't believe me. I do one stupid
thing Tobias and you drop my trust factor to zero." 

"Chris please listen to me?" 

"Why, you don't listen to me and when you do, you think I'm lying." 

"Chris will you-" 

"What do I have to do-" 

"Chris shut the hell up and listen, I did some checking on this guy and
he has done some rough stuff with his music. He sent tapes to other
clubs with messages in them. Some asking the people to vile things." 

"Good, so you got him, what's the problem." 

"The problem is in you testifying." 

"Toby, I will be there, okay?" 

"Chris-" 

"No Toby I’m gonna prove to you that you can trust-" 

"Chris will you please shut up. This guy is connected in the streets, he's
been arrested and I don't know how but he has a way of finding out
things. If he finds out that you ratted on him, he will come after you
or send someone to do it." 

"Toby, I'm not scared, I can take care of myself." 

"I know that but I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to risk it. I
have plan." 

"Screw your plan. I'll be there." 

"Chris will you just hear me out, please? Now, when you testify, I'm
going to ask you some definite questions. I will ask you if you know
Dizzy and you will say no." 

"But I do know him." 

"Chris, please listen.....I'll ask you where you got the tape you dance
to. I want you to say that you don't remember. I'll ask if you bought it
and you will say yes. I will ask you if you know what a subliminal
message is. I want you to give a very vague answer. I'm not going to
pursue you much after that, but make sure you answer in support of
Dizzy. When you get off the stand, I want you to throw him a smile.
Make him think you've got his back. Now, I got the copy of tape you
dance to from the club. I had the message removed from it and
returned. I dropped a hint around the courthouse that you dance to
that music. Right about now, the defense is at the club trying to get a
copy. They will get a copy and the message won't be there. They'll use
it to their advantage, you look like a friend and You will be safe." 

"Toby, that will make you look...stupid. That's what you're going for
isn't? Why are you doing this Toby?" 

"Because if you get hurt, that would be bad law on my part." 

"Bullshit, why are you doing this?" 

"Chris-" 

"Why Toby?" 

Tobias looked at the ground. He knew that what he was saying was
bullshit, but Chris was scanning him as he always does. If he wanted to
protect himself he had to avoid eye contact. Chris grabbed a few of
the potted palm trees and flowers and formed a dense barrier
between Tobias and he and the party. 

"Ok, why Toby?" 

"Chris, let's not do this?" 

"No let's do this. You're going to embarrass yourself to save me
because you care for me...no scratch that, you love me." 

Tobias turned his back to Chris and faced the city. He had too, or
Chris would see that he was right. Chris walked behind him and
pressed his body against his. Tobias knew this wasn't the time or the
place, but this is what he had been missing, what he craved. He could
feel Chris' cock through his pants against his butt. From it's hardness,
he knew that absence makes the cock grow fonder. Chris slid his hands
around Tobias' waist and pulled his shirt out of his pants. He took a
deep breath of Tobias. 

"You smell so fuckin' good." 

"Chris-" 

"You feel good too." 

He kissed Tobias on his neck and nibbled on his ears. Tobias' eyes
rolled in the back of his head. Only pleasure can do that to a man.
Chris massaged the muscles that lead to Toby's crotch. The pleasure
welled up inside Tobias. 

"Chris, baby?" 

"What did you call me?" 

"Nothing." 

"You called me baby." 

"No." 

"Yes, you did." 

Chris made his way to Toby's underwear. He massaged Tobias' cock
with his thumb. He rubbed his thumb over the head to feel the
pre-cum Toby secreted. He ran his hand up Toby's shirt and pinched
his nipples. Toby fell backwards against Chris. Chris turned him
around and kissed him. He grabbed him by his head and held on
tight. He tried to put everything he had in the man. Tobias gave in
and allowed himself to be vulnerable in Chris' hands. They enjoyed
each others mouth, but more than that, they enjoyed each others
soul. Tobias was to the point where he was about to give himself
completely. Then he felt his cock getting hard and that brought him
back to reality. 

"CHRIS." 

"What?" 

"I can't do this." 

"Toby?" 

"Chris, I can't." 

"Goddamn it, Toby. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I did you wrong. What can
I say to you to make you believe me? I gave you your case in a
handbasket. I'm sorry baby. I really am. Please forgive me." 

"Chris a lot has happened, is happening and I-" 

"Toby, I dunno if I can take much more of this. I love you. It's like
being on a fucking drug for years and then all of a sudden, being off of
it. Either you want me or you don't. Toby I have to know." 

"Chris I said-" 

"Toby, if you love me, I want you to come kiss me. If you don't and
you want us to be over, just walk away." 

"Chris-" 

"Toby, kiss me or set me free." 

He was trapped. What was he to do? He loved Chris, He just needed
a little time to pull everything together, He needed to get his father
and his wife out of his head. He also needed to forgive Chris. How
was he going to get out of this and keep Chris hanging on till he
cleared his head. He re-ran the scene he and Chris exchanged in the
alley. He needed to confuse the panther one more time. He walked
to Chris and kissed him. Chris tried to put his arms around him, but
Tobias stopped him. He took a step back, pulled himself together,
turned around a walked away. Chris put his hands on his head. 

"He kissed me and then walks away? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT
MEAN!!!!!!!!  

                    Quicksand – Part 8 

Part 8: Love is a Battlefield

Tobias dropped his mother off and took the long way home to think. 
He made some of his best decisions driving around the city. He wasn't
worried about the case anymore. As long as Chris played the game the
way he was told too, there wouldn't be a problem. The decision he
needed to make dealt with Chris. Tobias was raised to be very
suspicious. He was told that people outside of their social circle were
predators. He was made to feel like he should watch everyone and if
someone did him wrong, he should cast them away without a word. 

That line of thinking was getting in the way of his feelings for Chris. It
was the fact that after he told Chris he loved him, he didn't give him
the tapes and the info for his case not to mention he was told there
was only one tape. If Chris really loved him, he wouldn't have
prolonged the blackmail. Then again, Tobias wasn't an angel himself.
He was playing a game too. Chris told him to kiss him or set him free,
but Tobias did both, which left Chris in a tail spin. He kept the man
hanging on to get what he wanted. Chris did the same thing with his
blackmail.  Deep down inside, Tobias knew he was just as guilty as
Chris. As much as he hated it, he had to answer Chris' question for
himself. If Chris had asked him to come back on his own at the
beginning, would he?  Tobias knew the answer.  The truth stung him
as hard as the chill in the night air.  It's just the way he was raised. The
Beecher blood in his veins wouldn't let him say the words out loud,
wouldn't let him admit the truth.

He undressed quickly when he got home. The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Tobias."

"What Gen?"

"I need a favor."

"Yeah?"

"I'm giving Lisa a wedding shower tomorrow and you know how we
are when we get together."

"I know Gen, get on with it."

"Tobias, why do you have to be so mean?"

"Gen, what the fuck do you want?"

"I want you to take the kids tomorrow."

"Oh...sure I can do that...when?"

"Be here by one o'clock. I bought tickets to the new Disney cartoon at
the Megaplex. You have to be there by six-thirty to get good seats."

"I'll be there."

"What are you going to do before then?"

"I'll take them to the zoo and then we'll get ice cream."

"Ok....well be here early. I don't want the kids to see the stripper."

"I'll be there at one."

Tobias was happy.  He missed the time he spent with his kids. When
he wanted too, he could be as immature as they were. This would be
a good way to spend his Friday.  He left Sandy a message on the
phone explaining that he wouldn't be in. He jumped in the shower 
to wash his troubles away.  The water was extremely cool and inviting
but had no cleansing power.  He climbed into bed naked, trying to
clear his mind.  He wanted to forget about Chris at least for that
night. The chill in his room wouldn't let him.  He slipped into a state
between consciousness and sleep, a dream state where visions of Chris
were waiting for him.  

In his dream, they were at the art show. Chris told him to look
around as he lied to his friend about the exhibit. He walked around
the exhibit until he was caught in a gorgeous ray of blue light from
above. He looked up through the skylight. The moon was full and
adoring him. People began to notice him, especially Chris.  Before too
long,  he had everyone's attention. At that point in time, Tobias was
the only piece of art in the room. Chris walked over to him and slid
his hands around his waist while whispering in his ear.

"You're the star of the show."

"What?"

"Look around the room. All eyes are on you. The moonlight agrees
with you."

Tobias looked around the room. The eyes on him glowed in the
darkness.

"Chris, they're looking at us."

"I know."

"So let's give them something to look at."

Chris slipped the brown leather jacket off Tobias' shoulders and let it
fall to the floor. He turned Tobias toward the crowd and unbuckled
his belt. Tobias rested his head against Chris’ cheek. Chris took Tobias'
shirt off and threw it to the crowd.  He kissed his neck while he
played with his nipples that had been hardened by the eerily cool air
in the room.  With every painful squeeze, Tobias frowned as he
inhaled Chris' scent. Tobias slid his hands down his stomach till he
found his cock.  The crowd stood still with their eyes fixated on the
activity in Tobias' pants. Chris grabbed Tobias' hair and pulled his
head around to kiss him from behind. As Tobias massaged his cock,
Chris slid out of his pants and kicked them to the side. He slid down
the side of Tobias' body with his hands and pulled his pants down.
Tobias continued to massage his cock till Chris took over.  Whereas
Tobias was loose and gentle, Chris wasn't.  Chris gripped Tobias' cock
hard and tight and jerked the man's cock instead of massaging it.
Tobias cried out in what was more of a pleasure form of agony than
pain.

For some reason, the temperature in the room decreased even more.
The people in the room moved in closer to each other to fight off the
chill. The crowd looked on with stagnated eyes. To them, the men
looked like  two gladiators fighting it out in a sexual arena for their
pleasure. Chris' jerks made Tobias cry. He licked the tears from his face
and kissed Tobias again. Chris turned Tobias around to face him
without breaking their kiss. He kissed down Tobias' neck and found
his shoulder blade. Chris bit him like the animal Tobias always referred
to him as. Tobias' head flew back and he cried out in pain. The crowd
moved in closer as they draped scarves and coats around their necks
and shoulders. Tobias' eyes panned the room from left to right. As he
scanned the room, he could see the men getting hard in their pants,
sort of a silent applause for the two gladiators.  The men had the
same eyes from when they walked in. They were jealous that he and
Chris were together and they wanted to join in but they couldn't.
Toby whispered in Chris' ear. It was cold enough in the room that his
words manifested themselves in the form of a blue mist.

"Is this all you're going to do to me?"

"Just don't want to take you too fast."

"You're not taking me fast enough."

"What?"

"Chris, do you love me."

"Yes."

"Do you wanna take care of me?"

"Yes."

"Do you need me?"

"Yes."

"Chris, do you wanna fuck me?"

"GOD YES!!!!"

"How badly do you wanna fuck me?"

"Bad."

"That's all?"

"I wanna fuck you now."

Toby could hear Chris breathing hard. The mist from their mouths
ascended to the moon. He nibbled on Chris' neck as he talked to him.

"What do you wanna do to me?"

"I wanna fuck your brains out."

Tobias hit Chris on the head. The hit wasn't hard enough hurt but
inflicted enough pain to get Chris' attention.

"Stop being a bitch and tell me how you want to fuck me."

"You really wanna know?"

"Wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

"I wanna taste every inch of you from the inside out."

"And?"

"I wanna suck your cock and drain all of your energy."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to be too tired to crawl away when I fuck you."

"Oh really?"

"I want you to scream my fucking name."

"Are you that good?"

"Yeah."

"Is that what you really want, Chris?"

"Yes."

"Then stop fucking around and do it."

Chris lifted Tobias up just enough to look him in the eyes.  He could
see the mist ascending from Tobias' warm lips. He knew this was for
real.  He dropped Tobias to the floor. As he tried to prop himself up,
Chris pushed him down with his foot and smiled.

"You asked for this."

Tobias smiled at him.  Chris kicked Tobias' legs apart, fell to his knees
and kissed the man as hard as he could. The man felt much heavier on
Tobias than usual. Chris kissed the man and licked him down his neck.
Tobias stared at the moon in the skylight.  Chris bit him even harder
on his neck and shoulders. The little stings made hot tears flow from
Tobias' eyes, hot tears that cooled in the cold air. His bites morphed
into kisses that found their way to Tobias' nipples. Chris sucked his
nipples hard enough to make Tobias call out his name. He sucked on
the left one and squeezed the right one.  Chris kissed him on his
stomach and tongued his navel. A slight mist from the body heat rose
from Tobias' chest.  

As he gazed at the moon, he could feel Chris' tongue matting his pubic
hair. The tiny, wet, cool sensations flowed through his body like the
waves in a pond. The sensations were so inviting and hypnotic that
Toby was forced to close his eyes and enjoy it. Before long, the man
was massaging his cock, massaging him to his peak hardness.  He
raised his head to look at Chris. The blue mist floating from his hot
mouth clouded his vision, but he could see Chris' eyes and his smile.
Chris put the man in his mouth and followed through on his promise.
He sucked Tobias' as hard as he could. He could feel the man's cock
quiver in his mouth. The pressure on Tobias' cock forced him to sit up.
The more he moved, the more he slid from side to side, even
grabbing Chris' head couldn't loosen his grip. When he finally let go,
Toby fell back.

Chris climbed the length of Toby's body and straddled his chest.  He
sat there breathing heavy, mist floating from his mouth like a volcano
about to erupt. Tobias was too tired to move. He wadded his pants
up in a ball and placed them under Toby's head. He raised himself up
to fold Tobias' arms on his chest.  He grabbed his cock and leaned
into Tobias' mouth.  Tobias didn't refuse, he couldn't if he wanted
too. Chris pushed his cock into the man's mouth slowly. With every
thrust he went deeper, got faster.  He leaned forward and propped
himself with his hands and fucked the man's mouth.  Tobias could see
the man's muscles rippled in his stomach. The crowd watched in
amazement. How could the gladiators continue to battle like that?
Where did they get the energy?  As Chris fell deeper into the man's
soul, the light from the moon danced off of his skin. It was a replay of
the strip show performance. Utilizing his peripheral vision, Tobias
could see Chris' arms buckle. That was a sign that the man was
weakening. Chris made one hard thrust into the man's mouth,
withdrew to let the man breathe, and thrust again, this time he held
it. When he finally withdrew, he moved back and fell on the man’s
chest. They laid there breathing heavy. The heat from their bodies
rose furiously to the moon. They looked as though they would ignite
into flames at any moment. 

Chris rose and rolled Tobias on his stomach. It was time to feel the
man from the inside. He straddled himself over Tobias.  Tobias knew
what was coming and he welcomed it. With eyes closed, he pushed
himself up in anticipation of Chris. Chris kissed his neck. He lifted his
head slowly and saw the faint image of two small children in the
distance. As they approached him, they spoke.

"Daddy, what are you doing?"

Tobias screamed and sat up straight in the bed. The room was very
cold. His face and sheets were drenched with sweat. As he stared at
himself in the mirror at the end of his bed, he rubbed his stomach to
find it covered with cum. He jumped in the shower to cleanse himself.
He noticed that the small window above his shower was open and
chilled the room to perfection.  He closed it, dried off, went to the
living room and sat on the couch.

He tried his best to put the dream out of his mind, but he couldn't. 
Where did he get all of that? Was he the kind of person that would
say "Chris, do you wanna fuck me?"  Beechers don't say things like
"Stop being a bitch and tell me how you want to fuck me."  He felt
dirty from the longest hair on his head to the balls of his feet. The filth
that he engaged in with Chris was mentally driven. It was his
conscious speaking loud enough to make him cum.  Nevertheless, he
couldn't deny the thought that he liked it. The fact that the dream
happened proved that Chris’ supposed betrayal didn't matter
anymore. It proved that Chris was no longer outside the Beecher
social circle. His children making an appearance in his dream proved
he was the matter. He was still in a tug-o-war. Chris won the first
battle, but the morning was coming and soon he would be with his
children.  He slept on the couch in fear of the memories in his room
would resurrect.

He slept the next morning. In a sleepy haze, he sat up and wiped his
eyes. Silently, he thanked God for a clear head. He went to the
kitchen and grabbed a box of Captain Crunch from the cabinet. He fell
in his lazy boy chair to watch television. He surfed through the
channels skipping soap operas and cooking shows. After exhausting his
options, he gave up and watched an episode of The Power Rangers. 
He got dressed and left to get the kids early.

Across town, Chris was in one of his training sessions.  He couldn't
help looking across the street at the ice cream shop, hoping that Toby
would make an appearance. He never did.  When his customer left,
he went to the juice bar to think.  What was it going to take to get
Tobias to love him?  What did he have to do?  What does he have to
say?  Did he want a blood offering? Never in his life had he loved
anyone like he loved Toby. The vulture in him wanted to kick him to
the curb and look for new tail.  The dove in him wanted to make
peace, if nothing else, just make peace.

He wiped his face with the towel.  A familiar aroma filled the air.  The
aroma was sweet, like a pear. He turned around to find Quinn, an
old flame of his standing behind him. Quinn, a hip-hop dancer, stood
5'10, had coal black hair, a set of beautiful emerald green eyes with a
set of pecs to match. He wore a green body shirt and a pair of baggy
black slacks. The words tumbled out of Chris' mouth.

"Quinn?"

"Yeah, how are you?"

"I'm uh...uh...um.....I am uh…"

"You're what?"

"I'm ok, you?"

"I'm cool."

"Yeah, you joining the club?"

"No, I was in the neighborhood..... so I thought I would drop in and
see how you're doing."

"Well, that's cool."

"Ok, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Chris,  we dated off and on for five months. If I know anything about
Chris Keller, it's when he’s sad."

"I'm ok."

"Yeah, right....who is he?"

"What?"

"You heard me, who is he?"

"Nobody."

"He must be something special to get you this worked up.  You
weren't this glum when we broke up."

"Quinn, don't start."

"Chris, I apologized."

"No....what you did was spread my nude photos across the Internet."

"Look, what I did was wrong.  I'm not going to sit here and act as if it
wasn't."

"Thanks."

"Say, what are you doing tonight?"

"Why?"

"Well apparently things aren't going too good with this dream boat
you're pining over and I'm dancing with Jessica Simpson tonight at the
Megaplex."

"Yeah, right Quinn."

"Chris, she has a song on the soundtrack of that new Disney flick. 
We're performing before the eight o'clock show and she's gonna sign
autographs after. It shouldn't take an hour to do everything."

"So?"

"I just thought maybe you would like to go to the movies with me,
my treat."

"To see a cartoon?"

"We can see whatever you want, oh wait a minute you dance on
Friday nights."

"No, boss gave me the night off....she doesn't want the fans to get use
to me...wanna keep me fresh. I dance on Monday this week."

"Cool, then we can go."

"Quinn...."

"Just say yes."

"Just a movie?"

"We'll play it by ear."

Chris sat silently for a moment. If he said no, he would be sitting at
home alone again. If he said yes, it would feel as though he was
cheating on Toby. Then again, it's just a movie. At the most, it would
last about two hours. It wasn't anything serious. It wasn't a date. No
fucking allowed. So what was wrong with it?

"What time should I be there?"

"I can come get you. You still live-"

"I will meet you."

"Meet me at six."

"Ok."

"And make sure you're dressed hot."

Chris watched him as he walked away. He knew Quinn was up to
something. Quinn was magnetic, hard to resist. Quinn was the kind of
guy that could make a guy fall for him even though he knows he's
going to be dumped.  He had a smile that would melt your heart
while he was breaking it. He could tell you a bold face lie, but the
look in his eye and the sweet smell of his breath wouldn't let you
catch it. He was hypnotic. He was  innocent, yet guilty, dangerous but
safe. In other words, he was Chris.  Chris gathered his things and
headed for the showers.

Across the street, Tobias and his children walked into the Ice Cream
Shop. He fell into the booth to catch his breath. He forgot how hard
it was to keep up with the kids. He spent the first part of the day at
the toy store.  He allowed the kids to get whatever they wanted. As
the kids chugged their root beer floats, Tobias gazed into the gym
window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Chris. He scanned the windows
for a long time but he didn't see him. Maybe he needed a closer look.
"Hey, I'm gonna run across to street and say hi to someone.  Finish
your floats and we'll head for the movies."

He went across the street to the newspaper stand beside the gym.
Without looking he grabbed a magazine and held it up to his face. He
stood there for ten minutes with no sightings of Chris. A child-like
sadness fell over his face. As he turned to walk away,  he noticed the
title of the magazine he was holding. It was a copy of Out magazine.
The featured story on the cover was How to get the Man you want:
10 easy tips. He put the magazine down and turned to walk away. He
stopped in the middle of the street. He turned to take one last look. 
Still no Chris, the magazine he had fell on the sidewalk.  He went back
to pick it up and decided to buy it. It offered him tips on getting the
man he wanted and he needed help. He put the magazine in a brown
bag and went back to the Ice Cream Shop. The kids were at the front
door. He put them in the car and buckled them in.

As he closed the passenger door, a big gush of wind caressed him. 
The wind filled the street and alleys with Tobias' scent.  The scent
flowed into the gym and made its way to the showers.  Chris stood
under the shower till his nose caught the scent. He knew whom that
scent belonged to. He shut the water off, threw a sweaty towel
around his waist and ran to the weight room. He stopped in a panic
and took a deep breath. He yelled at the people working out.

"WHO WAS IN HERE????!!!!!!!!"

The people looked at him with puzzled faces.

"WHAT,  ARE YOU DEAF? WHO WAS IN HERE?"

They looked at each other but no one spoke.

"Look, did a honey blond guy...uh, uh…about 5'10, thin, beautiful
eyes come in here?"

A lady from the back spoke up.

"No, but if you find him give him my number 555-8773."

The crowd laughed at the lady's remark. Chris went to the door of the
gym and looked for Tobias but he was gone. Chris walked back to the
showers with is head down.  He stood under the water for a good
while. He tried his best to fight the tears welling up in him but lost in
the end.

Tobias took the kids to a museum next.  He was hell bent on the fact
that the kids were going to be exposed to real artistic culture and not
Gen's crappy drawings. Later, he did what he was told and arrived at
the Megaplex early.

Chris kept his promise and arrived at the theatre. He wore a pair of
black slacks, a red body shirt and a black leather jacket. His suspicions
about Quinn were soon rested when he saw a gang of N.Y.P.D.'s
finest escort Jessica Simpson and the dancers inside the theatre. Quinn
gave him a playboy wink as he walked by. He went in and watched
the performance from the video game side of the theatre. He had to
admit that Quinn was a really good dancer. His attention was soon
diverted by a familiar smell. It smelled like Toby but it mixed with the
smell of popcorn and cologne. 

On the opposite of the theatre, Tobias tried to control his daughter
who was a major Jessica Simpson fan.  He caught the subtle hint of CK
be in the air. He looked around the lobby for Chris but he couldn't
find him.

Half way into the movie, Tobias' son complained that his stomach
hurt and his daughter's eyes looked extremely heavy. He gathered the
kids and exited the theatre. He dropped his son off at the bathroom
and went to the box office to get some rain checks. A few minutes
later he heard his son scream.

"GARY.....BABY!!!!"

When he found Gary, a man was helping him.

"Gary, are you ok, baby"

The man spoke with his back turned to Tobias.

"He's ok. He ran into me and fell back."

"Gary, how many times have I told you not to run? I-"

The smell of CK be caught Tobias' nose.  At the same time, the
sweetest scent in the world intoxicated Chris.  He stood up slowly. 
Tobias saw the muscles in the man's back spring to life. This was
familiar territory. He had been here before.  Chris turned around
slowly to see a very pleasant face.  He was clean as usual and prettier
than an angel.

"Toby?"

"Chris."

"How are you?"

"I'm good...and you?"

"I'm ok...this is your son?"

"Yes...um, this is my son Gary and this is Holly."

"Hi Holly...Gary."

The kids looked at him with tired faces.  Gary spoke. "Are you my
daddy's friend?"

"Uh...um...I uh..yeah!"

"Best friends?"

"Well, we're pretty close."

Tobias jumped in. "Did you wash your hands, Gary?"

"A little."

"No, wash them a lot. Holly, go wash yours."

"Mine aren't dirty."

"Wash them anyway."

He watched them till they went in the bathroom.

"So, how are you?"

"You've asked me that already."

"Oh yeah!"

"I miss you, baby."

"Chris I-"

"I miss you Toby."

"Please keep your voice down."

"I'm sorry, but I do."

"Chris, remember the real world?"

"Fuck the real world Toby. When it comes to you and me, it doesn't
exist."

"Yes it does Chris we-"

"TOBY....I miss you...no more lies, no more blackmail, no more stupid
shit. I miss you and you know what?  I think you miss me too...Do
you miss me baby?"

Tobias looked down at his feet.  He didn't want to look Chris in the
eyes.  There was no way he could lie to Chris if he did that. The
dream he had the night before wouldn't let him lie.  He missed Chris.
He missed him badly.

"You miss me don't you.  Baby, just say it."

Toby gave in and stared in his eyes.  Through his peripheral vision, he
saw an attractive man coming toward them. He gave in and said it.

"Chris, I miss-"

"Hi."

Tobias looked at the man in confusion.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Oh no, I'm with Chris."

The blood drained from Tobias' face.  He stood staring at the man
while his body ran cold. Chris instituted some damage control.

"We're not together. We-"

“Um..uh...hi, I'm Tobias, Tobias Beecher and you are?”

"Quinn Anders...you two know each other?"

"Yes we do...well I'm gonna get me, my kids...you guys have a nice
night."

Tobias walked down the hall to the restrooms like a defeated animal. 
Chris watched him with an internal sadness that he couldn't control. 
Quinn knew he was wrong for giving Tobias the impression that he
and Chris were an item. He tried to smooth things over with Chris.

"Hey, Jessica is throwing a party for us, ya wanna go? I can bring a
date."

"Go outside."

"Do you want-"

"GO OUTSIDE!!!!!!!"

Chris stood motionless waiting for Tobias to come out. When he came
out, Chris tried to explain.

"Toby, it's not what you think."

"Chris, it's ok."

"No, it's not...it's not what you think."

"Chris, you don't have to pretend.  He's cute....he seems like he's a lot
of fun. You're a wild guy and he seems like he is also so..."

"No he's not he's-"

"Chris, you have a nice boyfriend.  You said that we all are looking for
our fair share of love in this city and you found yours...I hope you're
happy, bye."

"Toby, please don't walk away."

"You will be at the courthouse on Wednesday, right?"

"Yes, Toby please let me-"

"You remember how we're going to do the testimony, right?"

"Toby, yes....look, five minutes is all I ask-"

"I'll see you Wednesday...tell Quinn it was nice meeting him."

Tobias took his kids by the hand and walked out.  A few minutes later
Chris walked out as Tobias passed the theatre in his car.  His eyes
followed the car as Quinn called his name.

"Chris...what are we gonna do now?"

"Get the fuck away from me."

"Chris, what's wrong?"

"WHAT"S WRONG? Did the last fifteen minutes not exist to you?"

"What did I do?"

"You gave Toby the idea that you and I are a thing and you know
better."

"Chris…"

"And you didn't even try to fix it.  There's no telling what he thinks
now."

"So?"

"SO . . . What the fuck do you mean by so?"

"It's not like he's important or anything?"

"What?...Bitch, get the fuck out of my face."

"Why are you being a dick, Chris?  He's just some regular guy.  He's
nothing more than a fuckable nerd."

"And what makes you so special?"

"He's not even your type."

"Oh, yeah...what is my type Quinn?"

"Someone that's hot, unattached, wealthy, and loves to fuck."

"You are such a bitch. Why do you do this to me?"

"Do what?"

"Every time you find your way into my life, you wreck it.  You do
something stupid, say something stupid and in the end I have to pay
for it."

“What the hell is your problem?  I could understand this if...wait a
minute...oh fuck no...is that average Joe the guy you were so down in
the dumps about at the gym today?”

Chris gave Quinn a very sarcastic look and walked off.  Quinn
followed behind.

"What do you want him for?"

"None of your business."

"He's plain, he's boring, he's dumb."

"You call him one more name and I swear to God I will kick your ass."

"Chris,  I have the money, the pecs, the ass, the connections and I love
to fuck. What does this family man have that I don't?"

"HE HAS ME!   That's something you don't have.  Quinn I would give
everything I have right now if he would just hold me. Thanks to you,
that will never happen."

"HE'S A PIECE A SHIT, CHRIS!!"

"I told you!!"

Chris drew back and knocked Quinn to the ground. Blood rushed
from his lip.

"Stay away from me. Don't call me, don't think of me, don't come by
the gym. Stay away."

"Chris, I get what I want and I want to fuck."

"Then go fuck yourself."

Chris walked off.  As much as he wanted Toby to be there, he was
glad he wasn't.  Chris had a very bad temper. When he was mad, it
was scary.  Usually it takes him thirty minutes to an hour to calm
down. He got in his car and ripped down the street.

Tobias pulled into the apartment complex.  He sat there for an hour
with his head on the steering wheel. For the first time in his life,
Tobias experienced a feeling that he thought he would never have to
face. For the first time in his life, Tobias was experiencing what it felt
like to lose. All his life, he was the one that won out in the end. 
Whether it be the high school bully, the pranks of the fraternity,
yuppie law school students, an overbearing father, a gold digging
wife, murderers, he was the victor every time.  Now, he had to accept
defeat. The one person other than his mother that loved him
unconditionally was in love with someone else. He could have had
Chris. He was there for the taking.  He could have been at the theatre
with Chris. What hurt the most, was the notion of what this
ultimately meant.  Chris having someone else meant there wouldn't
be any more big pecs, six packs, and deep kisses.  Chris' place was off
limits. There would be no more late night escapes from the real
world. Like a person dying, he saw his life with Chris pass before him. 
He saw the kisses he would never get, the smiles he would never see,
the arguments he would never have, the love he would never get. 
He made his way into the building where he met a very nosy Mrs.
Gaines.

"How are you, Tobias?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"I'm fine."

"I know what's wrong with you. It's this staying out late every night. 
You use to be such a good boy. Now, I hear you driving up at all
times of night. Nothing morally right can be going on at that time of
night Tobias. You've changed and not for the better and you-"

"Mrs. Gaines, do you think, for once in your life, you could shut the
hell up?"

"TOBIAS! How dare you raise your voice to me."

"Stay out of my business and I won't."

"Tobias, you should be ashamed of your behavior."

"Lady there is nothing you can say to me that will make me feel any
worse than I already do."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"Tobias?"

"Go home Mrs. Gaines!"

Tobias slammed the door in her face.  He leaned against it as images
of Chris and he died in his mind.  Suddenly, he felt the sadness rise in
his stomach.  He was about to explode.  He ran to the bathroom, fell
to his knees and vomited. Before too long, the vomit mixed with
tears. Even as a child, Tobias wasn't a crier, but now he couldn't get
his tears to stop. Never in his life did he feel lonelier than he did at
that moment.

On the other side of town, Chris stood under the waterfall in his
bathroom.  He was used to washing away his problems, but the water
failed him this time.  No amount of scrubbing or soaking would wash
away the love he had for Toby. He turned the water off. A cool
shower made no sense if Toby wasn't there. He walked to his
bedroom in the nude. In the corner was Tobias' XXL shirt. He put it
on to feel closer to Toby.  He also found the pair of shorts he tore off
of Toby. He sewed them and put them on to complete the outfit. He
fell into the bed and looked through the sky roof. He couldn't help
but wonder about Toby. Was Toby thinking of him? Did he care? To
be as smart as he was, did he really fall for Quinn's act? Not knowing
how Tobias was doing or how he felt was killing him. His eyes welled
up with tears as he turned on his side and went to sleep.

A day had passed and the two men stayed at their homes.  Tobias
managed to stumble into church that Sunday morning.  Everyone
looked at him as though he had done something wrong. He tried to
hide his sins from the populace, but Mrs. Gaines was there and he
knew she had told everyone.  Why did he even go to that church? 
The only reason people treated him with any respect there was
because of his father. He sat in the back during the sermon and left
before the prayer. He stopped by the store and bought tons of blue
and yellow candles.  Later that night, he lit them and sat on the bed.
He tried his best to recreate his night with Chris, but he couldn't. He
blew the candles out and went to his lazy boy chair where he found
the issue of Out magazine he had bought. He flipped through the
pages till he found the article on getting the man you want in ten easy
steps. Relying on a magazine to get a man was stupid to him. Even
though he had lost Chris, he was curious to see what it took to get a
man. The first tip hit him hard.  The tip was: Be honest with yourself. 
The tip told him that he had to be clear in his head before he could
pursue anyone else.  This made Tobias feel worse. The games he
played to keep Chris hanging all but proved that he wasn't honest
with himself. So not only did he fail Chris, he failed himself.

At the same time, across town, Chris spoke with his mother on the
phone.

"Momma?...how are you.....I'm fine...no really I am..... huh......
everything?.....ok, here goes......Momma, I lost Toby.....fucking Quinn
Anders...I know you told me to leave him alone, but I was
lonely......we went to the movies and that's it I swear. We ran into
Toby and his kids and Quinn made it seemed like he and I were
together and that is so not true.......I tried to tell him the truth but he
wouldn't let me..... momma he was so hurt and he was going to tell
me he missed me till Quinn walked up. GOD I hate him.......momma
he won't listen, I can't get him to sit still enough to talk to me...you
should have seen his eyes when he left. He looked like a punished
child.....huh?....no, his mother doesn't know or at least I don't think
she's knows....This is all my fault momma.....no momma, I have this
uncanny ability to screw up the best things in my life...momma, I have
done a lot of people wrong. I have used people, abused people all to
get what I wanted and as sorry as I am, I really don't give a damn
about them....but Toby is another story momma.  Other than you, I
can honestly say that I have never loved another person till Toby. He
is everything I've always wanted to be. He's smart and I'm not. He's
nice and I'm not. He's human...and I'm not.....I want him momma,
what should I do.......You think I should wait?....he's never coming
back......I guess you're right...I will wait and see what he
does......ok...ok.....ok, momma, I don't say it enough but I love
you...huh...ok...bye momma.”

Tobias arrived at the office Monday morning to find Sandy in tears
and typing frantically.

"Sandy, what's wrong?"

"I have to get these notes and reports typed."

"Ok, but why are you crying?"

"Nothing."

"No, why are you crying?"

"Your father came in earlier and wanted to see your notes.  I would
have typed them last Friday, but I had a question about them and I
couldn't find you so I waited. I gave him your handwritten copy and
he jumped my case because it wasn't typed."

"Oh god."

"I told him you wanted clarification before anything was typed and he
said he didn't care. He said my job was on the line. I need my job,
Mr. Beecher. I have an apartment, a car, and bills to pay. I-"

"Sandy, calm down.  As long as I am here, you will have your job."

"But he said-"

"Forget what he said."

"Ok, thank you."

"Sure."

"I'll get them typed, I promise."

"I know you will."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I don't mean to pry, but I've been working with you for a while
now.  I know when you're sad."

"I'm ok....really I am."

"Ok....but Mr. Beecher, if you need to talk...I'm here."

"Ok...uh Sandy you and I are friends, right?"

"Yes."

"Cool. From now on, call me by my name...no more of this Mr.
Beecher stuff."

"Ok, Tobias."

"No…call me Toby.  The people I love do."

"Ok...oh I almost forgot...some guy called and asked what should he
wear to court on Wednesday. He hung up before I could get his
name. He left the number at his gym...said he'd be there the better
part of the day."

"Ok, thanks."

Tobias closed the door to his office behind him and leaned against it. 
Why was his father so hell bent on ruining his life and why did he
have to bring Sandy into it. He won the first part of the case. Why did
his father think he was going to lose this round? To add worse to
measure, he had this message from Chris that was so mundane that it
was laughable.  He knew it was Chris' ploy to get him to talk to him.
Tobias had to decide what he wanted to do.  Should he call him and
make sure that he is dressed appropriately, or should he ignore it and
trust that Chris has enough fashion sense to dress himself? The day
passed quickly. Tobias checked out early and did his pretrial ritual.

When he went to the Ice Cream Shop, he was tempted to walk across
the street and discuss court apparel with Chris. But if he did this, he
would be giving in to Chris' trickery. He stood in the shop for a few
minutes before deciding to play the fool. He walked across the street,
took a deep breath and walked in the gym. He rang the bell on the
juice counter, but the girl didn't hear him with her earphones on. He
walked to the other side of the counter to get her attention.

"Oh honey I'm sorry. How can I help you?"

"Hi...uh is Chris Keller here?"

"Yes, but he's in a session right now he'll be done in about  fifteen
minutes.  You wanna wait?"

"Yes, I will."

Toby took a seat at the counter. A few minutes later, he was
approached from behind by Quinn.

"Hey there."

Tobias looked at the man with hardened eyes.

"Hi."

"You here to see Chris too?"

"Yeah...we have some business to discuss."

"Oh really, what kind?"

"Just business."

Quinn stared at Tobias for a moment. As much as he hated to admit
it, there was something about Tobias that made him alluring. Being
the spoiled little bitch he was, he had to have Chris. The only way to
do that is to get rid of Tobias.

"Well I hope you're not gonna keep him long."

"Why is that?"

"He and I have "plans" tonight. If you know what I mean."

"Yeah I do."

"I'll tell ya. I'm not new to the world of sex, but Chris takes it to a
whole new level.  We fucked for five hours one night....I mean he was
all over me. I tried to stop him, but telling Chris no is like telling him
yes."

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but that's between you and
Chris."

"Oh, I'm sorry.  I figured since you guys were friends, it would be okay
to tell you stuff."

"Well we are friends-"

"Good, so I can tell you how it feels to suck his cock. One night I
choked on it and Chris wouldn't let me come up for air-"

"I really don't wanna to hear about this."

Chris walked down the hall and stopped when he heard Quinn's
voice. He peeped around the corner to see him talking to Toby. The
look on Tobias' face was one of nervousness. Chris knew this wasn't
good. He listened as Quinn talked.

"I'm sorry.  I get so talkative about Chris.  He's done things to me that
I didn't think possible."

Chris couldn't stand still.  He darted around the corner while yelling at
Quinn.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

"I came to see you baby."

"I'm not your fucking baby."

"Chris....."

“Quinn, I hate you.  I can't stand you. Drop fucking dead and leave
me alone. If you come around me again I will get a restraining order
and put your ass in jail.”

"WHATEVER!!!!"

Quinn stormed out of gym.

"I'm sorry about all of that."

"No problem, you wanted to know what to wear to court
Wednesday?"

"Yeah...I didn't want to embarrass you."

"Oh well...um...let's see-"

"I have an office in the back...you know.....so no one will hear."

"Ok."

They entered his office which was well decorated.  Toby sat down in
the guest chair as Chris leaned against the desk. After an episode of
severe coughing by Toby, Chris spoke.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"You don't look ok."

"I am."

"Ok, so what should I wear?"

"Well, I have to represent you correctly."

"I have a suit."

"No, you're a stripper and if you wear a suit, they will think I'm trying
to make you into something you're not."

"Oh I see."

"Do you have a blue shirt?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Blue is a neutral color. It's easy on the eyes. The jury will think of you
as a down to earth guy that strips rather than a cocky guy that thinks
he's so good looking that he can strip. Do you have a pair of black
pants?"

"Yeah."

"Nothing tight.....like a pair of dress slacks?"

"Yes."

"Good, do you have a pair of glasses?"

"Yeah, reading glasses."

"Wear them."

"Why?"

"You're too perfect, I need to give you an ailment."

"You think I'm perfect?"

"You don't fit the stereotypical equation of what a stripper is.  I need
for you to come close to that but not cross the line"

"Well...I'm nothing close to perfect...shouldn't be hard at all."

"I need for you to do one more thing for me."

"Sure, anything."

"The jury will be full of women, mothers, sisters, daughters of different
ages. Women are clearer thinkers than men. They will weigh the issues
rather than taking what I give them. I want them on my side for the
entire trial."

"Ok, so what can I do?"

"Make them fall in love with you."

"Huh?"

"Just make them fall for you."

"How do I do that?"

"You know..."

"No, I don't."

"Well...how do you get those women at the club to fall for you?"

“I shake my cock in there face...sort of defeats the blue shirt don't you
think.?”

"Just smile at them when you take the stand."

"That's all?"

"That's all you'll need."

"Ok."

"You remember how we're going to do this, right?"

"Yeah. I remember."

"If you want me to run you through it, I can.  I can meet you at the
courthouse tonight and walk you through what I'm gonna do on
Wednesday."

"I have to do something tonight."

"Oh yeah, Quinn told me...I'm sorry."

"Quinn told you what?"

"Nothing...you know…"

"What did he tell you?"

"Just that you guys had plans tonight.  Don't be angry with him...he
just...I dunno."

"Toby, Quinn means absolutely positively nothing to me."

"Chris you don't have to justify-"

"I'm not justifying...he's my ex. He's caused me too much pain....he's
not an issue anymore."

"Well do you have anymore questions?"

“Toby, I didn't dance Friday so I have to dance tonight. That's what
I'm doing.”

"You don't have to justify anything to me."

"Yes, I do.  Look, don't believe anything that Quinn says.  He's a liar
and will do anything to fuck me over."

"I understand.  I have to go."

"Huh, why?"

"I'm not feeling too well.  I think I'm getting the flu-"

"You don't look good at all. Let me take you home and whip up
some of my mamma's totty. It will-"

"No, I'll just go home and lie down."

"Toby,  you really don't look good."

"Nah, I'm ok."

"You sure? I can call in, it's no problem."

"Quite sure....you and Quinn have....I mean...you have a nice night."

"Toby, look....I love you, but you don't love me. You can't stand to
look at me.  I want you so bad I can taste it.....but you don't want
me. I can't say that I blame you. I have fucked you over, Toby. Come
Wednesday, there won't be any reason for you to come
around...unless you want too.  My happiness means nothing to me.
But all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. Toby, what can I
say, what can I do to make you happy. I don't want you to go
through the rest of your life regretting that you met me baby. I wanna
win my soul back or at least a piece of it. So tell me, what can I do?"

Tobias couldn't believe what he was hearing. Chris was giving up. 
This wasn't like him. Did the love he have for Tobias humble him. The
statement about his soul brought tears to Tobias eyes which streamed
down his face.

“Toby, baby don't cry...just tell me what I can do?”

"Chris I have to go. I-"

"I was thinking.  Maybe if I wasn't around you...you know...to remind
you of what happened...you know maybe you could get on with your
life?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"One of the dancers at the club was offered a dancing job in
Texas...said he could get me a job."

"You're leaving?"

"I don't want to, but if it'll give you some room to heal....if it'll make
you happy, I will."

Tobias fell against the door. His tears came faster.

"Toby, baby please don't cry. I'm sorry...I just want you to be happy."

"I have to go."

"Toby, what can I do?"

"Be at the courthouse at nine."

Toby left the gym. He stopped by the drug store to get medicine and
then headed home. The thought of Chris leaving hit him sour in all
the places Chris made him feel good. He wanted to tell Chris not to
leave but he was still confused and sad and angry and in love. He
paced the floor all afternoon. Was Chris being truthful about dancing
or was he going to be with Quinn? There was only one way to find
out.

He called the club and made a reservation for the furthest table from
the front as possible. He got dressed and went to the club.  He
scanned the room for Quinn but couldn't find him. This was a good
thing in that all Quinn could do is cause trouble. He tried to look
behind the curtain to get a glimpse of Chris when he heard a voice
behind him.

"What can I get ya?"

He turned to refuse the offer, but found a crotch in stretch pants
staring back at him.

"Hey, I'm up here, again."

It was the same guy from his first visit.

"Oh sorry...um, no...trying to stay sober."

"Well, there's a cover charge so you might as well have something."

"Ok....I'll have-"

"Let me guess, you'll have a coke?"

"Uh..yeah."

"If you weren't so cute, I'd think you were cheap. One coke coming
up."

Tobias blushed. How could he make the same perverted mistake
again? It's like his eyes are heat seeking missiles programmed to land
on this man's cock. The dancer on the stage finished his number and
the emcee took the stage.

"I just wanted to take a minute to thank all you beautiful ladies and
gentlemen for coming out tonight. We can't afford to do this shit by
ourselves so I want ya'll to give it up for our sponsors."

Like clockwork, the crowd went wild. Chris climbed the stairs and
started his dance. He told the truth. He was dancing and it was over
with Quinn. A big smile eclipsed Tobias face. If Chris told the truth
about dancing, was it safe to assume he was telling the truth about
loving Toby? Toby grabbed his chair because it was time for the
infamous butt wiggles.  For some reason, Chris stopped dancing.  He
looked at the crowd, at the faces that were gazing at him. The emcee
cut the music and went on stage to check on Chris. From the gestures
made, Toby could see that everything was ok. The music started and
Chris moved with the music. When the beat picked up, he stopped
dancing. The audience started booing him. Chris hung his head like a
disappointed child and walked away. Toby wanted to run after him,
but he wasn't straight in the head either. Chris needed to be alone to
think and running after him would defeat the purpose.

When Tobias got home, he made the decision to call in the next day. 
He left a message for Sandy on the answering service detailing what
was wrong and what to tell his father.  He took double doses of the
flu medicine he bought so that he could sleep, but all he could think
of was Chris, how embarrassed he must have been, how bad he felt. 
He wanted to make him feel better, but how could he? They were on
the supposed outs. What could he do? Then it hit him. He pressed the
button on his speaker phone and hit his mother's number on the
speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"I need to speak to mom."

"You never want to speak to me anymore, Tobias."

"Actually I do have something to say to you. I won't be in tomorrow
and Sandy knows how to do her job so leave her alone. Now, may I
talk to mom?"

Tobias' father didn't say a word  and it shocked Toby.

"Helloooooo."

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I was wondering-"

"You're sick, aren't you?"

"Huh?"

"You're sick."

"HOW DO YOU DO THAT?"

"Honey, I'm your mother. A mother knows."

"Mom I love ya but you're weird.  I need a favor."

"Sure."

"Call Chris' mom and ask her to check on him."

"Why is something wrong?"

"Well...I can't explain...can you just do it for me?"

"Well sure honey. Do you want me to call you back?"

"No, just make the call."

"Ok, now are you taking care of this cold?"

"Yes, mom."

"Ok honey, I'm going to call Mrs. Keller now and I'll make you some
soup and bring it by tomorrow. No work for you young man."

"Ok, mom and  thanks."

Tobias was happy. He could finally rest, knowing that Chris would be
looked after.

A few hours later, Chris arrived home. He quickly undressed and
made himself a cup of herbal tea with a sleep inducer and rested in his
lazy boy chair. The phone rang.

"Hello?....Mamma?...yeah, I'm ok....huh?...Mrs. Beecher called you
about me?.....I had a bad night at work but how would she..."

There is only one way she would know. She would've had to have
been there or Toby was there and told her.  Chris' eyes filled with
tears.  Was this Toby's way of telling him that he cared?  Was there
still a chance?

"....huh yeah I'm still here.....Mamma, I had a very bad night, but I'll
be ok, especially now....ok, I love you too."

He took a drink of the tea and stared at the moonlight flooding the
window in front of him. The light reminded him of Toby at the art
show.  Suddenly, he could feel himself slipping into a dream state. He
blinked his eyes and looked through the window. He saw the figure
of a man, a thin man that looked more like a ghost. As the man
walked toward him, he could hear him whispering. Chris couldn't
make out the words but they were sweet words nevertheless. When
the image touched the window, Chris smiled and whispered back.

"I love you too, Toby."

As he fell asleep, the ghost floated upward to the moon. 



Part 9: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.

Tobias woke up in a cold sweat. As he lay in his bed, the room started 
spinning out of control. He grabbed his head as he yelled for it to 
stop. In mid spin, he stood up and swayed from left to right. The moon cast his shadow against the wall and he watched it fly in circles around him. He 
thought if he stood still, he could catch up to his shadow and after a 
while he did. He made his way to the living room and crashed in his lazy boy 
chair. He stared at the clock with energy drained eyes. The seconds 
turned to minutes, minutes to hours. Before he knew it, it was time for him to get dressed for court. He pieced together an outfit that didn’t match and 
made him look more like a bum than a lawyer.

When he arrived at the court house, he mentally commented on how dark 
the clouds were. He entered the courthouse expecting to smell Chris but was 
disappointed when he smelled the harsh musk. He entered the court room, 
fell into his seat and laid his head on the table. Time passed
and Chris arrived. The courtroom had an ill smell to it and he 
immediately looked for Tobias. Tobias opened his drained eyes. To him he had only closed them for a minute but people had arrived so apparently more time had passed. He saw the judge come in and realized he wasn’t
prepared. He opened his briefcase and pulled documents out very fast. 
His father, whom was seated behind him, whispered in his ear.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The nervousness and sickness made tears well up in his eyes.

“Dad, I’m begging you, just for today, please leave me alone.”

“What the fuck was I thinking? I should have taken this case because 
you are going to fuck it up. Why do you repeatedly find ways to embarrass me 
and where is this super witness of yours?”

Tobias’ eyes grew very large. He turned to scan the audience for Chris. 
He found him sitting five rows behind him. In a delirious state he smiled 
at Chris. In his right mind, he would have never done that knowing what 
the consequences were. Chris gave him a smile back and noticed how sick he 
was. Tobias didn’t even look the same. The old feelings came back. He wanted 
to take Tobias home, put him in bed, and nurse him back to health.

When prompted for an opening statement, Tobias stood very fast and fell 
to his seat. His father grunted with disapproval, the defense snickered 
and Chris was concerned. The judge addressed Tobias.

“Mr. Beecher, are you ok?”

“Yes sir, Just stood to fast.”

“Son, you don’t look to good.”

“I’m fine, really I am.”

“Ok, if you’re fine then approach the bench.”

Tobias stepped from behind his table, took two steps toward the judge 
and fell to the floor. His father grabbed his head in embarrassment, the 
defense laughed with their client and Chris was on his feet.

“Son I admire you for being a hard worker and all but you need rest and 
a good doctor. I’m sure the defense wouldn’t mind setting another court 
date."

A tall lanky gentleman stood behind the defense table.

“Your honor, we sympathize with the prosecution but Mr. Turner has been 
awaiting this day to be exonerated.”

Tobias stood to his feet and addressed the judge

“Your honor, I am well enough to carry on. If I could have ten minutes 
to pull myself together I would appreciate it.”

The judge granted the request and Tobias headed to the rest room 
quickly followed by his father. Chris waited a few seconds and followed.  
Tobias splashed water on his face and reviewed the case in his head. A few 
minutes later his father entered followed by Chris. Chris ducked in a stall and listened to the conversation.

“I’m gonna ask the judge to set another date because you’re a fucking 
loser and you’re going to lose this case.”

Tobias ignored his father and kept splashing water on his face. His 
father grabbed him by the neck and forced his head towards the sink.  He 
splashed his face with water over and over while yelling at him.

“Does this make you smarter... have some more.”

“DAD STOP IT.”

“No, son have some more.”

“DAD FUCKING STOP IT!!!!!!!!”

He broke away and fell to the floor. Chris wanted to rip off the stall 
doors. To do that would mean jeopardizing the case and above all 
things, losing Toby. He sat on the toilet and listened to Tobias’ father cut 
him down.

“You know, your brother is kicking ass and taking names in law school. 
Not a day goes by that I don’t hear how good he is. Yet here I am in a 
fucking bathroom with you and wet clothes because you can’t get your shit 
straight. Tobias when are you going to wake your dumb ass up
and live up to the Beecher name?”

“Dad, will you please....”

“NO I WON’T.  This case is going to hurt us because you are going to 
fuck it up.”

“I have this under control.”

“What the fuck ever Tobias...you know when we found out we were 
pregnant with you, your mother wanted to terminate the pregnancy. I wonder what I would be doing at this very moment had she not changed her mind?”

He left the bathroom in a very pompous manner. Tobias sat on the floor 
for a moment. He really didn’t like his father and he didn’t like his wife, 
but the one person he cared about, the person he loved more than life 
itself was his mother. Now he was dealing with the fact that the one person he would die for, at one time didn’t want him. Chris peaked through the slit 
along the side of the door. He saw Tobias’ eyes grow big with disbelief and 
then give in to the tears welling up in them. Like before, he wanted to go 
to him, but he couldn’t. So he sat there and cried in silence with the man 
he loved. He looked through the slit again and saw a weird kind of 
strength come over Tobias. The fact that his father cut him down, the defense laughing at him and this newinformation made him angry.  Tobias stood up, brushed himself off, ran his fingers through his hair and walked out. Chris followed a few steps behind.

When he entered the courtroom, he was a mess but he had a look in his 
eyes that was pure Tobias Beecher at his legal best. He was addressed by the 
judge.

“Son we can postpone this.”

“No, I am ready.”

“Proceed.”

Tobias was one of those lawyers that had a card for everything when it 
came to cases. He was different this time. He didn’t need it. He stepped 
before the audience and dazzled them with an opening statement. His father 
frowned with jealousy, the defense were amazed, Chris was proud.
Every stupid question and point made by the defense was shot down by 
Tobias. After the lunch break, it was time for Chris to take the stand. As he walked toward the stand, he made eye contact with Tobias and they mentally reviewed what was to happen.  He was prompted to state his full name to the jury. He did it with one of his heart melting smiles. Every girl in the jury thought he was smiling only at them and some of the guys did too. When it was all over, Chris stepped from the chair and did as Tobias told him. He winked at Dizzy and threw him some street sign outside the eye of the judge. Dizzy returned the gesture. He couldn’t believe how smart Tobias was. He played this portion to the hilt from winning over the girls, to the bogus music tape, to befriending Dizzy and even though it wasn’t a plus, looking like a fool. Chris never believed the shit about being a good lawyer. Tobias was making a fool out of himself because he loved him and that was all. The judge recessed for the day.

Tobias grabbed his briefcase and rushed  out of the court house. He 
didn’t want to get in another yelling match with his father nor did he want to answer any questions from the press. He made his way to the front
door and looked at the clouds. They were still dark and the looked the 
way he felt. He heard voices behind him and rushed to his car.

Chris went to the gym to check his mail. As he went through the 
envelopes, a shadow appeared on the floor behind him and a familiar scent came to his nose.

“Hi, Quinn.”

“How did you know it was me?”

“I can smell you a mile away.”

“Chris can I have ten minutes of your time?”

“Your going to take it anyway”

“I just want to apologize for what happened at the movie theatre.”

“What, you apologize? That’s new”

“Well I do.”

“That’s big of you.”

“I would like to make up for it.”

“I don’t wanna go to the movies Quinn.”

“ No, I was thinking of something a bit more larger than that.”

“What?”

“I know what tomorrow is...Happy Birthday to you”

“I would rather forget.”

“Happy birthday to you”

“Shut up Quinn”

“Happy Birthday Mr. Keller.”

A smile crept across his face.

“Will you please shut up?”

“Happy Birthday to you.”

“What do you want, Quinn?

“I want to treat you to a home cooked meal. If I remember correctly, 
you love Chicken Alfredo with mushrooms and white wine. You also like rum 
drenched Amaretto cake with almonds.”

“Yes I do, but...”

“Chris, this is nothing more than a way to say I’m sorry. I’m more than 
sure you have told bland boy...I mean Toby that we aren’t together. I could 
come by around noon tomorrow and have everything ready when you get there. 
We’ll eat and I’ll leave.”

“Quinn you had better not be fucking with me.”

“I swear I’m not.”

“Fine.”

“Great, I will have everything ready.  See you then.”

Chris watched Quinn leave. He knew something was up but he needed 
company and Toby was busy so what was the harm in this? It was his birthday and it was one night. The last time he followed that train of thought he ended up decking Quinn.


On his way home, Tobias bought tons of cold medicine and overdosed on 
all of them but some how he felt worse. He was losing his mind and all sense 
of time and place. One moment he was in the living room and then he was in 
the bedroom but he couldn’t remember how he got there.

He laid down and closed his eyes for a moment. When his eyes seemed 
like they were getting some rest, the alarm clock went off. To his 
disbelief, it was morning and it was time to go back to court. Today was the day he was going to drop the electronic signature on the defense. He arrived and looked at the clouds as he did the day before.  They were very dark, heavy and rolling. He opened the courthouse doors and was embraced by a welcoming scent. Chris had been there. He entered the court room and found a 
coffee cup steaming. It smelled of lemon and menthol. The cup was sitting on 
top of a note. He read the note as he drank the brew.

Toby,


Don’t freak out!....when I get sick,  my mom makes this for me. If 
you’re really sick, this may not work for you. Toby, if you are really sick, 
please let me help you or see a doctor.  I will pay for it. Never the less I 
am proud of you. You kicked ass yesterday.

Love,
Chris

A cool sensation ripped through his body. The sickness made him want to 
go look for him but he had to prepare. A few minutes later, his father 
came in.

“So how are you going to fuck up today?”

He smelled the brew in the coffee cup.

“What the fuck is this, Tobias?”

“It’s for my cold dad.”

“Well let’s give it a little kick.”

He reached in his pocket, pulled out a silver flask of whiskey and 
poured it in the cup.

“DAD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

“Giving this a kick.”

“Dad, I’m sober. I can’t drink that.”

“It’s not for you.”

He takes the cup and sits behind Tobias. This made Tobias mad. Chris 
gave that to him and once again his father screwed with a good thing. Chris 
came in and saw Tobias’ father drinking from the cup. He knew Toby wouldn’t 
give it to him, so something else had to happen.

The judge brought the court to order and Tobias flew into big cock 
mode. When he’s in this mode, he’s aggressive.  He questions everything from 
your name to your hair color. Either you hate him or love him but if hate 
him, you love to hate him. So you love him nevertheless. He spouted fact 
after fact, and thoroughly dismissed the defense. Then came the moment when 
he would drop the electronic signature on the jury. This was new, 
innovative, and above all failsafe. When he was done, his father was really 
jealous, the defense was sick and Chris was smiling from ear to ear. In the middle of the afternoon session, the defense asked to see Tobias in the conference.

“Mr. Beecher, we wanted to see what you were offering.”

“What makes you think I am offering anything?”

“Come on, you guys always have something to bring to the table to make 
your jobs easier.”

“Once again I will ask you...what makes you think I am offering 
anything?”

“What do you wanna hear...huh?....that you beat us?”

“I know that already.”

“Fine, we’ll see you in the courtroom and by the way, you’ve won the 
case against the boy so stop prosecuting him.”

The defense walked toward the door. As much as Tobias wanted to 
mutilate them, he wanted to cement Chris’ safety even more.

“Wait...”

“Yes?”

“I pride myself on being a very good lawyer. I take care of the people 
that help me. I’m scared in this situation because Mr. Turner is one bad ass 
in the streets. He has the potential to cause Mr. Keller much harm and 
even though he turned out to be a major fluke, I want him to be safe.. So 
here’s my deal. You will serve time, but I am willing to seriously reduce how much you serve.”

“In return for what?”

“One hundred and ten percent protection for Mr. Keller on the streets. 
I want him to be able to walk through the million man march with a 
confederate flag and not be touched. Do we have a deal?”

“What makes you think  Mr. Turner will hurt your witness?”

“If you don’t know the answer to that then you should research his 
background.”

“Then why  jail time at all?”

“Because I have to deliver some kind of justice. His tape ruined a lot 
of lives...besides once he gets out he will be tough in the eyes of the up 
and coming rappers..everyone will be dying to work with him. Do we have a 
deal?”



“Yes.”

“Let it also be known that if he goes back on his word, I will lock his 
ass down so tight he will forget he was even born. Am I understood?”

“Fine.”

“Let’s go see the judge.”

The judge instructed the audience that a deal had been made and would 
recess till morning due to a terrible storm brewing. Tobias left via the back door of the courthouse. He looked up and the sky shattered with thunder. The rain and hail came down hard and furious as if it was
punishing the earth for something. Tobias ran around the corner to his 
car. As he was getting in, he heard a voice calling him. He looked up and 
Chris was running down the stairs. He ducked in the car and drove away. Chris stood in the hard rain and watched him drive away. He knew Toby had to 
get out of the rain but he was also hurt to see him go.


The rain was so blinding that Tobias had to feel his way up the stairs. 
He slipped and fell on the ice and hit his head. A single stream of blood 
flowed from his head and mixed with the water. He grabbed the railing 
and made his way to the door. Once he got inside, he collapsed on the 
floor. The rain beat him up badly. He could feel his temperature rise and his chest felt as though it was on fire. He made his way to the chair and rested. He felt miserable and all he wanted was to feel better. Time flew by and he felt worse. He turned his head to left where he had a framed picture of his mother. Immediately he was taken back to the bathroom. Why would his 
mother not want him? What could an unborn baby do that was so bad? Tears 
welled up in his eyes and he couldn’t hold back.

Tobias was all alone. He remembered Chris’ cup of brew and wanted more 
of it and Chris. He found Chris’ note in his pocket and read it over and over again. What was he doing? Here is a man that was willing to leave town 
to make him happy. He put his life on the line so he could win a case. 
Chris was more concerned about his health than anyone else. Why was he 
turning this man away? In a sicken trance, he fell asleep. He started dreaming of the night he was basked in the yellow and blue light in Chris’ bed. He remembered how comfortable and safe  he felt and how sheltering Chris was. Then he remembered the masquerade party and how Chris rescued him from Gen’s stupid death trap of a set up.He remembered how sexually free he felt on the building in the rain, how his hand felt as he rubbed Chris’ six pack.. A crack of thunder shot across the sky and jolted him. In a daze he 
looked out the window at the rain. The neonlights on the building across the street. turned the rain a raspberry color. It reminded him of the red wine rivers dripping from Chris’ body. Tobias wanted Chris’ warm body near his. He woke up and realized that he was capable of saying he loved Chris. More than anything, Tobias needed omeone right then and there. In a faint voice he called Chris’ name and made his way to the door. He fought the rain again to get to his car. There was no way in hell he would be abe to drive in this weather not to mention drive on Canyon road. Canyon road was a high and very
curvy road surrounded by deep ravines that led to the outskirt of the 
city and Chris’ house. Nevertheless,  Tobias loved Chris and it was time he 
knew it.


Chris finally made it home. When he opened the door, the smell of 
Chicken Alfredo and cake caught him off guard. Quinn could be a bitch, but he was a bitch that could cook. Quinn came out of the kitchen and welcomed 
Chris.

“Well hey there...take off those wet clothes, take a deep breathe and 
try not to fall in love.”

“Yeah, right.”

Chris went in the bedroom and changed. He put on Toby’s XXL shirt and 
walked to the living room where he met Quinn.

“I am so stealing that shirt.”

“Touch this shirt and I will kill you.”

“Ok Ok....why don’t you go in the kitchen and let the smell torture 
you. That is if you’re man enough.”

He went in the kitchen and was embraced by the smell.

Meanwhile a dazed and confused Tobias winded along Canyon road very 
slowly till he came to Chris’s house.He ran to the door and fell head first 
into a pool of icy, cold, muddy, water. He tried to stand but realized he had hurt his ankle. He wasn’t worried. He was at Chris’ house and he could make anything better. He crawled up to the door, pulled himself up and 
knocked. No one answered. He knocked again shouted at the top of his lungs

“CHRISSSSSSSSSSS IIIII LOVVVVVVVE YOUUUUUUUU!”

At that moment, the door opened and Tobias stood eye to eye with Quinn. 
Every single cell in his body flushed it’s color and he was as white as 
a sheet of paper. Why was Quinn there? Had Chris ended his pursuit to get 
him? Chris came around the corner complimenting the food.

“Quinn, I guess I underestimated you. The Chicken is...TOBY!!!!!!!

Chris was shocked and glad at the same time.

“Come in out of the rain, what’s wrong with your foot...come in.”

“No, I don’t wanna intrude.”

“You’re not intruding, please come in.”

“No, you guys are...”

“We’re nothing....Quinn made me a birthday dinner...Toby you have to 
get out of the rain or your gonna get sicker.”

Tobias retorted in a sad and sickened whisper.

“It’s your birthday?”

“Yeah...uh come in.”

“No, you guys have your dinner. I just wanted to tell you that...well I 
wanted to thank you for your help and you don’t have to worry about 
Dizzy or anything....so, um, I’m gonna go.”

“You drove from the city in a torrential rainstorm to thank me?”

“Yeah, I left suddenly and forgot too. Hey, I’m gonna go. There’s this 
dancer that has the information I need to win my case and I have to see 
him tonight”

“What?”

“My mother found this guy that knows a guy that knows about the tape.”

“Toby, I’m the guy, remember? It wasn’t your mother. You came to the 
club...remember the wine?”

“Was I supposed to bring wine?”

Tears began to well up in Chris’ eyes. Tobias had lost all sense of 
time. He was a danger to himself.

“No...Tobias please, you’re limping, you’re bleeding, and you are so 
sick. Come in please.”

“No, that’s ok. I had better get home. I have to prosecute Dizzy 
tomorrow. You remember how we are going to do this right?”

“What?”

“The case against Dizzy.”

“Toby we’ve already had this conversation.”

“Yeah wear the blue shirt and if you can make the guys in the jury fall 
for you.”

At this point Chris knew how sick Tobias was. Tobias was delirious. 
Quinn could even see it. Chris tried to fight the tears back.

“Tobias baby we have already done that, today and yesterday. You are so 
sick, come in please.”

“I’m ok don’t worry about me Mr. Beecher. I will call you after I 
prosecute the boy and we will look for the red shirt for the trial.”

“Toby, you’re Mr. Beecher and it was a blue shirt, remember....and the 
boy has been prosecuted...you won.... Toby come in.”

“I have to go so you guys have a good time and happy anniversary.”

Tobias turned and fell in a puddle of water. He quickly stood up and 
hobbled his way to the car.

TOBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite his yelling, Toby wouldn’t turn around. Chris ran to the bed 
room to get some shoes to go after him but by the time he got back to the front door, Tobias was gone. Chris stared Quinn down.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

“I didn’t say a word, you were here the whole time.”

“What the fuck am I gonna do?”

“You will sit and wait till you think he made it home and you will call 
him.”

“But that road is...”

“Chris, wait till he gets home or at least in the city and then call 
his cell phone.”

“Ok.”

“Tell ya what..I forgot the rum for the cake so I will run into the 
city and get some.”

“In this rain?”

“Well, an Amaretto rum cake isn’t an Amaretto rum cake without the rum. 
Plus fear of rain is for wussies.  I’ll be back”

“Quinn, if you see Toby will you bring him back?”

“Yes.”

“Quinn don’t fuck with me.”

“If I see him I will bring him back, I swear.”

Quinn put his rain coat on and left. Chris wanted to go after Toby; but 
if he saw him and had a wreck, he could never forgive himself.

Tobias winded his way down the road. He could feel himself going faint. 
Chris had given up. Chris had gotten tired of chasing after him and 
found happiness in the next best thing. All the time he had to say those 
three little words and didn’t. Everyone in the city was looking for their
fair share of love and not finding it, yet his was chasing after him 
and he did nothing about it. In a delirious state, he felt the need to go 
faster.  He took the curves cutting them very close. Sadness, madness, sickness, and delusions are bad mix on a rainy night. Just when he was
getting some clearness in his head, he cut the curve to close and drove 
down the side of the high road. His car hit a large object and flip 
continuously till it landed in a water filled ravine. The car was sinking fast. As confused and battered as he was, he made it out of the car.  Something trapped his leg and prevented him from moving. Tobias wasn’t much of a swimmer. He rose and fell with the water sometimes going under. The 
dirty and bacteria infested water flowed in his mouth and made him vomit. He 
shouted at the top of his lungs.

“HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He started  panicking and kicking as the thunder cracked above him. The 
rain raped the trees and the wind whistled a violent chord. Tobias could 
feel the stream of blood running from his head and into his mouth. The car had turned sideways and weirdly enough, the headlights were still
on. The two beams shot out of the water like a homing beacon just as 
Quinn pulled up in his silver PT Cruiser.

Quinn saw the two beams of light and stopped. He got out and ran to the 
edge to see Toby fighting for his life. He was confused as to what he should 
do. If he saved Toby, he would lose all chances of getting Chris back. If 
he left him, there wouldn’t be any competition. Then again
if he left him and by the grace of god he made it and Chris knew he was 
there, Chris would hate him forever. While he was making his mind up, 
the car slipped again and the head light bean fell on Quinn. Tobias rubbed 
his eyes to clear them and recognized Quinn.

“QUINN HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Quinn stood baffled as to what he should do. Tobias’ head kept dunking 
in the water and Quinn could see him vomiting, yet still he stood there.

“QUINN PLEASE...QUINN GO GET CHRIS...QUINN....QUINN...QUINNNNNNN!”

Tobias went under and stayed for an unusual amount of time. He 
resurfaced vomiting dirty water, blood, and cough syrup. Quinn’s  decision making soon turned to jealousy. Here was he, a man with a hot body and a bank account to match...a man that was into every thing sexually under the sun. A man that could suck cock better than a hoover vacuum cleaner. He would have to pull out all the sexual stops to put a smile on Chris’ face but Tobias could just look at him and have him brimming from ear to ear. He was into expensive clothes, fast cars and late nights; yet Tobias was into ugly business suits and country clubs and legal briefs. What the fuck did Tobias have that he didn’t. The jealous got to be a bit to much. Quinn pulled his hood over his head, gotin the car and drove back to Chris’ house.

Toby watched Quinn drive away.  He hoped and prayed that Quinn was 
going to bring Chris back. Hours passed, the thunder cracked and the rain fell harder. Chris never came. For some reason, and amazing sense of calm 
came over him. He started to think about his life and posed a question to 
himself: What was he fighting for? His life was shit. He was a good 
lawyer that was being held back, a mistreated son, an unwanted child, a used 
husband, a hurting father and a confused lover. He convinced himself 
that he was everything his father and wife said he was. Could he really blame Chris for giving up? Who would want to live that way? If he was dead his children would inherit a pretty penny. If he was dead, he wouldn’t be there to screw with his brother’s good name. If he was dead, he would no longer be a pain in Chris’ heart. He never realized how much he loved Chris till then.

A ray of light danced on the road above. Tobias was to weak to look up. 
The stranger in the Black explorer saw the two beams of light and  jumped 
on his breaks. He stepped out and looked over the road to see Tobias floating. A major crack of thunder woke Tobias’ brain up and made
him return to a distant memory. He remembered a certain rainy summer. 
He blinked his eyes as they grew larger than they had ever before. He 
remembered. He now knew where he knew Chris from. But the same question 
rolled around his head: What was he fighting for?

The stranger stood about six four, very muscular, blonde hair and a 
kick ass smile to match. He yelled at Tobias.

“HEY...I’M GOING TO THROW YOU A ROPE....GRAB IT.”

He threw the rope in front of Tobias but Tobias didn’t take it. Tobias 
had answered the question of the moment. What was there to fight for? 
Nothing....nothing at all.  He muttered his final words under his 
breathe.

“Holly, Gary, I love you....Mom, I love you.... Chris, thank you for 
loving me and I love you.....God be with me.”

He closed his eyes and fell back. The stranger saw his head fall below 
the water. He had to make a decision and quick.

“HEY, KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER, I’M COMING IN.”

The stranger took off his shirt and shoes and made his way down the 
side of the ravine till he got to  the water and jumped in. He swam to Tobias and tried to pull him to the shore but something was holding him down. He tried to talk to Tobias.

“I’M GONNA TRY TO FREE YOUR LEG. I NEED YOU TO HOLD ON....HEY HOLD ON.”

The beautiful stranger went underwater to free Tobias’ leg from a 
tangled web of branches and limbs. He turned Tobias onto his chest and swam to shore. He was able to drag Tobias to the road where he noticed that 
Tobias wasn’t breathing and had a faint pulse. He gave him CPR to
resuscitate him. He started to breath which sustained him for the 
moment. The stranger knew Tobias was in grave danger. He tried to dial 911 on his cell phone but he couldn’t get through. The stranger was Tobias’ only 
chance at survival. He put Tobias in the explorer, made a U turn and headed 
back to the city. As he drove, he could hear Tobias breathing. It seemed as 
though he was breathing better. He was still out of it, but he was breathing 
better.

Meanwhile, Quinn arrived at Chris’s house. He opened the door and was 
interrogated by Chris.

“That was quick.”

“The rain was worse than I thought.”

“Oh I see...did you see Toby?”

“No, I didn’t. Have you tried to call him?”

“Yeah, no answer....you sure you didn’t see him?”

“I didn’t see him Chris....eat something and maybe you will feel 
better”

Chris didn’t feel like eating. He wanted to be with Toby.

The stranger made his way to the hospital where a medical team was 
waiting on him. The stranger was a doctor.  Once he was inside,  he tried to 
talk to Tobias.

“Sir, my name is Dr. David Cameron....your at the hospital....do you 
understand?”


“Andersawme”

“What?”

“Andersawme”

“Sir, I don’t understand.”

“Andersawme”

Tobias wasn’t able to answer. He didn’t know who he was or where he 
was.  Even though he was out of it, he felt safe with the doctor. He didn’t 
feel uncomfortable at all. Dr. Cameron took over and made the decisions. He 
looked Tobias over thoroughly to find that he had acute neumonia, a spranged ankle, broken wrist, sore and broken ribs, various bruises and lacerations and a gash above his hairline. He gave him a battery of shots to kill any bacteria from the tainted water and pain killers. He knew he would be out of it for a while so he let him be. He cut the light off and closed the door.  Dr. Cameron was a professional person but above all he was a caring person. He had to admit that the man he brought in was cute and had a irresistible charm. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to fall for the battered damsel.

The next morning, Chris tried to call Tobias before he left for court 
but he didn’t get an answer. He decided to get dress and head to his 
apartment. When he got there, Toby was no where to be found. Maybe he went to the courthouse. He ripped down the street waking up the whole
neighborhood. He arrived at the courthouse. It smelled musty. He wanted 
it to smell sick, at least he would know Tobias was there. Before to long, 
people started showing up. Something was wrong.This wasn’t Tobias. He 
would have been here very early. Before he knew it, thejudge was in and called the court to order.

“Where is the prosecution?”

The bailiff didn’t know. Tobias’ father was very angry and amazed when 
the judge called on him.

“Mr. Beecher, do you know where your son is?”

“I’m very sorry. I thought  he would’ve been here by now. If you want 
to call a quick recess I can try....”

“No, I will simply assume that Mr. Beecher took my advice and is 
seeking medical attention or he has been detained by the storm. Nevertheless I will disclose the information of an agreement made yesterday with the 
Prosecution being absent."

Chris’ concern grew to fear. Tobias wouldn’t miss this. He was to much 
a perfectionist to miss a court date. He had to find Toby and now.


The storms wreaked havoc on the city and sent many people to the 
hospital. Dr. Cameron helped to stem the flow of the injured, but he made sure he checked on Tobias and monitored his health.  Every time he saw him, he was breathing better. He was still clueless as to whom he was
but all he needed was rest and good drugs and he would be better in no 
time. 

Dr. Cameron could feel himself falling in love with Tobias. Tobias 
reminded him so much of his late boyfriend Jason. Was he falling for 
Tobias because his boyfriend was dead or was he genuinely in love
with him. This was something for him to leave Tobias and figure out.

Five days past and Tobias was nowhere to be found. Chris called Tobias’ 
mother that Monday morning.

“Mrs. Beecher?”

“Yes.”

“Hi, this is Chris Keller...you met me at the award dinner.”

“Oh yes..as a matter of fact I’m glad you called. Have you heard from 
Tobias?”

“Well ma’am, I called to ask you the same thing.”

“Honey, I haven’t heard a peep out of him since...well before the boys 
trial. He tried the other gentleman a few days ago. I know he was there 
for that....”

“Did your husband not tell you?”

“No, tell me what?”

“Toby wasn’t there for the sentencing.”

“Then where is he?”

“Mrs. Beecher, I don’t want to worry you but Tobias was very ill the 
few days before the trial.  It seemed like he got worse by the day. Due to 
the storm, they recessed early and that night Toby came here in very heavy 
rain to thank me for helping him and he was out of it then.”

“What do you mean...out of it?”

“He didn’t know who he was and he regressed back to conversations that 
we had a long time ago. I tried to get him to come in but he left and I 
couldn’t catch him. He was very sick”

“Oh no....oh god where is my baby?”

Chris could feel the pain in her heart. He didn’t want to hurt her but 
she needed to know. He had to help her ease her mind so he made her a 
promise.

“Mrs Beecher, I promise you I will find your son, if I have to knock on 
every door in this state I will find him, do you believe me?”

“Yes, I do”

“Ok, you rest and I will keep you updated.”

Chris meant what he said. He was willing to do what ever it took to 
find Tobias.

The next day, Tobias started moving on his own.  Dr. Cameron was there 
to greet him as he opened his eyes for the first time since the accident. 
He was still groggy and didn’t really understand what was being said to 
him.

“Hello there?”

“Who are you?”

“Well I guess introductions are in order..again.  My name is Dr. David 
Cameron. You had a major wreck. You’re in the hospital.”

“I did?”

“Yes.”

“Ok”

“How do you feel?”

“My head hurts.”

“Among other things I’m sure. I need some information from you for our 
records if you can.”

“Like what?”

“Let’s start at the beginning....who are you?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“Ok, where do you live?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know your mother’s name?”

“No..I don’t

“Your birthday?”

“I don’t know”

“You know, I really pumped you with drugs and painkillers so you are 
still pretty much out of it. Let’s wait on all of this”

Tobias was confused and scared.  For some reason he just couldn’t make 
his brain work. He felt helpless and handicapped. He had finally reach the 
level that he knew was coming. He was alone. His eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey dry your eyes. You were in a very bad accident.”

“I can’t answer your questions. I don’t know who I am, where I came 
from or anything. I’m sorry.”

“Hey all you need is more rest and painkillers and you will be better I 
no time....now dry your eyes for me.”

The doctor cleared his eyes with is thumbs.

“I’m sorry I am such a waste of time.”

“You’re not. I’m going to give you a shot for your ribs and head and I  
want you to rest and I will check on you frequently.”

“What happened to me?”

“You had a big time wreck.  Tell you what, you rest and I will bring 
you up to speed when your head is a bit more clearer..ok?”

“Ok.”

“You’re going to be out for a while, so I need one more thing from you. 
I need you to give me permission to do whatever I have too in order to 
save you.”

“Am I that bad?”

“You’re getting better, but I would like to have your permission just 
in case. I will take care of you. I promise.”

“Ok”

“Great, now you just lay back and heal.”

Tobias couldn’t believe how comfortable he felt with the stranger. He 
knew he was in good hands. He closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Dr. Cameron could feel himself falling for Tobias.  Every time he 
thought about him, he found himself missing Jason a little more. Was he ready to move on? Only he could answer that.

Meanwhile. In the city, Chris cruised all the joints Tobias frequented.  
He checked the ice cream shop, the museums, the library and was 
unsuccessful. For one last ditch effort he contacted the hospitals but no one had a Tobias Beecher listed. At one point he wondered if he should include the police in his search. He was afraid. If he did that, they would wonder why  the witness in a high profile case was looking for the prosecution lawyer and declaring him missing. Eventually it would jeopardize the case and Dizzy would go free on a technicality. Days pasted and Chris was beginning to get angry. He had exhausted every idea he had. He didn’t want to go to his father. That would tip him off.  He wanted to give Tobias’ mother a call, but what would he tell her?

The next morning, Dr. Cameron greeted a weary Tobias as he woke up from 
his induced slumber. Tobias looked around the room and realized there was 
something wrong.

“Hey there.”

“Where am I?”

“We moved you since you were last awake. We had a lot of injured people 
in here due to the storm so in order to free up a bed, I moved you to the 
maternity ward..”

“Oh...Ok.”

“So, do you remember anything we talked about the last time?”

“No...well not really...something about a wreck....me in a wreck.”

“Yeah, I did another cat scan on you.”

“And...”

“You really banged your head up man...but your memory loss is 
temporary..I give it another day at the most. As promised, I will tell you what happened to you.”

“Ok.”

“Apparently you have been ill for quite a while. I don’t why you were 
on Canyon Rd. in the middle of a hellacious thunderstorm, but some how you 
drove off the road and landed in a water filled ravine.You were 
bleeding and vomiting. I think you tried to swim for it but your foot was trapped.”

“How did I get a loose?”

“Oh, I swam below the water and untangled your foot.”

“You saved me?”

“Yeah...you almost didn’t make it.”

“Thank you...for everything.”

“Just doing my job.”

“By the way, does this look familiar?”

The doctor pulled a brown wallet from his coat.

“I dunno.”

“I went looking for some clues as to who you are and found it...just 
thought that it would give me some idea as to who you are. It doesn’t have a 
picture I.D. but it has a buy one get one free card to and ice cream shop for a Tobias Beecher. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone named
Chris would you?

“Why?”

“Because whomever owns this wallet, loves him to death.”

“What?”

“It’s written on the fabric of the wallet.”

Out of all the things he had been asked about, this one seemed 
familiar. How did he know that name?

“Uh..oh, your thinking.”

“I wish I could remember but......”

“Well, your trying to make the connections and that’s good.”

“It does seem familiar.”

“Like I said...all in due time...until then, you will just be our 
unknown soldier.”

“Ok, I guess...”

The doctor stared at Toby with wonderment. He didn’t want to fall for 
Tobias and he tried to reject his feelings but Tobias was irresistible. It 
wasn’t going to be easy to get over him for the memory of his lover. Tobias 
caught his eye.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“I’m sorry...I uh...uh..nothing. You get some rest”

The doctor left the room kicking himself. He overstepped his boundaries 
by having feelings for Tobias, but showing his feelings were the bottom 
line. He had to stop this or he was going to get himself in a lot of trouble.

Tobias turned on his side and closed his eyes. What was it about that 
name that was so familiar. Not only that, it was a comfortable name, a 
welcomed name. A name that sent a shiver through his body

Chris watched the mist dance on the window of his skylight.  He tried 
to think of other places Tobias would be. The storm was violent and the 
morning news said there were a few deaths due to the rising waters and 
lightning. As much as he hated to think of it, he couldn’t escape one
excuse as to Tobias’ absence. Tobias Beecher was dead.



But I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.

Chris put himself through a mental workout that left him drained.  He turned on his side and 
watched the streaks of water flow down the window.  Chris was one of those guys that believed 
in spiritual connections, that you are spiritually linked to the person you are supposed to be with 
for life. Even though things looked gloomy for Tobias, deep inside he knew Tobias was alive. 
But there was a strong sense of emptiness in his gut also. Could he have overlooked something? 
Missed a hangout, a friend? He decided to sleep on the issue in order to get an early start on his 
mission.

In the wee hours of the night, a very sick and restless Tobias lie staring at the ceiling. He 
couldn’t get that name out of his head. He mustered all the strength he had to sit up on the side of 
the bed. He stared at the rain streaking the window, whispering to himself.

“How the hell do I know that name?  Who are you Chris Keller?”

Every time he said the name, it rang a bit clearer.  The name wasn’t anything threatening. It was 
calming and cool. If  he could get some clarity, things would fall in place, but he didn’t know 
whom he was,  not to mention Chris. Tobias was tired of feeling vulnerable and useless. He 
wanted his life back. He wanted to make his own decisions and more than anything, figure out 
this Chris Keller thing. With a quick surge of energy, he thrust himself to his feet, took one step 
and fell to the floor.

After pulling another long day (and night), Dr. Cameron made his routine early bird trip to 
Tobias’ room to check on him. He opened the door to find an empty bed.

“Hello...sir?”

David was shocked to see Tobias gone. He yelled down the hall.

“Hey, where’s the unknown soldier?”

The nurses shrugged. Tobias in a weak voice responded.

“I’m down here”

Dr. Cameron walked toward the voice. He looked to see a very weak patient on the floor. In a 
raspy voice Tobias spoke.

“Ummmm...hi!”

“Hi....you like the floor?”

“No.”

“Well there’s this new hip thing that’s sweeping the nation...everyone is using it. It’s called a 
bed...and look, there’s one right here. Wanna try it out?”

“Oh you’re so funny.”

“I try..come on get in bed.”

“I can’t.”

“What....why....are you ok....wiggle your fingers.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t have the energy to move.”

“Oh...ok...I need to turn you over and pick you up, ok?”

“Sure.”

He turned Tobias over and hoisted him in the air like a hero saving the girl. They looked like the 
cover of a Harlequin romance novel. Tobias’ head rested in the curve of the doctors neck.

“This makes the second time I’ve saved you....You ok?”

“Yeah..I’m just...sorry.”

“For what?”

“Nothing!”

“No, seriously what’s wrong?”

“I know I must weigh a million pounds.”

“Nah, you weigh about one-sixty...seventy at the most...I bench three-fifty easy so you weigh 
nothing at all.”

The doctor stared Tobias in the eyes. There was something very delicious about Tobias. He 
wasjust one of those guys that fall for the damsel in distress.

“Are you going to hold me all night?”

The doctor wanted to answer with a big yes, but held back.

“No, let’s get you in bed and then you can explain to me why you were on the floor.”

“I dunno, I ...I ... just wanted to feel like I could take care of myself. You’ve done everything for 
me...tired of being a burden”

“You’re not a burden. To be honest, you can’t help yourself right now and the more you push 
yourself, the more time it’s going to take.”

“But if I....”

“No buts....You have to slow down. Haven’t I done a good job taking care of you?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, then let me help you.”

“I’ll never be able to pay you back”

“Oh really, wait until you get the bill...just kidding..tell you what, when we get you back to your 
old self, and we will, you can have me over for dinner and a beer. How about that?

“Deal.”

“How’s that head of yours, you remember anything?”

“Flashes, that’s about it. Some things try to come through but, you know....”

“Well if you rest.....”

“I know, I know.”

“Good. I’m gonna let you rest.....go home and get some rest myself. I actually get a day off today, 
but I’m gonna come check on ya later.”

“You don’t have to do that. Stay home, rest.”

“It’s no big deal, I.... “

‘No, you work too hard...rest. I promise I will stay in bed.”

“You flatter me with your “it’s all about me” attitude, but even though you’re my main priority 
now, I do have other patients  I’d like to drop in on.”

“I’m sorry, just add vanity to my resume.”

“Vanity isn’t always a bad thing. It can be self rewarding at times and down right cute at others.”

“Me, cute....no”

“Don’t sell yourself short. Hey, I gotta get out of here and you have to rest. I’ll have the nurse 
give you something for the pain. It’ll help you sleep.”

“You don’t have to do that. I will sleep....I promise!”

“I know you will but I still want you to have something. A deep sleep may help you remember 
things better.”

“I have no chance of winning this do I ?”

“Not at all. You rest and I’ll see you later.”

David walked to the door. Even though it hurt like hell, he managed to raise himself up and rock 
back on his elbows for one last question for the doctor.

“Doctor?”

“Yes?”

“Why am I your priority?”

David paused for a moment. He wanted to tell him he was in love with him. In a submissive yet 
gleeful voice the doctor responded.

“You just are....and call me David.”

Tobias could see the gleam in David’s eye. He knew it wasn’t concern nor was it jocular. It was 
a look of adoration, of care. Ultimately, it was a look of love.

“Goodnight.....David.”

“Night, soldier.”

The sunlight filled the window in Chris’ room to find him pacing. He gave himself a headache 
thinking about Tobias. When the sun caught his eyes, he revisited the thought of retracing his 
steps. Maybe he missed something. He needed to do whatever it took to find Tobias. He made 
his mother a promise.  He slipped on a wind suit and jumped in his black mobile and headed into 
the city. As he took the winding road, he slowed down for the city workers with their hoisting 
lines in the water. What they were after, he didn’t know nor did he have time to ask.

He spent most of the day going from place to place looking for Tobias.  He went to Tobias 
apartment. He still had the screwed up lock on his door. He forced his way in to look for any 
sign that Tobias had been there.  As he opened the door, he could hear Tobias’ computer repeat 
over and over “You’ve got mail, You’ve got mail. Tobias’ answering machine had fifty calls on 
it. Most of them were from Keller, and quite a few from his father screaming his guts out at him. 
Then came the message that broke Chris’s heart. He replayed the message:

...Honey, this is your mother.  I can’t seem to find you sweety. Where are you?  Why do I get the 
eerie feeling that your avoidance has something to do with your father? I really wish you two 
could get along...but I know it isn’t your fault. Baby, I really miss you. I guess I’m one of those 
mothers that like to keep her ducks in a row.  It’s just, well... I’m scared honey. The storm was 
god awful. There were quite a few deaths and a lot of people are missing.  Right now, I would 
be content knowing where you are, if you are ok...if you’re alive. Please call me...love you..bye!.

Chris’ eyes began to tear up. If Tobias’ mother was even considering the idea that the 
unspeakable had happened, then why was he holding out hope?  He walked in the bedroom and 
stared in the mirror. The same mirror where he kissed Tobias’ neck and rubbed his chest. The 
same mirror where Tobias’ let his defenses down.  He turned to find Tobias’ bed. He couldn’t 
resist the urge to lie down. He sniffed the covers. Tobias, o matter when you were with 
him,smelled unbelievably sweet. The smell was a mixture of fresh melon and cool air.  Chris 
really missed Tobias. He tried to check his messages but something was wrong with the number. 
He knew there were messages on the machine but he couldn’t access them. Maybe Tobias had 
called. He ran to his car as fast as he could and ripped out of the neighborhood. He laughed at 
the thought that Tobias would have cursed him to high heaven for doing that. He made a mental 
pact with himself that Tobias wasn’t to know of his misbehavior.

He turned from the main highway onto the winding road. From a distance, he could see 
something rather large hanging from the city workers ropes. As he came closer, he could see it 
was a car. It was a silver car. It was a silver Accord.  Chris jumped on his breaks. He stared at 
the car as it glistened in the sun. An amazing sense of disbelief mixed with shock entered his 
eyes. He got out of his car and ran to the workers.

“WHOSE CAR IS THIS?”

“We dunno, we fish it out...we don’t do i.d’s."

“Did you look for anything.?”

“No dumb ass, didn’t we just say  we don’t do i.d’s?”

“LOOK YOU DUMB FUCK MY BOYFRIEND IS MISSING. He drives a car like this. You’re 
gonna let that car down so I can look for some id.”

No sooner had he said that, the driver side door fell open and an insurance card fell to the 
ground. Chris picked it up and read it aloud.

“Holder Tobias Beecher is insured....TOBIAS!!!!”

He started sliding down the road towards the water.  The workers screamed at him to comeback 
and slid down the side of the road after him. Chris jumped in the water screaming Beechers 
name.

“TOBIAS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He waded through the water in a panic. The workers had to fight to control him. It took two 
workers on each arm to control him and one to talk.

“LOOK MAN!, we’ve dragged this area of water from every direction there is. The only thing 
we found was that piece of shit car, a keg, and some other stuff you don’t want to know about. 
We have a few more miles of water to drag, but in most cases like these, the outcome isn’t good. 
We may find a body, we may not....nevertheless whatever we find will be dead.”

Chris looked at the worker with shocked eyes.  He wanted to clean his clock, but deep down 
inside he knew the guy was right. With the shape the car was in, the rain, the thunder, all the 
death and disappearances led him to believe inevitable....Tobias was dead. The workers helped 
the sad and distraught Chris up the side of the road and then to his car. He sat in the car and 
stared at the water.  How can something so simple, so easy and life preserving be so deadly? He 
was awakened by a tap on his window.

“Hey, ya gotta move ya car man. We can’t get the car past ya.”

Chris look and saw the battered token of Tobias’ existence on a trailer ahead of him. The tears 
flowed lightly as he turned the key.  Usually the black mobile would roar at it’s surroundings but 
this time it just hummed and awaited orders. He slowly crept pass the trailer. As he past, the 
tears came faster and heavier.  His emotions took over and he had to stop again. A major 
realization came to him: He was back at stair one. Before he met Beecher he was alone. After 
the blow up with Beecher he was alone. And now, as he watched the trailer grow smaller in the 
distance through his rear view mirror, he was once again....alone.

He slowly drove to his house and pulled the car inside. He could hear is phone ringing in the 
bedroom but didn’t feel the need to exert the energy to get it. The caller was persistent. When 
Chris finally got in the bedroom he answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi sweety.”

“Hey.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Umm...I umm....”

“Baby, you’re crying....what’s going on?.....I’m on my way.”

“Mom don’t.....”

“What’s wrong?”

“Mom,  Toby is missing...and I went into town looking for him and I couldn’t find him. I couldn’t 
get my messages so I thought maybe Toby was trying to call me. On the way home, there were 
these guys...with ropes...and cranes........”

“What were they doing?”

Chris paused a second. His mouth didn’t want to form the words.

“They pulled a silver Accord from the water....Mom, it was Toby’s car.”

“HONEY NO...are you sure?”

“Yes, it’s his car...but he’s nowhere to be found.”

“Well honey, that’s a popular car. Maybe it’s not his. Maybe....”

“Mom, his insurance card fell out. It’s his car.”

“Oh honey. I am so sorry. I’m gonna come out. I don’t want you to be alone, ok?”

“Ok...”

“Wait...Chris...what about.....”

“What?”

“His mother.”

“OH FUCK!!!!”

Chris felt every organ in his body drop to his shoes.

“Mom how the hell am I going to tell her after I promised to find her son?”

“Honey she has to know...it’s her son.”

“I know..but I can’t.....”

“Honey I will go with you.”

“I can’t do it mom.....”

“Chris, she has to know.....wouldn’t you want Tobias to tell me if the tables were turned, heaven 
forbid?”

“Yes....you’ll meet me there?”

“No, I will come get you. You’re in no condition to drive.”

“Ok...”

Chris released the button on his speaker phone and sat on the bed.  How was he going to tell and 
elderly mother that her son, a child she worshiped was dead? He laid back on his pillow and 
assumed the fetal position.  The sadness reduced him to the level of a child.  Like all grieving 
widows, he blamed himself. This wouldn’t have happened had he left Quinn alone.  This 
wouldn’t have happened had he  given Tobias the tapes after the he fulfilled his side of the 
bargain. This wouldn’t have happened had he just given Tobias the info the night he asked for it. 
This wouldn’t have happened had he never danced at table five.  Shit is reciprocal. If you sling 
it, it will come back to you and ten times worse. Never in his life had that been more
true than at that moment.

Midday rolled around and a very foggy headed Tobias opened his eyes to the glare of the sun. 
For some reason, his head seemed a bit clearer.  He opened his eyes more and the glare from the 
other buildings jump started the nerves in his brain. He remembered things. He saw flashes of the 
past. He saw heavy rain, flooded winding roads, a room of cock statues that confused him, an 
angel, a black car with a naked man on it, a beautiful devil, and rivers of red wine. Then he saw 
himself with two beautiful children and a man, a very attractive man with shiny black hair and 
large pecs walking with someone else. The man was important. His name was Chris.  As a smile 
crept across his face as the doctor entered.

“Well look a here. You smiling this early in the day? You must be feeling better?”

“Actually, I do.  I mean...I’m sure I look like a mack truck hit me, backed over me, and hit me 
again but my head seems clearer.”

“Oh really, well let’s give it another go.  Who are you?”

Tobias sat up in the bed looked at the doctor and then stared out the window.

“My name is Tobias.”

“Oh really.. The wallet I found was yours.”

“You found my wallet?”

“Right here.”

“Tobias grimaced when he caught the wallet the doctor threw at him. He looked through 
thewallet and awakened more visions. He saw Chris with another man, an equally attractive 
man. A man that was in love with Chris. A man Chris had love for too.  Sadness poured on his 
face. The doctor could tell something was wrong.

“Tobias? What’s wrong...did you remember something?”

In a congested voice, he responded.

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Why I wished I had died.”

“Tobias why would you say that?”

“ Because....I just do.”

“We need to talk about this more but I need to clarify something first. Is your last name 
Beecher?”

“ I dunno.”

“Tobias try harder.”

“I don’t know.”

“Tobias you were smiling when I came in and something happened when you saw that wallet. I 
can contact someone if your last name is Beecher.  Just try to...”

“I DON’T KNOW!!!”

Tobias’ eyes filled with water. David could see something very bad was going on in Tobias’ 
head. He made his way around the bed and sat by the ill patient. Gently, he hugged him and 
talked in his ear.

“Hey, it’s ok....don’t worry about it. You remembered your first name and that’s good. With time, 
you’ll remember more.”

“He doesn’t love me anymore.”

“What?”

“He, they, them, everyone. No loves me anymore. I think I came to terms with that in the water. I 
wanted to die.”

“Tobias, you shouldn’t wish for death because someone doesn’t love you. Besides, you will love 
again and someone will love you. Trust me on this”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t know. You’re just my doctor.....”

“I may be your doctor but I also know that you are loved and if....”

“How could you possible know that.”

“....I just do, and if you would...”

“Who?  Huh? Who the hell loves me?”

“ Many people...”

“LIKE WHO!”

“LIKE ME......SHIT!.....”

The room was heavy with a silence supported by a medicinal stench.  The doctor stood up and 
walked toward the foot of the bed. With his back to Tobias he continued.

““....you weren’t supposed to know that.”

Tobias stared at the doctor in amazement. It all made sense now. The stares, the side glances, the 
way he held him, the attention. Tobias didn’t know what to say. David was attractive, financially 
set and well built; but most of all, he was kind.

“You.....love me?”

“I have to go.”

“Wait.”

“I’ll have the nurse give you something for pain. You need to rest.”

“Please wait I have....”

The door closed in the middle of his sentence.

Tobias felt like crap. Here’s a man that risked his life to save him and he made him feel bad. The 
more he tried to think about the doctor, he couldn’t help but think about Chris. He wondered 
where he was and how he was doing. Who was the man he was with, was he happy with the 
man, did he miss him at all. The door opened. Tobias called the doctors name in anticipation.

“David?”

A nurse entered and offered to find the doctor if he needed him. Tobias declined. He watched the 
nurse place a new bag of liquid on the silver pole and connect his I.V. tube to it.  The blue beads 
of liquid flowed down the tube in repetition as he turned on his side.  He stared out the window 
and slowly closed his eyes.


The sun leaped the hurdle of the day and painted the city a weird mustard yellow. It was the first 
day the people of the city could see the real damage of the storm.  Chris and his mother drove 
through the neighborhoods to meet people with long and sadden faces. Though he had never been 
there, he knew he was getting closer to the Beecher’s residence. He could feel the depths of his 
stomach churn. He tried to get his thoughts together, run his lines before hisperformance. Before 
he knew it, his mother apped his shoulder.

“Chris....Chris?”

“Huh?....yes?”

“We’re here.”

He looked at the house where Tobias grew up.  The house was huge, yet modest
with curved driveways, trimmed hedges and expensive dogs.  Chris wondered how Tobias was 
so level headed, honest and unspoiled in a place that looks as if it would have it’s own Bat 
Cave.

“Chris, honey...it’s time to go.”

He opened the door and stepped on to the drive way. As they walked to he house, his hearing 
became heavy.  He could hear every stone under his foot, the leaves brushing against each other, 
his bones creaking in his skin.  They reached the front door and Chris paused a moment. His 
mother wanted to hurry him but she could see the hurt in his eyes.  The look in his eyes was 
heartbreak mixed with horrific sadness.  She knew this look. It was the same look he had when 
he was three and his Labrador died or when his father died in his arms. Even though Chris tried 
to hide things, his  mother knew him well. This wasn’t one of his flings.  Before Tobias, She 
knew Chris to be more of a gigolo, a player.  Love wasn’t real, it was recreational. He got by on 
his looks and thought with his cock. If it were anyone else, he would shed a tear in memoriam, 
drink a pint of something intoxicating and get over it. But this was very different. For the first 
time, she could see how much he loved Tobias. Ever since the day Chris told her he liked men, 
she always wondered if he loved and was  he loved in return.  The knowledge that her son could 
love that deeply was rewarding.  Sure, she loved him, but she loved him even more now.

“Are you ready honey?”

“Yeah.”

She raised her fist to knock on the door when the door opened.

“Hey....I saw you guys drive up from the upstairs window....come in, come in.  I baked the best 
blueberry muffins this morning.  Sylvia is always bragging about her muffins but I’m sure my 
recipe will more than snag a few ribbons this year......well why the long faces? Did you guys 
drive through the cemetery on your way here?”

“Clara, honey....Chris has something to tell you.”

“Ok....what is it Chris?”

“Uh...umm....I uh...”

“Spit it out Tobias.”

“Huh?”

“That’s what I tell Tobias when he wants to confide or confess...what have you.  He’d trip over 
his words for hours trying to put them in order, so I’d slap him on his bottom and say , Spit it out 
Tobias. Now,  spit it out Chris.”

Chris looked at his mother. He hoped the look on his face would clue Mrs. Beecher, but 
apparently it didn’t.

“Mrs. Beecher...um...you know the storm was um...well it was bad....um..uh...do you remember 
when I called you...what I said?”

“Yes you said Tobias came to your place...that he was ill.”

“Yes...”

“Spit it out Chris”

“Mrs. Beecher I made you a promise. I told you I would find your son and....”

“Yes?”

“I tried to retrace his steps, go where he would go. I went to his place and he wasn’t there so I 
went home and on my way...”

“On your way what?”

“I saw the city workers....they pulled a car from the water filled ravine, a silver Accord.....It was 
Tobias’ car.”

Mrs Beecher looked at Chris with wonderment, as if she couldn’t process what he was saying. 
Chris mother moved to the love seat and held her hand.

“At first, I didn’t want to think it was his but I found his insurance card. The workers said there 
was no way on Earth anyone could have survived that.”

“Chris what are you saying to me?”

Tears filled Chris’ eyes. For the second time in one day, he would have to admit the worst out 
loud.

“All evidence points to the fact that....that um...Tobias didn’t make it out of the water and that he 
may very well have not made it at all.”

Mrs. Beecher was one of those people that could smile through anything. When
they’re mad, they’re smiling, when they’re sad, they’re smiling. But this time, she was different. 
There was no charm, no sweetness.  With a very low, still, and cold voice she replied.

“Get - out -  of -  my - house.”

“What?”

“I did not hear what you said.”

“Mrs. Beecher, I’m so sorry....”

“HOW DARE YOU COME IN MY HOME AND SAY SUCH THINGS. Tobias is the smartest, 
the bravest, and the most courageous person in the city. If anyone could  survive the storm he 
could ”

“Clara, my son wanted you to hear it from.....”

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

Chris took his mother’s hand and made his way to the door.  He wanted to hug  Mrs. Beecher and 
cry with her, but he knew the only way she was going to believe it was to hear it from someone 
more official.

Mrs. Beecher rushed to the phone.

“Helen. Is my husband available? I need to speak to him......I don’t care if he is in a meeting. I 
want to speak to him now.....Fine, you tell him that he is to call me within the hour or I will come 
down there personally and interrupt his meeting.”


When Chris got home, he went to his bedroom and collapse on the bed. He could feel himself 
sink in the plush mattress. In the midst of his sadness, he remembered the night he lit Tobias in 
blue and yellow light. How sweet he looked, how that would never happened again. Chris was 
one of those guys whom could shed a tear one second and be over a bad situation the next.  But 
this.....this was hard and weird and sad.  He saw a life with Tobias. He saw happiness and joy, 
the little white house with the picket fence, rows of flowers and a dog, sweet things...all the 
things straight couples go on Oprah and complain to Dr. Phil about not having. So many men 
have tried to tame, control, and change Chris, but Tobias was to be the one. He would succeed 
because Chris would let him.

As the night gave birth to the day, an aching Tobias stared out the window with heavy eyes. The 
three pane windows play visions that confused him even more. Each played images of Chris, the 
doctor, his father, his mother, a woman and kids, his former life. The ugly thing was that he 
didn’t have enough of his memory back to piece everything together.  It was like having the 
border of a big puzzle pieced together with all the other pieces heaped in a big pile in a  big 
gaping hole in the middle.  The only thing he had control of was the emotions attached to each 
picture. He knew he loved Chris, the kids and his mother yet his stomach turned when he thought 
of his father and some other woman. There was an admiration for the doctor and definitely an 
attraction; but nothing compared to what he felt for Chris. If there was anything left in Chris’ 
heart for him, was it worth searching out?  Here’s a doctor that after meeting him for a few days, 
had deep feelings for him. What should he do?  As he  attempted to answer the question, a knock 
came to the door. Dr. Dave spoke before he came in.

“You awake?”

“Yeah...where have you been?”

“What do you mean?”

“You usually show up in the middle of the night?”

“I uh...I had another patient to attend to.”

“Oh ok....I thought maybe you were avoiding me....after telling me you love
me and all.”

“SHHHHHHHHHHSH!!”

The doctor made a bee line to the door. He looked  to see if anyone may have heard Tobias’ 
comment. When he convinced himself, he stepped back in the room and closed the door.

“Let’s get something straight. I - SAVED - YOU!  There had to have been tons of people passing 
that saw you fighting for your life, but I stopped when no one else would.  I risked my life 
climbing into that ravine to save you. I want you to remember that before you try to ruin me.”

“Ruin you?...what are you talking about?”

“I love being a doctor. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five. I don’t want to be anything 
else.  The fact that hundreds of people put their lives in my hands on a daily basis makes me 
happy. I love this hospital and I love my job. The fact that I said something like that to you can be
hazardous to my future.”

“Wait, you think I’m gonna tell on you?”

“Aren’t you?”

“David, you saved me. Like you said, you risked your life for me. You’ve done more for me in a 
few days than a lot of people have in my life. You saved me.  You don’t know me all that well, 
hell I don’t know myself  right now....but I’d like to think that I’m not an evil person, a vindictive
person, a bad person.  To be honest, when you said that, I felt safe. The knowledge that someone 
cares for you is....it’s um....”

Tobias fought the tears back and hung his head down low.

“.... as far as I’m concerned, no one will know what you said to me. If you want me to, I will 
forget you even said it.”

The doctor could see the pain in Tobias eyes.  The visions triggered something painful and he 
didn’t help it any.  Like all super heroes, he felt bad and went to the rescue.

“I don’t want you to forget it. I want you to remember it forever.”

They sat in the room with flush faces. Neither of the men wanted to look at the other.  Tobias 
could definitely learn to love the doctor,  but even though he had something deep inside him for 
Chris, he was curious about the doctors feelings. He broke the ice.

“May I ask  a question?”

“What do you want to know? Why I’m such a dumb ass?”

“You’re not a dumb ass.”

“Oh trust me....I am.”

“You’re not.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Why me?”

“Huh?”

“Why me?....I’m not a looker and in my present condition, I don’t have much to offer....so why 
me?”

“Do I need to put a mirror in here?”

“Huh?”

“Do I need to put a mirror in here? Apparently, you have never seen yourself.”

“Still don’t get it.....”

“You’re one in a million, Tobias. You’re like a cool drink of water on a hot summer day. You’re 
one of those few people the earth is blessed to have. You stand out. You walk down the 
street...you enter a room and all eyes are on you. You bring happiness, love and inner peace. 
Who wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.?”

“But you’ve only known me for a few weeks....”

“ People...men....come through here daily. They’re battered and beaten....and through the bruises 
and scars, you can still tell what they’re about. You look in their eyes because the eyes don’t lie. 
Tobias, your eyes were kind and cool and sensitive. Your eyes don’t lie. When you looked at me 
in the water that night, you needed me. Not just to help you out or save your life; but to explain 
the world to you. It was as if you were asking for a little help in return for all the help you’ve 
given others....and.....”

Even though his head was down, Tobias could see the doctors eyes. He was right, the eyes don’t 
lie. The doctor was sad and distraught.  The ears came faster.

“And what?”

“You remind me so much of Jason that it’s unreal.”

The doctor took his handkerchief and wiped his eyes and stared at the floor. Tobias struggle to 
sit up and anchored him self to the bedframe. Tobias knew the sadness in David’s eyes. It was he 
same sadness he had in the water.  On one hand he thought he should leave the doctor alone, but 
on the other hand he was very curious.

“Jason?”

“Yeah...Jason Nash.  He...um...he was my boyfriend.”

“Oh I see now.”

“Yeah we met our freshman year at Yale.  He was an architecture major. He was damn good too. 
You know that big glass building downtown, he designed that. After that, our phone never 
stopped ringing. He worked on two projects at a time. He got calls as far away as Los Angeles.

“Wow”

“When my dad found out I was gay and that he was my boyfriend....that we
were living together, he call me a faggot, fudge packer, ass hole...he ran the whole gamut of 
defamation...then he cut me off.... emotionally and financially. I was in jeopardy of not finishing 
my last year of medical school.....”

A smile crept across the doctors face. A smile Tobias welcomed.

“.......then one night I came home from my work out. After my shower, Jason came to the 
bedroom, through me on the bed naked, tied me to the post and put tape over my mouth. At first, I 
was like...my baby’s getting kinky. Then  he sat on my chest.  You know, he was slender when 
you looked at him, but with all that muscle,  he weighed a thousand pounds. Anyway... I struggled 
but it didn’t help any. He just sat on my chest, eating Little Debbie snack cakes until I gave up. I 
finally did.  He eaned in and kissed me and said: "I want you to be very quiet and listen to me."  
He reached in his underwear and pulled out a rectangular piece of paper. He turned it around so 
I could see it.  It was a check for ten-thousand dollars.  He looked me deep in my eyes and said: 
"I don’t want any crap. You’re gonna take this money and finish medical school. You’re gonna 
be the best damn doctor this state has ever seen.  You’re gonna take me to fabulous dinner parties 
and buy me pretty clothes...but more than that, Dr. David Austin Cameron , you’re gonna love me 
forever."  I said no...he ate more cakes and before I knew it, I agreed.  He was gonna open his 
own firm. He had his whole life ahead of him.”

Tobias could tell this was something the doctor needed to get off his chest.

“If I can ask, how did he pass?”

“Drunk driver.  He was on his way to see his mother and got hit head on. I’m just grateful that he 
went quickly....he didn’t suffer.”

“Good.”

“I miss him so much.”

“I’m sure you do...you ok?”

“Yeah...I’m good.”

“Good”

“Hey....any recollection on you last name?”

“No....I’m still a bit foggy. I’m trying though.”

“Oh I know..but I’m sort of worried though.”

“Why?”

“Tobias, every hospital in this county and at least thirty hospitals south of the state line are 
connected by a database. When someone is missing or when a family member is looking for a 
relative, we send out a mass email for the other hospitals to check their registries.”

“Ok?”

“Tobias, you’ve been here almost two weeks and no one is looking for you.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know my last name...you need that don’t you?”

“Tobias, it would help, but I can also search by first names....I didn’t find a Tobias.”

Tobias’ heart sank.  There he was; ill, battered, heavy minded, needing someone to put to the 
pieces in order and those someone’s weren’t looking for him.

“I see.”

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok. Tell you what, I’ll do some more research....I know
a guy.”

“Can I have some of the pain killers?”

“What? You usually don’t want the pain killers?”

“Aren’t they pain killers?”

“Well yeah, but....”

“No one is looking for me....that’s painful. Can I have something to kill it please?”

“Tobias, I can’t give you pain killers to suppress an ill emotion.”

“Ok.”

“But I can stay here till you fall asleep....if you’ll let me.”

“I’d like that.”

“Let me help you lie down.”

He supported Beecher’s back as he laid on the pillows. He covered him up and waited.  He 
knew how Tobias felt. He knew how it felt to be on a planet with billions of people, yet feel so 
alone.  Before he knew it, Tobias eyes closed and his chest heaved up and down.  The doctor sat 
silently and watched him.

Later that night, Chris stared at the moon through the sky light. He watched as the stars danced 
across the sky and with time, he saw the clouds usher away the moon and bring  in the sun. How 
could he spend his time in a place where everything would remind him of Toby. He worked at a 
gym that was across the street from Toby’s favorite Ice Cream Parlor, he slept in a bed that 
smelled like Toby, he frequents a club where he first kissed Toby, he work at a club where he 
first met Toby, danced on a table....table number five,  where he first flirted with Tobias. There
was no way he could stay there and make it..not with so many reminders of Tobias around. He 
sat up and pressed the button on his speaker phone and called a friend of his, a dancer at the 
club.

“Hello?”

“Zach?”

“Chris?.....hey baby...wassup...I ran into your ex the other day?”

“My ex?”

“Yeah, Quinn...you know....nice complexion, good hair, big legs, high tight ass....”

“Oh um...yeah”

“You’re not getting jealous are you? For what it’s worth, you have a tight ass too and a really 
big....”

“....Zach....I need to ask you something...uh”

“Hey you don’t sound to good...what’s wrong?  You want me to come over, kiss your ass and 
make it better? I can leave now.”

“ZACH!”

“Chris getting mad at a sexual comment?.....something must really be wrong?

“I don’t want to discuss it. I was just wondering something?”

“What...what do you need?”

“The dancing job in Texas...are you still going?”

“Yeah, I went down there two weeks ago and did a guest spot. They really liked me. She hired 
me on the spot. She asked if there were anymore dancers like me and I told her yes. I told her you 
could dance me under the carpet.”

“What did she say?”

“Well, I’m going back this weekend at her expense. She said I could bring one of my dance 
friends with me at her expense. Chris, you just have to go. When they say everything is big in 
Texas, they mean it.”

Chris paused for a moment. He was about to make deal that would take him from his home and 
his mother, but without Toby, what kind of home was it.

“Chris....you still there?”

“This weekend?....I’ll clear my schedule.

“Cool, I’ll call her tonight and get tickets for Friday afternoon...I’ll tell her I’m bringing a hot ass 
with me.”

“Ok...hey I’m gonna let you go.”

“See ya.”

Chris looked out the window. He visually commented on how dirty the day looked, how 
depressed the trees look. He knew how the trees felt. He had accepted Tobias death for the 
moment. He wanted  Tobias’ body found. Just so he could have a proper burial. As the afternoon 
passed, he tried to take his mind off the current issue by turning on the TV.  He caught the nightly 
news just in time for the weather report. The weatherman reported a new storm cell entering the 
area. It wasn’t going to be as violent as the first one, but it would definitely remind the city of the 
recent horror. The weatherman predicted the storm would arrive late Friday night. Chris was 
glad he made the decision to go with Zach. After all that happened, he couldn’t go through 
another storm. Texas was a southern state, it doesn’t rain as much in the south as it does in the 
north. Texas was good. It wasn’t raining in Texas.


Midnight found Tobias in a deep sleep.  For the first time, his dreams made a little since. He saw 
the woman he had seen in other flashes. He knew her to be his wife. He didn’t have good 
feelings for her. He knew her to be a source of pain and embarrassment.  Then he saw himself in 
a court room. He remembered a certain case and how his father ambushed him in the bathroom. 
How he mistreated him on a regular basis, how he told him he wasn’t wanted as a child, how he 
kept screaming that name over and over again..BEECHER..BEECHER.. BEECHER.. 
BEECHER.  He sat straight up on the echo of the name. His face was dripping wet with sweat.  
He panted until the tears rolled in.  He knew he wasn’t a bad person. So why did his father treat 
him that way?  A lot of things made sense now.  His father was the root of all the crap and evil in 
his life.  He ruins everything good to push the ideology that he is a member of the upperclass. In 
the midst of the anger brewing in him, a sharp, murderous pain shot up his spine. Tobias fell 
back on the bed and cried out in agony.

“FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!”

A nurse ran in.

“Sir, are you ok....what’s wrong?”

“My back....pain...oh shit!”

“Just a second.....”

The nurse ran to the door.

”DR. CAMERON....WE NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Dr. Cameron ran down the hall and dashed in the room.

“Tobias what’s wrong?”

“PAIN!!!!”

“What happened?”

“I had a nightmare and it made me sit up fast in the bed......then the pain just....OH GOD!!!!!!!”

“Ok..I know what’s going on here...I have to turn you over so this is gonna hurt a bit.”

The doctor turned tobias on his side and rubbed across his back.

“Where’s does it hurt the most?”

“Lower back!!!”

“Here?”

“Lower!”

“Here?”

“Lower!”

“Ok Tobias if I go any lower I will be on your butt.”

“Just a little lower.”

The doctor went down about an inch and start rubbing.

“How’s that?”

“OH SHIT THAT FEELS GOOD....OH GOD!!!!....YESSSSS!!!!”

“Uh...Tobias,  people are gonna think we’re screwing in here if you don’t stop that.”

“I don’t care...keep rubbing.”

“I will, you just quiet down.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Muscle spasm.  You haven’t worked these muscles in a while. You just woke them up is all.”

“Oh shit that feels good.”

“So....you wanna tell me what this dream was about?”

Tobias paused a second. He was still cloudy on the issue but the general idea was strong.

“It was about me....I remembered some stuff.”

“Like what?”

“My name is Tobias.......Tobias Beecher.”

“Good...at least we have your wallet......what else?”

“My life is a sham.”

“Why would you say that.?”

“My father hates me.....my mother didn’t want me...he doesn’t love me.”

“Why does your father hate you?”

“I dunno, he really doesn’t need a reason.”

“Oh....did your mother tell you she didn’t want you?”

“No, that’s what he said....he could be lying.”

“Well, how about this, I will look up all the Beechers in the phone book and try to find your 
mom. She can come down and you can find out.”

“No!”

“Tobias she has to be worried....just let me call her?”

“No, not right now.”

“Ok.”

David looked at Tobias with saddened eyes.  For the first time, he met someone whose life was 
just as screwed up as his.  He wanted to take Tobias home right then and there.  He would make 
sure all the crap in his life would be done away with.  Tobias turned his head a little to talk to 
the doctor.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, you know you can.”

“ You may want to close the door for this one.”

The doctor closed the door. Walked back to the bed and continued rubbing Tobias’ back.

“Ok.”

“How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That you were...um...that you liked....liked guys?”

“On some level,  I always knew.   I would buy bodybuilding magazines and my dad thought I was 
interested;  but to be honest,  I just wanted to stare at Bob Paris.  It wasn’t till high school that I 
had my first experience. His name was Ben Kissinger."

“Ben Kissinger?”

“Yeah...you know him?”

“The name sounds so familiar....I’m crazy....continue.”

He kissed me at a party and freaked out...then I got freaked out. We didn’t say a word to each 
other for about a month. Then one day out of the blue, his dad called me and offered me a 
summer job on his ranch.  I took it because I knew Ben would be there.  We worked all summer 
and then one day when his dad and mom went out of town, we made out. It was just us, two guys 
alone in the hot summer sun, kissing and loving. He wanted to go further, but I wasn’t ready.  
Before the summer ended, we had become and item; but no one could know. My father was a 
psychologist, Mr. Kissinger was the mayor, both pillars of society.  If either of them found out, 
they would kill us. If the anyone else found out, they would be outcasts in the community. So we 
held back. We would pass each other in the halls everyday for four years...wanting to hold each 
other but that would have caused all kinds of trouble.  Then one day his brother, a major dumb 
ass,  found some magazines and told his dad. His dad thought he was crazy and talked to my dad. 
My dad in his radical flare suggested that he be sent to military school.  When Ben found out 
about our dad’s meeting, he assumed I told on him. I never heard from him again. He was a lot 
like you and Jason....Anyway to answer your question...it wasn’t till college that I admitted it to 
myself.  It wasn’t till Jason that I consummated it. Knowing you’re gay isn’t something you just 
wake up one day and decide to be. Deep down, you know it. You just are.  It’s who you are, you 
don’t have a choice in the matter. It’s as normal as the air you breathe.”

“Air can stink at times.”

“And so does life, but you don’t stop living because it stinks. You can be untrue to yourself and 
deny it....and for some that can be therapeutic until they can build the strength to admit it to 
themselves...but in the end, you admit it to yourself...you just know. That’s all.”

“Really?”

“Are you doubting yourself, Tobias”

“I dunno....never really gave it much thought.”

“You’re not out?”

“No....just never gave it much thought....until Chris came along...I tried to fight it...I’m still 
fighting it...I dunno.”

“Maybe you need more time.”

“Maybe.”

“Tobias, if I was your boyfriend, wanna know what advice I would give you?"

“What?”

“Take time to make yourself happy. I get the impression that you’ve tried to make everyone else 
happy and you totally forget yourself.”

“Why do you get say that?”

“Every time we talk, it’s about your father, and other people and what they want. What do you 
want?”

“I dunno?”

“Can I take a guess?”

“Sure”

“You wonder why your father is such a prick, but you really don’t care. You just want him to 
leave you alone. You want to know why your mother didn’t want you....and as much as I hate to 
admit it, you want to know if you have a chance with this Chris guy....am I close?”

“Yeah.”

David slid down the bed and ran his fingers through Tobias’ hair. He mentally commented on 
how soft his hair was.

“You’re never gonna be happy until you find the answers to the questions you have.”

“I know, but what about the bible, and god and the gay thing.”

“Tobias, I pray every night. I have a very good relationship with god. I had so many ideas in my 
head when Jason died. God brought me through everything. I’m here. God loves. God forgives. 
God loves you.”

“How’s your back?

“It’s better..thanks.”

“No problem....hey I have a twelve year old boy I need to see.  I will be back later ok?....rest 
your back.”

“Ok.”

“You sure you’re ok?”

“I will be.”

Toby saw the whole “am I, aren’t I “ gay thing as part of the puzzle with the big gaping hole in 
the middle.  He was taught for years that homosexuality was wrong. It was an evil before the 
throne of god. Then again, that same religion told him to hate sinners on one page and love thy 
neighbor on another....thou shalt not kill in one chapter and eye for an eye in another.  Deep down 
he knew David was right. He had to stop thinking that everything was going to  magically fall in 
place. If he wanted to get things straight, he needed to fill in the big gaping hole in the middle of 
the puzzle. He needed answers.

He tried to sleep but he couldn’t. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw his father and heard his 
voice.  With every breath he took, he could feel the blood in his veins boil.  This was the 
vengeful court room Beecher.

He paced the floor trying to find the answers, but failing in the end.  He walked to the closet in 
his room and found what he hoped was his clothes. He left them alone till he knew for sure. He 
had a plan but it had to wait till morning, when his head was bit clearer, when a few more pieces 
fell into place.  He sat down on the bed. He could feel some of the old Tobias blood flow 
through him.  He had somewhat of a plan, it was enough that he would be able to sleep.


A day passed and Chris found himself lying naked in the bed. Though selfish, he tried to put 
Tobias out of his mind. But that was like asking him not to breathe.  Around midday, he finally 
managed to get out of bed. On Friday, he was going to Texas to shake his cock for a club full of 
hot women and even hotter men.  He had one day to prepare and he hadn’t been to the club in a 
while so he needed to refresh himself on his moves.  He turned on his stereo to find the song that 
started all the crap with Tobias. He hated the beat, the message. It was more a funeral march than 
a strippers theme song. There was no way he could dance to that song and perform well. He took 
the burned cd out of the player and through it in the trash. He went to his collection and found 
another song for the future. As the day passed, he choreographed a whole new number.  He was 
pleasantly surprised. He spent so much time dazzling the boys and girls with that one number,  
that he didn’t think to try anything else.


At the hospital, Tobias watched the sun slowly sink into the clouds. He was still a bit cloudy but 
he had enough of his senses locked in to pull a pretty good picture together. A knock came to the 
door and a nurse entered. Tobias used his charms to find out some information.

“Hi.”

“Hi yourself...are you feeling any better?”

“Oh yeah seeing as though I almost died.”

“Yeah you were a big mess when you arrived.”

“I’m sure I was. I’m still blurry on some things. I don’t even know where my clothes are.”

“Oh, we put them in the closet...well the shirt at least. The jacket and pants were ruined.  Dr. 
Cameron brought the rest.”

“Oh that was nice of him.”

“I know.”

“He’ll be in to see you early in the morning.”

“Great, I want to thank you all for what you’ve done for me.”

“Well don’t thank us yet, we’re not leaving and you aren’t either.”

“Yeah.”

Tobias smiled. He got the nurse to tell him about the clothes.  Then he realized how stupid he 
was. He could have just asked her. As the night passed on, he thought about his conversation 
with David. If he wanted answers, he had to go get them and he was hell bent on getting them.

 Awaken the Giant Within


     In the wee hours of the night, Tobias sat on the edge of the bed
looking out the window.  A fierce rage swam up his body.  This was
familiar,
Tobias knew this feeling. It was the feeling he got when he went to
court.
The feeling he had when he was out for blood.  The feeling of a
warrior. He
had all his wits about him now.  He knew his father for what he was, he
knew
his wife for her evil and he finally saw the life he was living.  It
made
him sick to his stomach. Why
did his father treat him like shit? Why did his wife treat him like a
fool?
When he was sick with alcoholism, why wasn’t she there for him? Why did
she
use his kids as a bargaining tool in there marriage? Why didn’t his
mother
want him?  It’s not like he was an evil person. He was very maternal.
So why
all the crap?  He gripped the bed even harder. At that point, he knew
the
good doctor was right. If he wanted to get his life on track, he would
have
to go get the answers to his
questions and there was no time like the present.


     Tobias put his clothes on as the sun crept over the skyline of the
buildings.  He was very much in pain but the pain would have to wait.
He had
a job to do.  As he made his way to the door, it opened and David
stepped
in.

“Hey....WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“Look, I know you don’t approve, but I have to go.”

“What are you talking about?  Tobias you are in no condition to leave
this
hospital.”

“Trust me, I know....but I have to get some things straight in my
life.”

“TOBIAS WAIT....just wait....look, I can’t let you leave here in your
condition,”

“You’re a good man David...and I appreciate everything you’ve done for
me...I mean you no offense, but you can’t stop me. Please let me go.”

“Tobias, wait please...just....just wait......please.”

Tobias could see the doctors eyes. He didn’t want him to go. He had
deluded
himself to think he could win Tobias’ love and now he was leaving.

“...Tobias, give it another day or two. I mean...what’s so pressing
about
today, huh?  In your condition, what can you do today.  Wait till
Monday,
and I will go with you.”

“No...I’m going today.”

“Tobias...”

“DAVID! NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR ME........sorry, I didn’t mean to
yell.....look, I’m only taking your advice. I need answers, David.  I
want
to know why my mom didn’t want me, why my father hates me, if Chris
still......Look, I know why you’re doing this.  You told me you loved
me.
You want to keep me here for that reason....”

“No, it’s not that, in my professional opinion I...”

“David...don’t do that. The eyes don’t lie.”

David was dumbfounded.  He knew Tobias was right. He just didn’t want
to
admit it.

“Is that so wrong.....that I want to keep you here.....that I want a
chance
to earn your love and respect?”

“No, David, it isn’t. But I know you, of all people,  know  I have to
get my
life together before I can go on with it.”

“I know you have to but I just....”

“David, what if it were you?  Wouldn’t you want the numbers to add up
in
your life....especially if you took a break from it?”

David knew Tobias was right.  He was still concerned for  his health
but he
knew he was right.

“Yes, I would.”

“Then why shouldn’t I?”

“Tobias, I’m not saying you shouldn’t and yes I want you to stay
because I
love you...but I also don’t think you’re in any condition to roam
around the
city.  What happens if you don’t find the answers you are looking
for...huh?
  What happens if you make yourself worse. You are not a well man,
Tobias.
As your doctor, I’m asking you  to stay.”

“And as a man with all his wits about him, I’m leaving of my own free
will.”

“There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

“I’m sorry but no, you can’t.”

Realizing he had been defeated, he gave in.  He reached in his pocket
and
pulled out his wallet.

“Ok, I’m gonna give you some cash...”

“David, you don’t have to do that.”

“Tobias, taking on the world isn’t cheap and it isn’t free.  You don’t
have
any money. You need money for a cab and food and the phone. Speaking of
the
phone...here....this is my cell number. I take my phone with me
everywhere
and it’s on twenty-four seven.  If you need me...anytime, day or night,
call
me. Don’t hesitate. Can you at least do that for me?”

“Ok.”

“Tobias please don’t dick me around on this. I’m serious.”

“David, I promise.”

“I’m gonna put my home address on here.  Tobias, if your lonely, or if
you
don’t find the answers your looking for, come to me.....better yet,
call me
and I will come get you.”

“David, I don’t want you to worry about me....”

“I do.”

“I know you do and you shouldn’t.  I’m going to find the answers to my
questions.  Then I’m gonna go home and clear my mind. After some time,
when
I’m ready, and if things are the same, I will definitely call you.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes I do.”

“Ok...I um....I......well...I had you a gift.  Well, it’s not really a
gift,
gift it’s a “this will help you get well gift, gift.....”

David opened the door and grabbed a cane from the hall.

“My plan for the day was to walk you down the hall, maybe outside for a
breath of fresh air. You need to take it to help you get around.”

“Great, thanks.”

“Can I at least walk you out?”

“I’d like that.”

“You have to sign some papers first so...um...let’s go.”

David watched Tobias as he hobbled out of the room.  They stopped at
the
nurses station to sign the papers and proceeded to the outer doors.
Tobias
noticed the doctor walking very slow.  If he asked him why,  the doctor
would spill some “you’re on a cane” rhetoric; but he knew the doctor
was
dragging out his last moments with him.  The doctor needed
this...Tobias
gave it to him. They stopped short of the tinted doors. The doctor took
a
deep breath and went in his pockets.

“Here....one more gift”

“Shades?”

“Yeah....your eyes are still pretty bad.  You need to protect them from
the
suns rays till they heal some more.”

“They haven’t hurt before.”

“That’s because we have the blue tint on your windows. Trust me, your
gonna
need those.”

“Ok, let’s go.”

“Sure.”

The automatic doors opened and the two men stepped out.

The two men stood looking at each other. The cool air tighten their
pores
and jailed the heat within them.  For the first time, Toby could see
how
much David loved him.  David had this stare that pierced you. He had
eyes
that allowed him to see the real person, rather than the
external man.  The doctor gave it one more try.

“Tobias, please stay. Give it just one more day...a few more days and I
will
take off and we will go find your answers. Please?”

“David, I hear what your saying.  Thing is,  I feel like time isn’t a
luxury
I have.  For some reason I feel like things are lining up for me to get
my
answers today.  That’s why I can’t wait.  I have to do it today....I
have to
go today.”

David nodded his head in frustration as he took off his coat.  Tobias
tried
to reassure him.

“David, I have your cell number and I have your address.  If I need you
I
will call you.”

“Ok...um...“Here.”

“David, I can’t take this.”

“Yes you can.”

“David, I’m not taking your coat.”

“Tobias, it’s chilly out here and you’re not over your flu.”

“But David...”

“Take the coat Tobias.”

“David..”

“TAKE THE DAMN COAT TOBIAS!.....Sorry for yelling. I just...I just want
you
to take the coat.”

“Ok.”

Tobias zipped up the jacket as David talked..

“Well, I guess this is goodbye.”

“No, it’s just a journey for me. You will see me again, David.”

“Sure.”

Tobias shook David’s hand and walked past him. David watched him as he
walked off. He hung his head and walked back into the hospital.

Tobias walked slowly from the hospital.  To be a man with his wits
about
him, he was very disoriented.  The roar of the city and the height of
the
buildings through him in a whirlwind.  He looked back to see if David
was
still watching him.  At one point,  he wanted to go back, but that
would
defeat the purpose. He took a breath and trudged on.  He walked a few
more
blocks till he finally found a cab.  He put his hand up and a cab
slowed
down. As he walked to the car, a group
of teenagers jumped in and drove off.  Disgusted, he hailed another
cab.  As
another pulled up, he made a move for it. He had one foot in the car
when he
noticed an elderly African American lady with two kids and a baby
trying to
hail a cab.  The good nature in him wouldn’t let him take the cab.  He
offered it to the lady.  Once again, he took a deep breath and hailed
yet
another cab. Another cab pulled over and Tobias hobbled his way to it.
He
was no more than two steps from
it before a limo driver in a black ensemble stepped in front of him.
Tobias
was steamed.

“NO THE HELL YOU DON’T! I have been waiting for a cab for the last
twenty
minutes. It’s cold and I’m sick SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY
WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The driver spoke to the cab driver as he gave him a  twenty dollar
bill.

“Mr. Beecher won’t be needing your services today.”

The driver nodded and pulled away from the curb. Tobias looked at the
man in
amazement.

“What the fuck are you doing and how the hell do you know my name?”

The driver spoke as he walked over to a limousine and opened the door.

“Someone of your caliber shouldn’t be taking cabs, Mr. Beecher.”

“My caliber...what?”

“Get in the car, Mr. Beecher.”

“I’m not getting in that car. I don’t know you from Adam.”

“Mr. Beecher, I promise...after this ride your gonna be glad you met
me.”

“I’M NOT GETTING IN THAT......”

No sooner had he said that, a loud, raspy, deep, southern drawl escaped
the
limo.

“AW SHIT BOY, GET IN DA CAR!”

The drawl hurt the ears of the people walking and lunching on the
sidewalk.
Confused, Tobias spoke.

“Who is that?”

“GODDAMN, BOY GET IN DA CAR. IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY OFFER, I’LL TAKE YOU
TO YOUR MAMMY’S HOUSE. THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE GOING ANYWAY.”

Tobias wondered if the day could get any weirder.  He decided to give
in and
walked to the car. He stood at the door and looked at the man inside
the
limo.

“C’mon in here where it’s warm boy, you g’on get blue balls if you
don’t.”

Against his will, he got in the car with the assistance of the limo
driver.
The limo was very nice with plush seats, a wet bar, stereo system, and
television.  Across from him, sat a rather large gentleman in a cowboy
suede
jacket with gray hair, red face and a large black cowboy hat. Tobias
didn’t
feel threatened by the man. He was intrigued. He was taken off guard by
the
car as it moved; but decided to break the ice.

“Ok, I’m in the car. Who are you, what do you want and how do you know
my
name?”

“Now calm down boy...I mean shit, you’re jumpier than a virgin at a
prison
rodeo.”

“No. I want my questions answered.”

“Well I guess I owe you that.  Let’s start with the first one.  I’m
William
Cullpepper the second. Does that ring a bell for you?”

“No.”

“William Cullpepper, boy.”

“You look familiar but your name means nothing to me.”

“Boy that wreck really fucked you over if you don’t recognize my
name...well
I guess I shouldn’t be mad...... I mean this is yankee country.
Cullpepper
and Associates Inc.?”

“Is that a company or something?”

“Well, in a way yeah.  I have law offices in every major city in the
south.
We represent more fortune five hundred companies than any other law
firm in
the U.S.”

“Oh, you’re that William Cullpepper?”

“So you remember me now?”

“Not really, but I figured if I acted as if I did, we could get on with
the
other questions.”

“Ok, boy here goes....I know you. I know everything about you. I’ve
been
watching you for about a year now. “

Tobias gave the man a look of disbelief. The man was so stereotypically
southern, that he was hard to take serious.

“Now see, you don’t believe me...well how about this....you have a dick
of a
daddy, a bitch of a wife, two handsome kids and a mother that’s sweeter
than
sugar on candy.  You work at your daddy’s law firm and eat ice cream at
the
parlor over by the court house.  You were in a wreck
and rushed to the hospital.  For a few days, you didn’t know who you
were.
Wanna know what kind of underwear you like or would you like to know
your
blood type?”

“How do you know all of this?”

“Like I said, I’ve been watching you.  Wanna know the best thing I know
about you? You are one tough ass lawyer.”

“What?”

“Ok boy. Let me put my cards on the table.  I like money. Now, I got
rich
because I’m not afraid to jump in the pool with fish that are bigger
than
me.  That’s why I have over one hundred offices across the south.  Now
here
lately, I’ve been getting a lot of calls from New York.  People,
companies,
millionaires, billionaires wanting representation from the best damn
law
firm in the U. S.  So I said to myself..what the fuck....yankee money
is as
green as hillbilly
money.  So I’ve decided to build an office here in good ol’ NY.”

“Ok. So what does that have to do with me?”

“Well shit boy, you’re the best lawyer up here?”

“I’m not the best.”

“Bull shit, My boys have been watching you at work for a while now.
You’re a
pit bull in a court room. You argue like a Texan, boy.”

“That doesn’t make me the best.”

“Mr. Beecher, from what I’ve seen, heard and read, you’re better than
any
lawyer in my company from Southern Cali to Miami. Take that Roberts
case.
You got that boy off when everything was against him. And what did you
use,
a fucking traffic camera. That was genius. My boys wouldn’t have
thought of
that. Shit,  I’ve got lawyers in my company studying your cases and
basically copying you.  Look, Tobias. I seek out the best, because I am
the
best.  In the state of New York, you are the best”

“So what do you want...a tour of New York, a place to build your
office?”

“Nah boy, I want you to work for me?”

Tobias looked at the man in amazement.  Here was a very influential man
seeking his services and respecting him for  his talent.  Tobias was
showered with humbleness.

“You’ve been following me and apparently know everything about me....so
you
know I hate working for my dad.”

“Hell yeah...I hate you working with your daddy  too.”

“I’ll take your offer. I would be more than happy to join your fleet of
lawyers. I um...I  worked well with the partners at my dad’s firm and I
will
do the same at your firm.”

“Boy what the fuck are you talking about?  You act as if I want you to
be
some ass whipped lawyer on the bottom floor of my firm.”

“Oh, I thought you were offering me a job...sorry”

“Well I am but I don’t want you to be some boy on the bottom of the
pile.
Shit, I want you to run
the office.”

“What?”

“Well shit boy, do I have to spell it out? Fine, I - W-A-N-T - Y-O-U -
T-O -
H-E-A-D - T-H-E  N-E-W - Y- O - R- K - O-F-F-I-C-E. I’m hoping your
genius
will trickle down to the others. You see, I plan on opening offices all
over
the north and heading each office with one of your
proteges.  That is if you take my offer....”

“But sir, I’m flattered...your offer is....”

“Oh I see, you’re a guy that thinks about the money.”

The man reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a small note book.
He
tore a sheet out and scratched a number on it.

“Take a look at that boy and tell me if that will convince you.”

Tobias looked at the number and almost passed out.  The pay he was
being
offered was more than what he was being paid at his fathers  prison.
He
just gazed at the paper as the man spoke.

“Ah shit. I see that look in your eye. Boy you like money as much as
big
daddy. Well shit, give me the paper and I will up it.....how’s
that?....Not
enough?....well shit,  try that.”

The man was literally throwing large six figure numbers at him without
hesitation.  His mother always told him he was the best lawyer in the
state
and William Cullpepper was proving it.”

“So boy what do you say?”

“You’re offer is very generous sir. I would be proud to head your New
York
office.”

“Well that’s what I like to hear. You g’on make me a lot of
money.....Well
shit boy we gotta celebrate.  Where do you wanna go?”

“Well as much as I would love to sir....I have some things I need to
take
care of today.  Can we reschedule?”

“Don’t worry about it boy.  You need to do what that fancy pants doctor
says.  Go get your answers.”

“You know about David?”

“Hell yeah and I know about you too.  I say do whatever the fuck you
want
to. Just make me some money....anyway, You’re in no condition to be
walking
all over the town. So you’re gonna drop me off at my hotel and you’re
gonna
take the limo.”

“Thank You, I appreciate it.”

“Sure, boy. You deserve it.”

Tobias held his head down to hide the tears.  Finally someone accepted
him
for whom he was. It was a feeling of relief. His ship had finally came
in
and it was a big one.  As much as he tried to hide his tears, the man
could
see them.  William felt a fatherly connection with Tobias. A connection
he
didn’t mind having.

“Go ahead boy, let it out. You’ve been through a lot.”

Tobias looked at the man and let the tears flow as they drove down the
street.


     The early morning sun rays shined through the skylight and woke a
very
drained Chris. Today, he was going to Texas with Zach to audition for a
new
stripping job.  Deep down he didn’t want to leave New York, but it was
easier than staying and being sad.  On the other hand,
he felt disrespectful for leaving so soon after Tobias’ death. His
guilt and
love paralyzed him in his bed.


     Tobias’ limo pulled in front of his parents house.  He was
apprehensive
about returning to his boyhood home. Never the less, the first of his
answers were in that house. The limo driver opened his door and Tobias
stepped out.  He hobbled his way to the front door and knocked.  He
could
hear his mothers steps from outside the door.  With every step, his
heart
raced a bit more.  What if his dad was right and she really didn’t want
him?
  Tobias made a mental pact with
himself. If his dad was right, he would forget the other questions and
run
back to David. Just as he was about to seal the deal with himself, his
mother spoke at the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me mom.”

“TOBIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

She opened the door very quick and looked at Tobias.  He was battered
and
bruised and limping. Her tears over took her. She was so happy to see
him.
Even she started to believe what Chris was saying.  Tobias could see
how
emotionally distraught and depressed she was.  His mother was pale. Her
eyes
were cloudy and she had lost a lot of weight.  Tobias could see the
frail
flower come back to life with every word he spoke.

“Hi mom.”

“OH MY GOD!!!!!    Get in here.....I knew it...I knew you weren’t dead.
I
felt it. A mother knows. I’ve been waiting for this good news after the
bad
news I received.  Tobias where have you been?  I’ve been everywhere
looking
for you after Chris’ news.   The storm was so bad
and....”

“Chris’ news?”

“Yes.”

“What did he say?”

“He saw some city workers pulling your car out of some ditch. They said
you
were dead...so he told me before anyone else could...but you’re here,
you’re
alive. I was so scared.”

“Chris told you?”

“Yes...when you were missing, he promised me he would find you.”

“Chris was looking for me?”

“Yes, honey. He called me daily..said he had been everywhere.”

The news was cooling to Beecher. The fact that Chris looked for him was
reassuring; but he had to get himself back on track.

“Tobias you have lost so much weight and you sound horrible.  Let’s get
you
to your room and I’ll bring you some medicine and something to eat.”

“No.”

“Tobias, you’re hurt and very ill I....”

“Mom, I have a question for you.”

“Well we can talk later...maybe you should see a doctor?”

“Mom when I was born, did you want me?”

“What?”

“When I prosecuted the Dizzy case, dad told me you and he considered
not
having me. Is that true?”

His question stung her like a wasp. This was something she didn’t want
him
to know.  She didn’t know how to form the words or what she should say.
Tobias took her silence as a reply andheaded for the door..

“Oh my god it’s true.”

“Tobias...”

“Goodbye mom”

“Tobias let me explain...”

“No need to.”

“Tobias sit down.”

“NO!”

“TOBIAS KENNETH  BEECHER SIT DOWN!!!!!!”

Tobias wanted to keep walking; but every child understands the anger
behind
a mother’s use of your full name.  He held his head low as his mother
talked.

“Tobias, you know the trouble I’ve had with my heart?  The problem is
that I
had you and your brother thinking it started after you guys were born.
The
truth is it started before I was pregnant with you.  I suffered for
awhile
and the doctors told me I was putting myself in jeopardy by having you.
They said something about weak blood flow... that you might have some
birth
defects and things like that...that I should terminate the pregnancy
and
wait a few years.  My mother and father told me to terminate the
pregnancy.
Your aunt and uncles....they all stayed on my back to end it.  Even the
Reverend told me to do it...said god would forgive me. Tobias they had
me so
scared. I couldn’t put a thought together in my head.  Then your father
took
me to
Hawaii with him on a business trip. While he was in a conference, I
took a
walk on the beach.  I went to god and I asked him to help me.  I can’t
explain it, but god told me to see you through. That he would take care
of
us.....and he did.  You’re here, you’re smart, you’re kind and you’re
my
baby.  Can you forgive me for everything....”

Tobias knew his mother’s words to be the truth.  She revisited the pain
to
make him feel at ease. She was the mother he knew and loved, not the
actress
his father made her out to be.  Like William Cullpepper said, she was
as
sweet as sugar on candy.

“Mom, there is nothing to forgive you for.  People can be hard to
ignore.
Your health was in jeopardy and by right, it was something you had to
ponder.  You’re still the best mother in the world.”

She held her head in her hands and cried.  Tobias slid closer to her
and
hugged her. There were two injured hearts in the room. With time, she
calmed
down.

“Mom, I have something to tell you, but you have to promise that you
won’t
stop loving me no matter what. If you did, I would die. I swear I
would.”

“Honey, you know better than that. You can tell me anything.”

“Ok, I um....um...I......”

“If you were standing up I would swat you on your bottom and tell you
to
spit it out Tobias.”

“Ok,...um...mom, I don’t love Gen.  To be honest, I hate her.  I hate
my
children’s mother. I no longer have the desire to rekindle anything
with
her.”

“Ok?”

“I don’t love her...but....”

“But what?”

“I’m in love with someone else....but I’m afraid to tell you...”

“What? Are you afraid to tell me that this person makes your heart
sing,
that this person loves you from the inside out, that they make you feel
alive.  That this person’s name is Chris Keller?”

“You know?”

“I’m your mother, I know everything.”

“When did you know?”

“Remember the banquet?....Chris’ eyes lit up when he saw you.  His body
physically got bigger when you were close to him.  More than that, you
glowed in his presence.  It was like one of  those old Hollywood movie
scenes. You know..two lovers meeting in a smoke filled, dimly lit
room?”

“You’re not mad?”

“Tobias, anyone that can put that kind of look in my son’s eyes can’t
be
that bad. Now,  I’m not going pretend as if I understand homosexuality.
I’m
a “bringing in the sheaves” kind of girl, but
if this is what you want, then as far as I’m concerned, Chris is
family. Now
your father is another thing.”

“I don’t care about dad. Why do you love him anyway?”

“Why do you love Chris?”

“I just do Mom. I can’t explain it.  He makes me feel good, makes me
feel
alive.”

“I feel the same way about your father. He’s not perfect. He is very
bullheaded and rude to others....but a day hasn’t gone by that he
hasn’t let
me know that I am his one and only.”

“Well, speaking of dad, it’s time that I  pay him a little visit.”

“Tobias, don’t do anything brash. You’re hurt. Just let it go, ok?”

“Mom, I can’t do that.  If I’m gonna get better, I have to do this.
I’ll
take care of myself...promise.”

“I know you will..I just...I don’t want you to lose you’re job.”

“Mom, I can’t explain now but that’s the best thing that could happen
to
me.”

“What?”

“I‘ll explain later. Hey, do you still have those interior design books
you
bought in Australia?”

“Sure here they are...why?

I don’t have time to explain, I’ve gotta go.”

She watched Tobias as he hobbled to the limo.  As the car drove away a
sense
of pride warmed her body.  She wanted to do more to convince Tobias to
stay,
but deep inside she knew this was going to happen sooner or later. She
took
a deep breath and closed the door. Tobias was home and that’s all she
cared
about.

Mid-morning rolled around as the doorbell rang at Chris’ place.  He
couldn’t
imagine who would be at his door at that time of the day. His mother
would
call, it wasn’t time for Zach to come by and the mailman had already
been
by.  He summoned all his strength and got out of the
bed.  He stood still for a moment as the doorbell chimed.  His muscles
were
so weak His mouth was dry and his mind was empty.  He stumbled to the
door
to find Quinn with a basket.

“Hey there.  My mom says that every growing boy should start the day
with
something healty. You can’t get any healthier than muffins, so I
thought I
would bring some over. I have hot coffee too.”

“Quinn, I’m not doing too well......I’m sorry but I can’t.”

“That’s all the more reason to have a bite. It’ll make you feel
better.”

“Quinn.....”

“Come on, one or two muffins won’t hurt”

Chris really didn’t want Quinn’s company. He figured that it would be
easier
to eat the muffin and get rid of him than it would be to just get rid
of
him.

“Fine...come in.”

“I‘ve got your favorites...blueberry with cream cheese frosting.”

“Cool.”

“Come on sweety, you have to cheer up or I’ll never get the chance to
pressure you into going to that new Italian place on the highway.”

“No, Quinn.”

“Why are you so glum?  Usually you would be leaning back in a chair
with one
hand between your legs and the other on your tits.?

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, Chris.”

Chris didn’t want to share his grief with Quinn. Quinn was selfish and
would
find someway to lead the conversation back to himself. Never the less,
if it
would get him out faster, then so be it.

“Tobias is.....”

“Tobias is what?”

“Tobias is dead.”

The news bit Quinn like a viper.  He knew the trouble Tobias was in and
could have helped but he didn’t.  Like all criminals, he tried to
rationalize the incident to himself.

“Do you know for sure?”

“The guys from the city found his car in the flooded ravine. It was a
mess.
They searched the area...they didn’t find him.”

“Well Chris that doesn’t mean he’s dead. Maybe he swam out.”

“Quinn, if that were the case, he would have called his mother...not to
mention his children.”

“For all you know Chris, Tobias could be long gone from here.  What if
he
said “fuck it” and just left.  You fell head over heels in love with a
man
that you didn’t really know.  Who is Tobias Beecher really? What if he
left
to get away from his responsibilities, his children, his
mother, you?”

“Tobias wouldn’t do that. He loves his kids and couldn’t live without
his
mother.”

“You don’t know that.”

“YES I do!”

“Chris, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just saying that you don’t know
as
much about him as you think. Stop thinking with your cock and think
with
your head.”

“Quinn, I want you to leave.”

“I’m sorry. I should be a bit more sensitive.”

Quinn rose from his chair, walked behind Chris and massaged his
shoulders.

“You know Chris, all you need is a diversion. You know...something to
take
your mind off Tobias.  Something sweet and sexy, that loves to suck and
fuck
and make you happy. Chris let me be that something. We could go in the
bedroom and I’ll let you do whatever the fuck you
want.”

“For real? You will do whatever I want you too?”

“You bet your big dick I will.”

“Good then I want you to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!”

“What?”

“You are so fucking selfish Quinn. I am grieving, longing for the love
of a
man that is no longer living and all you can think to do is fuck me?”

“Chris you really need to get over this death scene stuff and do what
you
love.  You once told me you were the most sexual man on the planet. Why
don’t you find that Chris again and......”

“And what....fuck you?”

“FOR STARTERS, YES!”

“It’ll never happen!”

“Chris...”

“Get the fuck out!”

Quinn gathered his things and headed towards the door.

“Fine, I’ll wait till you come to your senses and come back.”

“Don’t waste your time!”

Chris slammed the door and hit it with his fist.  Until Quinn came
over, he
did a good job of masking his pain. He walked back to the bedroom and
fell
head first into his pillow, trying once again to suffocate his pain.


     As the limo cruised along the streets, Tobias made himself mad on
purpose.  Tobias was one of those lawyers that operated well on anger.
He
thought about all the names his father called him. How he took Gen’s
side on
everything. How he made a mockery of his legal practices.  The
anger was worse than he anticipated. He balled his fist up and hit the
door.
The pain shot up his arm and radiated through his body like a lighting
bolt.
  The pain shocked him stiff as he waited for it to reside.  When it
did, he
took a sheet of paper from the binder on the floor and wrote a note to
Sandy
about his new business venture and a list of attorney names from the
firm.
As the car pulled up to the law firm, Tobias took one of his mental
game
playing moments, took a deep
breath and stepped out of the car.  It was time for him to vindicate
not
only himself but the other talented professionals in the firm.  He
managed
to enter the building undetected.  As he rounded the corner to his
office,
he saw the old black janitor cleaning an ash tray.  He was the man that
pushed him in the wind that took him to Chris.  He stood behind the
corner
till the man moved away and then dashed into his office.  When he
turned
around he found Sandy crying while
packing her things.  Even though he slammed the door, she didn’t know
he was
in the room.  Tobias interrupted her task.

“Sandy?”

She turned around with black tears flowing down her face. The
expression
morphed from sadness to pure exhilaration.

“MR. BEECHER!!!!!!!!!!!” I mean, TOBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Yes.....”

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

“That’s not important.  Why are you crying?”

“Your father came in everyday looking for you.  I made excuses for you
as
long as I could. Then, last week he told me that if I didn’t find you
by
this morning....I was fired.  I looked, Toby. I called
everywhere...especially after the storm and I couldn’t find you. I even
sent
him an email from your computer to buy myself some time. I couldn’t
find
you. So, he came in this morning and he..he fired me.  What am I
supposed to
do?  My rent is due and .....”

“Sandy calm down. I’m gonna tell you something that is gonna make you
very
happy.”

“Ok?”

“My dad firing you is the best thing that could’ve happen to you.”

“Ok, exactly what about that is supposed to make me happy?”

Tobias smiled and went to his coat pocket.

“Look, I don’t have time to explain. This paper will explain
everything.
Just know that you’re going with me...but hey, I need a favor.”

“Ok?”

“Can you get in the companies computer mainframe?”

“No, they blocked my security code.”

“Can you use my code?”

“On your computer, yes.”

“Ok....first, I want you to read this note. Second....you see these
names,
I’m gonna send as many of these guys to you that I can within the next
ten
minutes.  All I want you to do is explain my note to them. Third...make
a
copy of every high profile client this firm has.  When you get them,
get
lost. Don’t worry about your rent, my dad is gonna pay it for you.  Do
you
understand me?

“Read note, explain note, copy files, get lost...got it.”

“Trust me, your life is about to change.”

“Yes sir!”

Tobias left the office in the same manner he came in.  He slid along
the
walls till he came to the elevators.  He pushed the button and waited
for
the doors to open.  As he waited, he could hear Sean Green, the lawyer
he
was in competition with for the partnership, whistling  ‘Danny Boy’. He
stepped in the empty elevator but didn’t allow the doors close.  When
Sean
passed in front of the doors, Tobias  grabbed him and pulled him into
the
elevator.  The abduction scared Green to death. He held his heart as he
talked.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, BEECHER?  And what happened to you?  You
look
like shit!”

“Calm down....look, I don’t believe for one moment that we were being
considered for a partnership.  I just think the old farts wanted us to
win
so they could save face in their social circles.”

“You’re just now figuring that out?”

“Look, I want you to do me a favor.  I want you to go see my secretary.
She
has something to tell you.  I want you to find Garrison, Yates, Newman,
Edwards, Black, Mc Pheeley, Harrison and Harper and take them with you.
If
you guys want in, you have to pack up your stuff and leave by lunch.”

“Leave?”

“Trust me on this.”

“No, I can’t do that? There is nothing you can say that can make me
leave......”

“WILLIAM CULLPEPPER AND ASSOCIATES?”

“What, how do you know...”

“Just go see my secretary.”

“Tobias, what’s this about?”

Tobias gave Sean a look of triumph.  Sean could be hard headed, but he
knew
Tobias’ smirk. This was huge.

“Trust me Sean, Armageddon has come for this law firm.”

“Ok....I will go tell them now. Where are you going?”

“I’m going to the big cock table.”

“You’re what?”

“Sean, I’m about to go in there and say what every lawyer in the hell
hole
wants to say but won’t.”

“Cool, take my recorder and tape it.”

“I’ll do you one better. Talk to my secretary and then have everyone
come
listen outside the partners door.”

“Ok, I’m going to get everyone right now.”

“Come listen but leave no later than lunch, Sean.”

“Gotcha!!!”

The bell on the elevator tolled and Sean ran out.  Tobias pushed the
button
and went to the top floor.  An arrogant smirk took over his face.
Finally,
revenge was about to be his.  The elevator stopped and the doors slid
open.
Tobias hobbled down the hall till he came to the big door.  He
remembered
how he sat outside the door while the old farts made him wait.  He
could
smell the cheap cigars and hear the laughter coming from the room.  A
room
full of bloated men attempting to be intellectuals but falling short.
A
room full of imbeciles pretending to be scholars. It was time for a
reality
check and he was the one to give it to them.

     He knocked softly on the door with his cane. A loud stuck up voice
pierced the door.

“GO AWAY!!!”

Tobias was unyielding.  He knocked a bit harder.  The partners stared
at the
door.  They wondered who had enough balls to continue knocking after
they
had been ordered to stop. One of the men, Mr. Olen decided to continue
the
verbal threats.

“GO THE FUCK AWAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!”

The men let out a burst of laughter and the statement but was quickly
interrupted with three very loud and very hard knocks.  This time the
men
gave the door all their attention.  An eerie feeling took over them.
Usually, a threat would result in fast footsteps retreating down the
hall
but this was weird.  Mr. Olen tried his threat one more time as he
walked to
the door.

“I don’t know who this is but consider yourself FIRED!!”

As he opened the door, Tobias walked in.  The hobble was gone. Like
clockwork, Tobias father stood up and addressed him.

“Tobias, when are you going to learn to do what you are told?  You were
told
to go away and still you..........”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Tobias words made the men sit back in their chairs.  This wasn’t the
mild
mannered suck pig they knew.  The men knew he was for real.  Mr. Olen
attempted to say something but decided against it when he saw Tobias’
face.
Instead, he took his seat.  Once again, His father tried to talk.

“Tobias you weren’t raised to....”

“I TOLD YOU....TO SHUT.... THE FUCK.....UP!”

Tobias stared all the men down.  He rubbed his hand along the cherry
wood
table. A vicious smirk took over his face as he talked.

“You guys think this is a cherry wood table.  Well, we pions on the
floors
below you, we refer to this as the big cock table.  You know, the table
where all the big decisions are made...where the gods of this firm piss
on
everyone else.  You know I have to give it you...you really had us
scared to
defy you.  You made us think that this firm was the pinnacle of a legal
practice.  You treated us like shit.  The only person that had any
redeemable quality in this room was Mr. Anderson,
and while we’re on Anderson, let me say something.  When you all
offered me
a partnership, you all made fun of Anderson’s health condition.  Let’s
get
something straight, Mr. Anderson had more legal genius in his shit than
you
fucks will ever have.”

Tobias father interjected at the use of profanity

“Tobias I don’t want to hear another profane....”

“I’m sorry dad, I guess you didn’t hear me the first time. SHUT THE
FUCK
UP!!!!!!!!!!..... Mr. Anderson was very influential to me and I laud
him for
his practice.  He’s a good man. A man that when I wonder why I became a
lawyer, he reminded me. A man that was more a father to
me than you are dad. You guys,  on the other hand suck ass.  You guys
couldn’t win a case if the defendants pleaded guilty.  Your closing
arguments are more like a full body dry heaves than persuasive
rhetoric.
Your like archaic cavemen, fumbling yourself through your cases. That’s
why
you need people like Green, Newman, Edwards, Black and myself to win
cases
for you. The big cock table....what the fuck is that.  You guys don’t
know
what a big cock is..not with those shriveled pieces of nothing between
your
legs.  You guys wanna see a big cock?”

Tobias balanced himself,unzipped his pants, and threw his cock on the
table.
The partners were shocked. Some because of the act and others because
it was
a big cock. One of the men spoke

“TOBIAS PUT YOUR DICK BACK IN YOUR PANTS AND LEAVE, YOUR FIRED!!!”

“This, my friends is a big cock. A big, long, pink cock. A young cock.
A
cock with a mind of it’s own.  A viagra free cock.”

Mr. Olen smiled and dropped his head as he spoke.

“You know Tobias, I never wanted to say it out loud because your father
and
I are such good friends but I always took you for a fag.  I mean any
man
that would show his dick to another man has to have some fag in him.
That’s
why you would have never been partner.”

“Because a partner can’t be a fag, right?”

“No room for fags at the big cock table.”

“Well that’s funny Olen, because the whole time I’ve been talking you,
Mr.
Gold and Mr. Epperson haven’t taken their eyes off my cock. You like
what
you see boys?”

Gold and Epperson diverted their eyes before the partners could look.
Tobias redirected his assault to his father.

“Dad, you’re the one that really disappointed me.  You’ve always been a
bitch to me...but I thought that maybe you loved me enough that you
wouldn’t
let anyone hurt me as you have. That you wouldn’t let anyone use me as
much
as you have.  You knew good and well that Green and I had no chance of
making partner and still you let these dumb fucks use me.  You
know...all my
life, I’ve done whatever you’ve asked me to do. Not because I wanted
to, but
because I thought maybe...just maybe,  if I did, you would love me as
much
as you love my brother. But no
matter what I do, no matter how many hoops I jump through, it wasn’t
enough.
  Dad, I have been MIA for more than two weeks. I had a wreck, fought
for my
life in a germ infested, water filled ravine.  I was saved by a very
good
man. I’ve been in a hospital, out of mind.  I didn’t know who I was for
the
longest time. But what made it worst is that you, my father wasn’t
looking
for me. You don’t love me. You don’t care about me. You never did.  Mom
didn’t want to abort me, YOU did.”

“Tobias get the corn cob out of your ass. Your just jealous that your
brother is kicking ass.”

“My brother is kicking ass because he’s driving to town without you
knowing
and getting help from me. That’s why he’s winning his cases.  Speaking
of
cases, would all of you dumb asses like to know how I won that case?
Well
after being threatened by my dear father to do whatever
it took to win the case, I got some information about a male stripper
that
danced to that music. So I went to see him perform. He blackmailed
me...made
me go on a date with him for the info. We went to gay dance clubs, cock
art
shows and shit.  Then he took me to his place. He kissed
me, kissed my stomach, my chest, licked my nipples and made me laugh.
He
loved me.  You see dad, I was with a man to win my case.”

“Tobias, please tell me you didn’t let this man fuck you?”

“Well, not yet..and more than likely I will never get to. You see, I
treated
him like you treat me..badly. More than likely he’s gone.”

“Tobias who the fuck do you think you are. Did you really think you
could
come in here and scare us with your dick and fag shit?”

“The only thing I need to scare you is four words.”

“Oh really, such as?”

Tobias took a cigar from the box on the table, pulled out a chair, and
sat
down.

“William Cullpepper and Associates.”

The men choked on his words as their faces turned red.

“William Cullpepp....What do you know about them.”

“Well dad, you weren’t looking for me, but he was. And guess what, he
found
me. Apparently he wants to build a firm here. Wanna guess who he wants
to
head it?”

“You?”

“Give the man a prize, boys. Right about now, my secretary is calling
Mr.
Anderson. He will be an asset to MY firm. It’s my goal to ruin this
firm.
I’m gonna shove this bitch straight up your asses.”

“I don’t believe this for one minute.”

“Well dad, that’s ok. Just stroll through the halls after lunch. You’ll
believe me then.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Just do it....well, it’s time for me to go. I have one more person to
lay
the smack down on. So goodbye, good day, suck my dick and kiss my ass.”

Tobias grabbed his cane and walked out.  The partners looked at each
other
with troubled faces. They knew Tobias was talented and with Cullpepper
banking his new venture, he could definitely follow through on his
threats.
As tobias passed through the halls, he could hear the
other lawyers packing up there things. When he made it to the bottom
floor,
he opened the door to his office to find Sandy gone.  “Good girl”, he
thought.  As he exited the building, the limo drive stepped out and
opened
the car door.

“Where to now sir?”

“We’re gonna pay my wife a visit, 2222 Nightingale Lane.”

As the car pulled away, a since of pride and strength took over Tobias.
He
won a battle with himself and his father. He couldn’t believe he threw
his
cock on the table. That was so a Chris
Keller thing to do.  Tobias reminisced on the times he spent with
Chris. He
mentally kicked his own ass for not telling him how he felt.  Chris was
his
last conquest of the day, but some how he knew it was a losing battle.
Chris has another love and it was killing him. At one point he had
planned
on telling Chris about Quinn leaving him in the water. He quickly
decided
against it. The time for last minute epiphanies and finger pointing was
over. No matter how he tried to
manipulate the situation, the answer was always the same. Chris was the
prize and he was the loser.


     Noon found Chris gathering bath gel and towels for a shower. He
really
didn’t want to go to Texas.  He tried to call Tobias’ mother but the
phone
just ringed. Maybe she had company. All he wanted to tell her was that
he
was going to Texas unless there was going to be some service
im memoriam to Tobias.  Deep down he knew he had to go on but when
you’ve
been loved by Tobias and when you love Tobias, it’s hard to do.  The
phone
rang in his bedroom. He checked the caller I.D. to find it was Mrs.
Beecher.
Why was she calling? What did she want? What if
Tobias’ body had been found?  He decided to ignore the call. If it was
bad
news, he couldn’t take it.


Tobias pulled up to his wife’s house. He didn’t waste anytime. He went
to
the door and knocked very loudly.  His children came to the door.

“DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Hey pumpkins. Have you guys been good?”

“YES!”

At that point Gen walked in and sneered at Tobias.  He returned her
look
with one of his own and she knew something was up. He gave the kids a
dollar
and sent them to wait on the ice cream truck Like the viper she is, Gen
started in on Tobias.

“What the hell are you doing here. You look like shit, but what else is
knew.”

Tobias revisited the smirk he gave his father as Gen continued to talk.

“I went by your apartment two times last week and you weren’t there.
The
place was a mess...almost as much a mess as...”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, GEN!!!”

Gen’s eyes grew big.  What just happened? Tobias talking back, with
volume?
Did she detect a back bone? She had to test him.

“Don’t come in my house and....”

“I SAID, SHUT THE FUCK UP, GEN!!!  You see, today you don’t get to do
any
talking. You don’t get an opinion. You don’t get shit.  Today is the
day
that you just listen.”

Gen fell back on the sofa. Tobias had a backbone, times had definitely
changed.

“You know Gen, it would be totally wrong of me to blame you for the
tragedy
that’s us.  I screwed up..when I was sick with alcohol. But even though
I
was sick, you are more a bitch now,than I ever was as a drunk. You
never
tried to help me whatsoever. I quit drinking for my kids. It’s the best
decision I ever made.  But there is one decision I made that I regret.
I
regret marrying you, Gen.”

She looked at him in amazement. His need for her and the kids is what
kept
him wrapped around her finger. What will she do now?

“I use to feel so guilty saying that I hated my kid’s mother....but the
truth hurts doesn’t it.  I hate you Gen. I can say it now and I don’t
feel
guilty.....”

“I can’t wait till I talk to your father, Tobias.”

“You can talk to that geriatric mother fucker all you want to. I don’t
work
for him anymore.  You see, you can’t use him against me anymore. He,
like
you. mean absolutely nothing to me. I hate you both equally.  No, I
don’t
work for him anymore. I’ve moved on to bigger and better
things.  Which brings me to you. Gen, I’m divorcing you, I’m making it
official.”


“What do you take me for, Tobias? A fool? No, I won’t give you a
divorce.”

“Oh really?”

“You got it!”

“Oh ok.”

Tobias pulled out the books.

“You know Gen, books are amazing. Someone sits down and put pen to
paper and
all of sudden here's this volume of truth and consequences for the
world to
see.  Like for example, when my mom went to Sydney for vacation, she
bought
these interior design books.  As I sifted through
the book, I came upon this picture and I said to myself....is this same
bedroom that Gen designed for the Carmichael’s?  Didn’t she say it was
a one
of a kind original design?  Well that was crazy of me so I went further
in
the book and I stumbled on this picture.  I was like, now wait, that
bathroom really looks like the same bathroom Gen designed for that
record
producer. The bathroom in this picture was designed by a Japanese
college
student. What the hell? Could Gen be stealing her designs from obscure
and
up and coming designers and passing it off as her own work?
Hmmmm....and
what’s worse, what if all the men and women in her social circle were
to
find out that she’s a FRAUD!  Would she be invited to parties, and
gatherings?  Would she be invited to fashion shows, jewelry debuts, tea
parties? Would she have to relinquish her design awards? Would she ever
work
in this town again, or any town for that matter?  Where would she go?
What
would happen if this got out.  If I were to tell Mrs. Gaines, it could
be
out before the end of the day. What would the people...”


“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TOBIAS?”

“I thought you would never ask.  First, in a few days, divorce papers
will
arrive. You will sign them. Whatever you earn is yours. I will take
care of
the children. YOU will get not one cold,red cent from me.  Second, you
and I
will share custody of the kids. I won’t take them...all kids need to be
with
there mothers, but if you challenge me for custody at all I will
fucking
ruin you. Third, you are gonna speak of me in the utmost regard.
You’re
gonna make all your rich friends
think I am manna from heaven. Your going to tell them that I am heading
a
new firm and they should avail themselves of my services.  Gen, by the
end
of the year, I want ten referrals with your named attached. You
understand
me?”

“Fine, Tobias now will you leave?”

“Not just yet. I have one more bomb to drop on you.  How do you think
your
circle of friends would react if they knew that you lost your husband
to
another man?

“What?  Tobias...you’re gay?”

“Not in the biblical sense but if you count having a guy lick your
nipples,
then I guess so.”

“Are you out?”

“No, and I don’t really plan on doing it anytime soon. But if you
falter on
one of the things I have told you, I will sing like a jay bird. Do we
have a
deal?”

“Fine Tobias!”

As the conversation came to a close, the kids entered the door. Tobias
kissed them, promised them a weekend to remember when he felt better
and
left the house.  Tobias felt like a superstar. He was three for three
in his
day of conquest. He faced the two demons and he won.  Now he had one
more
thing to do.....one more person to see.  He swallowed heavy as the
thought
of seeing Chris danced in his mind. He didn’t know what to expect.
According
to his mother, Chris thinks he is dead.  It was time for Tobias to see
Chris. It was time for the resurrection of Tobias Beecher.




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